Hassan_Abdillah
Wayfarer
- 128
- Posts
- 13
- Years
- Age 32
- South Asia, but then again a wayfarer is not very
- Seen Oct 4, 2012
check this out
Very interesting and mildly funny read. Also thought-provoking, because I feel we all can relate to this to an extent i.e. did or did not our parents meet this "chinese parents" profile, if so then to what extent etc.
Now as it appears to me, the author thinks the main defining difference between the western parent and the chinese one is:
The western parent is always worried about the self-esteem of their child. This over-protectiveness about the child's self esteem kind of **pushes** the child into not trying too hard, or worse yet, giving up. The parent too try to convince themselves that their child getting a B is the result of the best performance of their child.
The chinese parent on the other hand believes that his/her child is able to topple mountains without breaking a sweat. This feeling of the parent makes her realize that when her child gets a B, which the child never gets by the way (wording not mine), it is only because the child didnt try hard enough, otherwise it wouldve been a piece of cake. She does this not to damage the self-esteem of the child, rather the child, when s/he hears the disparaging comments about him/her from her parents, only realizes how highly him/her parents think about him/her, so this actually drives him/her into the battlefield with renewed vigour.
If I could share my story in a nutshell, Im an Asian, but not a Chinese, a South Asian rather. Did my mother raise me this way? Well she did, to an extent. I remember her doing exactly what this chinese mother portrays. Up until sixth grade at least. Thats when I first rebelled. Apparently my mother didnt have the courage to ignore my rebel and press on, she got flustered and from this moment, the "parental grip" so to say upon me started slackening. It kept slackening as I kept getting more older (and perhaps less mature). I say the parenthetical comment because this void of control over me was filled by peer pressure. This led me to having a girlfriend, which is looked down upon in these parts by the way, in eighth grade, behind my parents backs of course. This peer pressure control didnt change me for the better at all. Not only did my grades kept falling, but I started growing more and more immature.
When I entered 12th grade however, I got into good company **praise God**, and started practising religion*. So I started cleaning up my act: this dual-force of good started pulling me back on track, slowly but surely. But that is an altogether different discussion.
So the children of the chinese parents in the article excelled at everything, but I raised pretty much the same way up until 6th grade didnt really have any long-term benefit out of it. The only explanation I have for it is parents dont make it crystal-clear that scolding her child is only meant for their betterment, and not to punish them. So the child interprets these scoldings and parental grip as something negative, he doesnt realize that this actually shows how highly the parents think of themselves, but misconstrues this only to mean "my parents are evil". So the problem, I feel, is lackings on both parties, the parents dont make their intentions clear, and the child (in this case, me) is too much of a dumb-a$$ to realize it. I do not often use profanity, but as Im writing this I am embarassed to view the loser as I used to be, in retrospect of course.
*this is not meant to advertise any religion, if anyone is suspicious, by the way. I am just stating the reality. I happen to know people who turned good after they shed their affiliations with this or that religion. So please do not read into the above stuff that aint there.
Very interesting and mildly funny read. Also thought-provoking, because I feel we all can relate to this to an extent i.e. did or did not our parents meet this "chinese parents" profile, if so then to what extent etc.
Now as it appears to me, the author thinks the main defining difference between the western parent and the chinese one is:
The western parent is always worried about the self-esteem of their child. This over-protectiveness about the child's self esteem kind of **pushes** the child into not trying too hard, or worse yet, giving up. The parent too try to convince themselves that their child getting a B is the result of the best performance of their child.
The chinese parent on the other hand believes that his/her child is able to topple mountains without breaking a sweat. This feeling of the parent makes her realize that when her child gets a B, which the child never gets by the way (wording not mine), it is only because the child didnt try hard enough, otherwise it wouldve been a piece of cake. She does this not to damage the self-esteem of the child, rather the child, when s/he hears the disparaging comments about him/her from her parents, only realizes how highly him/her parents think about him/her, so this actually drives him/her into the battlefield with renewed vigour.
If I could share my story in a nutshell, Im an Asian, but not a Chinese, a South Asian rather. Did my mother raise me this way? Well she did, to an extent. I remember her doing exactly what this chinese mother portrays. Up until sixth grade at least. Thats when I first rebelled. Apparently my mother didnt have the courage to ignore my rebel and press on, she got flustered and from this moment, the "parental grip" so to say upon me started slackening. It kept slackening as I kept getting more older (and perhaps less mature). I say the parenthetical comment because this void of control over me was filled by peer pressure. This led me to having a girlfriend, which is looked down upon in these parts by the way, in eighth grade, behind my parents backs of course. This peer pressure control didnt change me for the better at all. Not only did my grades kept falling, but I started growing more and more immature.
When I entered 12th grade however, I got into good company **praise God**, and started practising religion*. So I started cleaning up my act: this dual-force of good started pulling me back on track, slowly but surely. But that is an altogether different discussion.
So the children of the chinese parents in the article excelled at everything, but I raised pretty much the same way up until 6th grade didnt really have any long-term benefit out of it. The only explanation I have for it is parents dont make it crystal-clear that scolding her child is only meant for their betterment, and not to punish them. So the child interprets these scoldings and parental grip as something negative, he doesnt realize that this actually shows how highly the parents think of themselves, but misconstrues this only to mean "my parents are evil". So the problem, I feel, is lackings on both parties, the parents dont make their intentions clear, and the child (in this case, me) is too much of a dumb-a$$ to realize it. I do not often use profanity, but as Im writing this I am embarassed to view the loser as I used to be, in retrospect of course.
*this is not meant to advertise any religion, if anyone is suspicious, by the way. I am just stating the reality. I happen to know people who turned good after they shed their affiliations with this or that religion. So please do not read into the above stuff that aint there.