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[PLEASE DO NOT CALL 911]
[we mean, please do not yell for "halp" from your local emergency responders]
[ [insert loud crash here] ]
[on second thought dial asap]
[it seems that there is too high a level of sexual innuendo to properly communicate]
[it may thus become necessary to yell over the sound of innuendos]
[we ask that you keep your composure]