Gary Stu's Unpredictable Adventure (PARODY)
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December 31st, 2008 (11:36 PM). Edited July 16th, 2009 by icomeanon6.
It's "I Come Anon"
Does anyone know a good wall repairman? My fourth one is in tatters with this chapter. Enjoy!
Anon was sitting at his desk, diligently typing up a new chapter of his more serious work of fanfiction. It was coming along pretty well, when suddenly the phone rang, and he stopped working to pick it up. On the other end of the line, he heard his secretary say, "Mr. Anon, the Subconscious is on line two, and he says he’s got to speak with you immediately."
Anon sighed, he hated it when his train of thought was interrupted for something as unimportant as talking with his boss. "No problem. Put him on."
The next thing Anon heard through the phone was the little voice inside his head (Don't ask how that works, I don't get it either). "Anon, we've got to talk."
"Go ahead, sir."
"It's come to my attention that you've recently put off work on the Gary Stu story to pay more attention to your other fic."
"That is correct, and I think you will really enjoy this chapter, sir. I have some really nice metaphors and other literary devices planned out for it, and the plot is going to thicken quite a bit, too."
"Anon...I know how much you like being taken seriously, but that story just isn't pulling in the readers."
Anon thought he knew where this was going, so he frantically tried to convince his boss otherwise, "Well, I know the readers tend to comment less on it, but overall it is definitely more respected."
"I'm not buying it, Anon. I want you to suspend that story indefinitely and get back to the parody. I've got an ego to maintain, here."
Anon was speechless for a moment, but then said with broken spirits, "Yes, sir."
After he hung up, Anon said to himself, "There
to be some way I can wrap up this idiotic parody and get back to my main fic. Damn, why did I have to make this one an original trainer fic, anyway? Those stupid stories last forever. Unless...yeah...maybe that could work."
With newfound resolve, Anon got back to his keyboard and began to write a blatant maiming of accepted storytelling convention.
(Based on the immortal one-shot by Jules Verne, "Around the Region in Half a Chapter.")
The door to the Pewter City Gym appeared to be carved out of a single piece of stone, and creaked loudly as Sarah pushed it open. She walked inside with Gary, and found Brock standing in the middle of the playing field. "The name's Brock, welcome to the Pewter City gym. Which one of you two has the resolve and determination to take me on?"
Sarah replied, "I guess that would be me. Go, Bulbasaur!"
Bulbasaur and Onyx appeared in the stony field, when suddenly, Bulbasaur inexplicably evolved twice into Venusaur. With one whip of his vines, Venusaur threw Onyx to the ground, knocking it out cold. "Wow," said Brock, "I've never seen
happen before. Well, here's the Boulderbadge, bye now!"
Gary and Sarah left the gym with Venusaur, when suddenly a kind stranger walked up to them. He tossed them a Pokéball, and said, "Hey kids, why don't you take this Pokémon here?"
Sarah was about to ask him what kind of Pokémon it was, but the stranger left just as quickly as he came. Gary tossed the Pokéball to the ground, revealing a Kadabra who instantly teleported all of them to the middle of the Cerulean City gym. Misty immediately said, "I don't know how you two got here, but you're going down! Go, Staryu!"
Venusaur defeated Staryu with staggering ease, and nearly destroyed Starmie directly afterward. Misty gave Sarah the badge and said, "I have clearly been bested, you two should head to Vermillion City. Take that new express train out front to get there really quickly!"
They did, and found themselves facing Lieutenant Surge in no time. After hearing some redundant banter from the gym leader, Kadabra used a confusion attack on him. Conveniently, this resulted in Surge simply handing the gym's badge over to Sarah. After exiting the gym, Sarah asked Gary, “Do you get the feeling that all of this has happened a little quickly?”
Gary didn’t have time to respond, because as soon as Sarah was done speaking, a nice stranger walked up to them and said, “Hey, do you two need a ride to Celadon City? C’mon, I’ve got a private jet we can use.”
Not wanting to reject the man’s hospitality, our heroes got in the plane and were on their way to Celadon in no time. At some point in the very short flight, Sarah said, “As I was saying, does it seem odd to you that I didn’t even have any badges around fifteen minutes ago?”
“Not really, why?” was Gary’s response. Sarah politely told him to forget about it.
Few things worthy of note occurred in Celadon City. Besides Sarah’s Weedle curiously skipping a stage and evolving to Beedril, and completely kicking the ass of every Pokémon in the gym immediately afterward, it was quite an uneventful experience.
“I’m serious, Gary, something weird is definitely going on here.”
“I don’t know. I always imagined that a Trainer’s ordinary day was something like this.”
“I’m positive that it isn’t. Something, or someone, wants me to become a Pokémon Master really quickly. Do you think that that Anon fellow might be behind it?”
Awfully perceptive, isn’t she? At this point a plothole
was placed down by me
mysteriously appeared right below the two, sending them straight to Fuchsia City.
“Okay, now I
he’s behind this.” Sarah shrugged, and decided it would be best to act like nothing was out of the ordinary. Of course, there is nothing ordinary about beating the living piss out of a respected gym with a Pokémon that someone on the street just handed to you, but whatever. At any rate, after she beat the living piss out of the Fuchsia City Gym, thus earning another badge, Sarah sat down on the edge of the sidewalk and sighed. “This is just too easy. It’s not really any fun either.”
“This’ll cheer you up,” said Gary, holding up a piece of fabric, “Look what someone dropped on the side of the road!”
The piece of fabric had pinned to it all eight of the Kanto badges, including a piece of paper with detailed instructions of how to get to the Indigo Plateau. After seeing this, Sarah’s eye involuntarily began to twitch. “That does it. I’m going to go have a little chat with that jerk.
Gee, wouldn’t it be great if I could go through the fourth wall right now?
As soon as she said this, an entirely coincidental tear in the dimensional fabric of reality appeared in front of Sarah, drawing her in and placing her in a sparsely furnished office. She found Anon sitting at his desk typing diligently. You know, this whole narration business is still a bit ambiguous, isn’t it? If I…I mean, Anon is both the narrator and a character, how is he, or am I supposed to refer to myself, or himself? At any rate, his (or my) train of thought was interrupted by a hard whack to the side of the head. Ow! I mean, “Ow! What did you do that for?” said Anon with a look of confusion on his face.
Sarah retorted quickly, “You know perfectly well what I did that for! I take my Pokémon training seriously, and you just had to go and give me a cheap solution to everything!”
Anon stood up and snapped back, “Well, how do you think
feel? Can you imagine how many brain cells I lose just by writing about you and that retard? Look, I’ve got nothing against you. I only put you in this moronic story because I wanted to write about someone other than Gary. I’ve
to wrap up this story nice and quick, otherwise I think I’ll go crazy! Look at me; I’ve resorted to breaking the fourth wall for some cheap laughs! I'll bet this chapter has more grammatical errors, too!”
“Wait,” said Sarah, “If you’re the master of this universe I live in, why don’t you just make everything stop right here?”
“Oh, you think ending everything is that easy? Just watch this.”
“See? We’re still here, so clearly it doesn’t work like that. This is an original trainer story, and that means it’s got to end in a certain way.”
Sarah was about to make a superb comeback to this argument, when she realized that she couldn’t see any flaw in Anon’s logic. “I see. That
“So, you get it now? I need to give you easy solutions; otherwise you’d never even get past the Elite Four.”
Sarah was about to quietly agree with this argument, when she realized that her capabilities as a trainer may have been insulted. “Wait a minute. What do you mean I wouldn’t get past the Elite Four?”
If Anon had a visible face, he would have raised an eyebrow, “Are you serious? Do you realize how mind-bendingly hard it is to defeat the Elite Four? Only a few people have ever done it canonically and without the help of writers like me.”
Sarah’s expression began to turn to one of anger, now that her pride had been insulted directly. Anon continued, “You shouldn’t kid yourself, Sarah. You’re a fine trainer, and you understand the motivations and emotions of Pokémon very well, but you’re not cut out to be the League Champion, even
that Kadabra I had that guy give you.”
Sarah’s eyes suddenly appeared astoundingly intense, as she said coldly, “Wanna bet?”
If Anon had any facial features beyond a question mark, he would have smiled a bit as he said, “Say, this story could be interesting to write, after all. Alright, you can head back to the official narration now to start training, if you’d like.”
“I don’t need any training. Just one question: Is this the first generation or the second?”
“It's the first generation team using second generation rules,” said Anon, “So ghost types will be super-effective against psychics.”
“I see. That
make Agatha more difficult. But no matter, just tell me the time I need to show up.”
Anon looked at his watch and said, “Sometime later. It’s almost 3:45 AM and I need some sleep.”
To be continued.
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