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[Pokémon] An Evening in Kesara: The Aura Knight's Story

EmeraldSky

Make the Colors in the Sky!
6,293
Posts
19
Years
  • Here's another prequel one shot for "Magic of a Melody", told from the POV of the fifth party member I have yet to reveal.

    Can you guess who this is just by reading the story?

    An Evening in Kesara: The Aura Knight's Story



    It all started with a training exercise gone horribly wrong.

    While I'll spare the details for now, we were in the huge forest that Raben, Kesara, and Ourania are nestled inside, looking for a very specific herb for our wounded master. Our captain decided to use it as a training exercise, and sent me and my three comrades after it. To make a long story short, we encountered a swarm of eisfay--a small, fairy-like bug infamous for surrounding and freezing its prey in ice-like fog--and my fellow knights were caught in it and spirited away to Anima knows where.

    Being the lucky one that got away, I refused to give up hope that my fellow knights had kicked the bucket--the eisfay swarm we'd encountered wasn't big enough to kill human beings. I knew that they were somewhere in Yoso--and I wasn't resting until I found them, hopefully alive.

    My search had led me to the east region's capital, Kesara, and I got absolutely nowhere fast--while eisfay were common in the forest, they will travel great distances with their prey, and the king had not heard any reports of people captured by eisfay. The great seer Sabrina gave me a lead, though--she could sense my comrades being taken north. I thought, "Why not check every area known to contain eisfay while going northward?"

    However, it was getting dark when I left the seer's house, and I knew better than to travel at night on my own. The Entei's Gem was not far from Sabrina's house, so I made my way over there, children following behind me all the while, enamored in the silver swirls embedded in my royal blue armor and the pale blue undergarments beneath it. I wanted so much to show them what the swirls did when I cast my magic, but decided against it. One, because I would likely do a lot of damage to the town, and two, the Aura Knight's Code said to only use your magic when you need to--and showing off to children would be a frivolous use.

    The inn was fairly quiet when I arrived--the market day crowds had long since left, and the only people present were the innkeeper, a few random travelers scattered around the many tables in the common room, and a minstrel carefully tuning his harp as a Persian dozed by his side, I noticed the small tiara adorning the Persian's head--its master had likely pleased an archmage with his skill in story and song. I took that to mean that this minstrel was WAY better than the ones that came to my hometown of Mavi--if their sheer nervousness wasn't enough, they would stumble through a half baked legend or have a voice screechy enough to put a Honchkrow to shame.

    "Good evening to you, Lady Knight." the innkeeper smiled as he presented me with a plate of roast Tauros meat and vegetables.

    "And to you likewise." I replied as I set my blade and gear aside and dug into the food--I hadn't eaten since I left Mavi, and I was starved!

    My meal went well, until a meow got my attention--the minstrel's Persian had slunk up to the table and was wistfully staring at me in hopes I would give it some fish--or better yet, what meat was left on my plate.

    "I apologize, Lady Persian, but I have no fish to give." I assured the Persian.

    "Come, Kissa--you know better than to beg for others' food." the minstrel gently scolded. The Persian nodded and trotted back to her master's side. I took a moment to admire the minstrel's clothes--if you got rid of his instruments and made his dull red tunic with gold swirls extend down to all across his body, he could've very well been a fire Aura Knight. A breeze wafted in from the window facing his table, making his brown hair and dull red cloak ripple a little.

    Just then, the innkeeper called "Pay heed, ladies and gentlemen! Sir Brock of Hopea has arrived with his companion Kissa to lighten up this evening with a few tales and songs..."

    The minstrel acknowledged his applause and strolled to the center of the room, playing his harp all the while. I just twirled a strand of my own red hair around my finger and hoped to Anima that Brock was not anything like the minstrels at home.

    When the last note died, he began. "There was once a man--we will call him Bordul--who fell in love with a maiden in a neighboring town." I smiled--romances, be they tragic or comic, were some of my favorite tales. "Bordul was determined to take this maid as a bride, but talked so often about his own virtues, his friends laughed and scorned at his pride." In character as a younger man, he intoned "You'll never win her love--you're too in love with yourself!" I stifled a giggle at Brock's impression--what sort of bawdy costume was he going to invent for this rogue of a suitor?

    "Bordul simply laughed and said..." Then, he switched to a strong and booming voice. "Who could ever say no to me? I'm strong, I'm dashing, I'm brave! See here this fine silk shirt and this sparkling green and gold tunic! See here these white leggings studded in gems of many colors, and see here my fine starprint scarf!" My laughter was the loudest at this--if I saw a suitor dressed like that, I would reject him too! "Bordul wasted no time in setting off for his beloved's village--as he rode, he would sing to himself, songs like 'I'm strong, I'm dashing, I'm brave'" He added a little flourish to his persona's sung line. 'Bordul is the finest warrior, the man of your dreams..." Another harp flourish complemented this. "Before long, Bordul came to a river and decided to catch a few fish to add to the elaborate meal he hoped to share with his beloved." Kissa licked her lips at this before observing a Venonat on the wall by her master's table. "He caught quite a lot of fish, and soon returned to the path, singing all the while. People and Pokemon for miles around heard Bordul's songs, and many covered their ears in disgust. Pokemon hurried away because they feared his blade and his bow."

    I smiled--the minstrels back home would be great-sounding compared to Bordul, if he were real.

    "Now, Ninetales was in the brush by the path, and happened to smell the fish Bordul had caught." Brock continued. "She was very hungry, and so she ran on ahead to a stretch of road and laid very still as if dead. Bordul, thinking it was a newly killed Ninetales some hunter had abandoned, tossed Ninetales into his bag and continued on, singing all the while." Snickers of aniticipation filled the air as Brock played another interlude. "Ninetales eagerly began eating everything inside the bag, including the grand feast Bordul had prepared. When she had had enough, she gnawed a larger hole and hurried away. Yet Bordul had no clue his gifts were disappearing, he sang so loud."

    I tried oh-so-hard to hold in my laughter at what I pictured Bordul's reaction to be when he saw all his food was gone. "When Bordul arrived in his beloved's town, he rode to her house and opened the bag with a sweeping flourish...only to find that his bag was empty!" He added an upward glissando to puntuate this, but I don't think anyone heard it, they laughed so hard. "Bordul rode home ashamed-- he humbled himself and never boasted again after that--so ends the tale of 'The Boastful Suitor'"

    Once the applause died down, I got up from my place at the table and showed Brock a gold coin. "I give you this as thanks for a well told tale." I smiled as I tossed it inside his harp case.

    "My pleasure, Lady Knight." he replied before another patron yelled a request for a song. So while everyone else listened to Brock sing "The Lady of Maiden's Peak" I decided to call it a day--I had a long way to go in the morning.

    What I didn't know is that I would be seeing Brock and Kissa again, and that they would prove key to finding my lost comrades.
     

    bobandbill

    one more time
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  • This is an interesting short prequel - I am not familiar with your main fic but this seems to be an interesting mix of magic, Pokemon and medieval knights. Enjoyable atmosphere for the settings and description used, imo, and I certainly found the tale told by the bard to be well-delivered and fairly entertaining in itself as well. XD I might have to check out your main fic sometime. ;p Amusing instances of Pokemon gym leaders being thrown in too, I thought, such as Brock and Sabrina, heh.

    While I'll spare the details for now, we were in the huge forest that Raben, Kesara, and Ourania are nestled inside, looking for a very specific herb for our wounded master. Our captain decided to use it as a training exercise, and sent me and my three comrades after it. To make a long story short,
    These bolded parts felt a bit repetitive to me - it's all right as is, but perhaps you could considering dropping one of them. I also wonder about the captain who isn't mentioned any more - maybe he is mentioned more in the main fic but it felt odd that he doesn't get mentioned again to say be notified about what happened to the protagonist's friends.
    The inn was fairly quiet when I arrived--the market day crowds had long since left, and the only people present were the innkeeper, a few random travelers scattered around the many tables in the common room, and a minstrel carefully tuning his harp as a Persian dozed by his side, I noticed the small [COLOR=blue !important][COLOR=blue !important]tiara[/COLOR][/COLOR] adorning the Persian's head--its master had likely pleased an archmage with his skill in story and song.
    This feels rather like a run-on sentence as you talk about the inn being quiet and then focus on the Persian - I'd change the comma after 'side' to a full stop to make a new sentence there and break up the different topics.
    "Good evening to you, Lady Knight." the innkeeper smiled as he presented me with a plate of roast Tauros meat and vegetables./QUOTE]The full stop after 'Knight' should actually be a comma, as the part following the dialogue is not a sentence by itself but refers to who said the dialogue - hence the two parts should be treated as one sentence and hence no full stop in the middle of it. There's a few other instances of this, such as:
    "And to you likewise." I replied as I set my blade and gear aside and dug into the food--I hadn't eaten since I left Mavi, and I was starved!
    The full stop after 'likewise' should also be a comma here.
    He added a little flourish to his persona's sung line. 'Bordul is the finest warrior, the man of your dreams..."
    It should be a quotation mark (") before Bordul instead of an ', no?

    Overall a neat piece here - I enjoyed this. Good luck with your main story!
     

    EmeraldSky

    Make the Colors in the Sky!
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  • The reason why the narrator (not saying who she is yet) said she would spare the details for now is because I will go into detail about the parts lacking detail when this character is introduced in the main story. (but I apologize for the grammar errors--this was just an on the fly idea)
     

    bobandbill

    one more time
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  • The reason why the narrator (not saying who she is yet) said she would spare the details for now is because I will go into detail about the parts lacking detail when this character is introduced in the main story. (but I apologize for the grammar errors--this was just an on the fly idea)
    I guessed as much. XD My point is merely that the two parts I bolded say pretty much the same thing as each other so it sounds a bit repetitive, so only keeping one of them would suffice in my opinion - but that's up to you.
     

    Bay

    6,388
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  • Oh, another fantasy AU there from you! :)

    Like that other one shot of yours with Kissa, I enjoyed this a lot. I too love the atmosphere you have here and also Brock and Kissa are just fun characters to read again.

    The suitor story is very cute and funny . It reminds me a lot of this one folk story my parents told me in which a rabbit keeps playing dead so that it can eat bananas. XD Don't underestimate the intelligence of animals. :P The narrator's reactions and thoughts over the story is nicely done too.

    Overall, quite an enjoyable read. :) I really need to read that main story of yours when I get the chance. XD:
     

    Miz en Scène

    Everybody's connected
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  • Konnichiha, EmeraldSky. (Don't be put off by the weaboo-istic beginning. This is a personal requirement for my Reviewing Challenge thing. I use Japanese here so I don't have to use it elsewhere.)

    To begin with, I'm not familiar with your main piece of fiction to which I believe this is an offshoot of, but I do find the way in which the story is written to be nicely appropriate, given the setting and stylistic elements you've tried to incorporate. In any case, I'd say that, generally, it's maybe a bit more of a Tolkien type style, from what I've read of Tolkien anyway. I do quite enjoy your use of the medieval language mannerisms (addressing a Pokémon by Lady being the most obvious example) and your realistic use of dialogue in the piece, wholly reminiscent of that age which we refer to as the Middle Ages. Your narrator is also a delightful character, being treated to her seemingly friendly mannerisms and overall charming behaviour is, how would you put it, refreshing, to say the least. Very rarely does someone pull off writing in a foreign (in this case anachronistic) style, and manage to keep the character realistic and not come off as being annoyingly overbearing. For that, I commend you, Ms. ES.

    Overall, I quite enjoyed the piece. Good luck. :D
     

    icomeanon6

    It's "I Come Anon"
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  • As with A Night at the Grand Market, Brock's storytelling steals the show. The little story he tells works exactly as a story of its kind should: We've heard this sort of thing before, but we still laugh at the ending. You do a good job of showing how Brock tells the story to his audience, and I really felt like I was there listening, even more so than in Grand Market.

    Actually, just about everything that worked well in Grand Market works well here, but that brings me to another point: To me, anyway, this story didn't seem to cover much ground that Grand Market didn't. I realize that you meant to introduce us to the new Knight, but the part of the story that focuses on her in particular is so brief that it didn't leave much of an impression on me. It's all described in hindsight relative to the main action of the story (the part at the inn), so I got the impression that the main element that I'm being introduced to is Brock the Minstrel, whom I already came to know in the same manner in Grand Market.

    Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it very much, and the new character seems charming and interesting, but I kind of wish I had gotten to experience more of her story. This is still a good story, I just think it's a little redundant. I will say that you've grabbed my interest enough that I'll start reading the main story that these two are setting the stage for.
     
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