~Make A Wish and have it horribly corrupted ~

Granted! It smells so nice that you're lulled to sleep for three days straight. Whoops.

I wish my annoying next-door neighbors moved away tomorrow.

Granted. Triggers a massive flash flood. Forces an immediate evacuation. Estimates your area to be underwater for the next year or so.

Wishes for Pokemon Scarlet and Violet to be good.

Granted! But they end the series with them ;(

I wish for a new album from my favourite artist.

Granted! It's a complete 180 on their usual sound, very experimental, and recorded on someone's laptop.

I wish for my hair to be white.

Granted. Walks underneath some painters painting. Drops their tray of white paint right on top of your head.

Wishes to be better at math.

Granted but now you can't spell words more than 3 letters.

I wish I could draw.

You can draw really, really well- but only on paper napkins.

I wish someone would replace my carpets.

Granted. Replaces your carpets with a slick ice floor. Throws in a Roomba/Zamboni machine for free. Be sure to keep your place cold.

Wishes for better social skills.

Granted! Also you're the last person on earth! (Sorry too tired to think of long and convoluted thing)

I wish I could fire lasers from my nostrils!

Granted, but you need matches to do so.

I wish I had a better pillow.

Granted you had one... I stole it!

I wish I could run.

Granted. Filed the paperwork for you to run for political office. Thrusts your life into the limelight (and vicious media coverage) from this day forth.

Wishes to remember names and faces better.

Granted, but it takes you a long time to remember.

I wish for pinker socks!

Granted! You put your white socks in the washing machine with your red tee shirt, now they're very pink!... Unfortunately, all your other light clothes were in there too ;(

I wish I could type faster

Granted. Types like this now: jgkakfoaigjndlkvnlzjfoajfpoaf

Wishes for Mars to be habitable by humans.

Granted, but it has pictures of Elon Musk plastered all over it!

I wish for people to make a big party!

Granted, there is now only one huge political party to vote for, and their policies are horrible.

I wish to see the world

Granted, here take this globe! :D

I wish for a friend who sends me mail.

Granted but the postal service loses all its funding.

I wish I could eat spicy food without getting diarrhea.

Granted but now sunlight burns your eyes, and you can only go out at night with sunglasses on.

I wish I could re-learn lost abilities