Okay... you were kind of meant to at least try to be "serious" about this. So I'm just gonna do that and hopefully set an example.
Tiered Taxation: As it stands, the wealthy and the poor are expected to be able to pay the same rates. This is extremely disproportionate as it places too great a financial strain on those who cannot afford it whilst allowing those of greater means to shirk their responsibilities to their country. I propose a tiered taxation scheme in which the amount paid in non-GST taxes should be proportional to the income of the individual with the expectation that taxes will not impact on any individual's lifestyle to any significant degree.
Tariffs: Currently, we are not taking care of domestic businesses and are outsourcing far too much to foreign corporations - particularly those in Asia. I would increase our current Tariff rate from 2.8% to 4% for most countries in order to increase government revenue and promote the growth of domestic industry.
Cease Excessive Privatization: Currently the federal government (as well as some state governments) are selling off government infrastructure to create short term economic growth with no regard for the long-term implications. Maintaining ownership allows the government to generate greater revenue whilst also creating more jobs.
Luxury Taxation: The GST on essential items such as certain fresh and processed foods or health and sanitation products will be lowered or in some cases removed entirely to ensure the public has access to affordable essentials. To counteract this the GST on certain luxury items such as tobacco and alcohol products will be increased.
Carbon Tax: Unlike the previous attempt at carbon taxation, this will not be a thinly veiled attempt to produce revenue and will actually go towards creating a greener future. Large companies will be taxed proportionally to their carbon emissions with that money then going directly towards research and development of green energy.
Relating to this, taxation on solar and wind energy will be decreased whilst it will be raised for fossil-fuel based energy.
Re-allocation of GST: Currently some states are receiving a disproportionately large amount of GST-revenue compared to the amount of GST collected from those states. I want to revise the current allocation of funds to ensure that left-out states are actually receiving their fair share of the GST.
Gay Marriage: Gay marriage will be rendered fully legal with the understanding that all government agencies and private companies alike will recognise the marriage of homosexual couples. However, religious organisations may refuse to marry gay couples if they can prove that doing so violates the tenements of their religion - this option is obviously not available to secular marriages.
Equal Opportunity Welfare: Currently there are several different Centrelink/welfare payments in place that do not need to be. In particular, Aboriginal Australians have access to greater welfare support despite their educational and living expenses not being greater than anyone else's. I would consolidate student/low income support into a single plan for all Australians.
Unified Emergency Services: Currently the different states all have different organisations running emergency services - in particular ambulance services - with different payment policies, databases etc etc. I want to bind all these agencies to the same general policies and create a nation-wide shared database that can be accessed by both ambulance services and hospitals.
Affordable Ambulances: Ambulance costs are too expensive in some Australian states. Under the unified system, Ambulances bills will be subsidized by the government for those who earn under $55, 000 a year and, in part, for anyone who have severe chronic health issues.
Opening More Public Hospitals: I would take medical care out of the private sector by increasing public health funding to the states and legislating a minimum number of public hospitals to be kept open in each state, preventing state governments from over-privatizing.
Increased Digitization: Government industries will continue to make more use of modern technology to reduce the amount of paper and other related products required.
Environmental Protection: The government will increase the number of nationally recognized protected areas to minimize deforestation and pollution.
Green Think Tank: With the support of engineering companies, universities etc the revenue created by the Carbon Tax would be used to create an official government-run think tank employing scientists and engineering companies to develop efficient and safe green energy solutions.
Free/Reduced Cost Utilities to Military Bases: Deals will be made with state water, gas, and energy companies to greatly reduce the cost of utilities to military bases and ideally make them free in order to free up finances that can be spent in other areas.
Non-Aggression: The majority of military personnel active in the Middle-East (or wherever else) will be recalled leaving only a small number of troops to protect local non-combatants and provide humanitarian aid. We need to look after the people who need it (here and abroad) not help nations establish their power in other parts of the world.
Cheaper Tertiary Study: Currently it costs far too much money for students to further their education and increase employment opportunities. I want to begin a plan to gradually decrease the costs of university/TAFE study over the next several years until eventually it is as free as primary/secondary school study.
Government Jobs: Instead of working for the dole or job-seeking programs, the able but unemployed will be given low-level government positions at centrelink, licensing centres, employment agencies etc etc that provide clerical training that will make them more employable in the future.
Update the National Curriculum: The current national curriculum was a step in the right direction but is extremely narrow in scope and poorly constructed. It needs to be revisited to allow teachers more freedom and to broaden the scope of education whilst still ensuring the general subject matter across the country remains the same.
Thorough Background Checks: Thorough background checks of anyone coming into the country must be conducted. In the case of illegal immigrants/refugees these background checks will be conducted over a period of months whilst the immigrants are detained.
Revamped Detention Centres: Illegal immigrants are fleeing terrible places at great personal risk to start anew here. They present a potential threat, but they should not be treated like criminals. Detention centres should be inspected and revamped to ensure that whilst they are still secure they are also comfortable for detainees whilst they are being investigated.
Detention centres will also provide a translation service, mandatory English lessons for those with no-English language skills and will provide simple workplace training or schooling to those with no skills or who are of school age.
I probably went a bit overboard but oh well lol.
