Serious Improving our faults

This is not a thread to dwell on negativity, but of self improvement.

What's an aspect of yourself your working on changing, or would like to change?

I recognize that I'm way too competitive. I have trouble enjoying simple hobbies without obsessively trying to become great at them. I'm currently learning when to step away and remember that some things are simply meant for fun. I picked up chess and it was a stark reminder of this problem, I'd lose and berate my own intelligence. I was also told by another person while playing Air Hockey that I take these fun games way too seriously. Unfortunately, I was already aware.

A nice thing is that I never get angry at the other person, it's always just a self thing.

I have realised I need to improve my work-life balance. It's a process I have continually been trying to work on in the past year or two but I realised at one stage that whilst having a strong work ethic is great, it was ultimately a driving factor in the depression I had been experiencing since early HS. I would feel a constant guilt about not being productive whenever I took a break whether that was by myself or with my friends. I thought I could always be working harder and placed incredible pressure on myself to do well but I've noticed my mental health would get incredibly unstable and I would get very anxious and depressed all the time. I would isolate myself from people a lot as I thought I didn't deserve the break. But I'd also rely on them somehow because spending time by myself and enjoying my own free time was so foreign to me. I decided enough was enough and that I was sick of being toxic to myself!

So I've been finally working on finding out my interests and hobbies again and I feel like I've taken some solid steps. I got back into reading which it turns out I still love and though life does get hectic, I endeavour to try at least read everyday as it's something that is incredibly relaxing for me. I've started enjoying a bunch of TV series on Netflix and though I am a very slow watcher, I haven't properly watched TV since I entered HS and I find myself being really excited to watch all the series I told myself I would check out but never got around to. I took up running and hiking for a few months last year which initially I was not into but it was so incredibly good for my mental health, I had never felt better despite a 10km run in the morning not being the most thrilling event to look forward to. Sadly I have stopped for the past few months since I had surgeries and have just been working up the willpower to train again but I'll take small steps to restart as I want to get back into it. I want to spend more time on my hobbies as I still find myself in the trap of getting into the work all day mentality or just complete burnout where I'll lay around all day then feel guilty. Something that has been working for me is setting dedicated hours to do work and forcing myself to stop out of that and if I procrastinate, I try to at least sub in mindless phone scrolling with something I want to do like an episode of TV, a chapter of a book or a convo with a friend. It helps to find some breathing room in the day. The next goal I would want is to not give up on hobbies so easily - I would love to improve at drawing or learn an instrument or how to cook more if possible but one thing at time.

I am also slowly trying to isolate myself less and make sure I stay somewhat connected with friends but also I pushed myself to go talk to new people as well (online so far but still great for me). I love getting to know people and I'm glad I allowed myself to take the time to come back and meet new friends here.

Lastly, I have also been trying to improve my own self-confidence! I realised a lot of the time I was very anxious and hesitant to take on new opportunities or get to know people because I just lacked so much confidence in myself. It was nervewracking at first but I just pushed myself to try new opportunities whether that's a job I was worried about doing well in, extracurriculars I was always interested in but shy about joining etc. I can't say it has always been smooth, befriending new people is definitely still really hard for me as I am a reserved person but I think its been very nice knowing that I am capable and even if things don't work out, it's still OK at the end of the day. I still have to tackle things like imposter syndrome and negative self talk but have been doing better each day with those. Anyway I love the idea of this thread and I hope everyone else has been doing well with their own goals - I still have a long way to go but I'm proud I've at least acknowledged the issues and am trying to be kinder to myself. :D

My whole self needs work, especially now that things have changed a lot in my life.
But it's hard, my mental health is horrible.

Missed out on a lot of social experience when young. Picked up bad social habits. Names "humor" in particular. Became more personable at the cost of being mean. Perpetuated the lack of (good) social experience, most likely.

Cannot easily measure progress. Makes fewer clear missteps, at least. Seems better regarded by others. Considers those good signs. Believes humor to be difficult for people with far more social experience, also. (Learned it from others, after all.) Must be doing decently on that front.

Identified the next step as expanding this better behavior. Falls back into old ruts in a pinch. Means either ingraining it through repetition or dulling social panic. Accomplishes both through more experience.

I tend to beat myself up when I make a decision I regret. Like, I'll dwell on it for days because I never wanted to make that choice...but I did anyway. People tell me to get over it, but...like....it's impossible because your brain replays that moment over and over.

The pandemic really hit me hard mentally, especially since I almost never go out anymore due to working at home. So I rarely get to go out as much as I want to. I actually miss socializing irl with my colleagues and friends. So I feel like I've isolated myself from the world. With vaccines being widely available and such, I hope to improve my socialization and meet actual people.

My boyfriend also noticed that I tend to get very intense on small things. Like...the electric bill went up $10 and I throw a psycho fit because we needed to conserve electricity. I need to calm the fuck down, that's basically what I need to do.

Finally, with school being over for me and regained my freedom back, I am picking up some hobbies, getting back into gaming and watching trash TV because damn my final semester of college threw me under the bus. So I am hoping these hobbies fix my mental stability. lol