age is but a number

[Psychic]

My previous "open-minded" sentiment on this was age doesn't define you - as long as it's between two consenting adults, go crazy! But relationships with significant age differences have so much potential to be inherently unbalanced. As a result, I feel pretty iffy about them, especially with younger folks.

Age differences mean more or less based on how old the individuals are and what the difference is. It comes down to where each partner is in terms of their development and stage of life. If all parties are in their 30's-40's, there isn't a huge imbalance - at that point you've finished developing psychologically, and you're probably in the same place in terms of education/career/family. But the difference between a 14- and 17-year-old is really significant, even though it's only 3 years!

Relationships should be balanced - no party should have more authority or power over another, and being older automatically puts one person in a dominant position over the other. And to me it always raises the question of "why exactly are you seeking a younger partner, anyway?"

~Psychic

 

[Livewire]

In dating a girl, I would look for someone maybe 1-2 years older, and not more than 3-4 years younger I think, I would want someone close enough in age so that we fall in the same age bracket, have mutual interests, the same attitudes towards relationships, etc. Like, say I am 25-26 , dating a 21-22 year old, I'd be concerned about jobs and starting a family, she'd be a senior in college and would be still trying to party, most likely, lol. Age may be just a number but it can still define you quite a bit I think.

 

[moon]

Yeeeeeah. I used to say that 3-4 years up and 2-3 years down was my limit. Buuut. Things change. Hrrm. Now I'm not so sure.

What bugs me the most is that it somehow feels more okay for a 25 y o man to date a 19 y o woman than the other way around. It shouldn't have to be that way. As long as you get along and can be at similar enough stages in life, age is but a number. And women can be older than their male partners, totally.

 

[Kotone]

i want to say age is just a number, but in reality age does matter. i think as a teenager, a big age difference seems pretty bad. i usually look for someone who is older than me and is not more that 4 years older. my bf and i are a coupe months apart, but he is older.

 

[blue]

It kind of matters to me, I'll set myself limits as long as they're in reason. I'm 21 so I'd probably say I'd date somebody between the ages of 18 and 28, which to me seems pretty reasonable. My ex girlfriend was 4 years older than me and that didn't bother me in the slightest.

 

[Nihilego]

Beyond the age of 14, half your age (rounded up) plus seven. Surprisingly representative of my thoughts. I'm 21 now, half my age rounded up is 11, so I could date an eighteen year old. Fine by me. As you get older the age range gets bigger which reflects how people care about this sort of thing less.

 

[Mana1]

Myself and my boyf are mid-twenties and we act like we're 12 still so yeah. What is age.

In all seriousness, as long as its legal what does it matter.

Beyond the age of 14, half your age (rounded up) plus seven. Surprisingly representative of my thoughts. I'm 21 now, half my age rounded up is 11, so I could date an eighteen year old. Fine by me. As you get older the age range gets bigger which reflects how people care about this sort of thing less.

o: I could trade my old one in for a 19 year old?? Someone should have tolddd me haha. ;D

 

[Ashes to Ashes]

Age never mattered to me, but the people I sleep with arent romantic interests.

 

[Sir Codin]

The most hilarious and ridiculous thing about the "half-age plus seven rule" is that the older you are, the bigger the gap gets.

Your age: 20
Partner age: 17

Three-year gap, no big deal.

Your age: 50
Partner age: 32

18-year gap. You became an adult when your partner was born.

 

[maccrash]

The most hilarious and ridiculous thing about the "half-age plus seven rule" is that the older you are, the bigger the gap gets.

Your age: 20
Partner age: 17

Three-year gap, no big deal.

Your age: 50
Partner age: 32

18-year gap. You became an adult when your partner was born.

that's the point, isn't it? because as you get older, the more socially acceptable it is to date someone who's much younger than you are.

 

[Lotus the Cat]

It's naive to think that age doesn't matter in a relationship. As has been mentioned by others previously, a relationship is not going to work if both parties are not at a similar point in their life or similarly mature. In addition to that, if the age gap is very large you will get generational differences, which can make it harder for partners to relate to one another.

 

[£]

that's the point, isn't it? because as you get older, the more socially acceptable it is to date someone who's much younger than you are.

I'm gonna extend on this Excellent Valid Point by my homeboy.

There's CLEAR physical/mental differences and changes going on from 14 to 15 to 16 to 17, but over time, the maturity you gain each year does exponentially decrease. I know I changed WAY more between the ages of 17 and 20 than I did between 20 and 23, and I imagine the changes I'll make over the next three years will be even more negligible in comparison.

I imagine there's an equal number of cases of 17 and 20 year olds being as mature as each other as there are 50 year olds and 31 year olds being mature as each other. It's not a cast iron rule that you have to date within that range, or at an extreme point in that range. It's just a helpful gauge for what might be suitable in terms of life experience of the couple and maturity? In truth, after 18 in terms of legality, anything goes in most places!

 

[Cariad]

Due to past experiences I am terrified of large age gaps. Absolutely terrified. Although I have no problem with age gaps of 10~ years and below, anything above that is absolutely terrifying to me. Besides, that's talking adults, age gaps for teenagers and children are way more specific.

For example, a 14 year old, in my opinion, shouldn't date anyone above 16, and a 16 year old shouldn't date anyone above 18. Bear in mind I've got extremely biased views due to things that have happened to me in the past, so I might be seeing things very twisted, but I just...

Age isn't just a number, it's not, it's unrealistic to say that. I dated a 16 year old when I as 12, because I was always told "age is just a number", and then now looking back on it, I absolutely 100% should not have done that. So now, looking at young kids dating older people, I get uncomfy.

Sorry, this is just a very personal topic for me. I might have gone overboard. Here are some posts that articulate what I'm trying to stay better than I can, though.

 

[Murmansk]

Depends on what you want.

If long term success is your goal, relationships tend to fair better when the ages are as close together as possible and no more than 3-4 years apart.

A female being older than a male generally ends poorly as well just in terms of averages.

I really haven't seen much data on homosexual pairings, so I'd just stick with the 3-4 year range in those cases as well.

Personally, I look for long term potential in a partner. Decades or even millenia are how I judge being with someone. "Would I enjoy being with this person even 3,000 years from now?"

At 24 years of age I just don't find going below 20 suits my fancy.

 

[Bobbylicious]

I would date anyone as long as they're older than 18. U can be 50 for all I care but as long as ur a hot 50 yr old who cares

For me, it matters always. I'm 24 years old, I don't want crusty 40-50 year olds hitting on me, yet it happens all the time. Everybody wants younger and they need to understand that they can't always have what they want.

You can have me whenever u want!!

 

[Talon]

Kinda.
Middle schoolers probably shouldn't be dating anyways.
Highschoolers should only date people that are the same year or 2 years higher. No seniors and freshmen. That's just a little weird to me.
Most likely no more than 10 years age difference in any situation.

Just how I feel.

 

[ShinyHoundoom]

I've always been a bit more open to the age gape for adult dating. As long as it is legal of course. It probably helps that the age gap between my parents is about 6 years and that's not even the biggest age gap in the family. I think it's 8-10 years.

For me personally at the age of 24, I would be ok dating as young as 18 year olds, but no older than 30. It's a weird thing I know, but it's how my mind works.

 

[Psychic]

What bugs me the most is that it somehow feels more okay for a 25 y o man to date a 19 y o woman than the other way around. It shouldn't have to be that way. As long as you get along and can be at similar enough stages in life, age is but a number. And women can be older than their male partners, totally.

This isn't an uncommon sentiment, and I think it's worth asking why we think this. We often assume that the older person in a relationship is/should be a man, but why is that the case? What advantages are there to a relationship where the man is older? What's going on, here?

A female being older than a male generally ends poorly as well just in terms of averages.

Do you have any proof to back this up? Any reasons you think this might be the case? I think it's worth questioning why you think that.

~Psychic

 

[moon]

It might be because men can be considered really hot in media even when they are over 50, while women need to make themselves look young (under 30 is probably their aim) in order to be seen in the same sense. Thus, a 50 y o man dating a 25 y o woman wouldn't be as terrifying as a 50 y o woman who maybe looks her age dating a 25 y o man who probably looks his age.

 

[shadowmoon522]

It always matter, because of the age of consent. If you're within the age of consent but dating someone below it, even if he or she is a year younger, you'll get in trouble by the authorities. What would be the acceptable age gap is 18, because I follow California's laws, and we're expected that every other state and country to do the same, with the whole "converting other cultures to our own" mentality we've been having nowadays.

honestly, California's laws on age of consent are fucked up & illogical. most of them are. whats even worse is how inhumane california is on anyone who has made a mistake. not like you can trust teenagers to always tell the truth about their age and it doesn't help that there are teenagers that look older then they are. teenagers also tend to get a hold of fake ids or ids of older family members that look similar to them just to get into places where teenagers are not even allowed such as bars. though its not like that really matters much, i used to get dragged into bars when i was a kid by my mom's ex. i don't know how anyone can drink alcohol, that crap tastes horrid .I'm sticking with the good stuff...

either way, once i turned 19 i started carding everyone who i got into a relationship with & i have been carded by people before because i look a lot younger then i am. there are people who are not pedophiles that ended up on lists because of the lies of some stupid teen. also by california's laws, you can have a two 17 year olds that are dating, but have birthdays a month apart & when the older of the 2 turns 18, the parents of the younger one can ruin the older ones life all cause they don't like him or her.
there have been cases in which some teenager rapes someone older then them & the victim of the rape got in more trouble then the teenager. how the hell can you punish someone for being raped and call it justice? laws are supposed to be made to protect people, not condemn them for something out of their control that scarred them for life.
another one of the good things about not dating anymore: i don't have to worry about this type of stupidity.