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Dear Anonymous

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Dear Anonymous,

Things really didn't go as how I expected it. The first day of school it was okay and you were really
friendly and I liked that. But the very next day you started it all over again. You used my stationery,
drew on my papers and invaded a large portion of my table space, all without asking. Really, I would
have let you do so if you just asked. Don't just assume that I'm fine with everything because I don't
seem to show any disapproval. I have feelings too. And the only reason I don't stop you from doing
all these is because it isn't in my character to do so and I'd probably hurt your feelings if I told you.
I do know that you're feeling very lonely in class despite being surrounded by so many classmates
I can't help you if this continues. I sincerely hope things head towards the better. And like what the
teacher told us, 'Our feelings can connect with the heart but the mind has to work on it's own to set
things right', or in other words, think before you act based on your emotions. I'll be trying my best to
do this so let's work hard together!
 
Dear Anonymous,

So I have a lot of wasted intellect and a lot of spare time on my hands, I can assure you they were entirely coincidental and I want to apologise if I made you uncomfortable or offended you in any way. I'll drop it when you drop it.


Dear Anonymous,

I seemed to have forgotten about you for a while but here you are again. Back in my news feed.
I always did think you were cute, ever since E was stalking your photos and I was silently observing. You have no idea how cranky she got afterwards, so jealous.
I know we've never met in person but I really want to get to know you, both E and D tell me about how kind and fun you are. I can't just say hi over the internet because we both know that any chump with a keyboard can do that, I want to do it right, besides I've tried that before and nothing comes of it.
I know your time being single is running out, we should be introduced. It could be good.
 
Dear anon,

I am so glad you are doing better this week as I know last week was a mess for all of us D:. I thought when you were having thoughts of giving up, I'd lose another person close to me, but with you now looking at the bright side of the future everything seems good and well.
 
Dear anonymous,

You are such a bad influence, but I love you <3 I wish we were still friends, but we have grown and moved a part. I still like hearing the stories about how bad you truly are, even though I know you mean well.
 
Dear anonymous...

Talking about anime like nothing happened isn't really doing me any favors. I know you know that. I'm sorry I'm a pain in the ass to deal with but I can't help it. Please just understand. Leave me alone for awhile... but, then again, I don't think I can stand to not talk to you any more than I already have. I miss you more and more each day. I know you're having a fun time, but I... I just miss what we used to be. I can't wish you back any more, because it'll just be wasted effort. It's not your fault; it's mine. I just wish I could've been a better boyfriend.

I'm sorry.

Dear anonymous...

I'm sorry. I really don't want to mess anything up with your new love, but... just remember I'm still here, okay?
 
dear anon

i'm sorry i bet i'm getting on your nerves it's just i always want to talk to you and i hate when i don't get to...eeeeuguhhghhh sorry for being annoying.
 
Dear anonymous,

I don't see what's the big deal with me doing events on forums. Really have you never had any fun in your life? Sure it may not be normal for forums to have events, but who the hell cares? With Pokemon, it's easier for forums to create events for trading and battling and other things, I think it's one of the few franchises where that's possible. I think we're just jealous I'm having fun and you aren't.

(Not about anyone in an online community btw.)
 
Dear Anonymous,

I'm really really happy with the way things are going now! I've already taken a couple of steps out of
my comfort zone to reach out to you and pull you back from the vortex of emptiness you seem to be
inching towards. I hope something strikes a spark in you to find meaning in socialising with the class
again! When I first got to know you, you were a social butterfly and I know you still are deep down
since the only time you aren't is when we're in class. Still wishing for the best!
 
Dear anon,

This is going to sound simple but I love you! Idk when the last time I said it was so there you go.
 
da,

you've actually left me really emotionally unstable/scarred. I can't get over it. I just can't. I did so MUCH FOR YOU AND YOU JUST THREW ME AWAY OVER SOMETHING SO MINOR.. I did some prett big things for you, even with anxiety, I still did those things for you.. I pushed myself FOR YOU and you KNOW I did.. this is the closest I had ever been with someone before in my LIFE, this is the most I have EVER done for a single person.. I gave you everthing.. and for you to leave me on my own just like that, it hurts beyond words. Those things you said to me right before we stopped talking, they HURT.. and I don't know how you can't see how much I did for you.. I got taken for granted so much, and you always had such a bad temper, but I accepted it as part of you and looked past it.. yet.. you couldn't accept one flaw that I had.. you even said you'd never fault me.. that was obviously a lie.. I never thought you'd do this to me.. and I hope sooner or later you realize the amount of crap I did for you..

thanks to you, I'm no longer opening up to anyone new. I thought you were different so I took a leap of faith and opened up to you.. now a year and two months later.. after all the ****ing things I did for you you've just thrown it all away.. I have been crying countless nights, I can't be alone for long without thinking about everything, I cant sleep, I keep having horrible dreams, I think about how things used to be and I just feel so completely and utterly crap over it it's unreal. I shouldn't of opened up. When I open up to someone, EVERYTIME I get hurt, so.. what's the point anymore.

However, all I have been doing lately is having a little hope that you'll come back and talk to me again.
 
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DA,

I feel bad for being anxious at the mere thought of having you live in the house with your kid for several months. If you have to, I'll take you, I just don't want more people in my house ;~~; why am I a recluse and selfish
 
Dear Anonymous...

I guess I was wrong. Maybe we can be friends. :) And I think you're starting to warm up to me again, it gives me goosebumps just thinking about it... :D
 
DA,

Thank you for not judging me like I thought you would. I know big news like that can be a lot to take in, but you handled it well. Thanks!
 
Dear Anonymous,

You wish you could've, but you don't. I wish that you did, for many reasons. I can't think of anything more perfect, more amazing. When I first found out what you had said, I had mixed emotions. Thought about it and now I don't know what to do about it. Please just find a way to say it, please.
 
Dear Anonymous,

I'm feeling really mixed up. I know what to do and what I need to do, but I just don't know how to do it. I'm not here to hurt anyone...hurting others hurts myself. I know I'm young and there's plenty more pain I'm going to feel in my lifetime, but it doesn't make it easier to do something that's gonna hurt now.
 
Dear Anonymous,

I'm really thankful that you're starting to understand! Especially when I didn't go for cca. I know that
you understand how I feel there since you feel the same when it comes to the class. I still get
annoyed by you sometimes because you choose to show emotions that leave people agitated but
we're getting there soon, I feel it in my bones. Well, I hope everything goes upwards from here!! So
glad that there has been progress! c:
 
Dear anonymous,

Thank you. Seriously, thank you for having been there for me, in this roller coaster ride that was, or still is in a certain unforgettable way, our friendship. You've coaxed out emotions that used to reside in me that I have never shared with anyone else in the world before. You've made me a better person, with a better understanding of where I stand, who I am, what I want to do with my life, and you've taught me how to handle my anxieties regarding my home, my life, my ambitions, my identity, and everything. I seriously cannot be thankful enough for you putting up with my ****, and being so open about the **** you've been through. In fact, we've both been through a lot of **** it seems, a joyful reminder to us that every human is just as beautifully broken as the other. When I read that you wanted to depart from our friendship, I felt a bitter-sweet cocktail of emotions well up inside of me, but I did not cry. In fact, I am happy that after how long we've been together, and how much we've seen from each other, we could still call for a closure of this book with a happy end. And perhaps, like in On The Beach (cracker book by the way), everything seems to turn out okay, despite it all ending, because if our friendship must end, then I could not have wished for a better departure than this: to receive a note from you that expresses sincerity, and still tolerance for my beliefs and my identity, even if we have grown apart in the past 5 months. I am still much the same with regards to my identity. I have fought and wrestled with it in the time we've been away, but have come to accept it as a part of me. I am still happy to be what I am -- and recognise I can't change that -- and also of whom I have become thanks to that whatness, and that I can be honest about how I feel to others now. Without you, that would have been impossible.

In any way, the main reason I wanted to write a final note to you, carrying my final thoughts, on this final day, where we take the pill from the red box, and curl up to let it end in the happiest way possible, is because the least I owe you is to free you of concern of how I may have taken your response. I owe it to you to explain that, in the past 5 months, I ended up alright, and I've found the right people to keep around me, who value me for the true content of my character, and not the façade I have to put up to keep myself socially presentable. I still dream big, I still write, I still have my mind set to follow my heart to Australia, I am gonna do just fine in computer class, I have a mind for the future as either a game programmer or an English teacher if the former won't work, if possible I am gonna find out all the necessities for cycling trans-continentally from Europe to Sydney (with 1 flight from Malaysia to Cairns I reckon, since oceans are not so traversible by bicycle) and at least see Australia that way at some point, and I am gonna make my life count.

I will be alright,
And I'm glad you'll be alright too.

Best of luck in life.

P.S.
I will still read the books you recommended to me. The Golden Compass, here I come!
 
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