Kikpanther
Not a beginner that's for sure
- 663
- Posts
- 16
- Years
- Louisiana
- Seen Dec 18, 2020
@ Monster Guy alright I've re-read your SU and I've put together a little list of the information I got from it in the spoiler.
Just from this list it's obvious that you made an excellent SU! It gives multiple parts of Leo's personality (with a few quirks), his clothing reflects his personality to a degree (and he has cool heelies), and his history shows how he evolved to become what he is today. I like the detail your put into your sign-up and I'm impressed! However, there is still more you can do. Just like I said in my last post about personality, Leo shows a lot of pros but not very many cons. There was a part that said he sometimes has angry outbursts, but it was overshadowed by his forgiving attitude. The only one that stands out the most is that he's gullible. Are there any other negative aspects about his personality that you can talk about? In his history you talked about how he was bullied, maybe that has affected him somehow? Maybe he's easily intimidated by others or that feelings of inadequacy push him to keep working out and keep getting bigger and stronger. Maybe those same reasons are why he wears the shirts to show off his muscles (other than the fact that being fit feels good) and he might show off a little (to show how strong her is) or volunteer to help with heavy lifting a lot.
You can say impulsive is a good or bad personality trait depending on how you sell it, but you didn't talk about it so much. Does being impulsive make him a bad planner? Is he not very good at keeping a schedule (or even forgetting things he needs to do?)? Does it make him unreliable? Your SU also says he likes making desserts, that could also be a con. Maybe that means he has a sweet tooth and eats a lot of unhealthy food. That would obviously contradict his working out. Does that make him a guilty eater? Or has he gone cold turkey and can't even look at the sugar packets at restaurants? And does eating all of those sweets make him more energetic? Eating sweets may just be for special occasions because otherwise he's way too off the wall afterwards. Really do what you can to highlight the good and the bad!
Onto the history! Like I said before, you did well showing how his history effected him, but is there more you can say? You said his dad drank a lot, does that experience (with all of the fighting and such) make him a strict anti-alcohol advocate? Maybe his experience made him a good counselor and he can easily empathize with others (which adds to his emotional and sensitive side). How has his family's situation affected his values on friends vs. family? And to the bullying again! You said in Leo's bio that he has a fear of being bullied again, but also that he likes fairy tales and shows like MLP. Does that mean he hides that information about himself from others? (Even possibly from close friends?) And if he does, how much else is he withholding from the rest of the world? And of course, how has that affected him emotionally? As we all know bullying has a serious affect on people (especially if someone is sensitive like Leo). You did say Leo is slowly gaining a better outlook on life, but how much of that still lingers with him? Does he still have doubts about himself or others because of those times?
Now of course everything we tell you guys in these reviews are just things to think about. Don't think you have to add everything in order to be accepted! They're just some things you can expand on and talk about more to make your character stand out as their own unique person! At the end of the day though it's your character. Only add what does justice to them.
On another note, if Watchman hasn't told you already, we'll begin judging on Monday, April 21st at around 6 or 7 CST. We're also only doing these reviews once as SUs are completed (and before judging begins) so if you have any extra questions (or maybe you just want your review to be private) PM or VM us about it! After judging on Monday, any SU that comes in will be automatically judged without a wait period.
@ Yamagi I'm excited about your character as well! I can tell by your SU (and by the post I'm replying to) that you really are enthusiastic about your character! And as for being the best SU you've written, that's great! Keep up the good work. ;D
Spoiler:
Appearance:
-physically fit
-likes to show off his muscles (skin tight tank tops/low cut shirt)
-backpack
Personality:
-bright, cheerful, and optimistic
-makes jokes and acts silly to lighten the mood
-gullible
-outgoing and social
-energetic
-impulsive
-an emotional guy and doesn't hide it!
-forgiving
-has an affinity for cute things and fairy tales
-afraid of being bullied
-good cook (likes making desserts)
History:
-alcoholic dad?
-used to rocky family situations
-good at taking care of others and learned domestic skills
-was picked on because he was weak and sensitive
-decided he didn't want to be a wimp anymore and being bullied
-became popular quickly (especially wit da ladies)
-remind the same sensitive kid (didn't let it go to his head)
-physically fit
-likes to show off his muscles (skin tight tank tops/low cut shirt)
-backpack
Personality:
-bright, cheerful, and optimistic
-makes jokes and acts silly to lighten the mood
-gullible
-outgoing and social
-energetic
-impulsive
-an emotional guy and doesn't hide it!
-forgiving
-has an affinity for cute things and fairy tales
-afraid of being bullied
-good cook (likes making desserts)
History:
-alcoholic dad?
-used to rocky family situations
-good at taking care of others and learned domestic skills
-was picked on because he was weak and sensitive
-decided he didn't want to be a wimp anymore and being bullied
-became popular quickly (especially wit da ladies)
-remind the same sensitive kid (didn't let it go to his head)
Just from this list it's obvious that you made an excellent SU! It gives multiple parts of Leo's personality (with a few quirks), his clothing reflects his personality to a degree (and he has cool heelies), and his history shows how he evolved to become what he is today. I like the detail your put into your sign-up and I'm impressed! However, there is still more you can do. Just like I said in my last post about personality, Leo shows a lot of pros but not very many cons. There was a part that said he sometimes has angry outbursts, but it was overshadowed by his forgiving attitude. The only one that stands out the most is that he's gullible. Are there any other negative aspects about his personality that you can talk about? In his history you talked about how he was bullied, maybe that has affected him somehow? Maybe he's easily intimidated by others or that feelings of inadequacy push him to keep working out and keep getting bigger and stronger. Maybe those same reasons are why he wears the shirts to show off his muscles (other than the fact that being fit feels good) and he might show off a little (to show how strong her is) or volunteer to help with heavy lifting a lot.
You can say impulsive is a good or bad personality trait depending on how you sell it, but you didn't talk about it so much. Does being impulsive make him a bad planner? Is he not very good at keeping a schedule (or even forgetting things he needs to do?)? Does it make him unreliable? Your SU also says he likes making desserts, that could also be a con. Maybe that means he has a sweet tooth and eats a lot of unhealthy food. That would obviously contradict his working out. Does that make him a guilty eater? Or has he gone cold turkey and can't even look at the sugar packets at restaurants? And does eating all of those sweets make him more energetic? Eating sweets may just be for special occasions because otherwise he's way too off the wall afterwards. Really do what you can to highlight the good and the bad!
Onto the history! Like I said before, you did well showing how his history effected him, but is there more you can say? You said his dad drank a lot, does that experience (with all of the fighting and such) make him a strict anti-alcohol advocate? Maybe his experience made him a good counselor and he can easily empathize with others (which adds to his emotional and sensitive side). How has his family's situation affected his values on friends vs. family? And to the bullying again! You said in Leo's bio that he has a fear of being bullied again, but also that he likes fairy tales and shows like MLP. Does that mean he hides that information about himself from others? (Even possibly from close friends?) And if he does, how much else is he withholding from the rest of the world? And of course, how has that affected him emotionally? As we all know bullying has a serious affect on people (especially if someone is sensitive like Leo). You did say Leo is slowly gaining a better outlook on life, but how much of that still lingers with him? Does he still have doubts about himself or others because of those times?
Now of course everything we tell you guys in these reviews are just things to think about. Don't think you have to add everything in order to be accepted! They're just some things you can expand on and talk about more to make your character stand out as their own unique person! At the end of the day though it's your character. Only add what does justice to them.
On another note, if Watchman hasn't told you already, we'll begin judging on Monday, April 21st at around 6 or 7 CST. We're also only doing these reviews once as SUs are completed (and before judging begins) so if you have any extra questions (or maybe you just want your review to be private) PM or VM us about it! After judging on Monday, any SU that comes in will be automatically judged without a wait period.
@ Yamagi I'm excited about your character as well! I can tell by your SU (and by the post I'm replying to) that you really are enthusiastic about your character! And as for being the best SU you've written, that's great! Keep up the good work. ;D