disappointing

[Her]

how have you let people down in the past? how have you failed yourself?

 

[Nathan]

probably my parents. when i first started high school, they had really great hopes for me since i had gotten excellent grades in middle school. but i picked up the bad habit of being a huge lazy ass and only got average grades. i even feel a bit disappointed in myself for it, i was capable but not dedicated enough for it. hopefully, the same doesn't repeat in university.

 

[Imafroggy]

I'm disappointed in a couple things I do. I was actually talking to my friends that I stopped smoking weed and I don't feel like drinking alcohol as much or at all anymore when I go out. Ever since my dad found my "stash" and talked to me, I've realized that I've been making dumb decisions. And it's not like smoking or drinking is necessarily bad, but the way my parents made me feel is something that keeps haunting me. Because if I'm not being truthful to them, then why should I be truthful to anyone else? They could have kicked me out but they didn't lol and I should be grateful that they provide for me still. But yeah I'm happy, just a little concerned about the things I've done in recent months/years.

 

[Bay]

Same with parents even in my late 20s. There times where they talked about my behavior and even said to me, "I'm too embarrassed to go out with you" after some argument. That irks me because I know how I behaved when I go out and they have impossible expectations, but still makes me feel bad about myself.

 

[Altaria]

WARNING: Possibly triggering stuff? Maybe? Self-harm and eating disorders, basically.

Spoiler:

I disappointed my parents when I was 14, like..big time. I started cutting a lot when I was 13 and I would wear hoodies literally all the time to cover it up. It went on for about 9 months because my mom found out and when she made me take my hoodie off she was bawling. I felt so bad. I also stopped eating and if I was made to eat I'd throw it up. This went on for a few weeks before my mom kind of blew up on me and said she "Wasn't going to deal with this Anorexia s***" and put me in counseling for the first time, it was terrible. I hated every second of it, my counselor was terrible and it basically didn't help me at all. When I was 16 I got put in counseling again, but this time with a different counselor and they completely changed everything for me, it was incredible. But yeah. I ALSO disappointed my parents by hiding my boyfriend from them for two years..but luckily they were pretty understanding and accepting of it.

 

[Somewhere_]

how have i failed myself and others?

I was born.

 

[Her]

it's odd. there are a million ways in which i've intentionally or unintentionally let down other people, either through acts of my own choosing or inalienable aspects that i don't really have a choice with. but i never seem to hold others to the same judgement i hold on myself - they could disappoint me over and over and it would only take an extreme shock to the system to get me to say 'no, this shouldn't be how it is.'

i'm much harder on myself than i am on others, even when we make the same mistakes. i'm obviously not perfect in any shape or form, but i give myself such high standards that are almost impossible to maintain consistently. it's honestly close to self-flagellation at times, if you want to analyse me or whatever. i shouldn't be so relentlessly hard on myself because i am simply human and a rather damaged one at that, it is only natural to fail or otherwise not live up to my expectations.

it's weird - i put myself through so much grief when i fall short of my own expectations, yet forgive others incredibly easily for those things. i don't forget, but i'm so willing to disregard the faults of those i like in order to return things to the way they were. and i wonder why things don't change sometimes, lol.

this has deviated totally from my original question, but it's an interesting reflection nonetheless. i suppose the best way to tie it back to my opening post is that i consistently let myself down by not giving myself the credit i deserve, and the break that i need.