Aizuke
[b]long sword style[/b]
- 3,025
- Posts
- 17
- Years
- Canberra, Australia
- Seen Nov 6, 2015
I talk to myself when I'm bored, or alone. Or I see something weird and have no one else to tell. XD;
Not to gain sympathy, but it gets so bad that I cannot think anything else but the same loop over and over, causing me to say it over and over. It is what makes it hard to be friends with me in real life, and I honestly get very lonely, knowing that my friends are often ignoring me, thinking I'm having another "episode"...Hmmm... I don't know where to post this, but I definately do not want to make a new topic on this...
But recently, I've been having these "talking episodes", where I'll pick up some phrase and say it (quite literally) uncontrolably. I don't want to really talk about it because the first thing that pops up is the ignorant "psycho", but it's literally like someone will tell me something and I'll be locked with that phrase for hours.
For example, my friends were mentioning the LOLcopter today. They said "My LOLcopter, it goes SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI..." to you know, tell me about the copter itself. But right after I left them I was saying "My LOLcopter, it goes SOI SOI SOI SOI..." almost all day at a very repetitive tone. Also, when talking during one of these talking episodes, I have a very unusual speech pattern that makes almost every word sound "monolength", by that I mean I will say longer words faster and shorter words slower unconsiously. Also, I feel very disorganized and tense during these times, and even when I entertain myself I become bored very quickly.
To put it in better words, it's like I'm quite literally speaking my mind. No filter, no nothing. And it's caught on fire this week. And my mind just repeats the same thoughts over and over until something (typically another thing that interests me) pops up. It's not an obsession, because it's a truely unconscious thought process (I like Ivan and I know it, but I don't randomly say the same quote of his over and over). They're typically relatively rare and last for only about an hour, but it's really been on fire this week. Today I had one lasting over 3 hours.
So, of course, the rest of the world notices, and it's driving me up a wall because people won't talk to me, or just outright ignore me at all times, pretending it's one of these episodes. It's starting to get really lonely. Hm... maybe if there was a way I could drive myself out of one of those episodes. What pisses me off even further is that I know its going on and I know what I look like, but I just have an uncontrollable urge to continue with it.
The exact same way here. XDI do talk to myself all the time - not usually outside of the house, but quite a lot when I'm at home alone and doing housework or homework.