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I would be a giant vision of Dane Cook so i could wreak havoc and loot stuff all day, and then the next day dane cook would be in questioning and i would have alot of new stuff
A 600-pound gorilla of course. I can run around everywhere and steal stuff and nobody would try to stop me because I'm a freakin' 600-pound gorilla that can easily tear people's heads off and toss it a quarter-mile into the distance. :D