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Inadequacy

Inadequacy can be awful. In the back of my consciousness, I know that I'm not really quite so awful as I make myself out to be, but I can't entirely wipe the feeling. You see, there's nothing entirely special about me; occasionally, I make a good joke, write a good story, or draw a good picture, but I'm hardly the best at anything, even among my group of friends. The unfortunate fact is that I'm utterly replaceable, and I struggle a lot with that. I don't like the feeling that if I had never existed, literally everyone I know would be just as well.

I have a few friends. They're all so great to me; all of them are relatively unconditional friends. They're so kind, understanding, helpful, and frankly, it makes me uncomfortable. Having friends like that makes me feel like I'm not really even worthy of being in their presence... it sort of makes the feeling worse!

I try my best to wash the feeling out of my head, but it doesn't ever really go away-- that I've been placed in a good situation and I don't really deserve it, and that someone else who is far more talented or important than me has been placed in an awful situation and deserves to take my place. It's a hard feeling to live with!
 
I have felt like that a little bit in the past, but I can't imagine feeling that way in a romantic relationship. Like, she chose you. She could have chosen anybody she wanted if she's as far out of your league as you say she is, but she chose you. With friends it's different because that comes with a group setting and people become friends in all different ways, sometimes by association or whatnot, but with a girlfriend it indicates a quite conscious choice.

Besides dude, you're pretty hot. I've seen your photos. Unless she's Scarlett Johansson I'm sure you're pretty well matched. Also 'adorkable' is a thing now, which is essentially a name for hot nerds. Maybe that's just what she's into.
 
I've only felt this once before, in my first quarter of college. I was used to being one of the smartest people in the classroom in high school, so I figured college wouldn't be much different. Boy, was I wrong.

There was this one guy, I'm guessing somewhere around forty years old, dreadlocks all the way down to his lower back, tattoos everywhere, and he had worked as a tattoo artist before deciding he wanted to go to college. Let me tell you, this guy is a freaking genius. He didn't talk to me at first, since I hung around the background, but once I started answering questions in class, and just generally participated more, we gradually got to know one another. I felt so much pressure just to say smart things and not be dumb around him, haha. He was really nice too, and just overall a really cool guy.
 
Thanks guys. A lot of these answers have been pretty therapeutic for me and has lifted my spirits quite a bit. While I can't say I'm 100%, I can say that I've improved a lot mentally thanks to the reassurance many of you have made. Again, thank you very much.
 
I'm better than I used to be, because I used to literally never even talk to "close" friends often, due to thinking that they were too busy for me, and etc. These days I'm tons better, and talk to people more, and do things with close friends more often, buuut when I'm just getting to know someone I usually feel insecure around them for a time. .w.
 
I've always had feelings of inadequacy. It is a negative side effect of the way that I live my life. I attempt to always make myself better, so I tend to view myself as inadequate as consequence.
 
Yeah, I've definitely felt social inadequacy. In high school it was a major thing, as with the majority of high school students... I was especially convinced that I was a complete loser and that no one would want to be hanging out with me or seen talking to me outside of my circle of friends. Which is the dumb part, at least I had a circle of friends. I was clearly adequate enough. Unfortunately, in College those feelings persisted and I had a haaaard time making friends. It didn't help that I was in an artistic and competitive environment, where I felt even more inadequate. Part of me didn't understand how I even got accepted into the program. That was truly a toxic mindset to enter first year with.

Nowadays, I don't feel quite as inadequate. I'm still lacking in self-esteem definitely, but around people of my age isn't much of an issue. I felt quite inadequate when I was going to my internship every day, being surrounded by professionals decades older than me. That was awful, but that's the only place where I could truly justify feeling inadequate. Everywhere else, no need for it. That kind of comparison is good to keep in mind should those feelings of inadequacy amongst my peers ever rise again.
 
I feel bad about myself often, stemming from a very bad time in high school. I know I should be over it, but my mind reminds me of my failures (or really what they thought of me) and it brings me down occasionally. I just try to remind myself of who I am and why their cruelty made me grow and be the best me I can be.

I also look at my Bachelor's degree and remember that everyone who picked on me has dropped out/failed out/not out.
 
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