Maccrash is a beautiful person

£

£

You're gonna have a bad time.
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    We give thanks to the Great Stork above,

    For bringing us a Child of Perverse Nature. He has provided us with much joy over the past Sixteen Years.

    Praise be to the Stork. Praise be to Lord Helix. Thine wisdom is consummate.

    We are gathered today to offer thanks for his delightful charm. Young Matthew J. Maccrash was born on the 9th of July, 1998 into a dark world. A world that was missing its talismanic hipster. It was a world that lacked last.fm. It was a world that lacked Rate Your Music Dot Com. It was a world where pitchfork.com was about farming as opposed to worshipping Hipster Legends.

    As a birthday present, I have decided to offer Matt Sixteen Tips To Not Die Before He Turns Seventeen:

    TIP 1: Do not walk into oncoming traffic. You will get hurt. A lot.
    TIP 2: On a related note, if you see Quil driving, run. Run as fast as your hip legs can carry you.
    TIP 3: Drinking cleaning products such as bleach will not help you live a long healthy life.
    TIP 4: Fall damage is very dangerous. Take care to avoid being near the edge of a platform.
    TIP 5: Wear protection for anything where wearing protection is advised.
    TIP 6: Avoid juggling with cacti. If you were to accidentally get one in your eye, you would certainly regret it.
    TIP 7: Avoid locking yourself in a freezer. You may become severely impaired.
    TIP 8: Do not stand next to explosives and ignite them. Remain a safe distance from them at all times.
    TIP 9: Avoid anything with a gun. That includes 90% of America.
    TIP 10: Avoid getting into a drunken bar brawl. You may not die, but you may suffer some broken bones.
    TIP 11: Do not attempt to pilot a vehicle which you are not qualified to drive. This is very unwise.
    TIP 12: Do not stand on a stormy open field. You would be playing a dangerous game.
    TIP 13: Use of electrical appliances in the bath is not advised.
    TIP 14: Do not challenge people to fight you irl. You will probably lose.
    TIP 15: Always remember to breathe. Forgetting to breathe is silly and will result in you not reaching the age of 17.
    TIP 16: Keep your fancy hipster music to a reasonable volume. Playing your fancy hipster music at 200 decibels will result in damage that will make living more difficult.

    And now that I have offered such fine, generous and wise advice, I have to conclude with the ol' cliché.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU HIPSTER, YOU SNAIL MUNCHER, YOU EXTRAORDINARY DEAR FRIEND OF MINE. <3333
     
    thanks mate. the only excuse people have for not responding to this beautiful post is them merely not seeing it yet. just kidding. (: this is the most beautiful post of all time tho and the most thorough birthday wish I've ever received
     
    So proud he survived #thecursedage.

    Also, I'd like to add that Pitchfork was launched in 1995.

    You tried, George.
     
    It's Zeffy's fault for getting modded today, it stole the thunder of your birthday. And your sweet 16, too. How insensitive!

    I didn't forget by the way, I was waiting for the furore to die down to bump the thread so people would see :P

    IF YOU DONT BELIEVE ME ASK GEORGE I SAID IT TO HIM

    Anyway happy birthday!
     
    Despite the fact a mod promotion overshadowed your birthday today, I do wish you have an awesome one!

    Turning 16 is surely something to be worth recognized because well it's one of the rare milestones that get the huge attention. You seem to have good music taste going by what you post in the What Are You Listening To? thread and we hope you continue to show it. And do stick around for more birthdays, Mac! Enjoy your special day.

    - Hikamaru
     
    Posting here so when mac inevitably is elected president of life he treats me gently.
     
    Dude you're one of the chillest guys I know. At least until someone mentions emos. You listen to my ramblings and make this site at least a little bit fun for me, and you know how much I hate admitting to having fun. I hope you have a great day and i hope we'll still be in touch when your 21st comes around.
     
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    i don't usually post in these threads but i'll make an exception. happy birthday!!!!

    i wrote you a poem on the spot.

    you're a cool cat.
    with cool headphones.
    you are the shimmering diamond
    in the granite that is the member base.
    you're my prince.
    you're my frog.
    you're my toad.
    you're my snake.
    you are the sun.
    you are the moon.
    but you are a minor
    and can never be my horse.
    srry 4 ur thread.

    © nick 1992 - 2014
    do not rip

    coming to vinyl for your listening pleasure.
     
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