Misbehaviour

[Master Snowy]

How do you deal with misbehaving people? And by that I mean, misbehaving "adults" here. (Whom you don't stand a chance of retorting against)

My grandmother is a real baddy in the family. She is the only black Sheep of all the people. She is super young and loves misbehaving with people.

For example, just a few minutes ago- mom cooked two rice plates for me and family. My grandmother had cooked a rice plate too and wanted to feed that to the family instead. So, she rushed into the kitchen, grabbed both of the rice plates that my mom had made, mixed them together in a bowl and gave it off to the night-guard outside. Then, she added, "it's best to feed the poor with this kind of food, not the family."

My grandmom not only destroyed my mom's hard-work, but also insulted her.

(My mom's food is loved across the neighborhood, btw... She is a professional cook/chef and grandmom just insulted her on no grounds of truth)

I wanted to destroy her (grandmom's food) in retort but, I am not evil like her. My mom left the kitchen in silence. (Wow, she must be really heart-broken to have done that. When someone remains silent to something like this and walks away, you know limits have been crossed! WOW!)

So, in such a situation what would you have done?

I write this as I sit completely heart-broken myself...

Edit: Also, any advice for me?

 

[killer-curry]

well.... i cannot say much about this.....

your grandmother.... totally a jack ***.

 

[Skip Class]

Honestly I've had a lot of family like that myself - family members who can be complete jerks and even to the nicest people you'd know. I act differently to different kinds of the different kids of jerks who are in my family and I've kinda learnt how to adapt to get on by.

Grandmas like that are kinda tough because despite being a jerk, you still have to respect them in some sense because they're old and whatever.
Those kinda of people, not just ignoring, but acting like it doesn't bother you at all can annoy people till they stop doing it.

Other times, I would say something mean back, but coat it in a way that still sounds nice and not rude while subtly directing it at them - so you can push it off if they try and confront you about it (erm hard to word).

Really sucks to hear what she did, you and your mum don't really deserve what she did!

 

[Kotone]

ehh my boyfriend's dad can sometimes be iffy. i just kind of ignore it, i don't confront it.

 

[LordGrizz]

This is a tough question. My advice might not really work depending on the kind of person you are. I grew up in a confrontational family ie. we argued about everything, and let nothing slide. Not the greatest but it did teach me one thing and thats to be 100% upfront about how you feel in a certain situation. Speak your mind and don't ever be afraid of how someone else my take the truth. If it made you and your mom feel like crap be real. Walk up to your grandma look her dead in the eyes and let her know. You should respect your elders sure, but in my opinion respect is a two way road and you wouldn't let anyone drive headlong into you without beeping right? Kind of the same scenario if you get what I'm saying. I'm not saying be rude or yell or anything like that but sometimes you gotta let someone know what's up...figuratively speaking.

 

[Psychic]

It depends on the person, what your relationship with them is, and exactly what happened. If someone I'm not really close with says something really dumb, awful or offensive I try to make them realize how bad it was by returning the awkwardness to the sender. If I knew them better I might be less subtle about it or outright point out what's wrong with what they said. Pointedly leaving the conversation or space also works very well.

Basically, it's about setting boundaries, and letting someone know "I don't tolerate x behaviour, and x behaviour will have consequences." That makes them less likely to do it in the future, or at least less likely to do it around you. Better than nothing!

~Psychic

 

[Lucid]

I have plenty of old relatives who are jerks and don't care about anyone's feelings, that are bossy and overbearing. There isn't much you can do besides try and talk to them and tell them why what they did hurt your feelings and try and work it out. I don't believe in respecting your elders just for their age's sake, you should offer them the same respect you give to everyone else. They're just people, age doesn't automatically make you older or wiser, the elderly can be as thoughtless as the rest of us. Try and be the bigger person, if they want to be petty and hateful over something like that, don't even acknowledge it. It's just a plea for attention.

 

[Master Snowy]

Thank you very much for your posts, Killer, Zappyspiker, Jinx, LordGrizz, Psychic and Lucid! :)

They really gave me something to understand and look forward to in life, along with the new ideas on how to handle the situation at hand.

This thread ALWAYS manages to soothe my heart.

It feels good to know that I'm not alone and this thread could become something I'll keep coming back to for days.

Thank you SO very much you guys! It was an instant cheer-up medicine and answer to many questions. Made me feel much better when things went out of hand. So, thanks a lot you guys! ^u^

 

[curiousnathan]

It honestly depends what time and place the person in question decides to be an ass. If it's not appropriate to get into an argument or throw back a snappy retort then I usually dismiss it with an eye roll or ignore them. If I'm in a more personal, relaxed setting, I will usually destroy them in an argument or throw back an insanely sarcastic and scorching remark that deters them from ever challenging me again. :) :) :)

 

[MiracleGhost47]

I would kick her out. Pretty clean and simple, eh? c:

 

[Evening]

I don't. I have more significant problems than dealing with them.

 

[MagmaFlash]

I'm really sorry that happened to you. I know what you're going through.
My 89-year old grandma has mental problems that she won't acknowledge at all. We've tried to convince her to get help but she believes she's perfectly normal. We finally gave up on it. One thing that bugs me the most is that she craves attention and will go as far as to go up and bug every stranger in a public place. She's gotten into many fights with complete strangers because of this behavior.

There's probably 10 more things she does that makes people uncomfortable but it would be too long to post.

The saddest part is? Nobody can tell her that she's wrong, or to stop what she's doing because she will cause a big outburst and even get physical at times. It doesn't matter if we're in public or not. Thankfully she's moving into a nursing home soon, trusting that she won't get herself kicked out of there due to her bad behavior.

As for my advice: I would try to avoid her as much as possible, or kick her out if she becomes too much to handle.

 

[Master Snowy]

There is honestly no way to just "kick" someone out in the society.. At least, not in my city for the time being. Lol..

Ignoring her or sending her to a nursing home are really good ideas...

Or at least, giving her a separate house to live in sounds good too. But she is old and frail at times. So, we do need to be near and take care of her. Humans need to sympathise. Even if only to a limit with people that are cruel, selfish or poor at things.

(We {grandmom and my family} used to live separately. She had an apartment and we had the one that was opposite to hers. This way, a simple 'sanity' line was maintained and at the same time, we could keep an eye on her or take care of her; and we were all happy. The problem started when due to a flood, we lost our apartment and started living in hers... Hope the future sees us in more separate apartments next time).

Just a post to say we needn't be full throttle cruel to them. They're humans after all and mending can at times be done with love.

With some people who still won't listen- we still can't kick them out. But can ignore them and rear them from a distance, perhaps?

This might just be the humanist in me, but I don't even kick bad animals out, much less would I do that to a human being, even if they were a beast. Some actions that only make the world colder should not be taken.

But hey, I wouldn't know. I'm sort of lost here myself. But, not giving a sh* to her behaviour seems to help : P

And thank you guys for all your warm and thoughtful comments! They seem to cheer me up and help me in every way. So, thank you very much, Curiousnathan, MiracleGhost47, THE Sandwich and MagmaFlash! :)

 

[pastelspectre]

I only have issues with teachers at my school who try to force me to do stuff I don't wanna do and i can't really backlash at them because they are adults. i used to have someone i could rant to without them judging me, but she works elsewhere now.. other than that, my mom can be iffy sometimes, sort of scolding me or complaining at me and i can't really say anything because she is the adult and i can't say much or she will get mad.

 

[Early]

Yeah, things like that can definitely be hard to deal with, OP. :c
My mom does things like that on an almost daily basis, sometimes blaming me for things that aren't even my fault and being one of those people who won't let anyone else tell them they're wrong. There's nothing I can do about it since she's an adult, and I can't just tell her to leave me alone or show me a little more respect. I only put up with her by trying not to let any of her negativity get to me, which for some is definitely easier said than done. Likewise, you and the rest of your neighborhood know that your mom's a great cook, in relation to the rice incident; if your grandma is the only one who can't appreciate it, it's her loss, and definitely doesn't change the fact that she makes delicious food.

You really have the right idea about still being thoughtful and not being unnecessarily (or overly) mean to her; that's something that I would do, too. I have to agree with a lot of the above posts about only showing her about as much respect as she shows you, though; even though you're living in her home now, the fact that you and your family are the ones taking care of her gives you every right to demand a little more respect (not to mention makes her bad behavior even more uncalled for). Be assertive without being passive-aggressive and let her know that you won't tolerate her crap, and definitely don't let her get you down; you can deal with these kinds of people just by being patient and distant sometimes, and for the most part, I'd likely just ignore her and speak to/interact with her as minimally as possible.

 

[Sirfetch’d]

closed by request of the OP~