PANDORA: A Journey of the Fallen [M] [OOC/SU]

Skymin

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    • Age 32
    • AU
    • Seen Jan 16, 2025

    PANDORA
    A Journey of the Fallen
    IC Thread

    ​

    Pandora, a ravaged paradise far from home. That's what the news called it anyways.
    Everyone has heard of Pandora but nobody has ever been there.​


    "Hello, world. My name is Arden Stone, Pokémon Professor. Now, I know that the world hasn't seen me for many years and I apologise. I have been so wrapped up in my work that I forgot there was a universe outside my own. Never-the-less, I'm a little too late with my annoucement; it's only a matter of time before my cancer inevitably takes me. By the time you recieve this message, I will already be gone.

    "On a lighter note, throughout your life, you may have heard of the mythical Pandora region. Well, don't scoff because it exists. How do I know? It's because I'm here right now! It's as beautiful as the stories tell and now, as a parting gift between me and you, I am going to let you on a little secret; Pandora hides a magnificent treasure. A treasure that's worth enough to keep your family fed and comfortable for many, many generations. I speak of the ancient treasures that the four siblings hid before their untimely demise, if you know the stories well. If you don't, let me recall them for you.

    "The legends speak of a once beautiful place where four siblings ruled four districts; the eldest in the north, the twins who shared the east and west and the youngest in the south. Each sibling ruled fairly and justly and in peace. It was not the siblings who did Pandora wrong, no, but the people they served. A High Priest from the Northern District rallied a crowd and demanded that the North was to attack the East and West for trivial reasons, such as food or land or glory. When the Eldest rejected the idea, he was murdered in his sleep. This sent the entire land into chaos. As each of the other siblings tried to resolve the matter without violence, they too were killed by their own people. Eventually, all of Pandora became a battlefield. The war lasted decades until there was nobody left to fight.

    "Pandora was left to nature and Pokémon to be rebuilt and since then, no human has tainted its soil.

    "It is said that before the siblings died, they hid their fortunes somewhere on the island, protected by challenges and puzzles which only a true heir could solve and recover. So, as my last request, I invite people of the world to solve this mystery. Though I never could, and never will, I hope you that you can continue my legacy and revive Pandora.

    "Thank you, and goodbye."

    ​
    ​

    ~*~​

    It has been roughly six weeks since the death of the esteemed professor, Dr. Arden Stone, which came as a surprise to everyone; he had not been seen or heard from for 30 years since he boarded a boat and promised to find 'Pandora'. His annoucement was played and replayed several times over radio, television, the internet, even on billboards. A famous professor whose work on Geology, Geography and Pokémon Biology (mainly researching why different Pokémon were found in different areas) was influential to the entire world. His popularity in the '80s is comparable to that of the Pokémon Professor Samuel Oak. His disappearance shocked all and though search parties were sent out months afterwards, no body or wreck was found. Everyone presumed he had drowned to the bottom of the ocean somewhere or had been picked off by a flock of Pelippers.

    Along with his videos, co-ordinates to the mythical Pandora were also released. Skeptical at first, explorers were amazed to find that the island existed. It was a fair boat ride (a three full-day trip on a ferry) but there was a gold pot at the end of the rainbow; Pandora's fauna and flora was far different from any other region. It was a geologists' wet dream. Dozens of scientists flocked to the region to sample and research it and with them, explorers, treasure hunters and aspiring trainers searching for gold prize or a new adventure.

    Jude Laughner is a reknown treasure hunter, known for his stupid amount of money and lust for more. Catching word of this so-called 'treasure-of-all-treasures', Mr. Laughner has sent out a bounty for it with a handsome reward of half of the findings to the first to find and unearth the treasure. You have approached or been approached by Mr. Laughner and inquired about this oppourtunity; you may be a trainer looking for an adventure or a normal person in dire need of money. Whatever it is, you accept this challenge and with the funding and supplies from your now dearest acquaintance, set off for Pandora.

    This journey is a race. And there are no rules but win. Do what you need; collaborate, intimidate or eliminate. Along the way, there will be puzzles and riddles you'll be required to work out and items to collect, each crucial to the solving the mystery of the treasure. Pandora is dotted with campsites filled with merchants and other trainers and roads to help travellers find their way. At the beginning of your journey, you will be given a starter Pokémon, a bag of basic supplies (one Potion, five Pokéballs, an Escape Rope, Water, matches, a small knife, a tarpaulin and a blanket), 1500P and a PokéDex to track performace, position and Pokémon. If you need anything else, you'll need to buy it, earn it, find it, make it or steal it.​



    Sign Up

    As secrets and mysteries are a key role in this roleplay, sign-ups are going to be written a little differently. There will only be four options available for you but that doesn't mean put less effort into it. I will still be looking for skilled writers, so write as much as you like! The only thing I specifically ask is that your roleplay sample be a sum up of the day(s) you contacted, met and spoke to Jude Laughner. Make it long. Make it detailed. Make it exciting! Make it good.

    Name:
    Preferred Starter Pokémon:
    Appearance:
    Roleplay Sample:​


    Available Pokémon:
    Spoiler:



    Accepted Players

    • October Carter (雷影 イチロ)
      Spoiler:
    • Julius Rupert Smith (Kiyoshi the Polar Bear)
      Spoiler:
    • Robert Hawkins (Arctos)
      Spoiler:
    • Rachel 'The Fox' Worth (Miss Doronjo)
      Spoiler:
    • Rin Shavi (machomuu)
      Spoiler:
    • Antonio Chambers (Izuya_Namikaze)
      Spoiler:
    • Richard Lee Ambrose (Lincoln West)
      Spoiler:
    • Robert Macintosh (Kiklion)
      Spoiler:
    • Alan Destin (The Final Watchman)
      Spoiler:
    • Benjamin Whistler (Skymin)
      Spoiler:
    • Iruzja Aleksandrov (Saturated Hue)
      Spoiler:
    • Alexander Lance Thornmarsh (The warden)
      Spoiler:
    • Logan Locks (Meganium90/Leaf Storm)
      Spoiler:
    • Martha Elson (Grif of Hearts)
      Spoiler:

    • William 'Lil' Will' Tyler (-DeepImpact-)
      Spoiler:



    Rules

    • Follow all PokéCommunity and Roleplay Corner rules.
    • This roleplay is rated M for Mature. The overuse of course language or sexual references is forbidden.
    • Activity is essential, this is a race afterall. Please, do not bother signing up if you do not think you can keep up.
    • If you are catching Pokémon or walking to a not-yet annouced area, please end your post before the ball hits the Pokémon or before you reach the town/camp/route/etc. Catching Pokémon will depend on post quality (which I decide) and towns will be annouced and detailed before trainers arrive.
    • Please be fair. If battling, stealing from or sabotaging another player, be realistic. You can't just set everything on fire.
    • Do not post SPAM or go off-topic.
    • Most of all, enjoy yourself! If you have any problems at all, please, do share them with me.



    Miscellaneous

    Theme music
    Flying Scarlett - IRIS: Cirque du Soliel
    Spoiler:
     
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    Hot a reservation per-se, but placeholder for my SU~ It'll be done tomorrow. :3

    Name


    Rachel "Fox" Worth

    Preferred Starter Pokémon


    [PokeCommunity.com] PANDORA: A Journey of the Fallen [M] [OOC/SU]
    Slugma

    Appearance


    Standing about 5'7'', Rachel isn't exactly the tallest person in the world, but she does not really mind her height much at all. In fact, she never let her height be an excuse of doing what she needs too do. Her height is complemented by her devilish, fiery red hair, which Rachel does not really comb that much, so often enough, one can see her hair in a jumbled up mess. She never really bothered to put her hair in a pigtail or braid it, so she let her long hair drop down towards her mid-shoulders and her mid-back. Her hair also have bangs almost that cover up most of her right eye, but Rachel doesn't mind that at all - she can always blow her hair up back at any time. She hair is also complemented by her black eyes, and her small red eyebrows. Her eyelashes aren't very big, as Rachel never really cared for them much. Her nose isn't all that big either, as one can wonder how a person can have such a tiny nose at all. Rachel also weighs 80 kg, the cause of her recent weight loss being that she started jogging 5 km each morning.

    As for her outfit, she generally wears her trademark checkered white and brown scarf wrapped around her neck, as a genuine symbol of her cunning and adaptive personality. She also wears a ruby-red t-shirt underneath her scarf, that has a yellow star-like pattern on it. Her shirt is also pretty short - in fact, it's so short that her cute little inner belly button is showing. For her bottom attire, she wears white jean-like pants that just reach towards past her knee-caps, supported by a red belt. For her footwear, she wears a pair of brown sandals supported by one buckle for each foot.


    Rachel Worth - Let Me Laugh At The Cool


    Three cards...

    The local jazz club was undoubtedly popular. By day, schools and musicians from all over the country would practice and play for the audience who resided there. It is indeed a happy, carefree place for music. However, by night... all the rules change.

    ...Two Cards...

    There is a certain legend that is only spread in the underground. The while the certain building is a music club in broad daylight, it becomes a popular poker house by night. As one were to enter the club at night, they would notice that there is a broad bar sitting just past the non-handled doors. As the sounds of bongos and saxophones play, people would talk a certain rumor.

    "They say about the lady ain't lost in 5 years," one would say. "Weird as she might be, she's one hell of a player."

    ...One Card...

    More over past the bar, lies a cold, poorly-lit room always had a faint music-oriented feel to it. The only reason for that was because there was a lone saxophone standing against the cold, wooden cabinet. However, the importance of this room was for a cover-up; the saxophone in this room represented the peaceful, yet calm feel of jazz if one were to play it at night - at least to the untrained mind. No; what this room was really for...

    Showdown time.

    It was for poker.

    The poker table was filled with three people: two were poker players, and one was the poker dealer. One of those poker players especially, was Rachel Worth - an experienced poker player who seemed cute and absent-minded on the outside, was all cunning on the inside. Hence why she was given the nickname, 'The Fox'. From the sandals on her feet to the scarf wrapped around her neck, she had an aura that always seemed to trip cocky poker players at first, only for them to gag at her unmatched poker talent - a talent that became unrivaled in five long years. At least, that's what the rumors say.

    "Full house!" Rachel declared as she slapped her cards face-up on the poker table. She revealed that she had a two-par of fours, and a three pair of fives, has she then wrapped her arms. "CHECKMATE. I sunk your battleship."

    The opponent slapped his hand vigorously on the table in his frustrations as he then quickly rise up from the chair he was sitting on, and rushed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. The card dealer then picked up the cards on the table, as well as some loose cards on the floor from the defeated opponent's anger.

    "Fox, I don't know how you do it," the card dealer said, busy collecting each card to re-make a deck. "You take the word 'moron' to a whole 'nother level, redefining it and such, yet you kick a lot of ass. If I may, I dare say, your a crazy, lucky bastard."

    "Silly cranky pants," Rachel said with a giggle. "It's called 'skill'. Not 'luck'. Silly cranky pants."

    "Still calling me by that ridiculous name just to piss me off, eh?" the dealer asked in somewhat vain. "Fine, I take back what I said. Your just an ass."

    "Come on, I'm too sexy to be a donkey! You know that!" Rachel said with a open smile, as the dealer shook her head in childish disgust. "By the way, while your at it, can you be a doll, and get me a nice, cold beer?"

    "And I should, because?"

    "Because... I'm your best buddy?"

    "Go to hell."

    ***

    That all changed in the next morning where Rachel received a phone call, asking her to come to a strange mansion that she hasn't seen before. This wasn't really an odd request to Rachel; she received dozens of request to be at specific places discreetly, either to play jazz at a local coffee     cafe, or to play poker against somebody underground. She had her friend, the card dealer, behind her, carrying her saxophone in it's casing. Rachel rang the doorbell as a butler came to open the door, letting the two of them inside. As they went inside the living room, she saw a man with a coat and black pants, seeming like he was waiting for them.

    "Hello there, can I help you?" Rachel asked, greeting the stranger. "I can play the play the saxophone for you in any request you want, but it's going to cost ya."

    "I hear talk your quite the gamer." the gentleman said, rising up from the couch.

    "I'm sorry, I don't know that song," Rachel explained, after five brief seconds of deep trying-to-remember thought. "Can you possibly hum it for me? Maybe I can still play it."

    "That's not exactly what I meant Rachel," the man said, as he gave a sharp look towards Rachel. "The only tune I want to hear, is the sounds of cards slapped on the table. Catch my drift?"

    "Ah... so you're a customer," Rachel said, figuring out the man's plight, as she took on a whole new cunning persona. "You know, I'm glad you invited me. I've been itching for more people to meet for a while now. The girl next to me is about as interesting as that thing she keeps in her drawer."

    "Please excuse her," the dealer said with a sigh as the man and Rachel sat down on towards both ends of the coffee table, as the dealer started dealing out the cards. "Monkey did not have her banana today."

    "Two cards... One card..." Rachel whispered to herself as the dealer had finally dealt all the cards for their hands. "It's showdown time. Don't worry about money by the way. I don't play with money. It's all just for the sport of it all."

    "Yes, I know." the man said as the game begun.

    ****

    As the game went on, it became apparent to the man that he was outclassed. Thank god he didn't have to pay in money or else he'd have to start stripping.

    "The rumors are true," the man said. "You are as good as they say, Rachel 'Fox' Worth."

    "Don't ask me how I started. I can't remember," Rachel explained. "But I suppose it was like, one day, a boy challenged me to this mystical card game where the loser would have to strip. After the game, well, let's just say 'flash' is what we call him even now."

    "Haha, just as I suspected," the man said with a chuckle. "I am the villain and you are the hero. I guess all the amateurs you played were villains too... even the ones who are just children. I guess the villains, as they looked upon each of their opponents, wanted to play for stakes out of kindness for the sport. They can retract that kindness if they wished, but then who is the villain?"

    "Um... the villains would still be the villains." Rachel responded as the man then blinked.

    "No, that was a rhetorical question." the man explained.

    "Yes, and I gave you a rhetorical answer." Rachel said.

    "Good lord, I have to hear this crap everyday..." the card dealer scoffed to herself quietly as she reached for her drink.

    "In any case," the man continued as the game went on. "I haven't introduced myself haven't I? My name is Jude. Jude Laughner. My eyes are only for the greatest of treasures."

    "Really?" Rachel asked. "What does treasure seeker like you want with me?"

    "Oh, I've always wanted to meet the lady who resides famously here," Jude explained. "It was near impossible to invite you since I normally did not have a taste of playing poker or even jazz... until I eventually started to learn. I started hearing your name from the lips of many people, hence why I invited her here today."

    "I see. Treasures, eh?" Rachel repeated. "You know, I have heard about the treasure about the lost spirit bomb just the other day."

    "What are you yammering on about?" the dealer asked.

    "I'm talking about ghosts!"

    "Ghosts?"

    "Yeah, you know, spirits... ghosts...?"

    "What do ghosts have to do with this?"

    "EVERYTHING."

    The card dealer was speechless. "That's... that's god-damn stupid!" she remarked. "Don't you get tired of being stupid?"

    "Are you sure I'm not being rhetorical?" Rachel asked. "Cause I damn sure I know how to be rhetorical."

    "God, it's like you just use random words to make yourself sound smarter."

    "Now you're just acting transcendent."

    "That's it," the dealer said as she got up and started to storm out of the room. "I need a smoke. Enjoy the game."

    As the door slammed behind her, the man known as Jude had a small chuckle with Rachel before being back on topic and back on the game. "You two sure get along swimmingly," Jude mocked. "Just swimmingly."

    "Yeah, she loves me." Rachel smiled as she played a couple of cards and drew from the card pile.

    "Tell me, how are you with working in jobs?" Jude then asked. "You don't seem to make much money here, do you?"

    "Well, it's true that we usually don't play for money," Rachel explained. "However, more serious players would bring their money to play for keeps anyway. It's sad really. Their... seriousness."

    "Right, but, how would you think if say... you've worked for me?" Jude asked as he drew from the card pile. "A real money-earned job?"

    "Depends on the job I guess," Rachel said. "I don't like jobs that hurt parts of my body - including my ribs. Mmmmm... ribs..."

    "Don't worry. Just call it... a game," Jude explained. " Have you heard of 'Treasure of All Treasures', the Holy Grail of Pandora; the Treasure of the Four Brothers?"

    "There are four brothers? Are they nice?" Rachel asked.

    "Moving right along," Jude continued. "How would you like to travel to a place called Pandora to get it for me?"

    "Pandora?" Rachel repeated.

    "Oh, it's a fun place," Jude said with a smile. "No human has set there for a long time, leaving pokemon there to build it all. Think of it as another game."

    "I do hope all these games don't require any extra tokens," Rachel hoped. "Because I don't the the coins for all that."

    "Not to worry. I am offering half from all the findings you find in this little adventure. Oh but do be warned - you might... face some competition." as Jude said that tidbit, he placed his cards face up on the table, revealing them. "Two pair. So? What do you say?"

    "Three words," Rachel replied as she then revealed her cards on the table. "Ace-high-straight."

    "I guess I lost."

    "No," Rachel said with an open smile. "I think we both won. I accept your offer."




     
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    [FONT=&quot]I will come back and pretty this up as well as finish it! :3

    [FONT=&quot]
    [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]Name:[/FONT][FONT=&quot] Julius Rupert Smith[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
    Preferred Starter Pokémon: Koffing!
    Appearance: Julius, is at best, a dirty little worm.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]Oh, you wanted a more descriptive and informative answer? Well all right. Let's start off with the basic stuff. Julius is a thin although very muscular bastard, and stands at about five feet five inches. His skin could be most compared with that of the Irish, fair leaning towards a bit pale, and is accompanied with orange unkempt shoulder-length head hair that likes to spike in random directions and a long pointed beard that still, but not as religiously, follows the same pattern as the rest of his hair. His face makes him look a bit younger than eighteen, but when hearing his deep voice, the record is set straight to be years older. He has a strange, implacable accent to his tongue; someone in the real world might think it's between Scottish and Australian with a hint of Boston thrown in for good measure. His sentence structure is off and strange, and it's perfectly okay if you have no idea what he says. He has a medium-sized mole of the right side of his neck that's very noticed when he turns his neck. You'll usually find him patched in some kind of dirt of filth. He likes it that way, and says that's one of the reasons his skin looks as good as it does.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]For clothing, Julius usually throws on whatever he can find or suits his fancy when he needs something new. He usually just keeps what he has on until it gets ruined. And that can be a long time, mind you. He loves to travel light, so one can usually find him in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt with no shoes or something to a similar effect (and always dirty.) One of the permanent things in his ensemble is the satchel he has slung around his shoulder and fastened to his waist through belt loops. Inside he keeps several matches and strange tiny logs that are like sandpaper to the touch, as well as a scruffy white hooded robe for entering civilization. He uses this robe very often, and may just keep it on when heading back out. Hey, it's comfy and nice to the touch.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]On his body, it's pretty hard to pass by the fact he has a numerous amounts of healed scars as well. When asked about them, he might just smile and leave it at that.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]
    Roleplay Sample[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot][/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]----
    [/FONT]    [/FONT]
     
    Can I reserve swablu


    Posted from Pokecommunity.com App for Android
     
    This is purely amazing Skymin! I don't know if I need to reserve or not but here's my placeholder!

    EDIT: Finished appearance! Now to do the sample.

    [PokeCommunity.com] PANDORA: A Journey of the Fallen [M] [OOC/SU]

    Alan Destin​

    *pokemonelite2000 image removed*​

    Appearance:

    To begin, Alan is the average young man in terms of appearance. Weighing at nearly 150 lbs and standing at six foot exactly, he is typically seen as someone with a somewhat lean and athletic build. Moving onto his short, black hair, he typically leaves it in a sort of messy style, though he does comb it on when a special occasion calls for it. He does have a tendency to keep his face clean-shaven as it seems to leave him even more messy looking then needed. His eyes are a shade of light blue, sky-blue to be exact. They seem to emanate a distinct calm from within him, and well, that's who he is. A calm person. Nonetheless, the blue eyes and black hair happen to be in complete contrast with his colorless skin. However, his skin is unblemished, a good thing as it would be fairly noticeable.

    Clothing happens to be the next thing on the agenda and just like his physical appearance, it seems to be a very general compared to people his age. To start, Alan wears blackish-blue Carbon jeans, occasionally with the factory-made holes, though they are typically without. Next, we move onto his top set of clothing. In most cases, or in other words, the warmer months, Alan wears a simple T-shirt, usually adorned with graphics related to a new, hit band or some cool design. As things become colder, Alan will wear more. Usually, it is merely his black, zip-up hoodie, usually zipped about halfway up, or his brown jacket with both buttons and a zipper. Finally, his outfit is finished by a pair of black Adidas-brand running shoes.

    Lastly, Alan's look is finished off with his few accessories. He is known to wear black, fingerless gloves, great for grip when it is needed. To reduce glare, Alan possesses a pair of sunglasses with silver rims and the usual dark-tinted lenses. He also tends to wear a black belt with an elliptical, gold belt buckle, which is connected to a silver wallet chain. His last accessory however, is a necklace with a Tanzanite gem, the only heirloom received from his deceased mother.​

    Roleplay Sample:


    Pandora. A region who's unbelievable stories were always regarded as mythical in nature. A sort of Atlantis type mystery that no one would be able to solve. It was a place that was wanted by all, but seen by none, which ultimately gave it it's mythical status. However, those who believed that the region was a mere fairy tale have now been proven wrong. Just six weeks ago, a man who was regarded as one of the world's most aspiring scientists had mysteriously died after nearly thirty years of being gone, the coordinates of the region being the only thing left behind.

    Or at least, that's what Alan recently heard. Personally, he didn't know what to make of the whole ordeal. For the longest time, he had known of Pandora as he believed in mermaids, simply stories. Call him cynical, but he was edging towards the more realistic side of things unless proven otherwise. The proof was exactly what he got.

    Less than five days before, he had received an email from a man known simply as Jude Laughner. The subject simply read Pandora and the actually message hadn't said much either.

    "Hello Alan Destin,

    My name is Jude Laughner and while you may have never heard of me, I have heard much of you. Anyways, I'll get straight to the point. I require your useful skills for something I have planned. While I will not disclose everything in an email, I will request a meeting this Friday at the Moo Moo Cafe in Viridian City. I have attached multiple overhead pictures of the newly discovered Pandora region. Hopefully, this will spark your interest at the very least!

    Sincerely,
    Jude Laughner​

    It would have been an odd message to many other people, but to Alan, it was actually one of his normal requests. You see, Alan was a Tracker. A person who's sole job was to track down his client;s lost possessions and Pokemon with only his own Pokemon and instincts. However, including the idea of Pandora simply made it more mysterious. Was he looking for something there? Or was it some kind of a trick? Either way, Alan agreed to the meeting, after all, what could happen at a place like Moo Moo Cafe.

    Obviously though, Alan did need to know a little about the man before actually attending the meeting. Luckily, Alan knew of the all-knowing being known as Google. Through this, he was able to find out exactly what he needed to. Jude Laughner was a world-renown, and successful, treasure hunter as well as one of those eccentric rich people. So he wants me to find a treasure, thought Alan, at Pandora? Jude wanted him to go to the very place he wasn't sure existed, merely for more money.

    Now knowing what he needed to know, Alan began on his way Of course, residing in the same neighborhood as the Cafe made the trip quite short and efficient, or so he thought. For some reason, Viridian's many streets seemed to be a bit to crowded. Sighing, he made his way down the street, eventually cutting through one or two alleys before finally spotting the establishment. With that said, Alan walked into the restaurant only a couple minutes later, his eyes set on a middle-aged man who's clothes seemed to be rather casual, his hand waving as he spotted the newcomer. This must be Mr. Laughner, thought Alan. After all, he's one of the only people here I don't recognize. Alan made his way over, sitting down as he stated a polite, "Hello, Mr. Laughner."

    "Oh, no need with the formalities, Alan," said the man, a wide smile across his face. "Simply call me Jude. I went ahead and ordered you some Moo Moo Milk just moments ago. But now that we have our short introductions aside, I am requesting your assistance in something of what I believe to be of utmost importance. So, to get more to the poi-"

    "Wait. Just wait a minute. You want me to go to Pandora, don't you?"

    "Well, as a matter of fact I do."

    "Mr. Laugh-" he began before stopping himself. "Jude. How exactly would I know that Pandora actually exists? I mean, and not to be to rude, but the pictures you sent me and the videos on all of the news channels could all be CGI, am I wrong?"

    At first, Jude merely smiled as he looked at the young man, his thoughts hidden before he actually answered. "Unfortunately Alan, I honestly can't prove that the pictures were fake until you see it. I do understand your skepticism, but at the same time I promise on my honor that I am telling you the truth."

    But would trusting him be the smartest choice, thought Alan. Obviously, he looks quite trustworthy, but should I really take the chance? "One more question. How do you, a rich treasure hunter, know about a small town tracker who has only traveled through one region?"

    "Ah, I expected you to ask that. To be honest, I hadn't known about you until quite recently. You see, I was actually visiting the Pokemon Fan Club in Vermillion when I began talking to the club's chairperson. For some reason, I told him about my plans and before I knew it, he recommended you for it. I don't exactly remember why, but he had said something about a lost Master Ball in one of the unexplored parts of Diglett Tunnel. Not only did he say you found it, but you actually returned it. Honestly, I know most people would have taken the rare item and ran. It proved to me that you are very skilled in what you do, but also that Alan, you are a trustworthy young man.

    "However, I do understand that he seems to exaggerate quite a bit. So just to be sure, I tracked down multiple other clients of yours who all said the same exact things, ranging from a lost Aron deep within the Viridian Forest to an Experience Share that had been dropped in a pond at the Safari Zone. And you know what the most interesting thing about it all was? I had learned that you didn't even use an ItemFinder, only your own knowledge and instinct. It sounded unorthodox at first, but you managed to pull it off every time. I applaud you."

    Fortunately, the chairperson didn't exaggerate when he told this story. The emphasis on this. It was all true. However, he was still a bit worrisome, though after the praise, Alan decided he would hear it out. "Please continue Jude."

    Smiling, the man did just that. "So, I assume you've heard of Pandora's many stories as all of us have. Fortunately, we only have one story to worry about. It is the tail of the four brothers who ruled the region. It is said that at the end of their reign, they hid their treasures in an unknown place there. Now that Pandora's proven to exist, I believe the same as the treasures. As I stated before, you have found many lost possessions and Pokemon and I have contemplated over a single thought ever since I found this all out. With your skills, I think that you can find the treasure without too much trouble.

    "Of course, I will fund the trip as to not harm what expenses you possess, however I have a single requirement. I will receive half of the treasure. I must also state that I have tracked down several other trainers and treasure hunters who have a chance as well, making this trip somewhat of a race. However, even if you fail, I know that you could easily see this as a great vacation and well as an unique adventure.

    "If you have any more thoughts or questions, I'd be happy to answer it," said the man, his smile still on his face.

    "Just one. Will you always smile like you are now?" It was obviously said in a joking manner, however Alan did feel some sort of creepiness from it.

    "Only if you would like me to. Have you found your answer?"

    Alan honestly didn't know what to say immediately and let his thoughts start their typical process. On one hand, the trip could be strenuous and useless, while on the other, it could result in an amazing adventure and huge riches. But what to do? The odds were that there was no harm to him and only chances for greatness. Sighing, Alan gave the man his answer.

    "Jude. It seems that you have pulled my arm on this, especially with the little complement you gave me. So with that said, as long as you smile a tad less, I'm in."

    "That may be a bit hard for me," answered the older man. "But I agree to your terms. Now, what Pokemon would you like to be your new partner?"

    Sighing, Alan started up once again. "So you mean that I can't use my own Pokemon? That basically means I'm starting almost completely over."

    "Well, several of the other people do not own a Pokemon and in order to make this race a bit more even, I have decided to give you all one Pokemon to accompany you. Are you worried Alan? I'd completely understand if you decided not to go."

    "Don't worry. However, if you plan on telling anyone else about your race, maybe start off with that as the first requirement."

    "I'll take that under consideration," said Jude with a laugh. "Nonetheless, I'll still waiting on your answer."​
     
    Last edited:
    Name: Rin Shavi
    Preferred Starter Pokémon:
    [PokeCommunity.com] PANDORA: A Journey of the Fallen [M] [OOC/SU]


    Appearance: Rin has long, glistening Blood Red hair streaked with Bright Yellow down the middle that flows down to her thighs. Her face, while smooth, isn't flawless. She has a scar on her forehead that is a Light Tan color, heavily contrasting with her Dark Bronze skin. She has small lips, but something of a large mouth. Rin has vertical scars going down from above her eyelids to below her lower eye sockets on each eye. Rin's irises are a Dark Blue color, but her wide eyes seem to show hues of red. Her slender neck leads into a thicker, more chiseled build. A muscular girl, Rin's tall build makes her physically trained body stand out, though she is not so muscular that one couldn't call her thin. Her hands are small and her nails are long and painted yellow with acrylic paint. Her arms show years of toiling and training, while her legs are thinner and less toned. Her chest is slightly small for someone of her size.

    Rin's attire consists mostly of erratic, random colors that tend to clash and "not go together" to the more experienced eye; having said that, one wouldn't need to be very experienced to notice Rin's eccentric sense of fashion. Around her neck she wears a small tan cape that goes slightly below her shoulders, and covering the top of it is an Ocean Blue Wool Scarf, something she wears regardless of of weather or temperature. On her lower half she wears what could only be described as the bottom of a tight black jumpsuit. She wears a cream colored blouse with frills on the bottom (the bottom being a little lower than her waist). She wears a very small fanny back on the back of her waist (hidden under her blouse) for convenience, she also has a small teal backpack that she takes with her on occasion. She wears white fingerless leather gloves on her hands and doesn't wear shoes most of the time.

    Spoiler:
     
    Last edited:
    Just letting people know; there are no reservations. Kind of a "first to post a really good sign up gets it". ;)
     

    October Felicia Carter -
    [PokeCommunity.com] PANDORA: A Journey of the Fallen [M] [OOC/SU]


    Appearance:

    Standing in at around five foot nine inches, October is on par in height with her female peers, while standing close to shoulder height with the male peers she surrounds herself with. Her long, flowing, soft Auburn hair falls down to shoulder height, resting on her shoulders and flowing over until the tips pass her clavicle. For the majority of the time, she wears her hair down, but when things begin to get competitive or intense, she will tie her hair back in a ponytail to keep it from annoying her face with a black rubber band she wears on her right wrist constantly. Her fringe falls over her forehead, just brushing the slightly darker and thin auburn eyebrows that arc over her distinctly blue eyes. Ice cold in one instance and calming in the other, October's eyes really are the windows into her soul as they aptly reflect her mood; a fuller-bodied blue when calm, a pale, ice blue when aggravated or concentrating or a darker, rich blue when happy or feeling another emotion similar to elation. Complimenting her somewhat prominent cheekbones lies a petite nose that follows on into thin lips giving her the common Caucasian "oval" facial structure. Fitting into the "lean" stereotype, October weighs close to sixty-three kilograms, looking toned rather than muscular or skeletal. Her love for being outside has tanned her skin a nice rich colour; darker than her inherent pale skin. Thin, dexterous fingers like at the end of her hands, perfect for fiddling with electronics and make-up and good or reaching into tight places. Her fingernails are usually varnished in a cracked black nail polish.

    As far as accessorising goes, October makes sure she looks her best whenever going out. Her smoke stained teeth are hidden by temporary whitening that lasts little over a day which she emphasises with crimson red lipstick to make her lips look fuller. Often she will curl and lengthen her eyelashes before going out to a big event, however she usually skips this during everyday affairs. She wears subtle eye-shadow to help emphasise those blue eyes of hers. Her skin remains smooth due to the moisturising of her skin she does on a daily basis, including the shaving of her arms and legs. Moving on from her make up, October wears a small crystal pendant made of Hematite strung around her neck that rests on her chest. On any one of her fingers lies three rings; the first a plain silver band; a present from her father for her twenty-first birthday, the second a gold band inlaid with three emeralds; a present to herself for graduating, and the third and final being a faux-gold band inlaid with Unown carvings spelling out her name; a gift from her younger sister one year.

    Clothing is the final issue. October always tries to make her outfits adhere to the seasons as well as the weather, but commonly finds them adhering more to her emotional status than the former. On warmer and happier days, she likes to wear knee length skirts and some sort of shirt than clings tightly to her body; the sleeves coming halfway up between her elbow and shoulder. Small diamond earrings are usually adorned in each ear, hanging just below her earlobe. Her shoes in this instance are usually one of the many pairs and colours of flats she has obtained over the years. On colder and unhappier days, he prefers to dress in jeans, which, like her summer tops, cling to her legs and quite often a pair of denim blue or black Chuck Tailors. Often on these days she will wear a long sleeved shirt, but if the weather permits, she does adorn a hooded sweatshirt and a leather jacket if it happens to be raining. Lighter brighter colours are usually her style on brighter days while darker, almost monochromatic colours on colder days. Most of her clothing is mono-coloured except for her hooded jerseys which often contain symbols of labels old and new.​


    October Carter - Days Gone Bye

    The incessant buzzing filled the room as light streamed through the cracks in the closed blinds. After a minute the phone went silent yet it wasn't long after until it's incessant buzzing again filled the room waking the sleeping figure wrapped up in the turquoise sheets and puffy duvet. Blindly she fumbled for the communications device that sat on her bedside table, vibrating furiously and flashing it's display. With a casual flick of her wrist she flung the head of the red cellular phone open, accepting the call and putting the phone to her ear; letting out a sigh of discomfort before asking angrily who was ringing her.

    "October, boy I have the job for you!" Came the disturbingly happy voice from the other end of the phone. After a string of cursing an obscenities on her behalf, the caller spoke again, "Okay, I understand, I'll meet you at our coffee shop, same time as before?"

    "Sure," October mumbled half awake before closing the lid to her phone and throwing it halfway across the room. Curling back up into a ball amidst the pillows, duvet and blankets, resting within the warm nest she had built herself under the folds of sleep.

    She was allowed another two hours of sleep before her phone buzzed again, this time it was only a single buzz, announcing the arrival of a text message. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she reached over more carefully this time, picking up the phone and sliding it's face upwards to reveal the qwerty keypad hidden beneath. This phone was black in colour, and a different model to the phone she had cast across the room. A message flashed across the screen:

    >>From : Laughner, Jude
    >>12:17pm, Friday
    >>I know you. Time to get up and get ready for coffee!!! xD

    October groaned at the horrible use of smilies the man had used in his message, his eccentricies aside, the man was a genuine fruit basket; but you had to be if you were to become even somewhat successful at treasure hunting. Probably one of the many people she wish she had not met, October had done a couple of errands for Laughner before; many of which had required her to step out of her comfort zone and also take some "less pleasant" options in order to get done what needed to be. Nether less, the man had paid out what he said he would and October was still happily living on what she had received from one of her previous errands.

    >>To : Laughner, Jude
    >> 12:23pm, Friday
    >>You're an ass. See you soon.

    Yawning widely and stretching her arms out after swinging her feet out of the bed, October proceeded to get up and get ready; opening up the blinds allowing light to flood the room; temporarily blinding herself in the process. She hadn't made any plans for today, not that she rarely did on any other day, however meeting with Laughner was not something on the top of her priorities list. Still, a little extra money wouldn't hurt and so within the hour she managed to have a shower; washing and conditioning her hair as well as shaving her legs, apply make up; a little bit of eye shadow, deep pink lipstick and a fresh coat of black cracked nail polish, and dress in weather appropriate clothing.

    The breeze was soft against her face as she made he way onto the busy street in front of her apartment building. It caught he hair in small licks, lifting up a couple of strands before placing them back down in another location; ruffling her skirt as well. Looking into the sky, she smiled at the fine weather Vermilion City was having this time of year; the Wingull skwarking loudly as they sailed the upward drafts high above the port. The breeze carried with it the smell of salt and sea; a somewhat relaxing smell to October. Heading south towards the port, October walked merely down the street, puzzling what kind of dysfunctional adventure Laughner was sending her on this time, also relishing the prospect of quenching the thirst to get away from the seaside city. Not that she had anything against Vermilion City, she enjoyed it immensely, but every so often, October needed excitement in her life, the rush and thrill as adrenaline coursed it's way through her veins.

    On the side-walk, down trodden newspapers proclaimed weeks old coverage of the discoveries on Pandora, even front page articles on the late Professor Arden Stone and his miraculous discovery. In shop windows were television sets updating news on whatever the latest discovery was on Pandora and how that affected the world as they knew it. While she was grateful for the discoveries, October had no particular interest in the lore nor the discoveries that had been made on Pandora; the one's hidden beneath their own feet drew the majority of her tension. Still, there was something inside her that made her think this could be what Laughner wanted to talk to her about.

    "...It seems right up his alley..." October mumbled to herself as she turned from the shadow clad street onto the boulevard that stretched along the bank of Vermilion Beach. Behind her foghorns blasted loudly as another cruiseship made it's way from Vermilion Port and children played amongst the Krabby and Staryu on the seashore.

    Krabby Koffee was a small cafe on the corner of Vermilion Boulevard and South Street; a nice antique courtyard rested in the sunlight streaming into the front of the cafe where patrons could sit, discuss and bath in the sunlight. At a table off to the side sat a lone man, stretched back against his chair as the sunlight played across his brown coat clad body. Even in this lovely weather Laughner had managed to wear jeans, a coat and a pair of shaded glasses; how the man managed to live in that clothing astounded and confounded October.

    Taking the seat opposite, and furtherest away, from the treasure hunter, October ordered herself a Mochaccino from the teenage waiter who came hurrying over to serve her. Waiving the waiter off at his anxiety to disrupt the seemingly sleeping Laughner, October took the initiate to throw several packets of raw sugar and artificial sweetener at the relaxing man opposite her.

    "What do you want?" October was not going to tolerate any of the nonsense and beating around the bush he had tried the first time they had met.

    "What I want, is you." Laughner said, moving nothing but his lips.

    October flung another packet of raw sugar at the man who merely swatted it aside as if it was a pesky fly. "I barely managed to survive the Baltoy attach in Hoenn last time! Do you really expect me to come to your aid after that?!"

    "Come on, what about Unova?"

    "Unova? You mean ditching me in the middle of Chargestone Cave to go chasing after a Manetric?!"

    "Hey! In my defence, it looked like Raikou when it moved." Laughner was now no longer leaning back on his chair, instead he was sitting up straight, hands in the air as if October held a gun to his chest.

    "Raikou is over a foot taller, you idiot!"

    "I want you to go to Pandora for me!" He suddenly blurted, catching October in her tracks. She was stunned as if she was reliving the nightmare of a time she had in Chargestone Cave, the gut feeling she had been having today had finally come true and she did not like it at all. "I want you to find the 'Treasure of All Treasures', the Holy Grail of Pandora; the Treasure of the Four Brothers."

    October began shaking her head, any time she had gotten into a dealing with the man, he had often escaped unharmed when the going got tough, leaving October behind to fend for herself and pick up his mess. "No-no-no-no-no!" she exclaimed furiously. "I swore after Hoenn I would never, ever pick up another job from you." October as breathing heavily, the good mood she had been in walking towards the coffee shop now shattered into a million pieces.

    During their argument, the waiter had dropped off October's mochaccino which had now rapidly cooled with the setting sun. She took a sip of the lukewarm liquid as Laughner began speaking again, "I've hired other's too, it's up to you whether you work with them or without them."

    "Amateurs," she scoffed, "so how does it work then?"

    A smile crept over Laughner's cracked face, "I knew you would be keen! You just can't stand that I would hire others! You're so predictable, Miss Carter. As of the details, I shall text you tomorrow morning with regards to where we shall meet..." after a brief pause he continued, "...it's nice to be working with you again."

    "Yeah, well screw you too," she replied as he left his seat, disappearing off into the sunlight leaving October to down her mochaccino, finally in peace.​
     
    Last edited:

    Robert Macintosh

    ​

    Robert stands about five feet and eight inches tall, a little short for the expectations of a fully grown man. Almost to his early thirties, Robert has very little chance of developing new major characteristics. He's a broad shouldered man with moderately defined muscles and and a normally clean body, though it has a knack for getting dirty from his lifelong comfort with dirty things. He was blessed at birth with thick, brown hair and pretty light skin. However his work, which keeps him in the sun, has tanned him a few shades darker and had given him those pesky odd tan lines. However, being a man of symmetry, Robert took it upon himself to make sure every inch of him were the same shade or close enough where the difference was hardly noticeable. He has been, so far, quite successful.

    Through recent changes specifically for this competition, Robert has given himself a cleaner, shorter hairstyle and a nicely shaved face. It gives him a more respectable look and one much more friendlier than his previous appearance may have allowed him. Not exactly a dweller of the richer or the more middle-class world of citizens, he wears cheaper clothes, some unfortunately stained or, much more fortunately, stolen. He usually dresses in layers though it may not be the most advantageous thing. His availability of garments had left him with mostly dark-colored or torn clothing that are usually warn or faded in some areas. His favorite combination of clothing is a t-shirt under a jacket under another jacket. Though he most normally wears this in the night he has a tendency to do so in the day as well, probably because one is not so easy to stab with three layers of clothing (that is, not to say that was a common problem). The main reason for his layers is that Robert often times (or all the time) keeps a concealed weapon on his person. Not a gun as bullets can be expensive, but a knife, perfect for stabbing. In fact, he keeps two on his person, one in the right pocket of his second jacket and the other in the left pocket of his first one. This is simply because Robert is a man who enjoys to be armed. Walking out without something on him can make him slightly nervous.

    [PokeCommunity.com] PANDORA: A Journey of the Fallen [M] [OOC/SU]

    Shuppet
    ​

    We Begin


    Robert looked himself in the mirror, fixing his cuff-links and tie. He leaned over the sink and smiled at himself in the mirror, teeth a pretty white for this special occasion.

    "Yes I'd love to look for buried treasure," he said to himself, practicing a more professional tone, though his voice still had a mocking hint to it. "I'm an ex-pirate, you know." His smile dropped after a moment and he made a face, shaking his head. "I've been on an exploration before." He raised a brow slightly. "I've funded one?" He sighed. "No, no..." Robert looked away from the mirror for a second and then back up. "I have a thing for peg-legs!" He frowned once more and looked back below him, eyebrows furrowing in his thought. His face lit up suddenly and he snapped his fingers. Standing straight and grinning at the mirror once more he proclaimed, "I'm a treasure-connoisseur!" His grin turned into a satisfied smile. With one more check of his clothing, and sure nothing was out of place, he exited the restroom.

    Today he was schedule to meet Jude Laughner, a rich fellow who would participate (or send others, more rather) in the game to find Pandora's treasure. It was the talk amongst the poor and murmured and recalled upon the financially sound. An island, not only holding undiscovered secrets, but treasure, real treasure! This was no fairy tale, no map in a board game, but a real treasure! There was no map, of course, only human wit and intelligence. He had never explored a place as he'd been telling his mirror image and he was no expert on treasure as he'd been a man of very little since he were young. He did have drive, a drive to succeed in what seemed like impossible. There were many odds against him, but he'd been in the woods before, or something similar. He thought he would have a good chance. This chance, however, he could never get by himself. He would need a person to see him through on this, a sponsor, sort of, that would let him keep spoils in which he'd obtain. Jude Laughner had been the one. An already rich man seeking more. The deal was fifty-fiffty, it was the best deal he could get, and he had tried for better deals. He had no clue how many this man had already recruited and if he'd even had a chance, but he knew where to find Mr. Laughner and he would inquire on his deal.

    Robert walked into the lobby of the theater. There would be a play showing today. It was an acting of one famous book or another, one that had no doubt found its way on television at demand. He walked behind a small crowd of eager people, but he was hardly interested in them. Since the first day of this treasure's announcement Robert had been trying to find every way he could go. When he'd found out about Jude Laguhner well... He started to make sure he knew where he was. Robert had his eyes on him now, following him within the group that filed into the theater seats. It seemed as though Mr. Laughner was alone as he talked to no one as he walked. That was pleasing to Robert. It made it easier to speak to him. Following his path, Robert found his seat right next to the man who would make his life for the better. The play was not due to start for at least another ten minutes and the room bustled with moderately volumed chatter as people found their seats. Time seemed to be slipping faster than it normally did, or at least, that's how Robert currently felt. He felt like he couldn't waste a minute and his impatience was enough to make him feel like he needed to move.

    "Mr. Laughner?" Mr. Laughner looked when he heard his name, just as most men would, and gave Robert a look that bore no recognition.

    "Do I...?"

    Robert shook his head. "No, you don't." He extended his hand for a shake. "Robert Macintosh," he greeted, receiving Mr. Laughner's hand and shaking it when grasped. "I'm sorry I had to meet you without warning like this, but there was something I needed to ask you and I was afraid you wouldn't see me another way."

    "Don't be sorry," he told him with a smile that was both intelligent and amused. "I enjoy the spontaneous. Now what do you need to ask?"

    "Pandora..." The mention of the island's name made a new type of smile creep into the rich man's features. "I was hoping to get the opportunity to help you search for the treasure hidden there." By now the crowd of people had all taken their seats and were beginning to quiet down while the room darkened. Robert lowered his voice with them. "I heard you were looking for people to help."

    "That's true, but I'm also looking for good people," Mr. Laughner told him, his voice also hushed. "How do I know you can guarantee finding the treasure for me?"

    "Well, I'm good at finding things."

    "Car keys, you mean."

    Robert laughed. The thought of himself with a car... "No, big things too. Anything, really. I found you, didn't I?"

    "True..." Mr. Laughner grinned, one that made Robert think whatever he was doing was doing good enough. If this mister found him enjoyable enough to smile, he may have had a chance. He'd never spoken to a man like Jude Laughner before and the reaction made him think this wouldn't be as disastrous as he'd originally imagined. "But I'm not hidden on an island with more mysteries than discoveries." Robert's elation shrunk a size. "How do I know you're not exaggerating yourself? You don't seem like someone who likes to get dirty when they look for things." His eyes trailed down to Robert's suit. It really wasn't the kind of dress someone who liked exploring would. Not because it was a suit, but because it was a very nice one. With a fine lining, stitching, and button-work, it looked like a suit for someone that may have been more acquainted with sifting through money instead of mud.

    "Oh, this..?" Robert looked down at his dress. "I..." He smiled and then and a small laugh came out of him. "This isn't mine."

    Jude Laughner gave him another amused grin. "No?"

    "No," Robert's smile widened. "It's stolen, very stolen. I didn't think you'd talk to me if I wore my normal clothes." From the speakers hidden in the darkness of the theater, a man's voice boomed forth, announcing the start of the play with a short introduction of casts and important staff and a reminder of the title for all those who forgot. The both of them turned their heads towards the stage, watching the show begin for them. Robert raised a brow as he watched. He was never sure why people with money seemed to be attracted to plays. He was more of the movie type (not that he got to see many...). Looking back at Mr. Laughner Robert noticed he wasn't paying attention. Instead he looked down in his lap at a notepad or journal that had come out of nowhere. He quickly scribbled what looked like a list down onto the paper that took up nearly all the lines. If Robert had to pick an estimate from sight, he'd say there were fifteen. He had no time to make a sure count. Not only was Mr. Laughner a treasure-hunter, but he was a very quick at writing as well. Mr. Laughner grabbed the paper and pulled it out using the designated line. He handed the paper to Robert, which he took gingerly, puzzled on the reason of its origin. From a glance he could see that this was, as he thought, a list. Numbered one to seventeen it listed items by random down the paper. They ranged from all sorts, not having any clear correlation to each other. As if he'd written down the first things that came to mind. The list ranged from things so specific to need an exact type or brand or make and as simple as something like a pack of printer paper or a laser pointer. Robert raised his brow and gave Mr. Laughner a confused look.

    "Great as man-power is, I can't take just any amount of men and any man on this journey. You said you could find anything, right?" Robert nodded. "Then prove it to me! You have a few weeks until I'm ready to send everyone off. Find me all of these items on the list and I'll let you in."

    Roberts eyes widened. "That's it?"

    "That's it!" A scavenger hunt before the scavenger hunt. It seemed easy enough. A lot of these items sounded easy to get and a good amount were (though not all of them he could purchase) he figured he could have this done in no time. "Just call the number on the bottom when you've gotten everything and we'll make arrangements from there." To Robert, this almost seemed to go to be true!

    "Thank you," he said, voice almost gone from the excitement. "I'll get on this right away!" Robert started to stand, but his ascent was stopped by the hand of Jude Laughner. The very wealthy hunter pulled him back down to his seat.

    "Wait, wait, wait. Don't go."

    "What? Is there something else?"

    Laughner sighed. "No, it's just... Can I admit something to you?"

    "Uh, sure."

    "I honestly hate these things, I really do."

    "What things?"

    "Plays! They're so boring, I've never enjoyed them..." It was Robert's turn to pull an amused smile.

    "Then why are you here?"

    "I owed someone a favor..." Laughner rolled his eyes as he answered. "Anyways... Will you please stay? I might die here by myself! I thought about sleeping or playing Letris or some other game, but this play is three hours long!" Robert's eyes widened some.

    "Three hours?"

    "Yes! And I'm really not the type of man who likes to sit in one place for very long without distraction. All I'm asking for is a little entertainment. We can do anything! Tic-Tac-Toe, Hangman, whatever you like! Just please save me from this!" It would be easy to say no and let the man suffer, but then what kind of person would Robert be? Besides, he could see why someone would want to escape the dry spell that was a play. Robert may have to admit that he'd probably enjoy watching this play more if he knew what it was about, but the mystery of the whole thing made the stage that much more uninteresting to him.

    "Sure," Robert answered in agreement.

    "Really?"

    "Of course."

    "Great!" Mr. Laughner grabbed the notebook that was still in his lap and placed it on the arm rest that divided them. With the same quickness he'd wrote the list, he created the game board for Tic-Tac-Toe. "Now... Crossbones or Eye Patches?"

    "What?"

    "Uh, X's or O's."

    "O's..."

    "Great! I love X's..." With a quick stroke Jude Laughner started the game. With only one pen between them they switched back and forth, ignoring the play which went on in the background. It had not occurred to Robert that his mission to request a spot in the quest for treasure would end--at least partially--with him playing a paper-and-pencil game with a renowned and extremely wealthy man at a play. He may never guessed that any of his life's adventures would end in such a way. However, even a search for treasure could open more than one opportunity and he may well end up doing something as unpredicted as this again. "Oh yes," Laughner started suddenly in the middle of the game. "Thank you." Robert smiled and placed his O on the nine-tile board.

    "You're welcome."




         ​
     
    Last edited:
    Name: Charles Rollus, but preferably know as "Chaser"
    Prefered Starter Pokemon: Le Rufflet
    Appearance:
    Spoiler:

    Roleplay Sample:

    Rendez-Vous with Jude Laughner

    "We're here sir" Bruni, Chaser's Butler, announced as the limo stopped infront of an enormous golden gate. Bruni rushed out of the limo and opened Chaser's door. "Sir..!" Bruni said as he bowed down a little, showing his respect to his master. Chaser arose from the limo and adjusted his glasses.

    "You may depart Bruni. Father must be waiting for you by now" Chaser informed with a polite tone as he walked gently pass Bruni. Bruni nodded and re-entered the vehicle, "I'l come back later in the afternoon to pick you up Sir" Bruni said, and drove off in the black limo.

    Chaser watched the car as it departed and then turned around to face the enormous golden gate. He walked up the small pathway and was a bit surprised to see a men in black. Chaser approached without hesitation and went to the anonymous character.

    "My presence is your master's desire" Chaser said to the men. The men looked down and replied "The Keyword". Chaser whispered something in the men's ears and without further ado, the men opened the gate and accompanied Chaser to a rather gigantic white mansion surrounded by blooming yellow flowers. Chaser wasn't quite amazed though, he had seen better and those better views were at home. They came to a golden door and the men knocked 5 times on the door. The door opened slowly and a rather weird character was introduced. Chaser could figure out he was a male by his stance and was asured when he heard him talk.

    "Why, Hello there! If it ain't one of my unknown friends" said the unknown character. He was dressed up in a white and blue pijama and as far as Chaser could tell, he was the one that desired his presence, "Come in, come in". Chaser walked in leaving the men in black outside. The door shut close and the unknown character leaded them to a Library. Not in Chaser's favour, he stood by the front door.

    "Jude Laughner, weird character you are. May i ask what y--.." Chaser was interrupted...by a somewhat strange statue, "Is this the Verenity Statue?" Chaser asked as his eyes widened up to the figure that stood firm on a pedestal.

    "Why yes it is... You're one clever litt--"
    "Flawless" Chaser interrupted, "This is fake, the real one resides in my Living Room, Tsk". Jude Laughner was offended, and gave a glance at the boy.

    "Hmm!!" Jude said with a small grin "That's what I like about you boy", Jude approached Chaser's right ear and whispered "We'd better keep this as our little secret...uh, urhm..i'l give you a candy". Chaser looked at him and let loose a small laughter,

    "Do you have strawberry flavour?" Chaser asked as he adjusted his glasses once more, "ahem, you'd better keep this strawberry thing a secret too". With these two odd presence, they went into the kitchen while completely forgot why their main purpose was...radically into candy talk.
     
    Last edited:
    machomuu said:
    Name: Rin Shavi
    Click to expand...
    Okay, the reason I gave everyone freedom for the RP sample was to use your imagination. Now, think. Laughner is not just some guy who takes walks that is prone to being robbed. He is a wealthy man. So, where do wealthy men live? How would anyone have a contact with him? And even if you did manage to track him down and rob him, he's not paying for an expensive Ferry ticket for a stranger who threatened to cut him.

    If you want to go on this journey, you have to impress him. I don't mean backflips, I mean something that an adventurer has. If you think that robbing him is not the approach you wanted, think of ways you could get in contact with this guy. Be creative, alright?

    EDIT: By the way, your writing style is fine. <:

    雷影 イチロ said:
    October Felicia Carter
    Click to expand...
    Aah! I love this! An ex-partner in crime! I was smiling the entire time, I could envision everything. Excellent, accepted!

    [PokeCommunity.com] PANDORA: A Journey of the Fallen [M] [OOC/SU]

    PHANPHY ♂ Naughty
    Pickup - Phanphy may pick up items.
    • Odor Sleuth
    • Tackly
    • Growl
    • Defence Curl
     
    Last edited:

    [PokeCommunity.com] PANDORA: A Journey of the Fallen [M] [OOC/SU]


    Name: Fridel Craft

    Preferred Starter Pokémon: Mankey

    Appearance: When you first see this girl, you might already understand that there is something peculiar about her. Standing at 5'4", she's a bit short, and her being skinny like a stick with hardly no womanly chest to show does little to help that. Her skin is a soft, brown tone, like some kind of milky chocolate, but her complexion isn't as smooth as she had wished for; here and there on her body and face, there are little brown birthmarks. It almost looks like she's got freckles. Luckily, she doesn't care too much about having great complexion. She has more luck with her hair. It's thick and flowing, so black that it almost gives off a purple tint when hit by strong light. It's long, reaching down all over her back with wild, thick curls. She never keeps it up. It's meant to be wild and it never gets in her way. And even if it was to get in her way, she would never admit it.

    Her body might not scream "peculiar!" right off the bat, but her face could put you on that track. Her eyes are large but narrow and slightly tilted, with irises of a rich color that could almost be described as gold or dark yellow. She likes to stare. People usually don't like to be stared at by her. Not because she's downright ugly, but partly because it is rude to stare, and partly because the stare is often accompanied by a terrible grin. Her teeth are OK, almost blindingly white when they contrast against her skin. Her lips are thin but have a strange naturally dark color that is quite appealing. But her grin... It is wide, shows almost every tooth and with her intense eyes, it makes her look nefarious. Add the self-confident stance she usually positions her body in, and there you go. Peculiar.

    For clothing, this girl likes to wear dark things. Well, she likes brightly colored stuff too, but only on special occasions. Most of the time, dark clothes serve her better. Her main attire for this adventure will be a simple black top under a black canvas jacket, and dark purple harem pants. On her feet, she usually likes to have very light shoes - like sandals - but she understands that on a journey to a treasure island, something sturdier is necessary. Thus, she wears a pair of black boots. Resting around her hips - not really holding her trousers up because they do that themselves - is a brown leather belt with lots of pouches for utilities and stuff. She also carries a dark green backpack in a material that hopefully will withstand rain. The backpack is adorned with numerous purple tinsels. Because it's SO SHINY.

    Speaking of shiny, this girl does have a thing for jewelry and SHINY THINGS, even if she doesn't care about fashion or make-up overly much. She has two piercings in each ear, all of them with golden earrings or pendants in different shapes - none of them dangling or making any noise though. She does not have a necklace, but she wears a strange golden watch on her left hand. It doesn't show time. Instead, it is two compasses in the same circle. One shows the regular cardinal directions, while the other shows something else...

    Roleplay Sample: tbw TO BE WRITTEN

     
    Name: Antonio Chambers

    Preferred Starter Pokémon: Cranidos

    Appearance:

    Antonio is what many people would call average looking. He is only 5'7 with a medium built and hardly any muscle tone but instead a huge nasty scar on the left side of his chest. He has beautiful skin, which has a butterscotch tone. The beautiful skin would be perfect if it wasn't for a few scars here and there. The most noticeable one (other than the one on his chest) is the deep cut under his right eye, he received from a Seviper when he was younger.
    Antonio has long thick, spikey hair that reaches all the way do to his lower back. His hair is brown with a reddish tint, giving it a auburn color in the right lighting. He is usually seen with it wildly decorating his head and covering his eyes but when he needs to be serious it gets pulled back into a ponytail.

    Antonio less favorite quality is his feminine face. He has a face that wouldn't even intimidate a fly, no matter how mad or upset he tries to look. He has a soft voice, which sounds like he hasn't even pass puberty yet, and small soft lips. The craziest quality to him that he has would have to go to his partially slanted pink eyes. He has pearly white teeth with unusually sharp canine teeth that look as if when he closes his mouth, he would bite straight through his bottom lip. When he smiles he appears as if he is a human- Arcanine hybrid.

    He likes to wear hot and baggy clothing. He also likes to dress up in a suit and tie for those formal moments. His usually attire is graphic red sweatshirt with a pair of baggy black jeans, iron to the crease if possible. He loves sneakers but for adventures, he wears his trusty construction boots. He wears glasses with a white tint placed in the lens to block out the sun's beaming rays. He is big hat lover, so he is known to wear many different types of sports caps, even on adventures, he would rather buy a new one then wear the same one the whole trip. He carries a red and black knapsack.

    RP Sample:

    The sun seemed to beam down and decorate Veilstone City just right for a Thursday afternoon. Antonio was surely enjoying it as he sat under a beautiful oak tree reading a book on Pokémon adventures. His hair flew freely as the wind breeze through it and swept through the small gathering of people out that noon. Antonio loved read the journey stories, alwaysputting his self in the trainer's shoes, praying for the day to get his chance. He was fully into the book as the main character was going to catch a Garchomp, when a shadow eclipsed his reading. He cleared his throat before saying," Your in my way." He never even looked up at the visitor.

    "Excuse me, I am looking for a Antonio Chambers?" An older gentleman's voice questioned.

    Hearing his full name, caused him to give the man his full attention. When he looked up, he saw a mysterious man in an overcoat and hat pulled down over his face. "How do you know me and what do you want?" Antonio said getting up to get in a fighting stance. The man was a little taller than him, and he could also tell the man was older. He really didn't want to fight the older man, but if push came to shove he would defend his self.

    "My name is Jude Laguhner," As soon as the man's words left his lips, Antonio knew exactly who he was. "I am a …"

    "You're that greed treasure hunter, I heard about you around the mall." He interrupted. "So like I said before how do you know me and what do you want?"

    Jude chuckled at the young man. "How do I know you, you ask? Well thats because I know your father, Damian Chambers." This response received a puzzled look from the youth. His father was a big adventurer and love to go and explore different regions. His father wasn't extremely well known or league champion or anything but he was a great trainer and an amazing battler. he was snapped out of his thoughts as Jude continued. "Your father has done many of missions for me and thats why he would have been my first choice for this one but i heard he out over seas. Sooo I decide to get the next best thing, you."

    Antonio thought about it and said," But, why me? I don't even own a Pokémon?"

    "That may be true, but you are the best student in your entire school and also haves a practice battle record of 70-3. Which, I must say, is certainly amazing. I also know you have gotten into trouble numerous of times for 'borrowing' Pokémon from your school for personal training." Jude smiled.

    Antonio was in total shock. "How do you know all this stuff?"

    Jude chuckled before saying, "Money, my dear boy. Money can buy anything in this world, especially information."

    Antonio looked puzzled and astonished. After a couple of seconds of taking it in he finally spoke. "So what do you want from me?"

    Jude chuckled at the young man. "What I want you ask? Well its simple really I just want you to complete a mission for me that's all, just like your father used to. You do complete this mission for me and I will make you a very rich man." His smiled as his eyes barreled into the pink-eyed child.

    The boy paused for a second before answering him. "No thanks."

    The answer almost made Jude faint. He has never seen nobody turn down money in his line of duty. He was always surrounded by greed backstabbers. For this kid to exist is almost like a myth to him. It was so hard to believe all he could ask the kid was, "Why?"

    "Simple, I hate money. It creates demons out of people so I don't want know more then I need. So I'd advise you just to wait for my dad to get back." He said as he gathered his stuff into his knapsack getting ready to leave.

    Jude started to get nervous as he thought of a way to get the kid to go to Pandora. He knew he didn't have enough time to wait for Damian. True, he already had a few looking for the treasure but in his eyes you can never have enough insurance. As the boy went to walk off, Jude just blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "I'll give you any Pokémon you want to join you on your mission!" The boy stopped in his tracks.

    "What did you just say?" Antonio asked as his body trembled not believing his ears.

    "You heard me, I'll give you one free Pokémon of your choice. Of course it has to be reasonable now, no legendaries. Now all you have to do is get this treasure for me and…"

    "I'll do it. If you can get me a Cranidos, then I'll do it to the fullest extent!" Antonio said excitedly as he thought of owning his favorite Pokémon, Cranidos.

    "Deal. Now you might want to know you will have many opponents and dangerous obstacles but with that you can also catch many Pokémon til your heart explodes!" Jude said playing to the kids emotions. "The only problem is how do I know you will keep up your half of the bargain, if I bring you your Pokémon."

    "I am a man of my word and my word is all I got. So if you bring me a Cranidos, best believe I'll bring you any and all treasure on that island and nobody, I mean nobody, will stop me!" Antonio said his eyes hidden behind his glasses showed total determination.

    Jude smiled wide as he walked up to the boy and wrapped his arm around his neck. "Now here is the details.." Jude started as they walked off towards the sun.
     
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    .... Julius Rupert Smith ....​

    Julius is, at best, a dirty little worm.

    Why are you looking at me like that? Fine. I'll give a more "detailed" explanation. Let's start with his most prominent of features: his face. It's rather youthful for the age his deep voice might imply, but is balanced in age with a scalp of thick, shoulder-length orange hair accompanied by a long beard that curiously ends in a point like it was some kind of overgrown goatee. His eyes are slightly on the larger side, and are a bit uncomfortably round for anyone with the audacity to make eye contact. Inside them lies an iris crafted out of what seems to be coral reefs or torn cobweb formations colored a shade of blueish-green. Despite having nothing too out of the ordinary otherwise except for maybe thick eyebrows, there is something very disturbed about his mug. He's always in a more jubilant mood and smiling, too. But there's always this sense that there's forbidden cogs constantly meshing in his head that in any sane person's head would've been dismantled and burned years ago. His face is just a tiny glimpse into that clockwork.
    [PokeCommunity.com] PANDORA: A Journey of the Fallen [M] [OOC/SU]


    ....Moving on. The skin with the misfortune to be wrapped around his body is most comparable with the Irish, fair and a bit on the pale side. It's riddled with healed scars for some reason, but he usually just smiles when confronted about them. It's also contaminated with several tattoos reminiscent of fires placed in arbitrary places on his body, with no particular reason why he got them beside "I liked the idea." He stands at a stable five foot five inches, and his physique could make the passing athlete quite jealous. He's quite the acrobat when he puts it to use, and it seems that his practice at jumping like a crazy mankey madman is to blame for his muscles. He also has a mole on the right side of his neck, and can be very noticeable if he turns his head to the left or looks up. It's clean and not hairy, so one may think it's a freckle until they see it up close. Last but not least of the basic stuff top cover is his voice, and as mentioned before, it is quite deep in pitch. His accent though seems to be implacable in his world; but someone from the real world might take a guess that it's some kind of mixture between Scottish and Australian, with perhaps a dash of Boston and a sprinkle of Canadian. His body moment is rather quick and looks careless. When idle you wouldn't be far off by calling him "dangly" or something to a similar effect.

    Despite what you may think so far, he's no nudist. That's only in his spare time. He enjoys to travel on the light side, it's not uncommon to find him in a worn and used pair of shorts and a t-shirt with no shoes when he's out in the wilderness. If he needs something new or finds something to his fancy he usually takes it and immediately puts it on, keeping it there for weeks to come. One of the more permanent articles in his ensemble is his black satchel, fastened tightly on him through his belt loops and a strap over his shoulder. It contains a rough whiteish hooded robe that he like to throw on in more civilized settings to cover the filth that constantly patterns his body, and despite being on the ruined side, it's made of very nice fabric and comfortable to wear and touch. Wonder where he got it?


    .... Method to the Madness ....​

    "Yes, my darlin Judie?" Julius quipped back at the man who so rudely snapped him out of his trace moments before.

    Laughner was thoroughly curious about the man he just invited over his grand home and allowed into his living room for lunch. He quickly brushed off his vest and re-positioned himself in his chair, bracing for anything this man had to offer. Julius was no doubt useful for what he was about to propose, considering his amazing school transcript and energy, but there was something very off about him. Distracted. Untamed. Perhaps he was undisciplined? His mother was rather frail and submissive looking when Laughner came by to ask for Julius' presence.

    "Please Mr. Smith," he said. "Call me Laughner. Everybody does. Now, you're probably wondering-"

    sssssssiiiiiiiiiiiiiipppppppah

    Laugner found himself cut off by a loud slurping. The noise was coming from Julius' lip sucking on the surface of the tea he had asked for, and the sound flooded the room for a good minute before Julius placed the mug down, unable to continue as the tea was too shallow now to be sucked on from the brim, and smacked his lips before blankly staring at Laughner.

    "....qute hawt." He said. Baffled pause presiding, Laugner cleared his throat tried to begin again.

    "Like I was saying, you're-"

    Laugner found himself cut off once again by the very same sound, Julius suddenly finding more tea to suckle off the breast that was Laughner's sanity.

    "Please, Mr. Smith, I'm trying to speak. Could you perchance sip a little less.... um, loud?" Laughner said, pursing his lips together, annoyed but in control of himself. He didn't want to possibly let this man walk away from his deal. Or get him angry and see what he would do. Whatever was more deprecating to the deal or violent.

    "Sure I'sa could. But tha wouldn't be fun, now, eh then? You need ta spice up your life a bit now an' then." Julius responded to his companion's distaste.

    "Look, Mr. Smith. I know my appearance in your life is a bit sudden, but I need you to do something for me." Laughner quickly got out before another disruption plagued the conversation.

    "Oh, is that it then? This meeting is a bit mor' social-alick than bizniss, ain't it?"

    "What?"

    "Sorry to burst that bubble you'sve gotchaself into now Mr. Jude-face, but I'vesa already got meself a wonderful dating companion person person."

    "....You've already got yourself a what?"

    "A dating buddy! Hur name is Margaret. She's so pretteh, man. You gotta see hur sometime, eh. She's all imaginary and howsawhatsit."

    Laughner took a second to process what in the hell what just said to him. After his internal translator got overwhelmed and committed suicide, Laughner attempted to cut to the chase.

    "Mr. Smith, I wanted to ask you to go on an exploration trip for me." He said. Julius gave him a pleased smile and bowed his head a little upon hearing this, and Laughner found himself a tad thrown off.

    "Exploration ther, my friend? Where you gonna send me?"

    "Pandora."

    Laughner's eyes grew with concern when Julius' body lit up with excitement as it seemed that tiny seizes of nervous electricity shot up from various parts of his body to his neck and into his brain. He clenched his fists and wondered why he thought this was a good idea in the first place. Was this even real? Could someone like this even exist?

    "Why me?" Julius finally said once he stopped pulsing.

    "Well Mr. Smith, you possess a good amount of intelligence it seems...." Laugner took a short pause to reevaluate that statement, but continued anyway. "and I'm recruiting several people for this mission with all different kinds of talents to make sure the legendary treasure is secured by at least one of them. You might find yourself with an advantage over the others."

    "Do yous even' need moar treasure?" Julius inquired. Choking on himself a bit, Laughner thought about cutting off this deal before it even began.

    "If you don't want to-"

    "I'll do it." Julius shot out.

    "Y- you will?"

    "Yeah. Mother needs a littl' alone time anywhos." He said before quickly chugging his tea and carelessly tossing the mug on the carpet beneath them.

    "But I haven't even said what you'll get for helping me-"

    "Doesn't mattar. Adventur' is adventur'." Julius began to walk out of the room quickly while Laughner was still recovering from the sudden quick pace of the conversation. He quickly got up and followed the madman.

    "Wait, Mr. Smith, I have supplies for your journey!"

    "Oh really, what are they?" Julius said, continuing to walk.

    Laugner clapped at his butler. "Kene, quickly, fetch the backpack." Kene, already set with the backpack, scurried towards Julius. The man quickly swiped the backpack out of Kene's hands and dumped the contents out into his own satchel, throwing the backpack five feet away towards the wall before quickly opening the elegant door before him and promptly slamming it. Laughner stood in place near the living room doorframe for a few moments, saying nothing. His butler stood dutifully beside him, albeit distracted by the door.

    Laugner clutched his head. "Kene."

    "Yes, sir."

    "That man made a Tepig pen out of my chair and tea is on the carpet. Go take care of it."

    "Certainly. Anything else, sir?"

    "Yeah. Punch me the next time I get a 'bright idea' like this again."

    "No problem."

    Laughner turned back at his leaving butler, whose words were a bit too serious and dark for his taste.


    .... Theme Song ....​

    There's A Reason These Tables Are Numbered, Honey. You Just Haven't Thought Of it Yet. - Panic! At The Disco
    Spoiler:
    ​


    .... Notes ....​

    Decided to post again just so this could be easily seen. :3​

    Hope the Roleplay Sample is okay and gives enough explanation. If anything needs to be changed or edited, don't hesitate to ask. Also, I trust it's obvious enough my choice is Koffing? XD;​
     
    Name: Robert Hawkins

    Preferred Starter Pokémon:
    [PokeCommunity.com] PANDORA: A Journey of the Fallen [M] [OOC/SU]


    Appearance: Robert stands at 5ft 11in, just above the average height for a man. He is of a deceptively lean build. His body is obviously well looked after and it is obvious that he spends the time necessary to stay toned and in shape. Robert keeps his black hair short for practicalities sake. His face is relatively gaunt matching his lean body. Thin lips, a skinny nose and eyebrows which rested in a natural scowl give him a serious look. Betraying this façade of seriousness are the prominent laugh lines marking his skin. His time spent in the sun has left him with a light tan on his face, arms and legs.
    Clothing is a secondary worry for Robert. Practicality is the name of the game here as he dresses in boots, hiking trousers and a trekking shirt when travelling. The shirt will have buttons undone and sleeves rolled up for comfort. This outfit allows ease of movement and is versatile for most weathers and environments. If the wind is particularly cutting of if Robert becomes cold he will begin to layer up with thermals and fleeces depending on how low the temperature has become. The single accessory worn by Robert is a simple leather necklace with the tooth of a long dead pokemon hanging from it.

    Roleplay Sample:
    Spoiler:
     
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    Okay, I'm on my phone at the moment so please bear with me. 

    @machomuu - Are you done? Is that the finish? Or are you going to be writing about actually meeting with Laughner in person as well? Please let me know!  :D

    @pokemonmaster_draco - Okay, first off, the Appearance should be written and pictures optional. Not the other way around.

    Next, your RP Sample shows quite a few grammatical errors are not all that pleasant to read. First; new speaker, new line. Second, please invest in the use of commas. "Quotations end like this," and "not like this" okay? The word "I" should always be capitalised and words, unless names or places or proper nouns, should not be capitalised in the middle of sentences. 

    If you have finished, which I presume you did, I'm sorry to say I will have to decline you. :(

    @Izuya_Namikaze - Your writing style is fine! I'd just like to ask you go further back with your RP Sample. I'm confused on how and why they met. :)

    @Kiyoshi the Polar Bear - What a perfect ass-hat! Oh, he's so adorably rude, I just want to hug and punch him in the face at the same time. And his accent is really the cherry on the cake. Awesome! Kiyoshi, you're accepted!

    [PokeCommunity.com] PANDORA: A Journey of the Fallen [M] [OOC/SU]

    KOFFING ♀ Sassy
    Levitate - Koffing has full immunity to all Ground-type moves.
    • Poison Gas
    • Tackle

    @Arctos - Ah! Competitive treasure hunters, I like it! My only issue is really your spacing, but it's still readable, and "ending quotations like this." when it says "he said" afterwards. Grammatically, it should "end like this," he said. As long as you fix that up as you go, I am all cool for you. Accepted!

    [PokeCommunity.com] PANDORA: A Journey of the Fallen [M] [OOC/SU]

    PAWNIARD ♀ Lonely
    Inner Focus - Pawniard is protected from flinching. 
    • Scratch

    If you've finished your SU, anybody, please just post and tell me. 
     
    Thanks for accepting. I realise how terrible my grammar and spacing are in the above post. Word did not retain my spacing when I copy + pasted from there to here, and repeated editing destroyed any semblance of correct grammar. I was going to go back over and correct when I had a free half hour or so but now I've been accepted there is no real reason to do that. Will make sure I correct any problems in future posts upon first posting!
     
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    OK, I have revised it, let me know what you think.
     
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