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Poem Of The Week

  • Thread starter Deleted member 143209
  • Start date
Okay, trying this again. I guess you can say this poem is a narrative one. I do want to try a different style, though. :P

You remember?

You remember, the first time we met?
I first saw—no, heard—you by your melody. Your eyes matched the tone of that song.
Intense. Ambitious. Passionate.
You flee, I flee; both of us turned back. Your lips escaped a chuckle.
I knew it was love at first sight because your smile—

—took me to another place I never saw before. Yes, it was you.
You remember, the smell of the salty ocean and the falling of petals?
Your cheeks against mine, our hands secured one another.
"I love you" sounded heart wrenching, melting.
That was the first time you—

—said that to me once more. Yes, you did.
You remember, the sunset that is the same color as your eyes?
Intense. Ambitious. Passionate.
As soon your lips locked onto mine, I felt light and entered into another world.
Heaven. In between. Hell.
Falling and not thinking, such a great feeling; you felt the same way. I heard your—

—high heels making tapping sounds, loud and thunderous. Yes, your high heels were that loud (but I love the noises from them).
You remember? Two of us dancing under the moonlight, your dress twirling elegantly like doves flying?
Our waltz was too fast, too strong, but we were not tired.
Your eyes! Oh, how I saw—

—another dear lover in your arms. Yes, I saw.
You remember, the two of you at the garden? Of course you do.
Cliché to say my heart broke into rains of shards, but true nonetheless.
"Please forgive me" sounded disgusting, without meaning. I flee; no turning back.

These memories held me back, always sneaking up on me the less expected.
Yes, I thought I would never move forward. I was behind the times. I come to terms, though.
Time is ticking, time is fleeing; we cannot keep up .
Both of us went our respected roads, one of us towards ice, the other towards fire.
Nothing is everlasting (not even memories) until we enter another world.
Heaven. In between. Hell.
I am indeed in hell—nothing but hate for you (and forever more).
Intense. Ambitious. Passionate.
Now, I am content, more than ever before.
 
[basically, this poem is about love WITH CONFUSION NO WAI. Itdoesn't seem to have any verse pattern .. I think. anyway I like it.]

Confusion

A harsh goodbye is waiting
So let me die and atone
In the corner of my heart
Controlling me, keeping me
I could say many sweet things
but a blank mind doesn't produce
If I kept to all the rules
and stayed out of the limelight
would I be forgotten?

If I didn't protest or clamour
would I disappear from your sight?
I offer to you a free heart
But will you take and discard?
So I keep to my own self
but inside I'm screaming out

I'm here.
Notice me..

I've learnt to keep a steely heart
So could you make me forget?
If I was made for this feeling
Then why does it feel so crude?
I was brought so low and you saved me
I could keep to my single part in the shadows
but will you let me step out into the light
and take the leading role in your head?

We are one but split painfully
I try to mend the tear that was created
but you move and jerk so fast
I forget to hold on and go flying
Show me your love if it's real
or I'll just disappear as if I never was
Your words were sweet but sickly
Was this love or just hollow sophistry?
 
wow, all these good poems. my feel pretty pitiful right now.XD
anyways, my entry:

Star​
You are my star
The one I can't live without.
My world revolves around you
And I can never fall out
From this attraction that pulls us together
When we say "I do"
I know it is forever
I came from the darkness
And was guided toward light
You are my star
And you gave me my sight.
And every day,
Since my eyes have been opened
I drink in your voice
Those beautiful words you have spoken
"I love you and only you"
It plays through my mind
When you're not with me
When I'm all alone and can barely see.
So take my hand
And we'll ride through the night
On comets and meteors,
With you my star, everything's always bright.
 
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I love these entries oh so much
They're full of love and full of gush
Tomorrow will be hard to judge
And I can't think of another rhyme...

Anyway, yeah, this decision will be tough. Make sure you guys have in your entries by tomorrow (October 4th). I don't know anything about time zones, unfortunately, but I'll try to make the judging later at night so that people past my time zone have had time to post.
 
I wrote this poem with the intention to win
[I dgaf to find anything to rhyme here]
Give me the emblem; I'll let mistakes pass
Tell me I lost and I'll kick your ass

---

And I better win. :|
 
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Well here's my entry, and it's called, In Your Arms:
Please note I changed the name of the girl to avoid... urm... issues...
And also, I wrote this a few nights ago... I just didn't know the subject was love... So it's a very sincere poem.

In Your Arms

There once was a girl,
Her name was Saline,
She shone like a Pearl,
She was only seventeen.

Saline my lady,
This poem's for you,
It will never be shady,
You're like human, Methylene Blue.

You're a cure and you heal,
You're a stain of my life,
And I just want to feel what I know isn't real,
I want to play you a fife.

You look to me so mystic like Psyche,
You're resemble a magestic Mountain Pine,
You embody the goddess Nike,
But you'll never be mine.

I don't know how or where or why,
I even try to think,
'Cause you're just here and everywhere,
You light my world with pink.

Life's nothing 'til you are there,
It's really quite the drag,
But you are cute and funny too,
And you'll never be a nag.

It seems to me like life is done,
And all I do is jade,
'Til you show up and one by one,
My fails just start to faid.

It feels like I have given in,
Like I cannot bloom,
I hope to think that you'll be yellow,
Like a White, Spanish Broom.

Of all the things I care to say,
I want you to just listen,
That if you were mine and mine today,
Then my eyes would glisten.

I wouldn't cry with sad or shame,
It wouldn't be the worst,
Like an inertial reference frame,
My sadness reimbursed.

Scantily clad I'd hope you're not,
'Cause I'm not into that,
You're a shining winding knot,
But you'll never be a brat.

Sometimes it's always certainly hard,
To even think an atom,
I'll hire the newest avante-garde,
And we can make a stratum.

An intertwining piece of heaven,
Is all but what I seek,
Without the chance to leaven,
Divine is your physique.

To be of me is to be of sea,
I toss and turn and never sleep,
'Cause I want to feel your glee,
Like a wild mountain sheep.

The beauty of magic,
There's so much to mention,
It might to me sound tragic,
But you're the sound of ascension.

You'd a goddess in human forme,
Like Aphrodite is reborn,
In you're wake's a Silver Storm,
And things you leave adorn.

You're like a Flower,
Your brown long hair,
A superpower Meteor Shower,
A burst of lightning flair.

You're essence of Archangel,
You don't belong with me,
Sometimes it's ugly like a morel,
But you're beauty's perferction, to the nth degree.

I don't know why I'm writing this,
I can never quite imagine,
They say that love is bliss,
But I'll take it on the chin.

I'll never have you in my grasp,
That's one thing that's for sure,
'Cause if there's one thing I want more,
It's you, to answer for.

Copywright Alex McNeill - 2009


Oh and in response to klippy:
Klippy said:
I wrote this poem with the intention to win
So let me do and I'll give you a grin
Give me the emblem; I'll let mistakes pass
Tell me I lost, and I'll kick your ass
Click to expand...
 
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Klippy's gonna kill me, but this weeks winner is...

...


omg.


drum roll pl0x

UMMMM...

Bay. :D

You remember?

You remember, the first time we met?
I first saw—no, heard—you by your melody. Your eyes matched the tone of that song.
Intense. Ambitious. Passionate.
You flee, I flee; both of us turned back. Your lips escaped a chuckle.
I knew it was love at first sight because your smile—

—took me to another place I never saw before. Yes, it was you.
You remember, the smell of the salty ocean and the falling of petals?
Your cheeks against mine, our hands secured one another.
"I love you" sounded heart wrenching, melting.
That was the first time you—

—said that to me once more. Yes, you did.
You remember, the sunset that is the same color as your eyes?
Intense. Ambitious. Passionate.
As soon your lips locked onto mine, I felt light and entered into another world.
Heaven. In between. Hell.
Falling and not thinking, such a great feeling; you felt the same way. I heard your—

—high heels making tapping sounds, loud and thunderous. Yes, your high heels were that loud (but I love the noises from them).
You remember? Two of us dancing under the moonlight, your dress twirling elegantly like doves flying?
Our waltz was too fast, too strong, but we were not tired.
Your eyes! Oh, how I saw—

—another dear lover in your arms. Yes, I saw.
You remember, the two of you at the garden? Of course you do.
Cliché to say my heart broke into rains of shards, but true nonetheless.
"Please forgive me" sounded disgusting, without meaning. I flee; no turning back.

These memories held me back, always sneaking up on me the less expected.
Yes, I thought I would never move forward. I was behind the times. I come to terms, though.
Time is ticking, time is fleeing; we cannot keep up .
Both of us went our respected roads, one of us towards ice, the other towards fire.
Nothing is everlasting (not even memories) until we enter another world.
Heaven. In between. Hell.
I am indeed in hell—nothing but hate for you (and forever more).
Intense. Ambitious. Passionate.
Now, I am content, more than ever before.

Now, for some of you that apparently need to know my reasonings, I try not to give reasonings since most people do the same reasonings (lots of effort, came out beautifuly, etc). Also, Gregory, if someone else wrote the poem and you only changed a little bit of it, that's called plagiarism and automatically disqualifies you. Whether that poem was or not, it was heavily implied the way I read it, sorry.

Thanks to all entrants. :D Next week, the judges will be Me, Abnegation, and Bay. As for the theme, it has not been decided just yet, so check back later and it might be posted.
 
SilverSmeargleSplatter said:
Now, for some of you that apparently need to know my reasonings, I try not to give reasonings since most people do the same reasonings (lots of effort, came out beautifuly, etc). Also, Gregory, if someone else wrote the poem and you only changed a little bit of it, that's called plagiarism and automatically disqualifies you. Whether that poem was or not, it was heavily implied the way I read it, sorry.

Thanks to all entrants. :D Next week, the judges will be Me, Abnegation, and Bay. As for the theme, it has not been decided just yet, so check back later and it might be posted.
Click to expand...
Thanks. But.
I wrote it myself.
If what you mean by changing a small part, I changed the name afterwards because I didn't want people from my school reading it.
Lol.
Either that or it's so good it looks plagiarised. But I doubt that. XD
>>
 
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Okay, just making sure. I was a little confused at the end how you had the copyright thing.
 
Congrats, Bay! :D

And yeah, although one could argue there are objective factors to be considered when assessing it, poetry as an art form is inherently subjective. But if you won I think it's a pretty safe guess that you won because your poem was easy/pleasant to read, affecting, honest, well-structured, etc. There aren't many clear-cut "reasons" beyond that - the poem's merit generally speaks for itself, for those who are inclined to enjoy it. And if you aren't, sorry but human beings aren't universally aligned in tastes and that's kinda the way it is. :(

Anyway, good turnout this week! I thought it was gonna be pretty empty but a few people came through at the end. Keep 'em coming.
 
First off I would like to apologise for my inactiveness this week, I too had intended on entering but as you see, I didn't. I wanted to write a Sestina but as you know, they are very time consuming and I just didn't have that time! I also never updated the main post, but I will now. So I'll get down to business.

Bay has informed me that this week...
Theme = Winter

Quite a good theme I think, I expect some interesting entries!
I would also like to thank all the entrants this week, there was some amazing entries but I do feel that Bay surpassed my expectations and S3's also!
Well done my friend it was a great read and even something I could learn from!
 
congrats Bay! 'feeling like she has too much time on her hands'
hehe here's my entry...
****
Snowflake Dance​
They fall softly,
Quietly,
Silently,
along the dark roads.
They dance, gracefully,
Serenely,
Lazily
through the air.
They go soundlessly,
Quickly,
Suddenly,
in the winter sun.
I wait eagerly,
Hopefully,
Impatiently
for them to come.
****​

sad part...i don't live where it snows.XD
 
Okay... Well I guess I should post my entry, and I tried to something a little different by making each one have an individually sounding stanza... sort of like Winter fog itself I guess...

Winter Whispers

You see the misty, morning fog,
Did all but make my hair,
Bristle with chill and cold and fear,
And made me feel despair at heart,
Because I would not listen,
To the calls and howls of late,
That all but begged my attention.

I thought I heard something,
From deep inside the Mist,
I swear it was just talking,
But it's something that I wished,
Because of something,
I may have missed.

To see it come alive around me,
It starts to quiver and to shake,
It's cold and chilled and freezing me,
I'd imagine like silver it breaks,

It gallops with the howling wind,
And twists and turns and threatens.
But I'm still scared and yet again,
It's like it's standing there,

It looks to me, like a figure.
It's dark and shaped and getting closer,
My hand is on the trigger,

And all around me the fog just grows,
It beckons me to fire.

My hand is shaking now,
I'm finding it so hard,
I cannot feel my hands,
And I also cannot breathe,

But on it goes, I say to me,
So why don't I just do it?

"Pull the trigger", it persuades.
But if it weren't for Winter,
I would still be sane.
I don't know how to say,
It suggests me to do things,
Your death will not be in vain.

But I back away,
And I do not listen,
Because it's just a fog,
A misty, morning, freezing fog,
That always likes to whisper.
 
Hell Froze Over

An icy glaze over my fingertips
whether from the air or your touch,
I felt the seasons change between
the sky and earth
as well as us.
A cold wind kisses my face
unlike your lips.
It seemed the cold came
earlier when you were around.
But it's all just a recollection
of a cold hell--
last winter.
 

Poem Of The Week #5


So this week, our theme was winter as chosen by last weeks winner, Bay.
It was quite a good theme which influenced some great entries.
But as we all know, there may only be,
one Winner.

That Winner Is...


Dr. Gregory house!

With the poem
Winter Whispers.
Spoiler:


Why I chose this one?


Honestly, it's hard to create a poem with length that has some intersting appeal throughout, and this week, we had that entry! Anyone who can keep a poem gripping and in keeping with the theme deserves some recollection. It was a hard choice this week, but overall this poem had great structure and some great imagery. It kept me tense through the entire read. Very well written and some very descriptive writing!

Outro


So well done to all the entries!
And nice of Klippy to drop by and give us some of his insight too, always keeps me happy to see some "brighter" poems! LMAO

So next weeks theme will be decided before tomorrows competition starts.
I will fill you in!


Once again, congratulations to Dr. Gregory House, you may host next weeks competition as well as choose the theme!
Oh, and a sparkly new emblem is coming your way too!
​
 
Guess I'll go give the emblem then. xD But congrats, Dr.! I really enjoyed your poem. You also get to pick next week's theme. PM/VM either me or Abnegation and we'll post it for other entrants to see.
 
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