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Pressure(Writing Poems Again :P)

Not exactly expected in a haiku poem, but it's still very pleasant.

And I remember watching Disney's Alice in Wonderland. It's a lot of fun.
 
Alice in WOnderland....
Which one? The cartoon one or the more recent one with the jabberwocky? Both are by Disney.
-
As long as we're speaking of Alice...

The jabberwocky flies near
My body shivers with fear
Wonderland's fate is here
I hold a sword in my hand
To bring peace to this land
I bring it up before I cry
"OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!"
This jabberwock shall now die
 
I liked how it seemed to sum up that scene from the movie (the newer one that is =p), as well as the line 'OFF WITH YOUR HEAD' as well.

I did feel that the fact the first three lines rhymed and then only the next two did as opposed to three made it sound a bit weird to me structurally, personally - it might be better with another line to even it up, so to speak. I also thing maybe 'This Jabberwock' should be 'The Jabberwock' given that was how it was how the poem begin - imo it'd give it a neater conclusion due to that, maybe even more so if the line is separated from the rest - i.e.
I bring it up before I cry
"OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!"

The jabberwock shall now die
Click to expand...
But merely a suggestion - up to you. Also it seemed it was referred to with a different name (Jabberwock/y) - might want to stick to just one name isntead of two similar but different ones.

I enjoyed it overall at any rate, so good job with it. =)
 
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That's a cleverly written poem.
The rhyming, as well as the references are awesome.
I was referring to the animated film earlier, but the new one is good too.
 
Surrealist poetry is actually a favourite of mind and that poem you did at the top of this page (you know the 'what if' one), depending on what forum theme you're using, really caught my eye. It wasn't incredibly surreal, but it did give off the vibe of being one so I enjoyed it to say the least. This is probably going to be a really short review but whatever.

Anyway, I'm really liking the way you describe the persona's confusion. Everything's fast-paced, he's not entirely sure where he is, and he's being thrust into a situation (i.e. the bus) which he's not entirely familiar with without having time to explore this new existence further. The scene, IMO, was done nicely and there was little to nothing wrong with it. I was bit bothered, however, by the lines:
I realize my body's covered in bling
Click to expand...
which doesn't fit in with the rest of the poem considering the slang word used there. To be honest, I'd call that a bit narmy, as in something that was meant to be taken seriously but instead was a bit funny. Especially since at the end you've established that he's a father figure and the word 'bling' isn't technically from his generation.

Other than that, love the poetry and good luck. I might come again and do a proper review, but who knows.
 
Oh...lots of reviews to acknowledge...
Heck, but with this much attention, maybe I'll go back and edit poems!!
(Like I should've done from the start...but whatever)
Mizan said he enjoyed surreal poems...here one comes:
-
Don't open your eyes
I'm waking up from sleep
Save me before it dies

This voice gives me the creeps
I am here, don't move
I can't move due to blanket heaps

Wake up, hear this thing
Chanting as if it's singing
I said don't open your eyes
It can't command me as it tries
My eyelids then seperate
It seems to growl with hate

Open the window, need some air
Need to get this outta' my hair
Wish it'd stop talking and go away
That seems not to be the case today

You shall suffer the price
For your ignorance
I smite you with mice
Mice? Is this a joke?
It's serious, old bloke
Suddenly, I black out

Scared when I come about
There's something furry
It wiggles in my snout
A MOUSE! It then scurries

It goes away from me
Until it's out of sight
Thankfully
What a fright

There's something in my mouth
Spit, and...it's A MOUSE!!
This day's just heading south
There's too many mice in my house
 
Yeah, you are a strange, but quite talent poet.
This poem is very unusual, but it still tries to tell its story clearly.

It was fun reading this poem. As the surreal humor is just super.
I really liked the ending. It's absolutely freaky!
Keep up the good work!
 
@TJ
Er...okay?
-
Haiku:
A bunch of letters
They all form these strange, odd words
Which form sentences
-
Acrostic:
Wonderful
Outstanding
Ridiculously great
Dynamite
Superb
-
Tribute:
Spoiler:

The tribute was to some awesome comic characters. Can you figure out who they are?
 
The tribute was to some awesome comic characters. Can you figure out who they are?
Click to expand...
I'll have to say it's Calvin and Hobbes, surely?

On the poem, it was neat but I'd suggest changing 'leaving yourself tiger-prone' as it sounds a bit off and somewhat gives away for following line about the tiger 'attacking' too much, I feel. I also felt the rhyming scheme was a bit too inconsistent which also made it feel a touch off, personally.
 
Yes, it was Calvin and Hobbes. How about just:
"Call out: I'm HOOOME!
Leaving yourself prone"
-
Two plus four equals four
Five plus five equals more
Don't open that eerie door
Or see blood stain the floor

The blood flows into the cracks
It leaves a fresh set of red tracks
Don't sit in that box of tacks
Or else blood will come, it's a fact

When you sit in the box, you die
When you die, your soul will fly
When it flies, it will fly super high
As you kiss your life a good-bye

Then the corpse begins to stir
THe virus has it in it's lure
The body gets up, begins to moan
In an ever-depressing freaky tone

It bites your friend
He meets an end
Before joing you
With wails so blue

Soon, you are known as undead
The virus spreads and spreads
People hiding under their beds
Police trying to chop off your heads
 
This one is okay. The way the story goes is mighty interesting.
Although this verse:
"Two plus four equals four,
Five plus five equals more."
...What does this have to do with the poem? I'm confused.
 
TJgamer said:
This one is okay. The way the story goes is mighty interesting.
Although this verse:
"Two plus four equals four,
Five plus five equals more."
...What does this have to do with the poem? I'm confused.
Click to expand...
The poem is supposed to confuse. It's one of utmost strange qualities.
-
HAIKU:
Eyes closed, tears streaming
Feeling the wind whip my face
I plan to die now
-
Uh...I've had bad luck with pokemon poems so far...
(Togepi and Ekans, Lugia Thingy, Togepi and Ekans 2, Saving Mew...)
But, heck, why not try to get better at them? Here's one more pokemon poem:
Spoiler:

Spoiler:

-
...
 
Well, this Pokémon poem still isn't perfect, but it's a huge improvement!
The whole story is very great! Like Celebi trying to stop Arceus, but is defeated.
I also love how the ending is sort of a twist as the human is sent back in time to stop the tragic event.
Like I said, not perfect, but certainly a lot better! :cer_wink:
Keep on going!
 
Terrible, I'm supposed to stop it
How am I going to pull it off
Everything's so confusing...
-
Evil forces, so dark
Now influence our Arceus
Death ensues, including Celebi's
-
Of all people, why me
For Pete's sake, why'd it land next to me
-
The unbelievable, yet true events
How I wish to not be here
Everyone will die if I fail
-
What will I do
Or rather 'is it possible'
Rescuing Earth from it's end
Lit by nothing, having to create the light
Darkness surrounds my thoughts
-

Anyways, that was an acrostic. Here's a haiku:
Arceus is mad
He is so agitated
It killed Celebi
 
Very good acrostic. It sticks to what it's representing. Some lines were awkward, but nonetheless, it's still nice.
Good job!
 
Would make a good fanfic :p
---
Poem:
I admit, I'm dead
I've been for a while
Missing my head
My bones in a pile

I hope to be brought to life
Another chance, I say
Dying has given me strife
This anger won't go away

I need a magic elixir
Poured on my remains
It's a death-fixer
Worthy of much fame

I see a sap walking near
I put my charms into gear
Magic flowing through
Life'll come back true
----
(Perspective Change)
Okay, let's have a small recap
Arceus has Earth's life trapped
Celebi sent me back in time
To stop Arceus's freaky crime

This medieval world is scary
Even woman are kinda hairy
I am very tired and wary
Filled on but eggs and dairy

I see a pile of bones
It's as if it moans

Wait...

It's somewhat alive
It moans, it groans
For life, it strives
That pile of bones
----
(Perspective Change)
"Young boy...save me
I'm dead, as you can see
Restore my life
From Death's scythe"
----
(Two-Voice Now)
"How do I restore you?"
"Listen, closely, foo...
In Death's lair is a scythe
Crack it into two
Then I'll again have life"
"Where's Death lair?"
"Ask Melvin, the tailor"
---
(Bones)
Alright, I'm lazy
And a bit crazy
I'll leave it up to the tailor
To help restore this sailor
---
(Boy)
I head towards a house
I ask where to find Mel
There's a girl in a blouse
She says:
the cottage by the well
 
First poem - It seems to resemble a magic incantation. If you know what I mean.
And it is pretty clever. Good work!

Now for the rest. You did a great job on making a poetic story very interesting.
Your way of writing the dialogue makes the reader want to keep going.
So, keep going!
 
As I walk, I then think
I can stop people's shrieks
I can stop Arceus now
I think I've figured how

Start with Step One:
Easy to get done
First find Mel
Then he'll tell
Where to find the scythe
To stop the bone's writhe

But, what if it also
Brings back Celebi
That's the way to go
I have to see

Next is Step Two:
To cause Arceus's rue
Celebi will come back
With no power lack
It'll come back to me
Which'll fill me with glee

It'll then help me fulfill
The deed I'm here to do
To stop Arceus's will
To keep Earth's life true
-----
Alright, there you go. I kind of rushed with this one so...yeah.
 
Again, good job (so far?).
Though the first two lines don't really rhyme. Was that on purpose?
 
Not on purpose, but if it sounds better, then...yes, of course...I meant to do that. :p

I arrive at Melvin's home
Lawn filled with Mew gnomes
I open the apricot door
I step on the wooden floor

Melvin has sandy-brown hair
His chest and feet are bare
He has a muscular build
He looks strong-willed
His eyes sparkle with good
In this house of wood

I ask him where to find Death
He jokes and simply replies:
"Try poke-Mart grand theft"
I laugh, I kind of like this guy

I tell him my goal, then why
He laughs, thinking it's a joke
I tell him that it's not a lie
He then says "Are you okay, folk?"

I sigh, then start again
Recapping world's end
Celebi's fatal fight
Using all it's might
How there's no more light
How it won't be alright

Finally, he agrees to help
Inside, I have a victory yelp

He says that I should follow him
I do it to complete my whim
---
And the story continues...
 
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