Relationships without borders

[VisionofMilotic]

Have you ever been in a romantic relationship with someone who had a very different background and cultural experience from your own, such as a multicultural, interracial or interfaith relationship?

I have had this exchange before, and will tell my story if you tell me yours!

 

[gimmepie]

My last two relationships were this. One was long distance with someone living in a different country altogether and the other was with someone born in South Africa but who had lived in Australia for several years. There were also religious and philosophical differences. I don't really know exactly what you want to know, but it can be challenging to help each other understand your differing perspectives and experiences, but also eye opening and informative. I think it's rare that people don't come out of an experience that opens their mind to alternative perspectives for the better, relationships or otherwise.

 

[pkmin3033]

Maybe it's just my weird perspective, but aren't all relationships this to one degree or another? Culture is a product of a shared society, but our interpretation and adoption of that culture is an entirely individual process, and we are all unique and define ourselves in the ways that best suit us.

Honestly I've never really thought about it because I generally don't place much importance in these things - I see people as individuals and the products of their own choices rather than the circumstances that life placed them in. If things like their religion, racial identity, or historic culture are important to them I can understand and respect that, but I've never really seen those things as defining aspects of their personality, and certainly not of our relationship. All of the relationships I've been in have been with people who have been very different to me in most aspects, but I didn't - and don't - place much importance in it, because the foundation of those relationships is what is important, and that's based off of mutual appreciation, respect, and understanding.

Maybe I'm just weird though.

 

[Venonat in Space]

You're not weird Dawn. Culture doesn't define a person's personality to a full extent. It may have a small impact because of how the individual was raised, but it shouldn't be the defining quality that makes a person date-able. It's just straight out chemistry and qualities/morals that the two dating people think are most important in their partner that count.

Maybe i'm the weird one. o_o;

 

[gimmepie]

You're not weird Dawn. Culture doesn't define a person's personality to a full extent. It may have a small impact because of how the individual was raised, but it shouldn't be the defining quality that makes a person date-able. It's just straight out chemistry and qualities/morals that the two dating people think are most important in their partner that count.

Maybe i'm the weird one. o_o;

It definitely isn't the be-all-and-end-all. It's certainly never been a deciding factor for me. I think what Sam is really getting at here though, is looking at how two people with different backgrounds coming together like that can be difficult in a lot of ways and educational in others. At least, that's the vibe I get.

 

[Venonat in Space]

It never was a deciding factor for me either. I see what you're saying gimmiepie.

 

[Firebolt]

So I'm a 2nd/3rd generation Australian, and my first girlfriend was full on typical Aussie. Keep in mind that we were young, dumb teens and I never used to get out much still don't, but just a few things that I found crazy during our time together:

• Wearing shoes inside. Most Middle Eastern households I know would NEVER have shoes inside, definitely not in where the family would sit.
• Speaking of, apparently it's not normal for people to sit on the floor. Shoes inside meant no carpets, and no carpets meant no sitting on the floor. My family and most of the same cultural ones I know of would even eat while seated on the floor; the dining table is seldom used.
• Probably the first serious difference, but there was also a difference in family values. Not saying that she loved her own family any less than I loved mine, but I know that her dad struggled a lot with his parents and so she never saw her grandparents much. I basically spent every weekend at my grandparents, and culturally speaking, it's expected to treat your elders with absolute respect even if they get old and long in the tooth (which I'm thankful has never happened with me).
• Also the more obvious one, dating lol. My parents certainly weren't very happy I was dating someone from another religion, and if I was a girl I surely would've gotten a right smack around the head. Meanwhile her dad didn't really care I don't go to church or whatever, and her mum would always give me hugs whenever she saw me (I don't think my ex would even recognize my dad if you gave her a picture and told her it was him).
• Finally, apparently I'm not meant pay for everything for my girlfriend. If she ever so much as mentioned liking a particular book, my wallet would be open before the sentence was over, and it actually took us a while to deal with that in a healthier manner. Bloody strange, I understand, but yeah it's no secret that my culture puts a heavy emphasis on being able to provide as a man.

Despite all of this though, we made it work for almost two years though (which is like light years for teenagers in all fairness); goes to show that it doesn't really matter what your differences are, so long as you can and are willing to work together to overcome them!

 

[Lunar]

I'm pretty sure my current relationship is like this? My father moved to England from the Carribbean when he was like 20 and my girlfriend's family is purely Italian and moved here about the same age as him! I'd say my family's culture is pretty typical though and my Dad is the only person from a non-English background, but there is a big difference with my gf's family, quite old fashioned, religious, traditional and (at times) strict values! But yeah, I think it's really interesting being in a relationship like this :)

 

[Ninetales]

My relationship certainly fits into this! My boyfriend and I are of different cultural backgrounds, we're interracial, my boyfriend is also an immigrant, and I'm non-denominational Christian and he's a staunch Atheist.

I've never met my boyfriend's parents, they are older (in their early 60s) and are devout Roman Catholics. They are both extremely hardworking people and have raised an intelligent and conscientious son, something I'm extremely grateful for. I've been attempting to learn some of the customs in my boyfriend's culture in preparation for meeting his family, something we both think is very important. He has met my maternal family many times and everyone adores him! I would say our various differences have impacted our relationship very little. We are both quite liberal in a political sense and have similar ways of thought. We've had insightful and deep conversations though and I think we've learned a lot from each other over the course of our relationship! (: