Season champs!

[Apathetic_Yen]

Not bad not bad, interesting plot going on but i'm disappointed that you couldn't tell us what Apresúrese means.

 

[Scytheteen]

Oh shoot! I completely forgot! I'll go edit that right now.

 

[Alter Ego]

Mmmhmm...agreeing with Hanako here. (Especially the part where she said she agreed with me. xD *Brick'd*) This kind of emotional chapter really needs its length. The ending was excellent, but make the battler longer; have Chris and Raticate really fight on to the bitter end, maybe some reckless strategy? (They want to win this really bad for Pidgeotto, yes? Let me really feel that sentiment.) When Chris is really pushing himself to the edge and beyond, Nick's "sometimes your best isn't enough" speech would be more effective too. :3

Overall, seeing as how a single exchange of moves is the only action in this chapter, you should fill it out with really in-depth description of the thoughts and feelings of those involved. I'm also surprised that after his proclamation of giving it his all, he didn't fight on longer than that. I mean, I know they technically only have one turn left, but if that's the problem you could always have Chris demand that they go into overtime to see who would really win. (Given Nick's personality and their friendship, it would seem natural for him to agree to that kind of thing)

But yes, you've made clear progress in emotional description. My only gripe with it is that there isn't more of that description to enjoy. xD

 

[Scytheteen]

Mmmhmm...agreeing with Hanako here. (Especially the part where she said she agreed with me. xD *Brick'd*) This kind of emotional chapter really needs its length. The ending was excellent, but make the battler longer; have Chris and Raticate really fight on to the bitter end, maybe some reckless strategy? (They want to win this really bad for Pidgeotto, yes? Let me really feel that sentiment.) When Chris is really pushing himself to the edge and beyond, Nick's "sometimes your best isn't enough" speech would be more effective too. :3

Overall, seeing as how a single exchange of moves is the only action in this chapter, you should fill it out with really in-depth description of the thoughts and feelings of those involved. I'm also surprised that after his proclamation of giving it his all, he didn't fight on longer than that. I mean, I know they technically only have one turn left, but if that's the problem you could always have Chris demand that they go into overtime to see who would really win. (Given Nick's personality and their friendship, it would seem natural for him to agree to that kind of thing)

But yes, you've made clear progress in emotional description. My only gripe with it is that there isn't more of that description to enjoy. xD

I was thinking about an overtime thing, but then I thought it might destroy the purpose of the five turn battle. I'm planning on adding more description and I'll think about overtime. Laterz

 

[diamondpearl876]

I've been kinda busy, but yeah. I'm alive. And man.. Hanako's making me do more work.

But sometimes, someones hardest just isn't good enough.

Should be "someone's". Someones isn't even a word.

For a twon on four battle, you're doing an incredible job!

Twon? O_o

"Right, now Raicate, come out come out wherever you are!"

Raticate.

Chris said again with the same evil voice that had came upon his near the middle of the battle.

"his" should be "him". If you say "his", its like you're saying "His near"… and he can't own a near.. O_O wtf's a near?

He know had the emotional stability that he lacked the last time this happened and he realized he needed to take this like a man should.

"He knew the emotional stability…"

Right way.

Read the first part out loud. It doesn't make sense.

The Raticate, still underground, scrambled rapidly underground.

"Underground" is used twice. Why? Repetition like this is bad for the story, especially when it doesn't really serve importance.

Can I ask why the pokemon have no genders? XD I don't mind, I'm just… curious.

The pokemon raised its arm and flew towards the Raticate and full speed.

"…at full speed."

The pokemon raised its arm and flew towards the Raticate and full speed. It slashed it right across its face and it fell to the floor. The battle had ended and Chris was cut. He heard the coaches say some things to him, and few other things to Chris, but he didn't bother to listen. He went back into the locker room, changed his clothes and began to walk home.

I, personally, thought this was rushed. It seemed that, within five seconds, Chris had lost and been cut, and Nick is already on his way home. I thought they were friends. Shouldn't Nick care?

Anyway, I thought this was better than the previous chapter, despite shortness. I can tell you're improving in description, but I think the emotional description still could have been better, like others said.

Au revoir. :P

 

[Scytheteen]

"his" should be "him". If you say "his", its like you're saying "His near"… and he can't own a near.. O_O wtf's a near?

Don't you know? A near is a...liver disfunction? xD

I'm gonna go fix that when I feel like it because I'm a lazy arse.

 

[Grovyle42(Griff8416)]

I read the chapter and it was pretty good. More description could be useful, though. I noticed one or two spelling errors.

Keep up the good work and I'll keep reading!

 

[Alter Ego]

Alright, I lenghthened it a bit. Don't worry about your favorite ending from last time because it will reappear next chapter.

And why not this one? Seriously, you're already spreading it thin by making this one battle take up two chapters; a third would be overkill and to me this felt like a slap in the face. Why? Because you already dangled the dramatic finish of the battle and emotional conflict in front of my nose at the end of the last chapter. If you didn't make good on your implications this time, why should I bother to check if you do it the time after that? Readers don't like being cheated on like that.

As for the edits...

I'm afraid that they look a bit rushed to me. :\

"Right, now Raicate, come out come out wherever you are!" Chris said again with the same evil voice that had came upon his near the middle of the battle.

You misspelled 'Raticate'.

"Boys, I'm sorry but, you didn't finish in the five expected turns. You both have to leave," Mr. Fisher explained with a melancholy tone.

I've got to say that this is the wackiest rule ever. Aren't they evaluating overall battle performance as opposed to 'who got the substantially weaker partner and managed to sweep through within the time limit'? This type of verdict seems incredibly unfair, especially given that Chris would have been expected to KO four pokemon in five turns using only two of his own. o.O I think just a 'thank you, we have to move on the next. Schedules and all...' type comment would have worked; they'd want to settle this even without their position for making the cut on the line, no?

"Wait!" said a voice in the crowd

Exclamation marks and 'said' really weren't made for each other. Maybe some synonym would be better here?

"Jimmy, the only way I can allow that, is if I cut somebody here. I have to make a certain number of cuts, so unless someone would like to speak up, they are both cut," Mr. Dagger explained.

To tie in with the earlier; this could just have been done with an explanation that they're on a tight schedule and if they want everyone to get their turn for these battles then they'd have to move on. =O

'Connor was such a good friend for doing this,' Nick thought in his head.

Umm...his friend just gave up on his own position so they could settle the battle and Nick doesn't even give a word of thanks or display any outward sign of gratitude? And Chris has nothing at all to say to this? Pretty harsh, guys, pretty harsh...xP

Scyther raised it's arms and flew straight up to the rat. It slashed right through it's stomache. A screech was heard from it, but it was not defeated. This battle would not be won that easy.

You misspelled 'stomach'.

"Nick, you have but two turns left, and you waste it on a move that could never fully defeat a pokemon. Your ignorance amuses me," Chris said.

Considering that he used his own turn on a potion, this comment seems really weird.

Jimmy who was standing in the audience viewed the entire thing. He never saw this side of Chris before. He never knew Chris could be this mean. All of the sudden, Jimmy looked at Nick. He looked very sad. He head was lowered in shame and his eyes looked very watery. Chris must've saw it also, because his smirk turned to a frown. He looked at his Raticate and just nodded his head. The rat-pokemon did a useless move during these conditions; leer.

When the pokemon used this move all three couches looked up from their clipboards. The entire crowd went silent, even the other battles were put on pause for a few seconds. Out of all those people, the person who was the most suprised was Nick. Chris had just let him won. It did not matter what move his Scyther used so he just told it to go crazy. It ran towards the Raticate, and finished it.

A 'couch' is a piece of furniture; I believe you meant 'coaches'. Also, you misspelled 'surprised'. Switching the viewpoint to Jimmy out of the blue like that doesn't make much sense either.


Overall, I just don't get this ending at all. Why did Chris go through a sudden jump from overly-passionate to mocking, evil type person only to make a full about-face after Nick starts crying? Why did he just give up on the battle a friend sacrificed his own go for? This just seems so...weird. When I suggested a full length battle, I meant it so these two could really clash, yet they didn't. You could have worked on the much luffed oath that Chris made to Pidgeotto and his wish to fight to the very end; you didn't. Just...I'd rather take the original over this edit, actually. The way Chris left the battle in shame and Nick was all angsty about it was great, I could really feel that, but this is just totally stealing its foundation. D= The description didn't see much improvement either, I'm still not getting to feel the heat of the battle like I'd want to. Just give the emotional chapter its time and really work on conveying those moods to the reader. Like I said; actual information content is pretty minimal, so you should compensate with really letting the characters and their personalities take center stage. :3 You've already proven that you have it in you to make serious improvements, but these edits just really aren't your best work. .__.

 

[Scytheteen]

And why not this one? Seriously, you're already spreading it thin by making this one battle take up two chapters; a third would be overkill and to me this felt like a slap in the face. Why? Because you already dangled the dramatic finish of the battle and emotional conflict in front of my nose at the end of the last chapter. If you didn't make good on your implications this time, why should I bother to check if you do it the time after that? Readers don't like being cheated on like that.

As for the edits...

I'm afraid that they look a bit rushed to me. :\



You misspelled 'Raticate'.



I've got to say that this is the wackiest rule ever. Aren't they evaluating overall battle performance as opposed to 'who got the substantially weaker partner and managed to sweep through within the time limit'? This type of verdict seems incredibly unfair, especially given that Chris would have been expected to KO four pokemon in five turns using only two of his own. o.O I think just a 'thank you, we have to move on the next. Schedules and all...' type comment would have worked; they'd want to settle this even without their position for making the cut on the line, no?



Exclamation marks and 'said' really weren't made for each other. Maybe some synonym would be better here?



To tie in with the earlier; this could just have been done with an explanation that they're on a tight schedule and if they want everyone to get their turn for these battles then they'd have to move on. =O



Umm...his friend just gave up on his own position so they could settle the battle and Nick doesn't even give a word of thanks or display any outward sign of gratitude? And Chris has nothing at all to say to this? Pretty harsh, guys, pretty harsh...xP



You misspelled 'stomach'.



Considering that he used his own turn on a potion, this comment seems really weird.



A 'couch' is a piece of furniture; I believe you meant 'coaches'. Also, you misspelled 'surprised'. Switching the viewpoint to Jimmy out of the blue like that doesn't make much sense either.


Overall, I just don't get this ending at all. Why did Chris go through a sudden jump from overly-passionate to mocking, evil type person only to make a full about-face after Nick starts crying? Why did he just give up on the battle a friend sacrificed his own go for? This just seems so...weird. When I suggested a full length battle, I meant it so these two could really clash, yet they didn't. You could have worked on the much luffed oath that Chris made to Pidgeotto and his wish to fight to the very end; you didn't. Just...I'd rather take the original over this edit, actually. The way Chris left the battle in shame and Nick was all angsty about it was great, I could really feel that, but this is just totally stealing its foundation. D= The description didn't see much improvement either, I'm still not getting to feel the heat of the battle like I'd want to. Just give the emotional chapter its time and really work on conveying those moods to the reader. Like I said; actual information content is pretty minimal, so you should compensate with really letting the characters and their personalities take center stage. :3 You've already proven that you have it in you to make serious improvements, but these edits just really aren't your best work. .__.

*sigh*. I knew this chapter was going to be hard to work around. Your last paragraph thing abotu Chris, he gave up the battle or his friend. Wht the hell? That doesn't even make sense to me. xD. xD again @ couches. I'll go fix that stuff probably tomorrow. Thanks.

 

[Duncan McNeil]

Heh, sorry but this is going to be a short review. I spent thirty minutes outlining all the little grammer nitpicks only to find they they were all covered already. So this'll be much shorter.

In all this chapter was slightly better, but it was a little hard to tell. Stretching the battle over two chapters is pushing it, but I suppose that's okay. Description is still a bit short, but when you do describe things you do it well. That's pretty good there, but try to put more of it in there. It will make it better, believe me.

Sorry for the short review, but your army of reviewers pointed out everything I was going to say. XD Ah well. I'll review the next one faster, then.

 

[BurstX]

great chapter scythe but one mistake i feel like pointing out

He head was lowered in shame and his eyes looked very watery

the first he should have been "his" instead, just to let you know

 

[Astinus]

Yeah, I'm with Alter Ego again on this. I want an almond! The battle has been going on for two chapters now, and you want to stretch it onto three? oO Slight bit of dragging the plot going on there.

See, your chapters are supposed to take up twenty-two minutes, as if they were a television episode. I know from writing a novelization of the Pokemon anime episodes that they are twenty-four pages hand-written, which would equate to twelve pages typed. (But that's with a lot of dialogue.) So I would shoot for a chapter length of five to seven pages. Right now, your chapter three, at size 10 Verdana font, barely reaches three.

There's so much more you could add to this chapter.

You could have lengthier descriptions of battle moves. Like how Scyther moves, and how the Pokemon look, and how the trainers feel. This is a battle going on, and you should try to make the stakes be raised, make the reader feel the tension, and right now...we're not.

Like at the part where Conner drops out of the standings for his friends. (I don't really remember if Conner is good friends with Nick or not.) Nick just thinks that Conner is a good friend, but he doesn't show it. Really, to be honest, you're lacking in the human emotions part. How do your characters feel in the situation that they're in? Does Nick feel disappointed because he couldn't win the battle in five-turns (which Alter Ego covered the problem with in his review)? Does he feel gratitude to Conner for giving up his position?

And I also suggest to not jump point of views in the middle of the chapter. Stick with one for the entire scene. Otherwise, things get confusing.

Seriously, I did enjoy the thoughts that Nick had in the previous version of this chapter. They were much better than this chapter, which is sort of lacking in emotions. I think you just need to find a middle-ground with your chapters, where you have a good battle and the good emotions to go with it.

But, here's a can of beets for good luck.

 

[Scytheteen]

Yeah, I'm with Alter Ego again on this. I want an almond! The battle has been going on for two chapters now, and you want to stretch it onto three? oO Slight bit of dragging the plot going on there.

See, your chapters are supposed to take up twenty-two minutes, as if they were a television episode. I know from writing a novelization of the Pokemon anime episodes that they are twenty-four pages hand-written, which would equate to twelve pages typed. (But that's with a lot of dialogue.) So I would shoot for a chapter length of five to seven pages. Right now, your chapter three, at size 10 Verdana font, barely reaches three.

There's so much more you could add to this chapter.

You could have lengthier descriptions of battle moves. Like how Scyther moves, and how the Pokemon look, and how the trainers feel. This is a battle going on, and you should try to make the stakes be raised, make the reader feel the tension, and right now...we're not.

Like at the part where Conner drops out of the standings for his friends. (I don't really remember if Conner is good friends with Nick or not.) Nick just thinks that Conner is a good friend, but he doesn't show it. Really, to be honest, you're lacking in the human emotions part. How do your characters feel in the situation that they're in? Does Nick feel disappointed because he couldn't win the battle in five-turns (which Alter Ego covered the problem with in his review)? Does he feel gratitude to Conner for giving up his position?

And I also suggest to not jump point of views in the middle of the chapter. Stick with one for the entire scene. Otherwise, things get confusing.

Seriously, I did enjoy the thoughts that Nick had in the previous version of this chapter. They were much better than this chapter, which is sort of lacking in emotions. I think you just need to find a middle-ground with your chapters, where you have a good battle and the good emotions to go with it.

But, here's a can of beets for good luck.

Er...I never said the battle was finishing in chapter four...I already finished it.

 

[Alter Ego]

Er...I never said the battle was finishing in chapter four...I already finished it.

Actually, you've only finished the physical side of the battle. What I mean by 'finishing the battle' is not just concretely drawing the act of battle itself to a close but also letting the conflict between Nick and Chris reach some kind of ending. In the current version, it's just sort of left up in the air. .__.

Aaaand...I would have clarified on the unclear friend remark, but Hanako summed it up perfectly. Connor needs some love in the description, yes he does. Aaand...I have to admit to not quite recalling where Connor stands in Nick's complicated sphere of acquaintances either. Poor guy. D=

I want an almond!

Well, saving me all that writing effort is definitely worth something, and seeing as how you already devoted a thread to grammar too...ah, why not? *Hands an almond cookie* Now don't go saying that you never got anything from me. x3

...

*looks at posts* Heh, this thread is turning into a regular picnic. xD Well, sharing is good, so...*Hands raisins to Scythe-kun* They'll stimulate your writing process so you'll make us proud with your next edit. ^0^

 

[Scytheteen]

Actually, you've only finished the physical side of the battle. What I mean by 'finishing the battle' is not just concretely drawing the act of battle itself to a close but also letting the conflict between Nick and Chris reach some kind of ending. In the current version, it's just sort of left up in the air. .__.

Aaaand...I would have clarified on the unclear friend remark, but Hanako summed it up perfectly. Connor needs some love in the description, yes he does. Aaand...I have to admit to not quite recalling where Connor stands in Nick's complicated sphere of acquaintances either. Poor guy. D=



Well, saving me all that writing effort is definitely worth something, and seeing as how you already devoted a thread to grammar too...ah, why not? *Hands an almond cookie* Now don't go saying that you never got anything from me. x3

...

*looks at posts* Heh, this thread is turning into a regular picnic. xD Well, sharing is good, so...*Hands raisins to Scythe-kun* They'll stimulate your writing process so you'll make us proud with your next edit. ^0^

8O. You give her a cookie and I only get raisins! Grrrr...I'll just go and fix that stuff now...no...later

EDIT: edits done. Go look. Extremely proud of myself.

 

[Apathetic_Yen]

much better then before. More detail and such was a good way to end this chapter. When's the next one comin out?

 

[Scytheteen]

I'll post it when the reviews start to come in.

 

[Alter Ego]

"Good job Nick. You also Chris. For a twon on four battle, you're doing an incredible job! Anyway, this is the final turn so Apresúrese*," Mr. Fisher explained to the boys.

You've got an 'n' at the end of 'two' here.

"Right, now Raticate, come out come out wherever you are!" Chris said again with the same evil voice that had came upon his near the middle of the battle.

It still says 'Raicate' rather than 'Raticate' like it should. =O

But this time, Nick was more prepared for whatever cards were dealt to him. He know had the emotional stability that he lacked the last time this happened and he realized he needed to take this like a man should. The Raticate, still underground, scrambled rapidly. Eventually, the Raticate jumped out from the ground and landed straight onto Bagon. Bagon was severely hurt, but not as hurt it would've been if the attack had gone the way it had previously gone. Nick couldn't help this time but lower his head in shame. After a few seconds, he picked his head up and smiled a devilish smile. He knew, that this battle was his.

Okay, not sure if this has already been pointed out (I have feeling that it has, but meh); try to avoid using the same name to refer to the same person many times in succession. (see underlined bits) Try using alternative methods of description for better flow. :3

The pokemon raised its arm and flew towards the Raticate and full speed. It slashed it right across its face but it wouldn't shatter the pokemon that easily, but it would shatter both of their chances of making the team. Nick had used his last move and the five turn battle was over. Both of them would be cut from the team.

A bit of a stylistic faux pas with the dual 'but's here. May I be so presumptious as to offer a slight restructure?

The pokemon raised its arm and flew towards the Raticate and full speed, slashing it right across its face. It wouldn't shatter the pokemon that easily, but it would shatter both of their chances of making the team. Nick had used his last move and the five turn battle was over. Both of them would be cut from the team.

It's easier to explain what I mean this way than by micro-managing the change suggestion. Basically, it's shifting the structure slightly to avoid the repetitive and grammatically questionable double 'but'.

"Boys, I'm sorry, but you didn't finish in the five expected turns. You both have to leave," Mr. Fisher explained with a melancholy tone.

Comma comes before the 'but' rather than after it.

Nick held his head in shame of not making the team for about 3 seconds until he heard a familiar voice from the crowd.

Don't know why you saw a need to mention such an exact time, but that's your call. Still, numbers ten and below should be written in letters rather than as numbers, so 'three' rather than '3'.

"Wait!" said a voice in the crowd

I still think´that exclamation mark and 'said' look odd together.

Suddenely, after that speech others from the crowd began to all say "yeahs" and "give 'em one more turn."

You've got an extra 'e' in 'suddenly' here.

"Jimmy, the only way I can allow that, is if I cut somebody here. I have to make a certain number of cuts, in a certain amount of time. I need to make sure everyone makes their bus, so unless someone would like to speak up, it's over for you two," Mr. Dagger explained.

Makes more sense. ^^

It all went silent for about 30 seconds.

Again, I have to say that I don't quite understand your reason for giving such specific time intervals.

Nick smiled a little bit and a small tear formed in his eye, but it didn't come out. Nick just wiped it away and raised his head. Nick put a smirk on himself.

"Chris, I've been granted so many chances in this battle, I will not let this one go to waste. Prepare to lose," Nick said.

You misspelled 'waste'. That being said, I'm glad Connor finally got some well-deserved love.

Raticate swiveled from side to side trying to confuse the Scyther about which way it was going to attack. After about ten seconds of swiveling, the Raticate gained enough speed and power and started to charge right towards Scyther, while still swiveling. At this point both Scyther and Nick were confused. Even Chris had a dazed look on his face. The mighty Raticate approached Scyther and bit its left leg. A screech could be heard from the grasshopper pokemon and it fell to the floor, cringing in pain.

Now that's what we're talking about when we say 'battle description'. Good one.

Nick raised his head slightly so he could see the battlefield. He saw the same sight he had seen before. He looked a lot more closely and he saw his Scyther's eyes. He saw that one of them was opened.

Misspelled 'slightly'.

Scyther put its blades on the floor and used them to lift itself up. Its knees were a little wobbly from the previous attack, but it was still standing.

'Its' rather than 'it's' since we're dealing with a possessive form rather than "it is"; careful with those two. Also, given your earlier line, I think you should go for he/she rather than 'it' when referring to Scyther.

The Scyther started emanating a green aura from it's body. It raised it's arms and they formed into the shape of a sword, but not short after returned to their normal shape. The green aura disappeared only to have a red aura and an orange aura start emanating. It's attack had been raised sharply.

Again with the 'its' versus 'it's' thing. You also misspelled 'disappeared' and 'emanating'. That being said, I don't really see the need for that last sentence.

"Good job Nick, this battle is definitely going to be a close one," Chris said.

You misspelled 'going'.

Chris yelled out a few commands to his Raticate. Raticate looked at him for a few seconds, almost stunned at the command. Raticate had never used this move before and honestly, it thought the move was frivolous. Though it digressed, it needed to use the move. Raticate started moving extremely rapidly. It was traveling around the Scyther in a big circle. It was making the Scyther dizzy and it fell down. That was Raticate's chance and Nick knew, that if this was the move he thought it was, the battle would be over. The Raticate stopped spinning for about a tenth of a second and rammed into the Scyther. It didn't effect it much though. It was only, a mere quick attack. Nick thought for sure it was hyper fang.

You misspelled 'the', 'frivolous', and 'traveling' and you've got a redundant comma after 'only'. Again, you've got the 'referring by the same name' thing going on in this passage. Alternative expressions ftw.

Nick drew a blank for a few seconds, lost for words. All he could do was stutter meaningless blabber. A few laughs were heard from the audience, and that was the first sound from them in a while. Nick couldn't even command his Scyther to attack, but Scyther knew what he was supposed to do. It slashed Raticate. A mark was left on Raticate's face, and it fell to the ground. Chris just smiled and held out his pokeball. A red light appeared and sucked in the unconscious Raticate. The battle had ended, and Nick was come out victoriously. Nick realized what Chris did.

You misspelled 'stutter' and meaningless doesn't need a hiphon. Also, since you used 'a few' that should be 'laughs' rather than 'laugh.

"Save it, I know," Chris said. He seemed happy and tried to put on a smile, but Nick knew he was still crushed. He couldn't help but feel guilty and responsible.

'guilty' rather than 'quilty', unless he's feeling like a quilt. xD

'He needed to win this battle. He needed to win this battle.' Those words kept repeating over and over to make himself feel less responsible, but it didn't. He had just beat his best friend and he knew they would never be as close as they used to.

He needed to win this battle​

Considering that the 'he' being referred here to is Nick, that should be 'I' if you want to make it a thought thing. Optionally, you could just remove the cursives and single quotations to make it a non-quote. Both ways work fine.


Anyways, quite a bit of typos this time around. That being said, I love the content improvement you made. (See? I knew last time wasn't the best you got. ;D) You've given a lot more personality to Chris and Nick, and even the pokémon got their thing. Battle description has also improved dramatically and it now has a clear resolution. There may still be room to improve (Let's face it: there's probably always room for improvement somewhere) but once you've sorted out your typos and suchlike, I think you can proceed with the next chapter in good conscience.

Just...good work. I...oh, fine, why not. *Hands over cookie* Now you've actually made yourself deserving of one. ;D

Looking forward to the next chapter. ^^

 

[Scytheteen]

Thanks. I knew that my spelling was horrific in this chapter, but that was only because I wanted to put down the plot and stuff...I was planning on fixing all of those...thanks for the cookie (hope there's no raisins in there) xD

 

[Scytheteen]

Alrighty, chapitre quatre is coming your way!

A Victory Gone Wrong...​

It had been about half a day since Nick had to battle with Chris.

"Urgh..." Nick grunted.

He had just awoken up from the little sleep he got that night. He just wasn't able to fall asleep with all that guilt he had over his best friend. He was tossing and turning in his bed all night long, not an hour of sleep. He rolled over in his bed and looked at his alarm clock which was ringing. It read 7:14.

"Oh, spit!" Nick exclaimed.

He had overslept, despite the fact that he barely slept at all. He ran to his mirror, and as if the morning couldn't get any worse, his hair was a disaster. It was sticking up all which ways, and he had only six minutes to get himself ready. He ran over to his drawers and randomly picked out a shirt and pants. Of course though, this morning was like Murphys Law, whatever could go wrong, will. The shirt he put on had a huge stain along the front of it. He looked at the clock again. It read 7:18. He only had two minutes until he had to leave. He threw that shirt off, almost ripping it, and threw clothes out of his drawer, with such force that the entire drawer came out. Trophies on his drawer had fallen off, and one fallen onto his toe.

"Ow!" Nick cried out. "Why is this happening to me?"

He manged to get himself back up and find a shirt to wear. The clock read 7:20, he would be late and miss the bus, and his hair was still a mess. He sprinted into the bathroom, nearly falling, and grabbed the gell, squirted a glomp of it out, and rubbed it all in his hair. It looked atrocious, but he had no time to worry about that. He ran downstairs, threw on his coat, laced his shoes and ran out the door. He made it out the door for about one minute until his mom yelled out the door.

"Honey, it's Saturday,"

Nick nearly collapsed on the pavement in laughter. He walked back inside and collapsed onto his bed. He finally got some sleep.

***​

While Nick was sleeping, he had a dream. It wasn't much of a dream, but more of a nightmare.

Nick walked into the gym in his school. The room was pitch black, but then the lights went on. The entire room started booing Nick.

"Get him out of this battle,"

"Take him out,"

"This kid sucks,"

'BOO!"

Nick had a dry feeling in his throat, he had never had this many people, cheering to take him out of a game. It made him very tense and uncomfortable. He saw on the other side of the battlefield a rather large teenager. He looked like he was 18 years old. The opposer sent out a Gyarados and Nick sent out Houndour.

"Use hydro pump!" commanded the kid.

Gyarados opened it mouth wide open and started circling around the batllefield while water was building up in it's mouth until it finally gained enough power. It let out a fierce flow of water which hit Houndour criticlly. Houndour looked into Nick's eyes before fainting.

"Someone grab that pokemon, that runt doesn't deserve such a pokemon," yelled the challenger.

"While you're at it, take his other pokemon too," yelled a voice in the crowd.

People came up to Nick chanting "Hack, hack, hack, hack, hack..." They reached for his pokeballs, but then Nick awoke. He had beads of sweat rolling down his face, and a paniced look on his face. He felt something wet on the bed and he looked down, he had urinated in his bed. Nick never felt so embarassed. He woke up from his sleep. Before he collapsed on his bed, he managed to throw on something to sleep in. He looked in the mirror, and his hair was sticking up all which ways. He was wearing a white tee-shirt and red and white boxers, which were striped. He put on some shorts and ran down his stairs. He was so freaked out by his dream, that he nearly fell down the stairs. He had slept until 11:30 P.M. His mom was downstairs in the kitchen making lunch.

"Oh, your up," she said. "Here, I saved you some waffles. You know, you really woke everyone up this morning while you were bouncing around."

"Yeah, I thought it was Monday, and I have that field trip you know...so I didn't want to be late," Nick managed to spit out.

"Is there something wrong?" his Mom questioned.

"No, I just had a...nightmare," he said.

"Oh, are you okay?" she said. Nicks mom could always tell when something was wrong, even if he was covering it up with a big smile, she would always know.

"Yeah...I-I-I'm fine...just a little...shaken up," he studdered.

"Ok, well...why don't you call Chris up...I think you should hang out with him," she said in hopes of cheering Nick up.

"No, I think I'll call up Julia today, I haven't seen her in a few days," Nick said back.

***​

"Hello? Is Julia there? This is Nick," Nick said into the phone.

"Oh, hi Nick! This is Julia's mom, I'll go get her," Julia's mom said. Her mom had a really nice voice. Sort of like what you would think Vana White would sound like. Very low, but very friendly sounding.

A femine voice came on the phone. "Hello? Nick?" It was Julia, and she sounded upset.

"Julia? Are you alright?" Nick questioned.

"Yeah...I'm fine...I'm just a little...distracted. My hamster just died," she said back.

"Oh...I'm so sorry! Do you want me to come over there?" Nick said.

"No, I think I just need to be alone right now..." She said.

"Alright, but if you need anything, just call me back, okay?" Nick calmy said. He really did feel bad for her.

"Alright, bye,"

____________________________________________________________


Alright, I know this chapter was a little...dull, but I think I did a good job of introducing a new character.