Another excellent chapter SD. I've only got a few nitpicks at a glance.
Matthew was a really strange guy, he reflected. He barely said a word, and always
Am I missing something or is this a bit repetitive. You could have put
'Tyson reflected. He barely said a word,'.
Or, if you want to say Matthew was the one doing the reflecting (even though that wouldn't make sense right there)
'Matthew was a really strange guy. He reflected, he barely said a word,
Personally, I'd go for the first one.
Standing right behind him was a familiar green-clad figure, cloaking flipping slightly in the breeze.
'cloaking flipping slightly in the breeze'?
Just so you know, the definition of flipping and Cloaking:
Flip Verb
[
flipping,
flipped]
1. to throw (something light or small) carelessly
2. to turn (something) over: flip the fish on its back
3. to turn (a device or machine) on or off by quickly pressing a switch
4. to throw (an object such as a coin) so that it turns in the air
5.
flip through to look at (a book or magazine) idly
and cloaking
cloak (kl
k)
n.1. A loose outer garment, such as a cape.
2. Something that covers or conceals: a cloak of secrecy.
tr.v. cloaked,
cloak·ing,
cloaks To cover or conceal with or as if with a cloak. See Synonyms at
clothe,
disguise,
hide1.
Cloaking is a transitive
verb (Action) so there probably should be a noun at the end. (I think, but I'm not sure.). Another thing, flipping is not the correct word used here. I think
flapping should be a better substitute here.
The sentence should/could read
'Standing right behind him was a familiar green-clad figure, cloak flapping slightly in the breeze.'
Definition of flap that you want to use is;
flap (fl
p)
n.1. A flat, usually thin piece attached at only one side.
2. A projecting or hanging piece usually intended to double over and protect or cover: the flap of an envelope.
3. a. The act of waving or fluttering: the flap of the flag in the wind.
b. The sound produced by this motion.
4. A blow given with something flat; a slap.
5. A variable control surface on the trailing edge of an aircraft wing, used primarily to increase lift or drag.
6. Either of the folded ends of a book jacket that fit inside the front and back covers.
7. Medicine Tissue that has been partially detached and used in surgical grafting to fill an adjacent defect or cover the cut end of a bone after amputation.
8. Linguistics A sound articulated by a single, quick touch of the tongue against the teeth or alveolar ridge, as (t) in
water. Also called
tap1.
9. Informal A commotion or disturbance: a flap in Congress over the defense budget.
But then again, he reasoned, why do I need to tell them? I have a strange feeling that this is . . . not something that needs to be shared. Bizarre. No, he decided, he was not going to tell Jerry and the others about this. Not even Haley.
Is this hypnosis? If so, you portrayed it subtly and perfectly. To me, it seems a bit OOC that Tyson would act this way unless being manipulated.
Well, that ends my review. Good Luck!