The Beta Place V2

[Yusshin]

Category: Comprehensive; Language; Grammar; Proof-Reading
Genre: Original Trainer; Adventure; Fantasy
Preferred Method of Contact: VM
Examples of Writing: The examples I'm going to provide that are from when I was twelve are not proof-read and up-to-date, thus there may be some mistakes in grammar and spelling due to my inexperience at the time. My true skill should be based on my most recent fanfic, "The Thieves of Time", and not the older ones. The older ones are provided to show my writing style and my progress / improvement over the years.

Here's an example from a Legend of Zelda fanfic I wrote when I was eleven (approximately seven years ago; I abandoned it):

Spoiler:

In a small tree house in the middle of a forest lived a boy named Link. Link was the New Forest Child in Kokiri Forest; an out-cast among practically all the other elves living in the Village. He often felt lonely and unwanted in the Forest but his friend, Saria, cheered him up whenever he felt like this and now, on a fine Spring day in the Kokiri Forest, he felt absolutely wonderful, even as he slept. But this feeling was suddenly destroyed as he began having confusing and horrifying nightmares, all about a girl, a woman and a dark man on horseback. Like now.

Link shifted around nervously as he slept, dreaming of being outside Kokiri Forest and next to a tall, white-marble wall surrounded by an eerie moat. He was armed with an unknown sword and a Kokiri Wooden Shield, he was still wearing the Kokiri Garments that were given to him by the Great Deku Tree. The green cloth was a little dirty in his dream, his hat was long and fell to his waist although slanted on his light blonde hair, and his blue eyes were flashing from left to right quickly, as if expecting something to happen. His green shirt was tucked into his green kilt roughly, not at all carefully, his dark, brown leather belt with it's brass buckle hung loose from his waist, across his chest and connected to the front and back of his belt was a brown, leather sash. His worn, brown leather boots were covered in mud and dirt and his sheath, which he didn't know where it came from either, was tied onto his belt, it's gold leather stuck out like a sore thumb on his green and brown clothing. Floating around his head was a Fairy flashing blue, light sparkles fell from her body and disappeared into thin air.

Suddenly the drawbridge fell from the wall. Link watched curiously as a white mare wearing a dark blue saddle with the Royal Crest of Hyrule stitched into it raced towards him. He darted out of its way quickly, the horse's silver hooves just missing his waist. He looked at the horse when he rose from the damp ground and astounded himself at the next sight.

On the horse was a girl, no older then himself, and a woman. The girl had her light blonde hair up in a white a light purple bandanna, her sky-blue eyes were mysterious pools of incredible depth. Her clothes amazed him as he noticed her long, white-silk gown that reached all the way to her ankles. She wore white, silk shoes on her feet but they were almost invisible under her dress as it flew behind her. Below her neck was a gold, elaborately designed necklace that was attached directly to the gown, a large ruby was in its center. The top of her gown was a light purple, short-sleeved shirt with white sleeves rimmed with light purple. Attached to the short-sleeved shirt was wrist-length, light blue sleeves that were puffy just below the short-sleeved shirt's sleeves. A gold belt surrounded her waist, a long, purple pentagon wrapped around the belt connected the pentagon that fell to nearly the end of her gown; it bore the Royal Crest of Hyrule as well. Her bandanna had a mysterious pin on it's front: a golden, equilateral triangle that was split evenly into three. Link stared in wonder as she sped by, not noticing him at all.

The woman, however did notice him and he noticed how much mascara she had put on when she did. The woman had dark brown eyes and white hair, her face was grim as she looked back into the forward direction. Link shivered, remembering a little of how much mascara some of the Kokiri Children put on, but nothing could match the woman's amount. She wore black, knee-high boots, neatly polished and practically new, dark purple shoulder pads, a white, short-sleeved shirt, a dark gray belt was around her waist, dark gray gloves covered her hands, dark purple pants and a dark gray neck-warmer around her pale neck.

Link decided that he would check out the town rumored to be inside the wall but a loud snort behind him made him stop. Hesitantly he turned around and stared into the fiery eyes of a black steed. On it was a shadow – the shadow – from all the rest of his nightmares. Link screamed as the man laughed evilly and conjured up a black and purple ball of Dark Magic to toss at Link to destroy him.

Then he woke up.

Another excerpt from a novel I was planning to write when I was twelve (abandoned):

Spoiler:

"Are you sure there's no wretched humans aloft?" The older man asked in a demanding tone of the driver.

"'Aye, not one be in sight. I can guarantee it."

"Good. We don't need anyone witnessing this, or else we'll be in trouble and placed on posters." The man glanced at the younger one, probably in his early twenties, and scowled. "Perry! What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

The young man, Perry, glanced over from where he was behind a bush. "Ah, just watering the trees, Sir!" He replied nervously, becoming hasty in his actions.

"Well, hurry up! The night waits for no man," and then with a scornful, bitter intention, he added, "or amateur."

"Shall I be on me ways?" The driver asked of the older man hopefully, becoming quite edgy due to his fear of the dark.

"No, you'll stay put until I say move," he spat crossly. "I'm not paying you for slacking off and scaring away the wolves! I'm paying you to attract the damn things! Now get the bait out and do your job!"

The driver was terrified and appalled of the man now, and jumped off his perch before rushing around into the coach. I watched him pull out the meaty corpse of a hare, some ground beef, a bit of pork and chicken drumsticks, before heading over and spreading it all over the area. Perry had returned by then, and the older man smacked him a good one up the side of his head.

"Damn it Perry! Get your tranquilizer out and hide behind that bush!"

"But Sir! I just wizzed in that bush!"

"I don't give a damn! Just do what I ask and I won't start aiming my gun at your head! Do you have that soldier?"

Perry saluted and cried, "Yes Sir! Ready for combat and armed like hell."

Another from when I was twelve (abandoned):

Spoiler:

Out in the land of Petragon was a mountain range overwhelmed in a forest so vast, it would seem only to be a hill of trees. Due to this unusual growth in the woodland in the area, the mountain range was therefore named 'the Hills of Trees', reflecting the surroundings entirely. The Hills of Trees were tall and young, jagged at the top and absorbing the sky in the distance. The woodland, seemingly growing over the mountains, consisted of fir, elm, spruce and oak trees, with a maple tree here or there. There were clearings, but they weren't visible by air. They were hidden beneath the canopies of the trees. The sun still shone through somehow, though, and created a beautiful woodland floor of trilliums, grass, dandelions, poison ivy, poison oak, daffodils and tulips. Sometimes a geranium could be seen, but those were rare. A stream trickled through the middle of the woodland from down above the mountain range. The water was clear and bold, shining marvelously even at night as if by magic. Travelers called it the Fountain of Youth, but a dweller of the Hills of Trees knew differently.

Thomas Tam, also known as Tom, lived in a small cabin in the center of the woods, just next to the stream. He was only seventeen, but he was independent, strong and an infamous mage. He was a tall boy, easily 5'10", with short blond hair and the most startling grey eyes anyone would've seen in their life. They were huge of depth, mesmerizing and flashy. One glance and you would have trouble looking away, especially if Tom placed a spell on his eyes. His clothes were like those that a regular mage would wear. He wore a long, black robe – black like the middle of a night but bright like the lightning – and a pair of black leather hunter's gloves and chestnut-brown, leather sandals. In his hands he loved to grip firm a wooden staff nearly as tall as he was with strange markings in its sides. The markings, which looked like nothing to some inexperienced individual, was actual the language of the Ancient Tongue of Mythrador, the first kingdom before King Petragon dominated it near three hundred years earlier. Mythrador was home to the Night Elves, a race of Night Mages who caused pain to others and showed no sympathy. Tom gripped this staff with the black diamond at its top in honour. He was the last of the Night Elves – last of the race of Mythrador and the only person on Earth to comprehend and write the Ancient Tongue of Mythrador. His status as a Night Elf was not welcome anywhere in Petragon, and just for his race, he was hunted and shoved into isolation in the Hills of Trees.

That day was a cold one, but Tom liked the cold. He gripped his staff firm as he left his house and stepped into the damp mist. The ground was soggy beneath his feet as he approached the Fountain of Youth known to people but unseen to anyone without a touch of Elf blood in them. Fools, Tom thought stubbornly, staring at the water sharply. This is no Fountain of Youth. This is something much more.

Tom watched the water for a moment before moving upstream. He wasn't expecting anyone to come along. No, not at all, for this woodland was dangerous, for it was home to wolves, bears and large rodents. Tom needn't worry though – his magic could ensure his safety if he used it appropriately, and if any Dark Creatures came along, he could easily destroy or befriend them. Yet, as he walked along the stream, unaware of the world through his closed eyes and guided steps, he felt the presence of something eerie. When he opened his eyes, his gaze caught that of a pair of travelers, one male and one female, examining the water.

A more recent one, here's an excerpt from my Pokemon fanfiction "The Thieves of Time"; I'm a bit rusty, but I've improved since the LoZ fanfic (you can find the topic itself here):

Spoiler:

As we approached, the form of a small rowboat became more and more recognizable. I looked at Rinslet with a startled expression before saying:

"Where did you get this?"

"A while ago, I found it drifting at sea," she explained excitedly. "There was no one in it; I just assumed that it got detached from the mainland harbour and floated over here." She was grinning like a child who had just received an unexpected gift from someone.

"That seems highly unlikely."

"Who cares? We have it, don't we?"

I frowned. Technically she was right, but I still wasn't too convinced on the matter.

Rinslet, however, was more than reassured. She was confident. Before I could object, she had already climbed into the boat and was seated in it with skitty. Skitty began to meow in fear; the girl quickly silenced it, though, with pets that stroked from her nose to her back.

"See? It's stable, too. I'm sure you can use it, Shin."

I frowned before reluctantly placing Khail into the boat. It sat up on one of the benches and stared into the water. It then whimpered, as if its own reflection had frightened it, and began to cower beneath the bench. I hoisted myself up, drenched from waist down, into the boat and sat on the bench opposite Rinslet, almost capsizing the boat in the process. As I looked around and tested the boat's buoyancy, Rinslet addressed me.

"Well?" was the impatient word that followed.

"It seems stable," I admitted, fiddling with one of the paddles, "but I don't know. I'd love to be able to row to shore and escape this heathen place, but the onshore surveillance is hefty during this time. If we ever were to have any chance whatsoever of escaping successfully, we would have to..." I paused and shook my head, my black hair glistening from the collection of moisture due to fog. "We'd have to depart at night, and that's too dangerous. I wouldn't make it to shore."

"I have faith in you, Shin."

"Sometimes faith isn't enough."

Examples of Reviews/Beta-Reports:

Silawen's "Caught in the Moment"

Spoiler:

Review
Clarification

Nick815's "Shadows of Johto"

Spoiler:

Review

darkpokeball's "The Return"

Spoiler:

Review

Background: I'm a perfectionist; I wrote two complete novels before the age of thirteen, one which spanned 150 pages (normal margins; Times New Romans; Font Size 12). I won the Royal Canadian Legion English Proficiency Award of 2006 when I graduated from elementary school; I also won the Oustanding Achievement in English Excellence Award. As for grades, I'm a gifted student in languages who acts like a sponge with literature information. My marks in every subject, other than mathematics and physical education, average 80-95% without studying. Languages and writing is my passion, and I plan to make a career out of it.

Strengths&Weaknesses (Optional): Grammar, spelling, and context are big things for me. I can spot fragments and the misuse of a semi-colon instantly. I'm also a walking dictionary so generally, the misuse or the uncommon use of a word will be caught immediately, as in the example of "appreciate" in Silawen's fanfic. I'm a pretty rounded individual; when it comes to literature, I have reached a level where faults are rare and are committed 99% of the time by inattention. As well, I understand the concept of personal style in writing and I try not to impede on another's creativity.

 

[bobandbill]

Yusshin - approved for Language, Grammar and Proof-Reading, but not for Comprehensive as the reviews supplied didn't really show enough of you reviewing other aspects of the stories such as characters and plot. (But if you want you can go for it later with other reviews that show those parts as well).

 

[Yusshin]

LiveJournal

Can I make a suggestion / edit?

I plan to edit this journal everytime I make a new review. It might be more organized and beneficial for people to click this simple link: https://yusshin.livejournal.com/333.html and see all my reviews at once, and not just two or three. Can you put that link in as a replacement to the Review examples..?

 

[bobandbill]

Updated.

(Good thing I reserved 3 posts, already onto the 2nd one).

 

[Konekodemon]

Title of Story: Pokémon Adventures
Fandom: Pokémon
Plot summary: There isn't really much of a plot, as it's mostly about my character and her being Giovanni's daughter and Silver's sister and being a PaulxOC fic.
Genre: Romance/Adventure
Rating (PG, R, etc): PG15
Type of mentor needed: I need a grammer checker, spelling checker, and someone to help me get the anime/manga characters in character. Also, I'd like an ideaist, someone to give me ideas for my story.
Writing sample of story:

From Kairi's Journal
Today, is my 12th birthday. Two years ago on my 10th birthday, I had begged my mom to let me go on a Pokémon training journey, like she had done, at that age, but seeing as how I didn't take very good care of Glameow back then, she refused to let me go. But, today on my 12th birthday, she finally gave in and decided to let me go.

What a shocker that was. Now maybe I can look for my father, who I don't even know anything about. He disappeared when I was a baby. Do, I have any other family besides my mother? Well, I don't know. Mom hates mentioning them.

Anyway, I start my journey tomorrow. I can't wait. My mom wanameow back then, she refused to let me go. But, today on my 12th birthday, she finally gave in and decided to let me go.

What a shocker that was. Now maybe I can look for my father, who I don't even know anything about. He disappeared when I was a baby. Do, I have any other family besides my mother? Well, I don't know. Mom hates mentioning them.

Anyway, I start my journey tomorrow. I can't wait. My mom wants me to be a Coordinator like her, but I wanted to be a Trainer, so to make her happy I will be both, if I can do both at one time. Anyway, I have already decided to choose Squirtle, as my starter. It's so cute! Anyway, see ya, Professor Oak's lector is getting ready to come on TV. He will be talking about the starting Pokémon he's giving away tomorrow.

Other: I might not write very often. It's hard to think of ideas.

Edit: Mizan de la Plume Kuro has agreed to Beta Read for me.

 

[bobandbill]

Oh, ok. Not adding then. =P

And if anyone else on the list of clients found a beta reader, please post saying so/notify me via vm/pm please.

 

[Delusions of Originality]

*blows dust off thread*

Delusions isn't reading enough fanfic. ): So, in addition to getting around to reading what's already here now that I've got a bit more time, why not force myself to read a fic or two and give someone a little extra help at the same time? Sign me up, yo.

Category: Comprehensive
Genre: Pretty much anything that's not straight-up romance or sex; I don't know that I'm the right person to ask about tragedy or angst, either, but you can try me. Sci-fi confuses the tar out of me but I'm still willing to try and help with it anyway.
Preferred method of contact: PM for initial contact/general discussion; I'll work something out with you when it's time to start sharing the to-beta stuff.
Examples of writing: ...do I have to? ): buuuhh I have no self-confidence and also haven't finished anything in years. The best complete work I've got on hand is a one-shot I wrote a few years ago that is a crappy failattempt at failangst (I told you I'm bad with angst; I don't even know why I wrote this), but I am proud of it purely because it is actually done. And it doesn't make me want to gouge my eyes out.

What Would You Do, Luther Sellig?

I can dig out some bits and pieces of incomplete stuff if you really need to see more, but yeah.

Examples of reviews/beta-reports: Lesseehere. This is a recent review of Negrek's Clouded Sky on FF.net, chapter 41...

Spoiler:

Omai, so Accemenla's come back. I know it hasn't actually been that many chapters since we've seen her, but it feels like it's been forever. (Maybe if you actually updated "on Tuesday" like you said...) At first I thought she was wandering around the Saltmarsh area and just thinking about Tobias, but no, looks like she's followed him... or followed Chevron, anyway. Also good to see Chevron moving a little ways up in actual plottiness, even if it is indirectly.

It'd be nice if there were some sort of visual separation between the part about Accemenla and the jump to Tobias, though, the way you usually do it.

""Oh, he's over there somewhere, up to something, probably." Tobias didn't have to look to point to where he knew Jinx must be. It he stopped and thought for a moment,"

If, not it.

"With the silence stretching on and the prospects on his plate unappetizing, Tobias blurted something he wouldn't ordinarily have said."

Blurted out?

"Two days later, in the still darkness of the early hours, he slung his heavy pack onto his back and crept from his room, out onto the open plains and away. By the time the sun rose he was nearly fifty miles out, making good time through the snow."

That threw me off for a sec-I was about to ask how on earth Tobias could walk fifty miles in the snow in a few hours, but then I remembered faint attack... eh, maybe I'm just distracted by the movie I should be finishing, but perhaps a mention of him calling out Jinx as he slips out might make it less mentally jarring and remind forgetful folk like me about the move.

"If it weren't for the knowledge that his supplies were limited and that the cold, already more than a little of an obstacle,"

I dunno, but that last bit about the obstacle seems awkward. "More than a bit", maybe? "A little of an" just doesn't flow well, imo.

"Since when did Accemenla know hypnosis!"

Question mark, maybe?

"but Tobias noticed it for no more than a fleeting moment before the Tarsix"

Didn't mean to capitalize tarsix there, I think.

The whole Accemenla scene was pretty intense; there's always been a part of me, ever since her desertion the last time we saw her, that thinks there's a little bit of... eh, not *compassion*, per se, but pity for Tobias somewhere deep down. Seeing as how she just tried to drowninate him that's seeming less and less likely, although I know with you it's never so cut and dry. I guess I'll just have to see. Igneous to the rescue at the end there was a nice touch, though how he's going to get Tobias out of the river... you wouldn't be so dastardly as to go so long between updates if you're stopping on a cliffhanger, would you? D:

Oh oh oh and I just did one here! Review of the first two chapters of Captain Fabio's Through the Lens: tadaaa.

Strengths/weaknesses (optional): Say it with me, kids: procrastinaaaaaa-tion. I am the Queen Procrastinatrix, although part of the reason I'm applying to be a beta is because I'm trying to break that habit (at least when it comes to fic reading and commenting). I also never shut up; if I start to ramble and you lose my point in a Wall of Text, please do smack me and tell me to be more concise.

That said, though, when I do buckle down and git 'er done, I'm very thorough and don't miss much. My grasp of English is pretty strong, helped along by the fact that I was very nearly an English major of some sort or another. I like to think I know what I'm talking about, anyway, so you should be in good hands with me. If, you know, I ever actually read what you send me. (I'll try to be punctual, I promise!)

 

[Legendarian Mistress]

Title of Story: Ending Sunrise
Fandom: Pokémon
Plot summary: Team Rocket has successfully taken over Kanto. Will the Chosen, recently returned from Sinnoh, be able to stop them?
Genre: Friendship & Suspense
Rating (PG, R, etc): M
Type of mentor needed: Azurne (Character Beta) and Yusshin (Grammar/Language Beta)
Writing sample of story:

Spoiler:

Natalie brushed her hair from her face as she stared blankly out of the window overlooking their front lawn. The sun was going down over the area so the sky had developed a glow above it. She traced her finger down the window, allowing the smudge from her fingertip to form an almost perfectly straight line down the reflective surface. Her sister was gone without any words to bridge the reason of her departure. She could feel the loneliness swell within the confines of her chest.

After prying herself away from the window, she straightened her miniskirt to the point that it almost ripped. Beyond the feelings of loneliness, she couldn't help but feel a bit angry with her sister's sudden decision to leave. Even now she could see the ship drifting off into the distance in her mind's eye. Everything seemed so different now. She knew something had changed within Josephine's eyes the day that she gave a weak goodbye towards her. They held the sense of change, and they basically bellowed the seriousness in her entire body. She could have at least have taken her upon her journey. However, that didn't happen. She was standing within these walls already waiting for her return.

With her face red with emotion — and her mind filled to the brim with such — she continued walking down the narrow hallway like a phantom. Down the hallway, she came upon what was once Josephine's room. Her body almost felt as though it was moving by itself as she reached for the silver doorknob. She twisted it, and the door creaked as she pushed it open, allowing the young girl to enter silently within the darkness of the room. Natalie fiddled with the wall until her fingertips touched the light switch. She clicked it.

The room was lit with a flow of yellow light, causing Natalie to squint as she tried to observe her sister's room. The dark colour of the room, a navy blue hue like a Luxray's fur, helped her eyes adjust to the sudden surge of illumination. She wandered slowly into the room. The scattered pages of Josephine's journal littered the floor with more even pouring onto the bed. She picked up a page. It was the day she graduated from trainer school, taped to the front with the graduation picture. Paul was in it circled with a black marker. Natalie's tears soon blurred her vision. She pulled it closer as she looked at her sister in the picture. That smile was much happier than the one that she saw that day that she left; a faded shell of it was all that she saw.

As she ventured deeper within her sister's room, more of her feelings towards Josephine leaving began to bloom. She couldn't decide what she was angry at or why she was angry in the first place. She knew why she was sad however: her sister had ventured to Sinnoh without her. Natalie ran out of the room with the tears streaming down her face. She could still remember those words that she spoke to her parents, those same words that she resented as they played in her mind over and over again.

Other: I have been writing Pokémon fics since late 2005 and I see myself as a perfectionist. As such, I hate making mistakes.

 

[JX Valentine]

Opening up shop again. This'll probably last a couple of weeks before I go psychotic. (Remember the last time? That was fun.)

Category: Comprehensive, Character, Grammar, Proofreader
Genre: Anything, but sci-fi's where I have the most fun. Yes, I even do smutfic if you want to write it for another site or something.
Preferred method of contact: PMs or VMs to set things up. After that, whatever's good for you.
Examples of writing: Anima Ex Machina is my current baby. For other samples, feel free to visit my Fanfiction.net account for other fanfiction and my deviantART account for poetry and writing snippets.
Examples of reviews/beta-reports:
- The Ash Ketchum Chronicles (Typical review, complete with my usual focus areas.)
- Oak's Revenge (Comprehensive analysis of characterization and language usage.)
- 7fEATHERS (Brief structural analysis, plus plot and characterization commentary.)
- The story of Burorm the freak (Another typical review.)
- Note: Because I like to keep my betas private, I can't offer an accurate sample of what one looks like. I can say, however, that I've worked with Legendarian Mistress for all of her current fics. One sample of an end result is her OT story, Ending Sunrise.
Strengths/weaknesses (optional):
Strengths: I'm a college graduate with a degree in English, grammar nazi tendencies, and an aspiration of getting into the publishing industry. I'm not saying this to flaunt my credentials. I'm saying this to tell you that if you ask for me, you're getting someone who's confident she knows what she's talking about. I'm thorough, I'm a perfectionist, and I've done the entire lit crit business for years. I know a good character from one that could use a little work, I can spot plot holes from miles away, I can tell what kinds of tones every little sentence lends to a paragraph, and I know more grammatical rules than most people think exist. In other words, if you ask for me, I've got a lot of tricks in the box to help you out without a problem.

Weaknesses: However, I'm also a massive procrastinator. I've been known to take a week for proofreading five pages, and it's probably going to be slower because I'm usually tied up with real-life stuff (or distractions of some kind). I'll keep in touch with you to tell you how it's going, but I'll probably be slower than a lot of other beta readers on the list.

Additionally, as I've said before, I know a lot about writing, but this also means I can be one intense ***** if I think you can do better or if I end up repeating myself for every chapter you send me. I usually expect betas to proofread their work before sending it in, and if you work with me, be prepared for lots of explanation, lots of nitpicking, and lots of instances where you really can't be a sensitive person. See some of my reviews for examples, although I've been trying to soften up a little since.

Finally, I'm also human. This means I might miss things, and it also means that I might not explain things well. (The latter is especially because I often work on betas late at night, so if it sounds like it makes sense to me, it might not to anyone else.) After you get my analysis back, read over it carefully, read over your original carefully to see if some of the things I said can be applied where I didn't notice, and most importantly, if something doesn't make sense, please don't hesitate to ask.

 

[bobandbill]

Updated you in Jax. =p (Also Delusions of Originality so here's your confirmation now derp >_<). Yes I am vaguely alive.

 

[Soul Hunter X]

And....I want a beta!

I'd like to restart an old story on Serebii (link given under Writing Sample section).

Title of Story
Original Title -- Pokemon: Golden Dreams
Working Title -- [Pokemon] Nexus of Dreams
Final title preference (I'd like beta suggestions as to this.): Something with 'Dreams', or 'Aurora'.
Fandom
HG/SS. See spoiler for entire list of additions to it.

Spoiler:

>> Super Contests world over, Grand Festival later on.
>>Gym Leaders are exceptionally strong.
>Their roster will be adjusted to match the above.
>They will have around twenty Pokemon in their Gym from which they may choose a select number for Gym battles only. E.G. Falkner has a Charizard, Skarmory, and Dodrio, but in-battle, he uses Pidgeotto and Skarmory. ?>>Oak's assistant is a new main character.
>>Starter Pokemon from Kanto appear. I'm toying with having Sinnoh+Hoenn starters appear.

Plot summary
Rick Tate is a normal kid in our world, around thirteen, who has a deep dislike of a certain monster-battle oriented franchise .... Pokemon. One day, after watching his friend Jacob's Grovyle evolve into Sceptile on Sapphire, Rick decides to go to sleep. When he wakes up to find his entire world has changed, Rick collapses in intense pain. Experiencing a strange dream, he wakes up in hospital to discover that he's in the Pokemon world and has an extremely dangerous disease, he is forced to do something no one ever expected he would do.

Rick and his two new Pokemon 'partners' leave on a journey, to bring him closer to Pokemon - the only cure for his disease.

If you found that confusing, here it is: Pokemon-disliking Rick gets sucked into the Pokemon world, where, after a seizure, he's told he has a disease that could kill him. The cure? Going on a loooong journey with a bunch of unbelievable monsters he doesn't even know about.

Genre
Adventure/Drama.

Rating
K+, due to the occasional "crap" and mentions of death. Be warned! I WILL kill off characters if I need to.

Type of mentor needed
I'm looking for someone who can help with character development and who can stand a deep-ish plot involving dimensional holes, about 6-9 protagonists and legendaries with uber powers. Occasional spell/grammar checks required.

Writing sample of story
The old story can be found at Serebii.net Forums->Fanfiction->Pokemon: Golden Dreams.

Other
The link above is the OLD story, which is to be revamped. Bear that in mind, please. Also, if you agree to beta it, I will send you the entire plot (so far), including rosters and characters.​

 

[bobandbill]

^ Added. Put you up as wanting a Character/Plot/Comprehensive Beta Reader as well.

 

[Eeveemaster9]

The Reality of Fantasy

Title of Story: The Reality of Fantasy

Fandom: Other

Plot summary: After a long night partying with his friends, Kevin falls asleep rather quickly, only to find himself in a cage when he awakens. After encountering a young girl (Alia) whom is in the same situation, Kevin begins to get an idea of why he is there when a mysterious girl approaches him after Alia had been removed from her cage by "The Dragging Boy".

Genre: Sci-fi, Fantasy, Thriller

Rating (PG, R, etc): PG+14 (Minor swearing, Gore, & Minor Sexual References)

Type of mentor needed: Comprehensive (Grammar, Character)

Writing sample of story:

Spoiler:

Was I still dreaming? Or had I gone blind overnight? I was lying on cold metal, instead of my fluffy blankets. My back was stiff from laying on the hard surface for such a long time. I opened my eyes a crack. It felt empty around me. I wasn't in my room. I opened my eyes a little wider, and looked around. It was darkness that greeted me, instead of the bright morning sun I knew so well. What the hell...? I tuned my ears to listen to things around me. There was nothing but silence. The silence you feel when at a funeral. I choked back a cough.​

I felt around with my hand, still laying down on the surface I was on. My fingers crept along like the legs of a spider, and they were sensitive to everything they touched. I was reaching to the left of me, and before my arm could go to full length, the legs of the spider grasped a metal bar going vertical from the metal flooring. I was in a cage. I was trapped.​

You know the first thing that came through my thick skull? I wasn't going to be able to get that new book. That new volume was about kidnappings and assassins... (Oh, irony how you've never failed me) ....Horrified by my discovery, I attempted to stand, only to hit my head hard against metal similar to the one beneath me. It was like brick falling on my head while on fire. "Fuuu-Ouch." I groaned, lowering my poor head. I rubbed the bump that was already starting to form, and I looked around as best I could. My only light source was that coming from another room, and it was leaking out from underneath a doorframe several metres away.​

I began to spread my pale fingers through my short brown hair in frustration. Damn it all... Where was I? How did I get here? Questions tumbled down on me like an avalanche. What kind of prank was this!? Why me?!​

Abruptly I could hear muffled crying, and I stopped my hysteria. It was a girl. She seemed close to me. I swallowed roughly to clear my throat. "Hello?" My voice echoed in the room, and like a spell, the girl stopped her whimpering to reply hesitantly. "H-hello?"​

I was almost relieved to hear her reply. Though her voice was unfamiliar, I was glad I wasn't alone in this. "Do you know where we are?" I asked, moving closer to where I thought the voice was coming from. My bright blue eyes scanned for any sign of the girl, but my nose touched another metal bar. The girl was in another cage from my own. It took a moment for her to reply, and I could hear her sniffles and attempts to calm herself. Why was she so terrified?​

"They're going to kill us. We're both going to die."​

Other: I lack in proper grammar skills, and making characters more realistic. I may also need help to make the setting believeable.​

 

[bobandbill]

Added to the list!

BTW there are still people on said list for a number of months now - so please tell me if you found someone and/or no longer looking for a Beta Reader, or if you are still looking!

 

[Otherworld9)]

Title of Story: Digimon: Shadows of Souls

Fandom: Other...digimon.

Plot summary: Atina woke up one day to find herself as a Lopmon. As she uncovers the secrets to survive as a digimon, yet ignoring her feelings as a human, deep within the digimon world, a god in enraged by her encounter, causing a change in the digital world. There is more to this, but I need think more on the deeper plot.

Genre: Fantasy(sorry if I am terrible at this, but it will have some romance in this, so it's genre is also romantic, right?)

Rating: In the Fan Fiction rating, then T for teens (might not have it in the beginning, but will have some romance and maybe violence later on as it progresses.)

Type of mentor needed: May I ask for JX Valentine? I am bad, and need to improve by much, even if it is critical comments that really hit me bad...it improves me.

Writing sample of story:

Spoiler:

"Wake up."
The voice startled the child. Opening her eyes, she saw what she thought was ought to never happen. It was another silly dream of hers I suppose, and her fan-based over Digimon. Thanks to her love over that show, she was realizing that it was taking her too far into her dreams....she had to stop that drive for more.
Once she did open her eyes, she stood up and felt awkward. She never felt any feeling or emotion in any dream, she was the person who saw what seems to be a TV right inside her eyes. This time however, she was living in it, which wasn't usual. She stumbled at trying to get up, her legs feeling different than usual, and right in front of her was some kind of digimon. It was a Minomon. Hanging from a thread that connected to the tree above them, it gazed down upon the confused child. She just looked up, rather confused at the digimon.
"Are you okay?" the Minomon asked her. She felt strange, and she felt as if...her ears were huge in size and....wait. She felt smaller in size, smaller in stature. Did she become a....no. Impossible. This is only a dream, right? It has to be, for she never had a dream that she was the main character until now. Eventually she'll wake up when she gets hit or such, minutes after the pain, she wakes up. She then decides it might work, and immediately starts dashing towards the tree to her left, and suddenly trips over something that was an extension of her body, since she felt the pain when she stepped on it, and tripped helplessly to the ground face foward. The Minomon grew worried.
"Are you okay!?" he yelled, utterly worried the girl was demented or memory lost.
"I'm.....I'm okay," the girl responded as she twirled around with birds flying around her head. Dizzy, yet the pain didn't go away. Puzzled from the fact she wasn't awake yet, she tried hitting her head into the tree, which didn't work out. Trying to understand the problem, the Minomon lowered itself to be at eye level with the newcomer. She was different, and studied her. When she realized what he was doing, she immediately backed away, looking confused yet scared.
"Is this a dream?" she asked him, making him confused at her question.
"Why, no. Why do you think that?" the Minomon answered. She grew terrified, and suddenly dashed off, yelling in terror. "WAIT!" he yelled out for her, now after her. he couldn't move though, not in the state he was. Good thing he saved his energy in case of an emergency. He sucked the energy out of him as he was turned into a cocoon that turned into a transparent circle. Inside, data transformed the Minomon into Wormmon. Once done, the circle broke into tiny pieces and the Wormmon fell out, landing safely. He then immediately dashed after her, avoiding obstacles in his way.

Very important: I am impatient. When a day passes and I got no response, I try to hold myself from PMs and such to get a response, even if it is negative. If I pm/email a story or such.....I NEED my review back by a few hours(one day at maximum...like waking up the next day and being impatient as to quit.) Sorry for my habit, I tried, but no use.

 

[bobandbill]

Added to the list, as Jax told me she can't take you on - as a beside if you want someone specific just contact them instead of posting here first I suggest. Also:

Very important: I am impatient. When a day passes and I got no response, I try to hold myself from PMs and such to get a response, even if it is negative. If I pm/email a story or such.....I NEED my review back by a few hours(one day at maximum...like waking up the next day and being impatient as to quit.) Sorry for my habit, I tried, but no use.

I would not be too hopeful about finding someone who can reply straight away. =| Betas tend to take time, and people are often busy with other stuff like life (school, work, etc) and possibly other betas too, so to need a reply back in a day, let alone a few hours, are very high expectations and probably just plain unrealistic to have as well. =|

 

[Otherworld9)]

Also:I would not be too hopeful about finding someone who can reply straight away. =| Betas tend to take time, and people are often busy with other stuff like life (school, work, etc) and possibly other betas too, so to need a reply back in a day, let alone a few hours, are very high expectations and probably just plain unrealistic to have as well. =|

I'll wait a week at most, that's the most patient I am...but I will not do the hours, I was just exaggerating, XD. Either way, I am quite impatient, so I can't guarantee niceness in me if weeks pass....which I think won't.

By another mentor? Is that what you mean by that?...in that case, I need a proofreader and one who can tell me if something seems off or wrong about the story.

 

[Astinus]

If the mentor that you specifically want can't take you on because they already has enough clients, then you will have to wait for someone else to accept you.

I also wouldn't suggest even exaggerating in your application to this thread. Doing so (especially when you mention that the betas need to work under your time limit and will be pestered if they don't) won't make it likely that someone will be willing to help you. Generally a beta job can be finished in under a week, but sometimes things happen that will make it take longer, and if you are rude to your beta, they can drop you.

 

[Otherworld9)]

Hmm?

By chance, if you have found a mentor off in the real world and you don't need this one, then are you eliminated here or still here? I just need to make sure.

 

[bobandbill]

By chance, if you have found a mentor off in the real world and you don't need this one, then are you eliminated here or still here? I just need to make sure.

That's... worded somewhat confusingly. ._. At any rate, if you already have a mentor either from here or elsewhere and/or you do not want a mentor from here anymore, tell me or Astinus and you'll be removed from the list. Otherwise you'll stay on it.