The Friend Zone

[Ωmega]

I think that the title speaks for itself. Those of us guys who have pursued relationships have inevitably been rejected (unless you're still single or only have had one partner ever...) or have fallen into the *gulp* Friend Zone.

Yes, the dreaded Friend Zone. The abyss that people who are "too nice to date" often stumble into. This is an abyss that I'm all too familiar with.

So, fellow PCers, I simply ask you to discuss what you all think of the Friend Zone and whatever encounters you've had with it.

I guess I'll start with an experience of my own:

I was once pursuing this girl for a relationship. We were just sitting around one day and I casually hinted at what she would do if we went out. She didn't know that I liked her, so I kinda eased it into the conversation. Anyways, she simply stated that I wasn't "mean enough." This made me feel horrible because I'm not a mean guy nor will I ever be one. So I just stopped it right there.

Friend Zone - 1
Ωmega - 0

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[MysticFlames]

Ugh. I've always hated that whole "Too nice to date" idea. I don't understand why you wouldn't want to date someone who's nice. It's not like the movies where you'll find the "bad boy with a heart of gold." If they're a jerk then they're usually just a jerk. I just don't understand what people expect. Or is everyone just a masochist and like to have someone be cruel to them?

Oh well. Anyway. I'm sure everyone's fallen to the friend zone at least sometime in their life. For me, I think I've placed more people in it rather than I fall into it towards someone else. I always feel bad, but I do it because I don't want to end up dating anyone I don't truly like. =[ It'd be more cruel to be like "I can only see you as a friend/brother" partly into a relationship, right?

Ideally, though, everyone should date their best friend. They understand who you are completely and they already know everything about you, so there won't be those terrible secrets. So I always believe that the friend zone shouldn't be as bad as people make it out to be. I dunno. I'm probably just saying that because I'm dating my best friend. XD

 

[.Wolfie-kun.]

I always end up in the friend zone, only been out with someone once and it was them that basically asked me out. We broke up nearly 2 years ago now (Wow, that flew)

She's found someone else (Yes, I'm somewhat jealous, very deep down I still have feelings for her but I lock them away hoping they'll just rot away) and thankfully we're still friends, reminiscing without a hint of regret, besides the arguments that caused it to end. I, on the other hand, have stayed single since, getting into the friend zone with anyone I may consider an interest.

It's all down to my confidence really, I've become a little more confident with girls but I've only asked one out face to face twice. On the day you actually decide to do it, waiting for the right time is one of the WORST FEELINGS EVER.

Hopefully 2011 will be kind to me and that I may finally find someone.

[/end rant]

 

[SquirtleGirl]

I've been placed in it a good few times, though after a few months I just move on. I guess because I'm more comfortable being friends with guys than girls. It's not that bad, and can even help you heal any old feelings left for an ex or any feelings you might have left for a crush. "they've put me in the friend zone, it wasn't meant to be, move on." kinda thing. It works for me anyway.

Like in lots of movies the girl ends up dating her best guy friend, right? And true, that may work for some people. But if I dated my best guy friend, who would I have to talk to about all my troubles with my boyfriend? :3

 

[.Wolfie-kun.]

I don't pay too much attention to those sort of movies, as they make it look for more easier than it actually is for some people.

 

[Captain Fabio]

I have never, honestly, fallen into the 'friend zone' because I normally let the lady know I am interested by bringing her on a date or what ever.

 

[Kura]

I think you guys put too much thought into this. So what if some girl isn't infatuated with you? Sure it's a bummer, but move on and don't dwell on it. You don't need to put a damn label on your situation, especially in a world where people are trying to -get rid- of labels.
Sometimes friends can be lovers- and if I wasn't the case then I wouldn't be with my boyfriend right now.

 

[Trick Tester]

I notice alot that lods of girls my age (yeah i'm a girl too) say "ooh i want a bad boy" etc, so they're basically askin for someone who doesn't give two flicks about 'em, will cheat, probably has more than 1000000 STI's ETC The list goes on. I, personally want to be friends with a guy, then if we both feel things an go on, THEN get into a relationship.

 

[Kura]

I notice alot that lods of girls my age (yeah i'm a girl too) say "ooh i want a bad boy" etc, so they're basically askin for someone who doesn't give two flicks about 'em, will cheat, probably has more than 1000000 STI's ETC The list goes on. I, personally want to be friends with a guy, then if we both feel things an go on, THEN get into a relationship.

I think maybe some girls are really intrigued by someone who acts in accordance with something that's not the norm. Some girls like the rebel type of guy.. but personally, I think basing a mate on how many negative traits they can accumulate isn't the way to go. And generally.. those girls aren't really ready for a relationship, and just "want a good time" so a guy shouldn't feel bad if they're not "bad boy" enough.

 

[Ωmega]

A friend of mine once put relationships into this kind of analogy:

Imagine relationships as vehicles and drivers; the girls are the drivers and the guys are the vehicles. The drivers want the most exciting sports car they can find: fast, expensive, luxurious, but damn-near unreliable with performance (emotional performance. Back to the analogy...). They often overlook the normal looking cars that get you from A to B with a few instances of excitement here and there, but overall they're in it for the long run.

The dilemma the drivers then face is if they want a thrill ride or a nice drive down the road. =/


That's the analogy she placed it into. I actually understood it. She claimed she did it like that because "most guys like cars." Anyways, the point I'm trying to make is that I think the people who fall into the friend zone always get the short end of the stick and are often left wondering about what "could have been."

 

[Dubstep]

Thinking a guy isn't adventurous enough, or ballsy enough, or doesn't stand up for himself enough, etc, is one thing, but the girls explicitly looking for jerks are either just immature or displaying signs of problems you want to get away from before they affect you. Consider it a good thing to be rejected because you're not mean enough; you might have just been saved a boat of trouble and it leaves you open for girls who want a real, healthy relationship. :P

 

[UltimaSilva]

A friend of mine once put relationships into this kind of analogy:

Imagine relationships as vehicles and drivers; the girls are the drivers and the guys are the vehicles. The drivers want the most exciting sports car they can find: fast, expensive, luxurious, but damn-near unreliable with performance (emotional performance. Back to the analogy...). They often overlook the normal looking cars that get you from A to B with a few instances of excitement here and there, but overall they're in it for the long run.

The dilemma the drivers then face is if they want a thrill ride or a nice drive down the road. =/


That's the analogy she placed it into. I actually understood it. She claimed she did it like that because "most guys like cars." Anyways, the point I'm trying to make is that I think the people who fall into the friend zone always get the short end of the stick and are often left wondering about what "could have been."

I really like that analogy. I know what you mean about people getting the short end of the stick, as I have fallen into the dreaded friend zone once. Here's my story:

I was really into this gorgeous girl, and I probably would've died for her. She was really nice to me and all, so I started talking to her friends. Well one day, I was texting one of her friends and I asked her who the girl liked. She said it was ..... ....... and that she only thought of me as a friend. Broke my heart, shattered it into tiny pieces to be lost forever. This is what made me ditch a friend of mine, who I made fun of later. I hate that girl, and to this day I hope I never have to see her face again after high school.

 

[Archer]

she only thought of me as a friend.... I hate that girl, and to this day I hope I never have to see her face again after high school.

If that's the same person, you've got no right to hate her unless she led you on or something.

 

[Vent]

Yeah a Dreaded Friend Zone. I got lost i this dimension a lot, My story goes:

I was back in highschool, and there was a pretty girl, she wasn't exactly an Idol but At least for me, she was a goddess. I tried everything, being nice, helping her with physics and math, buying her stuff and no matter what I did, my existence was null to her. It hurt so much my heart broke in the same way sheer cold breaks when it hits. Anyhow, it's quite a Paradox, You're so close to that person, yet you can't embrace her, see her smile but that's that. This zone is pretty much a Pleasurable Hell, At least you get to see the person but Like I said, it's rough But ya gotta move on.

 

[Mario The World Champion]

I didn't expect this question to pop up on PC.

I've heard of the Friend Zone. It's a place where a guy can't escape from. No ifs, ands or buts about it. Once a girl only sees you "as a friend", you have NO chance with her. If you wonder what could have been, you will never recover from it.

I have no experiences about being in the Friend Zone. Yet. A guy's best thing is to move on. Change yourself to become a different person. Or you can get really drastic and just avoid her. Completely. Like you moved away to Antarctica avoiding.

God, this makes GREAT fanfiction material.

 

[Numbers]

I hate the friend zone. There was a girl that I had liked for ages, then we started talking and got closer. After a few years I told her how I felt and she said that because we had been together for so long it probably wouldn't work. Then she used the sentence that no guy ever wants to hear if they like a girl, "You're like a brother to me". :(

 

[Rogue planet]

I have never been put into the 'friend zone' myself, mainly because I never develop feelings for someone unless I'm really close with them and it's blatantly obvious that we've got feelings for each other. I have put one girl in the friend zone before. She was fun to talk to and be around, but that was it, we didn't really have an emotional bond or anything and barely knew each other. I was surprised she was even interested in me because we're just so different, and I'm sure she wasn't being picky anyway because she started dating one of my friends soon after I made it clear I wasn't interested.

I've seen it happen a number of times to other people, and have only ever seen the female putting the male into the friend zone, funnily enough. One theory I have is that females can often be a lot more picky than males when it comes to choosing a partner, but that's just my own guess.

The only thing I can think might be the case in some situations. is that the "emotional bond" is nothing more than an illusion seen by the male, and the girl just isn't into you. Just because she talks to you or is nice to you doesn't mean that she has a crush on you at all. Really I think the reasons just differ in some situations. I'm willing to be friends with lots of different kinds of people, but there are only certain types of people I'd consider going into a relationship with.

Thinking a guy isn't adventurous enough, or ballsy enough, or doesn't stand up for himself enough, etc, is one thing, but the girls explicitly looking for jerks are either just immature or displaying signs of problems you want to get away from before they affect you. Consider it a good thing to be rejected because you're not mean enough; you might have just been saved a boat of trouble and it leaves you open for girls who want a real, healthy relationship. :P

I can agree with this as well; only in some cases though.