I am honestly lost. This thread has been so helpful to me in the past, so here we go again.
For the past couple of weeks, I've been very depressed. It's for many reasons, due to the fact that I have little friends who I never hang out with in real life, and that I've been realizing that the only people who care about me are on the internet. I know it sounds stupid, but that's how it is for me. Because of this, I've been feeling incredibly lonely and losing all hope. I'm not going to do anything extreme, but I just want so much to change. I've been trying to hide it around my friends, because I'm not the person to act depressed around them. I'm always the hyped up guy who can be there for anyone. However, I have told my best friend. She is extremely understanding, never judgmental, and always there for me.
Here's the problem: She is kind of in the same hole I am. She just recently broke up with her boyfriend, who is 22 (She is 19). Let me give you a background on this guy so you know where I'm going to lead to. He is a compulsive liar, a drug addict, lives at home, has no job, parents completely spoil him, he parties and hangs out with his friends to much (to the point where he was avoiding her), and he was never there for her. He broke up with her only to want her back and repeat the process. Now he wants to go out with her again and he promises he has changed his ways, which I know is not true. His excuses for their two breakups are such B.S. that it isn't even remotely believable. He made her feel so bad about herself and he still wants her back. She cries to me about every other day, saying that she is lonely and that she has no one who cares about her. I try to give her advice, but she either ignores it or says she will try it, and never does. I want to stop giving it due to this, but I am just so hurt by hearing her like this everyday that I keep giving in.
I am still recovering from a relationship that ended terribly about a year ago. Let's just say that afterwards I did things I will always regret and I'm just now understand my sanity and regaining it. The problem is that I care so much about her that I want to be with her. We have so much in common and she tells me I'm her best friend. I'm on the phone with her for hours and we both share our problems. I've had so many deep conversations with her that I know her like a book. I want to help her and myself by going out, because maybe this will ease our pain of being lonely. She honestly is the only person that understands where I'm coming from. She tells me that she wants a guy that will be there for her: When she is sad, to call her or be at her house. To always be talking to her, etc. There are a few problems with this, though.
1. It would be an internet relationship. She lives in California and I live in New Jersey. I know it is stupid. However, she is the only person who has cared for me in such a way that I depend on her. She is the only person that can cheer me up and she makes my days better. When I'm depressed, I depend on her.
2. Age difference. While this usually isn't a problem, she is 19 (out of HS) and I'm a 16 year old Junior. This seems awkward for me, but it really shouldn't be a problem.
3. The fact that she is my best friend. I care about her so much in this respect that if I tell her how I feel, I might feel that I would lose her as a friend. I don't want that to happen to me. I don't want the only person who cares to not be my friend anymore.
4. I feel that we are slowly growing apart, and this is the only way that we can preserve our friendship.
I know she wants to meet a guy that can be there for her in her life (and live by her so that she can see that person everyday). I'm completely lost, so any suggestion I will take seriously. Thanks for reading.