The Rainbow Connection [LGBTS Club]

Hey guys, I'm so sorry I haven't posted in forever considering this is my club and all. You seem to be chugging along fairly well by yourselves though which is fantastic to see! I've been without the Internet for an entire week because my Internet company sucks, but anyway... the week away from being online gave me a story to tell... and it's not a good one. It is the epic finale of the "Andy is in love with his roommate" saga.

Picture it: Australia, last Thursday. Two young men are sitting on a drive way, one smoking a cigarette, the other staring at him completely in love. They've just had a fight about something small and stupid, so they're sitting in silence when finally the smoker speaks.

I'm not going to continue telling the story in this annoying style lol - my friend/love interest Luke is the smoker and I am the one staring at him adoringly.

Anyway, he suddenly laughs and says to me that the particular unique way that the two of us argue is something that he's only ever done with boyfriends before. Then he mentions that a few people have noticed the way I act around him would suggest that I like him, and asked me if that's true. I danced around the question for a while before finally admitting that yes, I did like him. I was scared that it would make things weird between us or jeopardise us moving in together, but he then told me, "I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it, too."

In other words, he liked me back.

So I was so totally pumped, my dreams were coming true. We eventually went back into his room and sat there silently for a while, trying to discuss how we were going to make this work. He said that he'd still want his own bedroom so he'd have somewhere to retreat if I was ever pissing him off, and I agreed that was best. It was very odd; it was like an awkward conversation but with no awkward feeling behind it. He cuddled up to me on his bed and we snuggled for a little bit, with his head on my chest. He commented that my heart was beating really fast and I said that he should take that as a compliment. We had to go to meet one of our friends for coffee so we got up to leave, but before we opened the door he beckoned me over to him and he gave me the most affectionate hug I've ever gotten in my life, and then he kissed me. Apparently I'm not a great kisser in his books, but he promised he'd teach me, and we laughed about it. Then we left, and we came back and were hanging out with more friends and then eventually I had to go home because we were both working early the next day.

I got another awesome hug as I was leaving and he said we still had stuff to talk about because nothing was official yet and he needed to think about whether pursuing a relationship was worth risking our close friendship, which was something we were discussing in his bedroom before the kiss. So I agreed and I went home, and we were texting each other about it until we fell asleep.

Friday afternoon rolled around and he didn't want to see me. He said he was stressed and tired from work and just wanted to be by himself. That was fine, he's always been that way so I didn't think much of it. By Saturday though, the suspense was killing me. On my lunch break at work, I texted him and told him that I thought a relationship was worth the risk.

When he texted me back, he had come to the opposite conclusion. I then spent the next two hours trying to hold back tears at work, ended up leaving twenty minutes early, ran through the carpark and then burst into tears the second I got in my car. Then I drove somewhere else and cried some more, because I didn't want to go home looking like I'd been crying. Then I went home and I've felt crappy ever since.

So there you are. There's the end of my tale. Apparently I'm his best friend and we will be best friends for life, but the fact that we could be more isn't worth risking it. I am such a good friend that I've been friend zoned.

Forever friend zoned.

Hear that, guys? You want to be my friend, I am A+ at it. I'm just the best ****ing friend anybody could ever ask for.

I went and saw him that night because I wasn't going to be "that guy" who "needed space to get over it". We talked about it some more and I left feeling slightly better about it, but I was really hurt by how fine he seemed. And even now, our friendship is back to complete normal. We don't talk about it, it's as though it never happened and it really hurts my feelings how immediately fine he seems. How much could he have really liked me in the first place if it took him all of an hour to get over it? Was it enough to dare bring it up and cause me all that pain?

The part that hurts the most is that he didn't just tell me he liked me. He kissed me, he hugged me, knowing that I'd liked him for ages and that I am so inexperienced in the love life department, and he gave me a taste of what it would be like to be his boyfriend. He made me want it, then he left me for two days to fantasise about all these awesome things that were going to happen, and then he changed his mind.

My hands are starting to hurt so I'm going to stop whining now, but yeah I've felt crappy for a week and I don't see a real end in sight :(
 
Maybe things were moving too fast for him. I don't want to get your hopes up or anything like that, but 2 days is pretty fast to make a decision like that. You're possibly forever friendzoned, but possibly not. If you decide that he's not worth getting over in the near future, well at least you're still open for him :P Let it settle for a while or so and see where things take you.
 
Fully agree with blah here. Let things go slowly and in due time, it shall all come on its own. Besides, as long as the friendzone doesn't keep you in it forever, be happy. (Trust me; it sucks when you're a permanent resident of it). ​
 
Okay, this might just be me projecting based on the stuff I hear about how guys date, but Andy, you didn't deserve that. I don't want to cast aspersions on someone I don't know, but it sounds like kind of an immature thing this guy did to leave you sitting for days when he was making a u-turn in where he was going with your relationship together. I hope he apologized and explained himself better to you.
 
Shining Raichu said:
long sad story. :[
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Aww, I'm so sorry that happened to you, Andy. :( No one deserves that, and honestly, he's not even worth being your friend now that he stooped down to that level. Really, he left you with this false pretense that he liked you back (hugging you romantically, kissing you, etc.), and then two days later just totally ruined your hopes for anything. That's kind of a d*ck move if you ask me, and, of course, it has to happen to the best of us. BlahISuck gave some good advice. Maybe he does need more time, but if he just blatantly said, "I don't think this'll work out", without proper reasoning, and acted as if nothing happened the next day, I don't think any type of relationship with him is worth it. I just hate how he mislead you by showing affection in the beginning, and then sorta just retracted himself two days later. That's very deceitful if you ask me. :|

Gahhhh.. All the best, really. <3 We're here if you need anything.

FenrirDarkWolf said:
Guys! I feel so happy! I finally got my mate's address!
Sorry for the mood whiplash, it's just, I'm so happy because of it!!!

I would say I'm sending myself to him, but I can't, sadly. Instead, I'll send letters!

I've always found letters so romantic~
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Yay! Going old school, I see!
 
Andy I am really sorry that happened to you. :( That feeling that you were this close to having what you have always dreamed off is really painful. But he sounds like he needs to learn that the way he treats someone has consequences. I'm with Scarf, two days without contact is awful. A little conversation would have been nice. :( -internet hugs-
 
@Shining Raichu: *hugs* I have a hard time trying to imagine what you're going through, I'll admit that. But maybe I can give you my perspective on it anyway, and hope that it helps?

My first instinct was to think, maybe your roommate doesn't know it's bothering you. Maybe it's actually bothering him too. Yes, he's acting like nothing happened and he's fine with it, but are you going along with the act? It's an awful habit that I have too. I will go to almost any lengths to avoid a fight or emotional/meaningful conversation. If something happens between a friend and I, I avoid them as much as possible for a day or two, then act like it never happened. If they don't bring it up, I don't bring it up. I wish I wasn't that way, but I can't help it. I have faced down an angry 1500-pound stallion, but having a serious conversation with a friend about our relationship terrifies me.

I think you need to tell him how you feel (or write a letter, something), how much he upset you, and that you would just like to know why he made that decision. I know it's a little hypocritical coming from me after what I just said about myself, but there are many times I wish I could've had the courage to do that, which is why that's what I'm telling you to do. Believe me, you don't want to find out months from now that this whole time he's been feeling the same way as you, but never brought it up because he thought you were fine with it.
 
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First off, I'll start by saying that I'm sorry about that, Raichu. That does suck, but . . . in the end, it may be for the best, I guess. Who knows, he could change his mind someday.
If not, then at least you can still be friends with him. That's still an incredible thing.

I can't really say the same.
I'm not sure if I want to get into everything . . . I just . . . I don't know. Maybe I'll explain it later when I have an inkling of what's going on.
Let's just say that someone called CPS (Child Protective Services) on my ex-boyfriend, because he's eighteen and I won't even be fifteen for another month. I'm not exactly sure what they said—something about us being a little too affectionate on the street or something—but they implied that we were in a sexual relationship. So now there's a whole bunch of legal crap going on. I just talked to a woman from CPS earlier, and so has my mother and my father and step-mother, and most likely my ex-boyfriend and his family.
Now I'm not allowed to go to my dad's house this weekend. I am permitted to talk to my ex, although I have yet to hear back from him and I highly doubt he'll take the risk. Chances are I won't be able to see him for a while, which sucks on its own, but since summer is starting soon it's so much worse.
If the case remains unfounded, then everything will go back to "normal"—although I hear the case may remain open for sixty days, just in case something new comes up—and if it doesn't . . . then my ex gets arrested, and perhaps my step-mother and father if they get charged for knowing about it and allowing it to go on. This also means that the case will stay on record until I'm 28, my ex will be registered as a sex offender, and there may be a restraining order put between us, meaning I won't be able to see him or even talk to him until I'm seventeen.
It sucks for obvious reasons, and "sucks" is an extreme understatement, but it also sucks because, really . . . he's my only real friend. I would hate to lose him, especially under such circumstances.
I don't know who made the call. It had to be someone who knows him and who knows how old I am, and also knows the name of my step-mother, as she was in the report. One logical person that it could be would be my ex's cousin, who has a crush on me. He's one of the very few people that ever knew about us, and one of the only people that knew that may file a report. My step-sister is really the only other viable person, but considering the way the report was filled out and the fact that she knows better than to do something like that—hopefully—it probably wasn't her. Plus I mentioned my ex's cousin, asking him if he knew anything about it. That was nearly an hour ago, and he never takes that long to respond to anything, really.
I'm going to kill whoever did it, and I'm going to make sure it's painful.

Pfft . . . I guess I lied when I said I wasn't going to give the whole story. I guess I really needed to vent. Kicking the wall earlier wasn't enough. (PS - Kicking the wall is even a bit extreme for me. I always feel like smashing something, but lately I've been able to avoid doing so. Mmmm . . . not anymore. Too much pent-up rage.)
Ah, I hate being a minor. My mind is certainly ready to be seen as more mature in many ways, but in some ways not so much (but who can really truthfully say that every part of their personality has fully matured?). However, that doesn't really matter in legal terms. My mental maturity—or even physical maturity, minus the age—doesn't count. All that matters is that I'm still a "child."

Even without all of this crap, I've been ready to completely break down lately.
I don't know if I can take this.
I'm certainly not as strong as I once believed myself to be, not even a year ago.
If you know me personally, you would know that I'm vehemently against suicide. I'm also against self-harm, but I'd rather someone do that than kill themselves, if that's what it takes.
Lately I've started to question my views on such things. This certainly isn't helping that.

EDIT: Well, my ex's cousin just messaged me back. I'm willing to believe that it wasn't him, but I have no idea who it could be. That alone is bugging me like Hell.
 
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@Shining Raichu/Andy, all the hugs in the world. Who knows, maybe in time he'll come to change his mind. Obviously there is interest, but he must have been afraid about losing or ruining your friendship. In time, things might change, or maybe he was doing the right thing. Either way, don't harp on it for too long, you'll either move on or learn to appreciate what he did. You might even be better friends for it.

So, a while ago I left a very vague post. Some were saying to spit it out. I feel like I can now.

So that friend of my mother's got back to me. She understood completely, and was very supportive. I was quite giddy for a bit. At least, that was until we got to the point of things, telling my homophobic parents. She said that of all the people she knew, even her children, my mother was the one she was most scared to come out to. She did, and my mother didn't talk to her for months, and even though they are friends again, she will not let her mention anything about being lesbian.

It was at this point she said, knowing my mom, it would be a lot worse for me. She kept saying my mom 'knows in her heart' the truth, but she won't accept it; complete denial. My mom went to her, saying that I had mentioned being bi, but she was thinking it was 'just a phase'.

A couple weeks ago, right after she and I talked, she was in a car accident, and my mom was with her in the ER. They were talking, and she sort of nudged the conversation in that direction, which was part of our plan to ease into things and try to figure out the best way to move forward. She was talking to my mom and my mom was saying how being gay just 'doesn't make sense', and how it 'just doesn't work', now the friend was explaining it to my mom. Soon my mom brought up what she thinks was my 'phase'. The friend asked what if it was true, and I was actually dating someone. My mom said she would be angry, disappointed, and sad. She said that her friend wouldn't understand, she has three children, and one, if not all of them are probably going to give her grandchildren, but if her daughter is gay she will never have them. It's one of the only things she wants in the world, and she said she will never forgive her daughter's 'choice' should she go down that road.

The friend was a bit offset, but continued, asking what would you do? My mom outright said an ultimatium. Either I chose her, or my 'gayness'. She said, and her friend quoted, that my being gay would be the worst thing that has ever happened to her in her life, worse than her abusive ex husband, worse than breaking her back, worse than getting cancer.

In honesty. I don't know what the **** to do. To put off being who I am in order to keep my family? My mom, she's a huge part of my life, it eats away at me keeping secrets from her. It's wrong to do that to anyone. I can't do that. If I love someone. Just to chose them for someone else? Then live a lie after it? Either way, I'm screwed.
 
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I think it may be important to remind her that gay couples can adopt, or even have their own kids, with a little help. There's no reason she can't ever have grandkids... unless you just really don't want them.
 
It really isn't fair to you. She can't make you choose between her ignorance and who you are. Is there no one to get through to her? What did your friend say after talking to her?
 
Good for you!

You're making me feel downright cowardly for not coming out to my parents yet, haha. I'm sure they'll be supportive eventually, considering they have no problem with my three or four gay relatives (I have a huge family...), I just don't want to deal with the "yes, I'm old enough to know. No, there's nothing medically wrong with me" argument that I know will come first, thanks to them acting like I'm still a teenager most of the time. And I just don't know how to bring it up... Pretty sure at least my mom already thinks I'm gay. Would make things so much easier to come out if I was, haha (not saying you guys have it easy or anything, just in this one particular tiny situation, it would make things less complicated).

But anyway, good for you. I'm rooting for you, and I hope she'll change her mind when you actually do come out, and not follow through with her threats. Her reasoning for it is ridiculous. There are plenty of gay couples who have children, and plenty of straight couples who don't. Would she react the same way if you were straight and told her you didn't want kids? Absolutely ridiculous, and she has no right to demand or expect that you have kids just because she wants grandchildren. It's a huge, life-changing commitment that should be up to you and your partner, and no one else.
 
Nakuzami said:
I can't really say the same.
I'm not sure if I want to get into everything . . . I just . . . I don't know. Maybe I'll explain it later when I have an inkling of what's going on.
Let's just say that someone called CPS (Child Protective Services) on my ex-boyfriend, because he's eighteen and I won't even be fifteen for another month. I'm not exactly sure what they said—something about us being a little too affectionate on the street or something—but they implied that we were in a sexual relationship. So now there's a whole bunch of legal crap going on. I just talked to a woman from CPS earlier, and so has my mother and my father and step-mother, and most likely my ex-boyfriend and his family.
Now I'm not allowed to go to my dad's house this weekend. I am permitted to talk to my ex, although I have yet to hear back from him and I highly doubt he'll take the risk. Chances are I won't be able to see him for a while, which sucks on its own, but since summer is starting soon it's so much worse.
If the case remains unfounded, then everything will go back to "normal"—although I hear the case may remain open for sixty days, just in case something new comes up—and if it doesn't . . . then my ex gets arrested, and perhaps my step-mother and father if they get charged for knowing about it and allowing it to go on. This also means that the case will stay on record until I'm 28, my ex will be registered as a sex offender, and there may be a restraining order put between us, meaning I won't be able to see him or even talk to him until I'm seventeen.
It sucks for obvious reasons, and "sucks" is an extreme understatement, but it also sucks because, really . . . he's my only real friend. I would hate to lose him, especially under such circumstances.
I don't know who made the call. It had to be someone who knows him and who knows how old I am, and also knows the name of my step-mother, as she was in the report. One logical person that it could be would be my ex's cousin, who has a crush on me. He's one of the very few people that ever knew about us, and one of the only people that knew that may file a report. My step-sister is really the only other viable person, but considering the way the report was filled out and the fact that she knows better than to do something like that—hopefully—it probably wasn't her. Plus I mentioned my ex's cousin, asking him if he knew anything about it. That was nearly an hour ago, and he never takes that long to respond to anything, really.
I'm going to kill whoever did it, and I'm going to make sure it's painful.

Pfft . . . I guess I lied when I said I wasn't going to give the whole story. I guess I really needed to vent. Kicking the wall earlier wasn't enough. (PS - Kicking the wall is even a bit extreme for me. I always feel like smashing something, but lately I've been able to avoid doing so. Mmmm . . . not anymore. Too much pent-up rage.)
Ah, I hate being a minor. My mind is certainly ready to be seen as more mature in many ways, but in some ways not so much (but who can really truthfully say that every part of their personality has fully matured?). However, that doesn't really matter in legal terms. My mental maturity—or even physical maturity, minus the age—doesn't count. All that matters is that I'm still a "child."

Even without all of this crap, I've been ready to completely break down lately.
I don't know if I can take this.
I'm certainly not as strong as I once believed myself to be, not even a year ago.
If you know me personally, you would know that I'm vehemently against suicide. I'm also against self-harm, but I'd rather someone do that than kill themselves, if that's what it takes.
Lately I've started to question my views on such things. This certainly isn't helping that.

EDIT: Well, my ex's cousin just messaged me back. I'm willing to believe that it wasn't him, but I have no idea who it could be. That alone is bugging me like Hell.
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...This is ****ing scaring me like hell now.
I'm scared that, what if, me and my mate meet, and I'm still a minor, and this happens...
I don't know what the hell I would do in that situation...

I just hope we can either hide it well enough... Or I turn 17 when he gets here...
 
Insomniac said:
What's wrong with just waiting until people are 18 by the way?

edit:

excuse my ignorance. I typed that question sorta without thinking.

I understand it may be very hard to wait so very long to be with someone. I think that it is a stupid law.. It should just be that if you're 16 the age difference of 3 1/2 years is okay. Because really, love is love guys, come on.

I know this also sounds stupid, but if you're 17 can you date an 18 year old or is that still considered "minors" bs?
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It actually depends on where you live. In the US, depending on the state, the age of consent ranges from sixteen to eighteen. So long as you're of the age of consent, you're fine.

Where I live (New York), the age of consent is seventeen. I have a few years to go.

I think they should come up with some sort of "maturity" test. I know that sounds odd, but if properly implemented it would be nice. . . . By that, I mean, you could essentially "apply" or something if you're below the age of consent. You'd take some sort of series of tests, and if your mental maturity seems to be of a satisfying level, you can pretty much overrule the age of consent.
It may sound odd, but . . . yeah.

@FenrirDarkWolf - I wouldn't be worried. If your mate is long distance, and he only plans to make visits for a while, then you should be fine, so long as you don't personally know anyone that would turn you in immediately. Same goes for if he moved to where you are and you aren't yet of age. I was with my boyfriend for about four months, and was only reported in the last week. We broke up in January, so . . . yeah, it took a while, to say the least.
Not saying it's good that it took a while, but I'm saying the chances are low so long as you don't know any major arses that would like to turn him in.
 
Insomniac said:
I know this also sounds stupid, but if you're 17 can you date an 18 year old or is that still considered "minors" bs?
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Basically, as long as there isn't anything going on between the hypothetical 17-year-old and 18-year-old that could be considered sexual (including things like stripping for each other), there's no problem. The main reasoning seems to be that anyone under 18 hasn't matured enough mentally to make a reasoned decision about sexual matters, and anyone over 18 should know better than to take advantage of someone who can't make reasoned decisions about such things.

That said, I think it's ridiculous to say "everyone under 18 (or whatever it is in different countries) is a child, and everyone over 18 is an adult." I know plenty of people who were mature enough at 16 or 17 to be considered adults, and I know plenty of people who are 20 or 21, and definitely should NOT be considered adults (honestly, sometimes I feel like there need to be some tests to allow people to become adults, the same way you have to take a series of tests to get your driver's license). I know that in a lot of countries it's possible to become an "emancipated minor" and legally considered an adult even when under 18, but most people don't know that this option even exists (and, to bring it back to the original discussion, I'm not sure if being an emancipated minor would nullify the age of consent law).
 
Yeah, the way things are set up right now is kinda silly. If the age difference between two people is only 1 or 2 years, then it seems like it shouldn't really matter. When we're talking about 20 and 15 year olds, I think their concern understandable though.
 
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