The Relationship Thread

Somniac said:
Hey look an opportunity to put some feelings down without having to actually talk to people, neat.

So about a month back my partner left me, for her own personal reasons.
We'd been together for around 8 years, which as i'm 25 is a pretty long time and so, as you can imagine I've been pretty much a mess ever since.

Guess I've been on a kind of self destructive spiral for a while following that and I'm slowly trying to better myself but it isn't as easy anymore. It's not really an understatement to say that I've grown into who I am with this person and now that they're gone I'm not really sure who I am, which in itself is a strange thing to say never mind come to the realization of.

I've built my life with the idea or spending the rest of it with them and now I have no idea what to do with myself.
I think the most painful thing is that I forgive them, and while I don't agree with their reasons I do understand them, and at the end of the day it is their choice.

Sheesh I really didn't mean to write this much.

Hold on to what you love people you never know when you might not have it anymore.

Also don't feel like you have to be all supporting or whatever I'm just clearing my mind, shine on you crazy diamonds.
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Hey man. PC is here for you no matter what. Stay strong.
 
haven't had a long-term partner since last november but i've been on/off with a guy i know since december. not really dating him but we've had a few brushes where we've come close to being under that kind of label, i think? mostly i think we both just crave intimacy and don't like commitment so we mostly meet up to just like cuddle and watch films for a bit or hold hands in a cinema. i haven't thought to ask him if he actually likes me and tbh i don't really mind much, i'm happy like this and if we both decide we want to stop and find someone to actually date that's ok with me too! i'm kinda lax about this stuff

also some of the posts in this thread are so cute! i love love lol
 
I LOVE READING PEOPLE BEING SO HAPPY IN THEIR RELATIONSHIPS ;O; I wish you good luck to anyone wanting to be in a relationship!
I am not in a relationship atm, aha. I liked a guy for a long time but found out we could never work. Sucks, but aw well there's plenty of people out there. I like a few girls who are good friends of mine and another guy. I guess for now I would love to be in a relationship, but I don't think its the best time to hop in one. I got so much to work on that I'm not super happy about myself - I'd rather wait before hopping into anything while not feeling sure about myself​
 
After two years of being single with many false starts in the online dating world, I met my current partner. She was on OKCupid for a solid 3 days before I started talking to her, so I guess I shone outside the pack. We really lucked into it, too.

I wrote my master's thesis on feminism in comic books, and she draws feminist, body-positive comics. We also like almost all of the same games, music, and movies. Even if the other person hasn't heard of something, we can follow the conversation fairly well.

When we disagree on something relationship-wise, we have thoughtful, understanding conversations about it rather than get in a fight. The other person isn't afraid to call someone out for being crappy, so it's a nice balance. I never expected to be in sync so much with someone. It's quite impressive, actually.

My advice would be: if you're looking, don't give up, it happens eventually (even after 2 years). If you're in a relationship, make sure you build trust (as mentioned earlier) with that person and do not be afraid to talk about the relationship and things that upset you with them like a rational adult.
 
Alright, I need some advice guys.

So, I'm dating a girl. Everytime me and my workmates go out (she's also a workmate), I always inform her just in case she wants to. Most of the time she doesn't, really, but can you blame me for trying?

Well, yesterday. I was feeling pissed off about a lot of things. Like it's all piling on top of one another and she knows that. When it was time to leave work, I went home alone because she was supposed to go out with her high school friends. Little did I know that she went out with our workmates, because they apparently had a celebration. Now, I could let it slide if it happened really out of the whim. But, they all went in one car, drove off, and celebrated. This was around 5 pm to 8 pm. I only knew about it on 3 am when she posted pictures. And I'm fuming because I expected her to afford the same thing I do to her. Do I have the right to do so?
 
Home said:
Alright, I need some advice guys.

So, I'm dating a girl. Everytime me and my workmates go out (she's also a workmate), I always inform her just in case she wants to. Most of the time she doesn't, really, but can you blame me for trying?

Well, yesterday. I was feeling pissed off about a lot of things. Like it's all piling on top of one another and she knows that. When it was time to leave work, I went home alone because she was supposed to go out with her high school friends. Little did I know that she went out with our workmates, because they apparently had a celebration. Now, I could let it slide if it happened really out of the whim. But, they all went in one car, drove off, and celebrated. This was around 5 pm to 8 pm. I only knew about it on 3 am when she posted pictures. And I'm fuming because I expected her to afford the same thing I do to her. Do I have the right to do so?
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I see no reason for you not to express your disappointment that you weren't invited...calmly. Maybe others will disagree, but I personally do not think you have a "right" to expect anything like that, regardless of what your relationship status is. Especially if you did not say beforehand that you'd want to be invited to events like that. You invited her along because you wanted to; she never asked you to do that, and as you said, she often declined. It's an invitation, not an obligation to accept, or to return the favour in similar events.

It may be common sense to you that you'd want to be invited in such circumstances, and a lot of other people reading it might think the same, but people are not mind readers. Maybe there is a reason you weren't invited. If it's upsetting you, by all means talk to her about it and try to reconcile it, but there's no need to be hostile about it. Just say you would have liked to have gone along, and that you wouldn't mind being asked in the future. Maybe it was nothing to do with her; maybe one of your colleagues didn't want to invite you. I'm speaking through ignorance, because I don't know what your relationship with all your workmates is like, but it's just to illustrate my point: there could be many reasons she didn't invite you.

I guess there is a case for getting angry and being forceful, if you're THAT upset about it, because she won't know unless you tell her. Whether you think you can expect that consideration or not, I don't think you can expect her to know how you'd feel for being excluded, because as I say, people are not mind-readers, and what may seem obvious to you will not be obvious to everyone. But I don't think people owe others anything like that when they're in a relationship. If you want to be able to expect anything more than fidelity, if you want your actions to be repaid in kind, I think you need to set it out beforehand, not apply these conditions after the fact, when you're angry that they weren't met. It's not always as obvious as you think, and I would say if anything, you owe her a chance to explain before you fly off the handle, if that's how you want to deal with it.

Everyone expresses themselves differently, though. Just because she didn't invite you the same way you've been inviting her - if she really just didn't think of it, and that's all it is - doesn't mean she doesn't want to spend time with you. I mean, when you think about it, spending time with your workmates isn't all that romantic, is it? Maybe she'd rather spend time with you alone, and doesn't think it very important you spend time together with your workmates too - maybe that's why she didn't invite you. I'm just speculating. But if that was the case, she wouldn't have thought it'd upset you if you weren't invited at that time, if you see my point. Hell, if she knows you're pissed off and upset, maybe she even wants to give you space, or wouldn't have wanted you to feel more stressed and upset by forcing yourself to have fun at a celebration when you probably weren't in the mood. Maybe she was just thinking of you.

Lots of possible reasons. You're not so unreasonable as to be mad at her because she didn't act in the way you would expect her to, are you? You're probably just a little sensitive from the things going on and a little upset that she didn't anticipate what you would have wanted, right? Remember why you're with her in the first place. It's just a small thing really, and easily corrected for the future if you talk to her. Are you really fuming at her, or just in general?

Yeah. I'm probably typing too much. Just tell her, calmly, that you were upset by it, or would have liked to go too. Feel free to ignore me, but I thought I'd chip in.
 
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Meyneth said:
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Well, the thing is this is the same workmates I usually go out with when I'm inviting her to come with us so I don't see any reason why I could not have been invited. But yes, I see your point. I talked to her already about this, why I'm upset and such and such, but all I received was more questions including "What do you want me to do? Not go just because you're not invited?" and stuff along those lines.

I just didn't want to feel left out. I think that's a valid reason for me being upset but idk anymore. Apologies for taking this sad tone to this otherwise happy thread. Let's get back to regular programming.
 
Home said:
Well, the thing is this is the same workmates I usually go out with when I'm inviting her to come with us so I don't see any reason why I could not have been invited. But yes, I see your point. I talked to her already about this, why I'm upset and such and such, but all I received was more questions including "What do you want me to do? Not go just because you're not invited?" and stuff along those lines.

I just didn't want to feel left out. I think that's a valid reason for me being upset but idk anymore. Apologies for taking this sad tone to this otherwise happy thread. Let's get back to regular programming.
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So it wasn't up to her as to whether or not you were invited? It sounds like she feels very put upon if she's taking that sort of tone, but that's no reason for her to take it out on you if you're just bringing it up...maybe the two of you just need to talk through things a little more to clear the air?

I'm sorry if that's not particularly helpful, but I'm not entirely aware of the circumstances, and that aside, I guess I firmly believe that almost any situations in a relationship (obviously the extreme scenarios are exceptions) can be resolved by just discussing things. Being willing to talk about thoughts and feelings - and being willing to listen - are key to any relationship.

I think it's a valid reason too; I apologise if I sounded accusatory or otherwise, I just wondered if you'd considered the reasons why you might have been left out...maybe that sounds patronising, because you obviously would have thought of some things, but people often miss things when they're angry or upset, right?
 
Meyneth said:
So it wasn't up to her as to whether or not you were invited? It sounds like she feels very put upon if she's taking that sort of tone, but that's no reason for her to take it out on you if you're just bringing it up...maybe the two of you just need to talk through things a little more to clear the air?

I'm sorry if that's not particularly helpful, but I'm not entirely aware of the circumstances, and that aside, I guess I firmly believe that almost any situations in a relationship (obviously the extreme scenarios are exceptions) can be resolved by just discussing things. Being willing to talk about thoughts and feelings - and being willing to listen - are key to any relationship.

I think it's a valid reason too; I apologise if I sounded accusatory or otherwise, I just wondered if you'd considered the reasons why you might have been left out...maybe that sounds patronising, because you obviously would have thought of some things, but people often miss things when they're angry or upset, right?
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Well, I already talked to my workmates and they told me they should have remembered to ask me. W/c means yeah, I'm part of that group. Which then brings me to why she didn't remember to ask me if I wanted to go.

Don't worry. I'm just looking for a place to rant obv. lol
 
Ended my second long-term (2.5 years) relationship a couple months ago after having traveled to Japan together.

I am thoroughly enjoying the single life and at least have a better idea of what kind of person it takes to keep me interested and happy in the future.

Home said:
So, I'm dating a girl. Everytime me and my workmates go out (she's also a workmate), I always inform her just in case she wants to. Most of the time she doesn't, really, but can you blame me for trying?
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Just out of curiosity, and feel free to ignore this question, but how close do you work with her in the office/work environment? σ ‸ σ

Reason being I am currently struggling with keeping my crush in check with a guy at work and although I would generally be as straightforward as possible, being colleagues/co-workers makes it difficult •﹏•
 
Nope, no more relationships.
I've avoided that R word for nearly a year now.

Tips? There's really no tips on relationships, some work and some don't. Rushing or waiting won't guarantee anything whether it be disastrous or miraculous. You take chances on what you feel is worthy and simply deal with the results.
 
Raine said:
Reason being I am currently struggling with keeping my crush in check with a guy at work and although I would generally be as straightforward as possible, being colleagues/co-workers makes it difficult •﹏•
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is your workplace cool with folks dating one another or will HR breathe down your neck lol

for my part, trying to maintain a gay relationship in a hella conservative & religious society kinda sucks so
 
Parivir said:
is your workplace cool with folks dating one another or will HR breathe down your neck lol

for my part, trying to maintain a gay relationship in a hella conservative & religious society kinda sucks so
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I can only imagine having to tiptoe around the workplace with that kind of relationship.

Good luck and best wishes to the both of you though! c:

As for my workplace, I'm not entirely sure what the policy is, but I heard from coworkers of a couple within our company. They eventually got together and had a kid so I'm assuming that they are accepting? I have yet to read the HR policies regarding these kinds of things, clearly, LOL.
 
Raine said:
Just out of curiosity, and feel free to ignore this question, but how close do you work with her in the office/work environment? σ ‸ σ

Reason being I am currently struggling with keeping my crush in check with a guy at work and although I would generally be as straightforward as possible, being colleagues/co-workers makes it difficult •﹏•
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well, we don't work together at all. we're just in the same company. we handle different projects.
 
I used to be in a relationship a couple of years ago and I must say that it wasn't the greatest thing that has happened to me. Sure it was kind of nice and stuff to have someone to be affectionate with but things like that also start to anguish me on the long run so we had to break up. But maybe the feeling uncomfortable was a side-effect of being in a relationship with a man since I later discovered my attraction to women.
 
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