MechaMoth
Eloquent Speaker
- 532
- Posts
- 8
- Years
- Mountain Time
- Seen Aug 1, 2018
tldr; TRIGGER WARNING: rape and suicide - I had a passionate relationship that turned to me being raped that then turned into her cheating on me, which eventually lead to me trying to kill myself.
Within the first few weeks of Freshman year of undergrad, I met a girl, and we dated for a year and a half. The whole situation was pure passion and emotions but dangerously so.
After we moved in together and got a cat our Sophomore year, I could tell things were starting to get weird. She was having more panic attacks and bipolar mood changes. I spent most of my time trying to help her get better than actually focusing on my own mental health problems.
After awhile, she would want to do the deed and I wouldn't want to, but I would acquiesce. Eventually, she would force herself on me without me wanting to do anything. It wasn't until later that I realized I was being physically and emotionally raped. Probably partially attributed to a patriarchal culture that doesn't believe it's possible for a man to be raped because we can still be aroused.
I was also gaslighted and pruned to be emotionally co-dependent on this person. When she finally cheated on me, she blamed it on me and not on her. I was so desensitized that it didn't really phase me anymore. We still had to live together for a few months, and she would make a point of having sex with the person she cheated on me with while they knew I was in the apartment. It was a constant glossy-eyed feeling for me.
Eventually, she told me to move out and break the lease. I did so and then she threatened to sue me for breaking the lease (seriously). I was so emotionally torn up, found out I was bipolar and majorly depressed, and eventually tried to kill myself.
LUCKILY, I'm much better, and that's nearly 8 years behind me. I'm treated for my conditions and I'm in a loving relationship with someone. So, it works out for the better usually.
Within the first few weeks of Freshman year of undergrad, I met a girl, and we dated for a year and a half. The whole situation was pure passion and emotions but dangerously so.
After we moved in together and got a cat our Sophomore year, I could tell things were starting to get weird. She was having more panic attacks and bipolar mood changes. I spent most of my time trying to help her get better than actually focusing on my own mental health problems.
After awhile, she would want to do the deed and I wouldn't want to, but I would acquiesce. Eventually, she would force herself on me without me wanting to do anything. It wasn't until later that I realized I was being physically and emotionally raped. Probably partially attributed to a patriarchal culture that doesn't believe it's possible for a man to be raped because we can still be aroused.
I was also gaslighted and pruned to be emotionally co-dependent on this person. When she finally cheated on me, she blamed it on me and not on her. I was so desensitized that it didn't really phase me anymore. We still had to live together for a few months, and she would make a point of having sex with the person she cheated on me with while they knew I was in the apartment. It was a constant glossy-eyed feeling for me.
Eventually, she told me to move out and break the lease. I did so and then she threatened to sue me for breaking the lease (seriously). I was so emotionally torn up, found out I was bipolar and majorly depressed, and eventually tried to kill myself.
LUCKILY, I'm much better, and that's nearly 8 years behind me. I'm treated for my conditions and I'm in a loving relationship with someone. So, it works out for the better usually.
