[Other OPEN] Trials of Olympus

[(Drakath)]

(I'm not really a Percy Jackson fan (only vaguely know what it's about) but this RP sounds fun so, here goes...)

Name: Kiro Irakuza
Gender: Male
Age: 13
Appearance: Darkish skinned and thin. His lack of muscle and weight may not show it, but he's got a bit of strength behind those limbs. Just barely under 6 feet tall. He has straightened super dark red hair that appears as a nearly black, very dark brown that is just like his eyes. There's also a streak of dark red dye in front and on the left that drapes slightly over his face.

Attire: He's wearing a black masked hoodie with a grey design strewn across it and a red and black shirt underneath. On his lower half, he has dark jeans with black shoes that have dark red designs and laces. He also has gloves that can change from fingerless to fingered.

Personality: Kiro is very rash and lives for thrills. It often gets him into trouble. He goes about life in a very carefree manner, until he gets into trouble that is. He often procrastinates with things he doesn't want to do to have fun. Kiro also isn't the nicest person. Overall he is a childish butthole.

Godly Parent: Hermes, God of Travel, Commerce, Athletics, ect.

History: Growing up in Tokyo, Japan with a busy father and a shady mother, Kiro always needed something to keep him entertained. Luckily his step-father worked in the toy industry, so he often came home with something new to play with. Unfortunately one night, the toys just weren't enough. His boredom boiled over and he went out to find something to do. After witnessing a robbery, Kiro decided to follow the criminals and the next night he stole the item back and returned it to the rightful owner. He tried once more, and realized that he was good at it. Eventually, what started as a "Robin Hood" like activity, slowly became a game. His mother, though displeased with his actions, was at least glad he didn't get caught, as his arrest could lead to her own. His activities were halted one day when he was sent to New York State in America, where he quickly picked up English as a second language, to attend Three Fates School for Troubled Youth.

Abilities: With limited Umbrakinesis, Kiro can absorb shadows to manipulate them and some of their dark energy, turn invisible, and heal slightly.

Additional Information: Inherits many weaker versions of Hermes's several enhanced skills. Though he mainly uses them for thievery, as he enjoys messing with people and the rush of a difficult heist.

Roleplay Sample: https://www.pokecommunity.com/posts/9370109/

 

[Strange]

In case a spot opens up, I've got an SU

Spoiler:

(I'm not really a Percy Jackson fan (only vaguely know what it's about) but this RP sounds fun so, here goes...)

Name: Kiro Irakuza
Gender: Male
Age: 13
Appearance: Darkish skinned and thin. His lack of muscle and weight may not show it, but he's got a bit of strength behind those limbs. Just barely under 6 feet tall. He has straightened super dark red hair that appears as a nearly black, very dark brown that is just like his eyes. There's also a streak of dark red dye in front and on the left that drapes slightly over his face.

Attire: He's wearing a black masked hoodie with a grey design strewn across it and a red and black shirt underneath. On his lower half, he has dark jeans with black shoes that have dark red designs and laces. He also has gloves that can change from fingerless to fingered.

Personality: Kiro is very rash and lives for thrills. It often gets him into trouble. He goes about life in a very carefree manner, until he gets into trouble that is. He often procrastinates with things he doesn't want to do to have fun. Kiro also isn't the nicest person. Overall he is a childish butthole.

Godly Parent: Hermes, God of Travel, Commerce, Athletics, ect.

History: Growing up in Tokyo, Japan with busy parents, Kiro always needed something to keep him entertained. Luckily his father worked in the toy industry, so he often came home with something new to play with. Unfortunately one night, his boredom boiled over and he went out to find something to do. He came across his mother in and alleyway, where he realized that she was in league with the Yakuza. Then, ever since he mastered his abilities, he's been secretly living a life of theft related crime, though simply to screw with the investigators. Whenever a case went cold he'd leave another clue, occasionally returning the stolen items, or frame people only to anonymously prove them innocent upon arrest. His mother, though displeased with his actions, was at least glad he didn't get caught and was keeping the police attention away from her own crimes. His activities were halted one day when he was sent to New York State in America, where he quickly picked up English as a second language, to attend Three Fates School for Troubled Youth.

Abilities:

Spoiler:

Photokinesis: The ability to control and manipulate light.

Toxikinesis: The ability to summon and manipulate poisons.

Umbrakinesis: The ability to manipulate darkness and the shadows.

Additional information: Desires immortality so he can take Hermes's place as God of Thievery, though not openly. Inherits most of Hermes's several enhanced skills. Though he mainly uses them for thievery, as he enjoys messing with people and the rush of a difficult heist.

Roleplay Sample: https://www.pokecommunity.com/posts/9370109/

I don't want to sound picky, but I need to be a bit more choosy with sign-ups this late in as it's harder to start out after we've already finished the prequel Arc. Here are a few issues I've found, although most are just things that break canon, and while breaking canon can work in some places I feel like these need to be addressed.

Your character's powers are very generic, the limits of his powers are not explained, and the powers don't fit with the godly parent you've chosen. Hermes is the god of messengers, merchants, and to a lesser extent, thieves. None of these explain poison or light manipulation, although I guess I can understand shadow manipulation. Your character has two parents, which means the father needs to be a step-parent, based on your character's godly parent being Hermes, which should probably be explained or mentioned in your history. A child becoming a mafia member and outsmarting the police is a bit far fetched and kind of hilarious to think about, not to mention that demigod powers don't surface until around puberty, so he wouldn't have had enough time to "master" his powers yet. Also his crimes preventing the police from noticing his mother's crimes doesn't really make sense.

I also feel obligated to tell you someone else is/has been in the process of making an su for the spot, so keep that in mind.

 

[(Drakath)]

I don't want to sound picky, but I need to be a bit more choosy with sign-ups this late in as it's harder to start out after we've already finished the prequel Arc. Here are a few issues I've found, although most are just things that break canon, and while breaking canon can work in some places I feel like these need to be addressed.

I think I've fixed the SU (or at least improved upon it) Also, since I joined late, how exactly will I start out?

 

[Strange]

Snip

I apologize for not posting this sooner but this was the first time I've had access to a computer since my last post, which was a bit rushed as I was pressed for time and needed to finish some work. I've been busy lately and another experienced roleplayer wrote up this critique of your sign-up, which I've read over and agree with completely. So if you could kindly read it over, I really think it will help you improve as a writer, as well as improve your character's design.

Spoiler:

Appearance: Darkish skinned and thin. His lack of muscle and weight may not show it, but he's got a bit of strength behind those limbs. Just barely under 6 feet tall. He has straightened super dark red hair that appears as a nearly black, very dark brown that is just like his eyes. There's also a streak of dark red dye in front and on the left that drapes slightly over his face.

Just a note: This is extremely tall for a 13 year old Japanese kid.

Attire: He's wearing a black masked hoodie with a grey design strewn across it and a red and black shirt underneath. On his lower half, he has dark jeans with black shoes that have dark red designs and laces. He also has gloves that can change from fingerless to fingered.

Why is he clearly a delinquent? An emo delinquent, at that.

Personality: Kiro is very rash and lives for thrills. It often gets him into trouble. He goes about life in a very carefree manner, until he gets into trouble that is. He often procrastinates with things he doesn't want to do to have fun. Kiro also isn't the nicest person. Overall he is a childish butthole.

This is painfully basic. There are three sentences worth of writing here, maximum. There's no depth whatsoever, and you give me no idea how he'll actually interact with people, let alone how he really acts at all. There's not even a clue as to how he turned into such a wannabe scene kid in 1970s Japan, when goth culture alone only took off in the 1980s in England.

As a side note, if you can use "overall" to describe someone, you need to rethink how to describe them.

History: Growing up in Tokyo, Japan with a busy father and a shady mother, Kiro always needed something to keep him entertained. Luckily his step-father worked in the toy industry, so he often came home with something new to play with. Unfortunately one night, the toys just weren't enough. His boredom boiled over and he went out to find something to do. After witnessing a robbery, Kiro decided to follow the criminals and the next night he stole the item back and returned it to the rightful owner. He tried once more, and realized that he was good at it. Eventually, what started as a "Robin Hood" like activity, slowly became a game. His mother, though displeased with his actions, was at least glad he didn't get caught, as his arrest could lead to her own. His activities were halted one day when he was sent to New York State in America, where he quickly picked up English as a second language, to attend Three Fates School for Troubled Youth.

Lot of problems here. At least, more than any other section.

How does he get bored when he's constantly being given new things to play with? Why does he turn to being a thief against armed criminals when he's not even 13 years old at that point? How did he follow them overnight? Does he not have a curfew? Are his parents really that inattentive and disgusting uncaring, even when his stepfather is actively trying to be a part of his life?

Personality says he's "not the nicest person" and "a childish butthole". Everything else about him points directly at being a typical emo kid trying to look cool. Why is he a "Robin Hood"-type character now? How does he even make a game out of it in the first place? Robberies aren't exactly common in such a short span of time for this. It's clear that you put very little effort into even figuring out how you're going to portray him, and I can guarantee it'll result in some very frequent and disappointing flip-floppery between wannabe noble thief and sniveling brat.

"his arrest could lead to her own." The law doesn't work like this. No law has ever worked like this.

How was he sent to America in the first place?

How did a Japanese teenager pick up English so quickly with literally no contact with the language?

Abilities: With limited Umbrakinesis, Kiro can absorb shadows to manipulate them and some of their dark energy, turn invisible, and heal slightly.

Honestly, all you did here was add "limited" to this, and that means nothing.

Additional Information: Inherits many weaker versions of Hermes's several enhanced skills. Though he mainly uses them for thievery, as he enjoys messing with people and the rush of a difficult heist.

What? He's 13 and going on "difficult heists"?

There is nothing consistent going on in your sheet, and the vast majority of it completely defies all plausibility. I'm sorry, but there's nothing about Kiro below the age section that's acceptable. It would take a significant overhaul before he is, and by the time you're finished it won't even remotely resemble what he is now.

 

[Oddball_]

Sirus post tomorrow, he'll be in a rundown empty cabin on the edge of the woods w bone kitty.

 

[Ewery1]

Sirus post tomorrow, he'll be in a rundown empty cabin on the edge of the woods w bone kitty.

Omg oddy no no no that's not how cabins work anymore!!!!!! Ahhh

 

[Oddball_]

Really? Wiz said it was good so explain pls

 

[Strange]

Don't worry oddy you're fine, Ewery just misunderstood.

 

[Oddball_]

Giving his own kid a nightmare about hell... Terrible parent, take some lessons from Hades Phobes.

 

[Fen-Fen]

Name: Makana Kai

Age: 16

Sex: Female

Appearance: Somewhat short at 5' 3" but nonetheless with a lithe musculature and with a curvy, toned figure, Makana certainly looks the part of a relatively experienced surfer. Her hair, dark brown, silky, straight and extending down three inches below the breast, is usually undone except for a single braid. Her skin is a medium brown, sun-kissed and smooth. Accompanying her hair and face are a set of pretty, radiant brown eyes, reflecting warmth and serenity.

Attire: Spending lots of time near the beach and the water, Makana likes to wear bikinis or crop tops and boardshorts. Away from the beach, Makana wears casual wear for the year round tropical weather of Hawaii, dressed in light, colorful shorts, tank tops and a pair of hardy sandals. Really, she has no clothes for the clothes for the cold since it's non existent in Honolulu. Her warmest items of clothing is a pair of jeans and a cardigan.

Godly Parent: Amphitrite

Personality: Hardly what you would call an enigma or reserved, this surfer girl from Hawaii is laidback and tranquil most of the time. While being so relaxed, Makana has a healthy sense of humor, never above cracking jokes, puns or generally trying to lighten the mood. She feels that life is too short to be tense and worried. Despite being laidback and generally pleasant to be around, she is not the best at emotional perception. She stumbles at trying to articulate and recognize emotional strife that afflicts people, often to her disappointment when she might speak the "wrong" thing or not knowing what to say. While able to provide solace on certain fronts, especially if the concerns are related to stress, Makana's scope can only go so far, but nonetheless tries to the best of her abilities.

In the interest of keeping things as open and genuine, Makana is quite straightforward and honest, almost brutally so; however, she does not do it out of a need to be spiteful or dry and does not deliver her honest thoughts in any tone of spite or mean-spiritedness. She does it because it asserts herself and being an independent person, mirroring her mother somewhat. Splitting her time between the sea and herself, Makana is happy when alone, but does not particularly mind company, provided that it is of the right kind to Makana's tastes.

History: Makana was the result of a chance encounter with a seemingly ordinary but beautiful woman and local student Nikho Kai. Noticing that a woman was heading directly into oncoming traffic in Waikiki, Nikho sprinted after the woman, presumably saving her from a fatal collision with a Chevy Bel Air. Unbeknownst to him at the time, this woman was actually the goddess Amphitrite. Despite the fact that she would have been completely unharmed from a mere car, the goddess, in her kindness, appreciated the gesture and grew to befriend Nikho. Shy, kind and quiet, Nikho found the woman quite cute and charming. Eventually, after a slow process, the two got intimately acquainted with each other and she confessed to her true identity: a goddess from Greek times. She had been in search of the island of Naxos, only to find the new modernized tropical paradise known as Hawaii, complete with roads and cars. Nikho could only laugh incredulously, having remembered his high school's English teacher's fascination with the subject and her imparted teachings related to it. The two's bond deepened from there into a passionate romance, and they eventually bore a child, before Amphitrite had to bid adieu to her mortal lover.

Makana, born on August 5, 1962 in Honolulu, Hawaii, was wholly unaware of this heritage. All she knew was that even as a child, she loved the water. While hardly unusual on the island, it was in her extraordinary natural talent for swimming and surfing that brought her acclaim from many of the local kids her age. As far as Makana knew, things were peachy and wonderful. Her father's income seemed steady enough running a local surf shop in Waikiki, and all was well for the young girl. Barring a few strange incidents with some funky looking people, being able to stay perpetually in the water no matter what and of course, the time she spoke with a shark, all was normal. Makana went about her life with a penchant for the beach and the popular art of surfing.

One of the most dramatic of these events was when Makana was able to drive to new digs on a beach on the North Shore area of Oahu. The waves were bigger, and so too were the strange things going on. Strange creatures that seemed to lurk just out of sight. This culminated in an incident while surfing by herself. A creature had jumped up and attacked her, wiping her out and certainly dooming Makana, had it not been for the fact that the so-called "Mermaid" as she was called by her friends simply could not drown and was able to breath underwater. The attack, however, was a different story. Thinking that she would die at the hands of the monster and not realizing the true strength Makana had in the water, Makana was supremely surprised that she wrested the creature off of her with relative ease and through seemingly the power of willpower, exerted a sort of control over the creature and banished it back to the ocean.

The near miss with the monster convinced Nikho to send his daughter to Camp Half-Blood. It was only a matter of time before Makana would be facing more mythical things, and Makana would need some source of guidance for this. He told his daughter that much, assuring her that all would be explained and that this "summer camp" would help her. In a sense, he said, it was a "self-defense" camp on Long Island in New York State.

Powers:

Hydrokinesis- With the ability to bend water into constructs, create jets of water, manipulate the ocean to create giant waves and other such masterful tricks involving the water, Makana can manipulate all forms of water in great volume. Alongside the "active" properties, more "passive" traits related to the sea, such as increased strength and power from water, heat resistance, navigation in the seas and healing powers are present.

Dominion of the Sea- As the daughter of the Queen of the Sea, she holds dominion over creatures of the sea, from the humble mackerel to the fearsome great white shark. By doing so, she can fully communicate with them and use them as weapons of the sea. This same powers applies to some mythological creatures of the sea, but not as strongly as a descendant of Poseidon or Keto.

 

[Timmy696969]

what even is this