why are so many people in their 20s taking so long to grow up?

[girliehhhhhh]

It's happening all over, in all sorts of families, not just young people moving back home but also young people taking longer to reach adulthood overall. It's a development that predates the current economic doldrums, and no one knows yet what the impact will be — on the prospects of the young men and women; on the parents on whom so many of them depend; on society, built on the expectation of an orderly progression in which kids finish school, grow up, start careers, make a family and eventually retire to live on pensions supported by the next crop of kids who finish school, grow up, start careers, make a family and on and on. The traditional cycle seems to have gone off course, as young people remain un tethered to romantic partners or to permanent homes, going back to school for lack of better options, traveling, avoiding commitments, competing ferociously for unpaid internships, forestalling the beginning of adult life.

The 20s are a black box, and there is a lot of churning in there. One-third of people in their 20s move to a new residence every year. Forty percent move back home with their parents at least once. They go through an average of seven jobs in their 20s, more job changes than in any other stretch. Two-thirds spend at least some time living with a romantic partner without being married. And marriage occurs later than ever. The median age at first marriage in the early 1970s, when the baby boomers were young, was 21 for women and 23 for men; by 2009 it had climbed to 26 for women and 28 for men, five years in a little more than a generation.

 

[Kura]

Because prices for everything has gone up, including housing prices.. and a lot of people need post-secondary education (degrees) to get a decent job. >_> And on average the youngest people can graduate is 21 years old..


Simple as that.

There's no expectation to get married while young anymore.. and honestly.. if you can afford waiting.. then why not wait? At least then you'll know there's a better chance that you'll be settling down with the right person because you've known them for longer.

 

[Margot]

Because prices for everything has gone up, including housing prices.. and a lot of people need post-secondary education (degrees) to get a decent job. >_> And on average the youngest people can graduate is 21 years old..


Simple as that.

There's no expectation to get married while young anymore.. and honestly.. if you can afford waiting.. then why not wait? At least then you'll know there's a better chance that you'll be settling down with the right person because you've known them for longer.

Exactly what I was going to say. The very fact that it will most likely cost me around 30k a year for college and then another 40k after that for law school will put me in some major debt before i'm even 30 years-old. So I currently have no choice but to live at home while I go to a 2 year school so I can save up and get scholarships and loans to get the rest of my degrees. Not to mention, in America it's really hard to get a job right now with the economy :/ would I like to be moved out and doing my own thing? oh hell yes. Is it realistic? not really.

 

[Timbjerr]

There's also rising tuition costs, so it takes significantly longer for people to finish school than it did twenty years ago. Most people of this demographic are also unwilling to rely on their parents for financial help, thus prolonging the time it takes to graduate college even more. There's only so much one can do to pay for college when the best job you can find is in retail/fast food hell. >_>

I'm a special case...a victim of circumstance where I literally can't rely on my parents to help me financially, no matter how much I wish I could....23 years old and still a college Sophomore. D:

 

[poopnoodle]

maybe you ought to link to the article(s) you copy-paste from.

adding onto what kura said, young people these days tend to be hedonistic and impatient (the result of being pampered by parents and society, often times), and i admit to being one of those young people- i don't know where i'm headed, i haven't taken the time to learn about handling money and i guess i'm not as frugal as i should be, and i don't take much initiative when it comes to finding a job and figuring out where i want to go career-wise. it's a different situation for everyone and an issue that stems from a lot of aspects of society (economy, education system, parental guidance, etc), but i think i can quite relate to the average young adult.

as for marriage, while young people now seem to be more lustful than our parents might have been back in their younger years (which i think is the result of society molding sexuality into something rather phantasmagoric over the years), i think society has kinda opened up to the idea that you don't have to get married to express romantic commitment with another person, which might contribute.

 

[girliehhhhhh]

Yes, it is from NY times.

The tricky part right now is that the economy is such a mess that businesses can't afford to pay those with higher degrees. A lot of teachers were laid off in San Diego county, and people who had Bachelors and Masters degrees were reduced to looking for work anywhere they could. A lot of my friends even had to resort to taking their degrees off their resumes to even get considered for lower paying positions just so they could obtain some sort of employment. As it looks right now (at least in my own situation), sticking with one industry and working your way up ensures stronger job security.

 

[Livewire]

Because prices for everything has gone up, including housing prices.. and a lot of people need post-secondary education (degrees) to get a decent job. >_> And on average the youngest people can graduate is 21 years old..


Simple as that.

There's no expectation to get married while young anymore.. and honestly.. if you can afford waiting.. then why not wait? At least then you'll know there's a better chance that you'll be settling down with the right person because you've known them for longer.

In this situation, getting married while young is an advantage. You and your spouse's resources get pooled together, so there's actually more money to go around, which makes it easier to pay for things. And it's often easier in terms of employment when you're married too.

 

[Fyreflies]

"Grown up" is a hard thing to define in some cases. To many, I'm not "grown up" because I like cartoons and don't want marriage/children, even though I know what I want to do with myself and my life, am a legal adult, and am working towards independence. People are less interested in molding themselves to a static norm these days, so the less "adult" things are shining through.

I think we all know why kids are hanging around the nest longer, though, looking at previous posts.

 

[Kura]

In this situation, getting married while young is an advantage. You and your spouse's resources get pooled together, so there's actually more money to go around, which makes it easier to pay for things. And it's often easier in terms of employment when you're married too.

Do you mean just living together? Like a commonlaw marriage? Because a wedding can cost a heck of a lot of time and money.. and a lot of people wouldn't just want to fudge one just to pool resources together- usually for people.. they only want to get married once and it's special.

.. Plus.. >_> Do you really think a large amount of the population knows they've found "the one" when only 20 years old?

It's more realistic to stay with your parents and wait or move in with someone. But moving in and pooling together can get complicated.. >_> There are no prenups ...

 

[Guillermo]

Depends what you define as 'growing up.' Like Kura said, the prices of things like houses, marriage finances, insurance, cars, etc, have increased dramatically. Really I don't think you can measure how grown up someone is by where they live and what they own, but that's just me.

 

[Alice]

Growing up sucks. I'd stay a kid forever if I could, and I know other people as old as 34 (NCS) that are the same way.

 

[Zeph.]

Growing up sucks. I'd stay a kid forever if I could, and I know other people as old as 34 (NCS) that are the same way.

Here, here!

Plus, on a less economical note, young people like to have fun. Settling in to a full time job, starting a family and having to pay the bills etc is a big step up from drinks with friends every weekend/holiday you have :P

 

[Amaruuk]

I really don't feel grown up yet, myself, to be honest. I'm not one of those spoiled kids that spend college drinking and partying and then drop out and go live with mom, but I recognize that I still have a lot to learn. Perhaps part of it is a mindset that there is always room for growth. Perhaps it's because I want to be an adult, and therefore the parts of me that aren't stick out to me more. Perhaps it's because I'm not financially independent yet (not till I get out of college and get my career going). I'm not juvenile in my ways but somehow I don't feel 100% like an adult. I kind of figured that this is how people usually feel until maybe 25 or so, when enough years separate them from adolescence to where there's no longer any doubts about adulthood.

The 20s to me are a time of self-discovery. Find out who you are and what exactly you want out of life, and then pursue it. You can't really have that experience as a teen because in most cases you haven't gotten out on your own yet and may be governed still by things like parents and high school. A baby bird still in a nest. But when you leap out and take flight, you have a whole new world to take in, and life's true journey begins. I consider the day I moved out to be, in a sense, a second birth. I feel that all my real, true growth is being had out here, learning for myself.

Getting married too young is something I look down upon. A lot of young people that do it do so because they're impatient and jumping into it without really understanding what it takes to be in a marriage. Then you end up with lots of early divorces and unhappy campers. Living with someone before marriage is also a trend I don't approve of in most cases. Splitting the costs of an apartment with friends is one thing (and it's almost necessary in many cases), but living with your significant other implies a certain level of commitment. Again, a lot of people are impatient and do it without thinking it over and in the end it often (but not always) leads in some way to the relationship's demise. I also agree with Kura. You probably aren't gonna find 'the one' at 20. Even if they are, you both have growing to do, and jumping into marriage or anything like that so soon is gonna lessen or kill your chances at long-term success, 'the one' or not. Take your time. Marriage isn't a status symbol. Real life isn't a Disney film. Patience is a virtue.

I hate how many young people tend to define 'fun' as 'drinking and partying' and define being 'mature' as being a stiff and boring fun-hater. Just thought I'd throw that out there, because I have a feeling that attitude isn't helping the state of things these days.

I gotta agree with Guillermo. Taking longer to get through college because of its expense or because it's more necessary for a career these days or how soon you own a house or those kinds of things don't define whether you're 'grown up'. Attitude, maturity and responsibility do.

I also agree with Fyreflies. The traditional 'norm' is dissolving, and individual people are taking individual routes to their individual ideas of fruitful adult life. People are pursuing what they want out of life rather that what society picks for them. I think it's a good thing.

 

[Guy]

In this situation, getting married while young is an advantage. You and your spouse's resources get pooled together, so there's actually more money to go around, which makes it easier to pay for things. And it's often easier in terms of employment when you're married too.

Well, I'd say marriage at an early age in today's world can be a keep back. Most "kids" in their early 20's are usually still attending college / university, or they are now getting into it. Plus, having to manage your own rent, mortgage, car payments, school fees, etc. along with your spouse's, who may have the same money issues can hold both people in the relationship behind if they can barely keep up with themselves.

I'm not saying getting married at an early age is a bad thing as it does have its benefits, but in many cases people aren't ready for it. To add onto what Kura said about possibly not finding the right person for you, it also costs money to have a divorce. :\ So, I can see all of this as a bit of a keep back for someone in their early 20's. Even simply rooming with someone can complicate things a bit, but if you have that potential to afford it, then it may have the chance to work. Although, it just isn't for everyone.

Today, money and cost plays a large effect in the direction people are headed and how they mature as a person.

Growing up sucks. I'd stay a kid forever if I could, and I know other people as old as 34 (NCS) that are the same way.

Don't we all, buddy?

Going back to the maturity of a young twenty-year-old adult; I think how a child was raised by their own parent can play a large role. I mean if you have a parent who could careless about you, you naturally just grow up with a carefree spirit, which only slows down progression in your maturity. However, when you have a parent or guardian who is there to guide you in the right direction, then one's maturity by the time they are twenty or older can differentiate. They mature at a much faster pace and gain knowledge on managing life in the right way.

...and just to add to how one grows up can effect their adult maturity, certain changes in life (such as a parent dying) can play a role on how one grows up today. They can either have to grow up faster than most kids in that they have to manage more responsibilities, or they either grow up with a more troubled life which can lead to a slow growth to becoming an adult.

 

[Rogue planet]

Going back to the maturity of a young twenty-year-old adult; I think how a child was raised by their own parent can play a large role. I mean if you have a parent who could careless about you, you naturally just grow up with a carefree spirit, which only slows down progression in your maturity. However, when you have a parent or guardian who is there to guide you in the right direction, then one's maturity by the time they are twenty or older can differentiate. They mature at a much faster pace and gain knowledge on managing life in the right way.

I'd have to disagree with this. I would not have thought being spoonfed by your parents would help you to mature faster, in fact I have noticed it has quite the opposite effect; if parents are spoon feeding their child then the child just becomes reliant on their parents, and also have a lack of personal judgement skills, because they've only learnt what their parent has taught them so tend to make decisions based on what their parents would do, rather than thinking for themselves. It also depends on what the parent is like as an individual; if someone's parent is racist bigot and "guides" their children into that way of thinking, then the child just becomes a 'carbon copy' of the parent and then we have another immature idiot around. Even if the parents are teaching good values, then I don't think it can be called maturity; just soaking up beliefs and blindly following them because your parents said it was the right thing isn't maturity, imo.
Of course, simply pointing their children in the right direction is not a bad thing and can help them know which way to follow, but ultimately it is up to the child's own personal merit.

And then on the other hand you have the children whose parents couldn't care less about them. I definitely would not say they lack maturity, in fact they can learn to become independent a lot earlier than everyone else their age. If their parents don't care about them then they have to learn to survive on their own, and they don't rely on anybody to do anything for them, as a result they can be a lot more mature than the typical teenager whose been babied by their parents all their life. Which I've also witnessed myself.

I'd say this situation can also be very reliant on peers though, if someone doesn't have their parents guiding them then they can often turn to another way of being educated about the world, which is most often friends at school. Now it all depends on what crowd they mix in with, and I think that will have much more of an effect than the role of their parents. People with caring parents can always end up doing this aswell. So anyone could still end up being an immature deadbeat if they mix in with the wrong crowd; but more often than not, I've seen the people with uncaring parents can mature a lot faster.

 

[Rich Boy Rob]

Because getting older is compulsory, growing up is optional.

 

[Zebeedoo]

To be honest... in my opinion. Not everything lasts or stays the same. Things are changing/progressing (such as prices of houses --as Kura mentioned-- etc etc) as the years go on. Just like people change as they get older, it could just take longer because this is TODAY. Not 30 years ago or whenever when plenty of things will have changed from then onwards. They may 'grow up' at an older age, rather than in their 20's (as 20-30 is still quite a young age, to be honest) because of all this change. Though people don't HAVE to 'grow up' if they don't want to. They can still be as childish as they were as a kid/teenager. They have the right to. People can't just grow up just like that. They don't have to get married at such a young age either.. some people may wait until their 40's to get married such as some relatives of mine.

 

[Mario The World Champion]

I'm going to agree with what Kura, poopnoodle and Fyreflies have said. I hardly see a reason why this has to be asked.

 

[Guy]

.....

Fair enough.

I'll admit what I said was a bit lean way, reading it over again, but I still agree that a parent's method of raising their child does play a role on how much a person grows as an adult. Depending on the parent's individual personality, method of discipline, attitude, and train of thought (views), it all takes toll on the child and later their adulthood views. Of course, in the end it is up to their choice (the child / young adult) on what they choose; as it has been seen in some cases that the individual being raised may learn to not agree with their parent based on today's lifestyle.

Speaking of today's lifestyle, comparing it to how people in their 20's almost thirty years ago is completely different. Overtime, people changed, opinions changed. Before, it was thought that having a divorce was an embarrassment, but today people couldn't give a hoot on what others think. So, when it comes to someone in their 20's maturity, it has also evolved (or devolved?) since then. Again, the change in lifestyle over the years does take part. Which is fair reason enough sided by cost and money values today.

 

[femtrooper]

Besides the money issue, which makes perfect sense, here are some other reasons why:

• People have different relationships with their parents than people did 20 years ago. Parents (IMO) have become more friends than just 'parents'.
• Life is good...why would I want to leave?
• And I honestly think that the year of leaving home which use to be 18 has been pushed more to 21+.

I dunno. I am 21, in University and I live with my parents. My parents are awesome and I have a great life. Why would I leave? Once I have my **** together and a degree I will move out with my boyfriend, but until then, it gives me a chance to save up for a down payment on a house.