JX Valentine

About my first line because I just got home (yay for having a manager who's like "Eh, go kill time on the computer, kay?"): you might want to try a bastardized drunken version of a complementary color scheme. Analogous is too calming, and monochromatic is just meh. (Unless you do various shades of black. :V)

Neon green and neon pink (HOT PINK!!!) with maybe a bit of neon orange might just be enough color to blind people, since green and red are a giant decorating no-no.

wtf do ur paper

Try shades of "neon". Green and yellow might work. I think you would have to go with the worst color combinations ever. The basic one for an example is red and green. I might have to dig through my interior design magazines once I get home for worst color combos ever.

No CSS code for you unless you give us money. We're like LiveJournal!

He's actually rather adorably shy. But he did show me the pillow he keeps in the back of his car. >____>

I also have to dig through the old photo albums buried in my house for those pictures of me in my ballet costumes. You will actually be seeing full pictures of me that aren't shot at MySpace-y angles!

For some reason, I misread your OTP sentence as if it was about my OTP, and started to wonder why Angel was nomming on the souls of children. And what Andrew would do in response to finding out.

I'm really not the best judge with blinding colors, since my eyes are always tired. Also, I like blinding colors, so...my opinion means nothing! Maybe you need to use the power of the UBOA LIGHTSWITCH RAVE!

I'm not quite sure how the guy I'm going out with would feel about you randomly demanding to make out with me.

On that note: I lol'd. Loudly. And I just realized how terribly redundant saying "I laughed out loud loudly" is. Good job, Astinus.

My phone refused to load your profile for a while there. Must be a sign.

But that reminds me that I did used to wear costumes like that when I did ballet dancing. I should really scan in those photos.

Way to block me from responding to you for having a differing opinion, Yusshin?

My problem with what you're saying is that you're essentially stating that you won't listen to a detailed review that's backed up with careful analysis from someone who actually has done her research (read: has a good idea how the publishing industry works and spent more years than you've been alive working with writing) just because it's not a majority opinion. Be more open-minded and take into consideration all of the advice and constructive criticism you get, not just the stuff that isn't brought up a lot. After all, you yourself have said that you don't like commenting on plot and characterization because they're your weak spots. What if everyone else who's been giving you comments happen to be weak in those areas, too, and that happens to be my strong suit? That situation would mean I can confidently comment on things other people don't want to touch due to insecurity, so if you blow off my review for everyone else's, you're running a risk of blowing off points on which you can improve that no one else wants to point out.

Also, considering I haven't actually said anything to you that's personal, I'd just like to say blocking my ability to reply to you is unnecessary, aside from being a great way to piss me off. You're going to get negative reviews in an open writing community. It happens. Learn how to deal with it.

Summary of my opinion: I'll take criticism into account, but not all of it. Grammar errors, context errors, etc. will obviously be changed, so long as the style of the story isn't affected. Things I don't agree with won't be changed unless there's a huge uproar about it or it's obviously very, very wrong / grammar-based / hole-in-what's-already-be-stated kind of deal. S'all.

You like to write long responses, hoy boy.

A lot of your grammar suggestions I'll be implementing in the future. I'll review the other chapters for weirdo errors as I go along.

Also, the "hurt my feelings" thing, it wasn't meant to alter your response or anything. I could care less; I mentioned it merely because I like expressing my opinions and my feelings. I wasn't looking for pity.

As said, I'll be considering quite a chunk of what you've said (mostly grammatical things), but there are some things that I won't edit, such as giving too much "irrelevant" information before the plot begins. That's how I like to write, and that's how I will continue to write this story.

I used the "medieval-like" title on it mostly because when people see a story with no electricity, no plumbing, swords, kingdoms, etc. it appears medieval-like, just as the Legend of Zelda is viewed that way. I don't think anyone views LoZ as a third-world country, and I don't want to dub my 'fic that way, since not everyone's poor with ruined houses and diseases, bad soil, etc.

Meh.

I just think you're a bit harsh on certain things, s'all. You could go about reviewing a bit nicer, rather than pulling a Simon Cowell and making people feel crappy about their work.

You kinda crippled my mood yesterday after I read your review. I agree on quite a few of the grammar things, but I feel you try to impede on style and creativity too harshly. The story is fictional. It's not a recount of the 1,500s with Pokemon thrown in. I don't want to set Pokemon in a 100% medieval world because there are things I want to include in my story that aren't historical. The reason for "-like" at the end is just to show that it has the basic concept of the medieval world - no electricity, no plumbing, no furnaces, the inclusion of swords, fencing, pirates, and a kingdom ruled by monarchy - but it's not historical. I want to express my ideals freely. If I want a world that's a bit different from history, I should be able to. After all, it's my story.

I've just come to terms with the fact that some people are going to like my story (in this case, the majority both here and at Serebii), and some aren't going to (so far, you). The last novel I made was way too rushed and you couldn't even relate to the characters, the plot... All of those important things.

The plot in this one slowly develops - it isn't thrown in your face, no. You won't know why Shin was spared until much later in the story, just like Shin won't discover it until later, too. You won't know why Lumina is so treacherous, what her goals are, and why she spared one kid until later either. The story's only 6% done. You'll understand when the plot begins to develop. A key character actually makes their presence in chapter six. Although I'm assuming that the plot won't actually commence until around chapter eleven or twelve, there's a lot of key information that's jumbled in before then that becomes relevant later on. Patience is required to fully comprehend; you can't understand something if the main character him/herself doesn't understand, either.

I do like you pointing out grammatical things, though. The only part that bothered me was the bashing of the not-even-started-yet plot, and the insinuation that I absolutely suck at writing. As a person, I know that's not true. It's been three years since I wrote a novel, and over a year since I used English verbally. I'll obviously be a bit rusty lol but I have improved significantly, and I can honestly say I write better than a lot of people do, older or not. I'm pretty damn good for 17.

Also, I like word count :s it makes me feel nice to know that I've over 20,000 words written, and I'm not even 1/10th done yet. My first novel was 86,000 words; it's not really a proud factor, but a comparison to how well I can expand based on that other piece of crap I wrote when I was 13, and editted until 15.

Thank you. :)

Thank you for informing me of this. i apologize for my vagueness in posting. I am not used to reviewing, just encouraging, but i will try to improve. Thank you.

Thanks bud. Cheerio to you :D

Yeah, I do lol xD I'm not a plot-developer, though, so it's to be expected that I'd suck at giving suggestions :s I'm a grammar person and a grammar / language / proof-reading beta reader - not a comprehensive reader. The vagueness may seem not very helpful, but I do point out what I think could be improved. I don't know how she would go about doing that, though. I did suggest metaphors for certain things and to change certain words so they wouldn't sound redundant xD but I suppose if it's not direct examples, it's kinda worthless to even state that the details are lacking.

Thanks a lot :s especially for helping me clarify the 900/1,400 words part. I thought it was a rule @-@ whoops.

Here it is; I found it, but I mixed it a bit. I thought it was a rule, but it's a suggestion :s


http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=29844

I'll edit my thread; I mixed up information.

I read that in the rules in the forum; chapters need at least 1,000 words, and one-shots need 1,400. I'll find it and show you :s

And I did suggest how to do that xD I said there wasn't enough details or development, and that she should expand on it.

Hey, you! Not usually too fond of this VM stuff - and, hey, your section is red and black O_O - but I figured I'd say hello, since it was your talk about reviewing that led me here. Long sentence short; hello and thanks. ;)

If PC blows up in a bloody chunk of fail, I might just quit forums all together. It'll leave me more time to travel around LJ, which is where I spend a lot of my Internet time. Plus, the communities I tend to go to do not have seventeen-year-old males, which are the bane of my existence.

Before I leave though, I'll blow **** up. Mass carnage everywhere.

The anon meme is good when there isn't wank. And sure, the picture threads are also good. But I think now it's getting to the point where it's like "type random Pokemon character into search bar on Pivix, search, post first result in thread, get no replies". Yes, it's Roark and a Cranidos. Whoo.

The answer to the situation described in your last paragraph all depends on what age we're talking. Six-years-old? KILL CHICKENS BY KICKING THEM. IN THE CROTCH. And other ages contain spoilers for Ender In Exile. You really should read it. It's deemed as the worst book Card has ever written, and is so full of fail.

Imagine Peter in Hyrule. Just walking along, and little chickens stretched out on sticks as far as the eye can see.

This VM was originally longer when I decided that you probably didn't need to hear my six-in-the-morning OSC slash ramblings.

There's really not a lot of drama. In fact, I've been sneaking off, taking whatever time I could be swinging my mod stick around to actually be playing Adventure Island for the NES. But, honestly, they'll run around and say that they are ready to work and do whatever you ask, but then something new and sparkly will appear, and they're gone forever. Your reward will be an axe hidden in an egg that upgrades to a skateboard if you can keep the spirit strong until things get done. Because the mod is on Adventure Island.

Speaking of old Nintendo games, someone posted a picture of Bill on the pokeanon meme, and I thought he was Link. But Bill can't use swords or boomerangs or - Heaven forbid! - bombs. He would probably chase chickens around and poke them repeatedly until they turn on him. All in the name of SCIENCE!

Someone bumped your fic. I could close it, but the review's kind of on the meh side. (You have typing errors! Let me not point them out!)

Your call, really. I'm just not sure if you're going to be posting chapters over here or not.

Whoa, way to ignite the fanfic section with awesome posts. =D

And this is why I hate uni and my laptop dying utterly so I could not do stuff. But I have easter break soon. Maybe that should be a time when I actually review something. (!)

Anways have some more awesome points. =P

Yes, thanks.