Well, I apparently started out as a blacksmith where this, "really hot dame" walked by and started hitting on me for reasons I don't know. Me being asexual, I didn't really want to do anything, so I try to ignore her. In order for my character to ignore her, however, I had to roll perfectly three times in a row. Long story short, I ended up banging her and we got married the next day. Within five minutes, I was burdened with a ditsy wife I didn't even like.
What version of D&D were you playing where ice cream trucks could be used as weapons?