Well, now I feel foolish. ;) I blame Flippity Day for confusing me with her strange name and big eyes. Yes. Those things were definitely the problem and not me. :P
...although I STILL MAINTAIN that your handy summary should run alongside the action, possibly in a cheerfully-animated bubble narrated by a cheerfully-animated crab. Just so's pillocks like myself can get a handle on things. Speaking of which...