Thread: Sexuality
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Old June 27th, 2013 (3:38 PM).
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Originally Posted by Purple Materia View Post
Originally Posted by Kura View Post
I don't understand the difference between being pansexual.. and just finding people you are emotionally into more attractive. I don't think they're the same thing. I don't randomly fawn over dudes walking on the street going "OH GOD HE'S SO HOT!! I WANNA DO HIM RIGHT NOW" like some other people. I don't think that would make me pansexual. Maybe it's just that pansexuals never get that initial spark of attraction that some others might get when seeing or meeting someone else- like the "there's something about you that intrigues me and I like it."? I am straight but then if I were bi, how would the difference apply?

Are people who are pansexual just not sexually/physically attracted to someone AT ALL until they get to know them? What turns that point from just "Nah I'm not sexually interested at all to you" to.. "wow this guy is actually really nice, I have a crush on him."???
Does it mean that someone who's pansexual absolutely will NOT find someone sexually attractive unless they know them first?

Would it apply then to someone who is only attracted to one gender?
Like can you be a straight-pansexual? or a gay-pansexual?

Don't mean to trivialize or anything, I am genuinely confused between someone who's pansexual, and someone who just prefers to know someone before getting sexually invested in them?
For me personally, I'm pansexual. Pansexual is defined as "all genders". Basically, you're attracted to specific people, not so much their gender.

For me at least, I'm sexually attracted to females far more than males. But if I get to know a boy, I'm capable of falling in love with him despite him not being female. Once I fall in love with him, I'm sexually attracted to him. Although if I just met him, I don't really get the "omg so hawt" feeling since I don't know him, thus not emotionally attached. Make sense?

At least, that's my two cents.
As a pansexual let me say that being pansexual is quite frankly like being in an extremely bright room. So we like to wear "Shades" to help us filter out the extraneous input. We're attracted to everybody! We can find the elegance in just about any body you can throw at us and arouse ourselves by it. Because of this, we learn probably sooner than most, that our physical spark doesn't necessarily mean love and we must cultivate a means to prevent ourselves from indulging too much.

For most of us, our emotions towards a person serve as a guiding principal to temper our physical attractions to people. So it's common that most of us, like me, are also demisexual to some degree, and require that emotional spark to kindle our physical fires. Society doesn't exactly praise lots of activity in that way with more than one partner, so it becomes an issue of choosing one from a pool of potentials that is much larger than the average straight person would have to worry about choosing from.

Purple Materia:
I think you did a pretty good job of explaining it, but there are some who don't temper themselves by the same methods that we do, and we should recognize that. I will admit that they are uncommon enough though that it's easy to not realize they're there. Some people have a better way than others do, and may not necessarily be demisexual.

Originally Posted by Harlequin View Post
I try not to assume anything, but I do have a powerful gaydar, lol. I think it rude to assume someone is of a certain sexuality due to whatever mannerisms they may have, but I am highly aware that I am a huge hypocrite when I say this, lol. I consider sexuality, or lack thereof, an important part in a person and I usually want to know what sexuality a person identifies as. Not in the first conversation, of course, but over time! I like knowing whether a guy has the possibility of ever being attracted to me, although I find it incredibly hard to believe that anyone can be attracted to me, oops.

However, I tend to assume that 90% of the people I see or engage with are heterosexual, I don't have any reasoning for this aside from the 'that's the way it is' idea.
My "Gaydar" is pretty well adjusted, even if it isn't always 100% accurate. Although in my personal standard practices, I tend not to pay much attention to it unless it's going "DINGDINGDINGDINGWEEEEWOOOWEEEEWOOOO THIS PERSON IS GAY/LESBIAN" and is too loud to ignore effectively. Then and only then do I launch a mental investigation and examine the "evidence" with a reasonable enough amount of attention to determine if the reading is false or misleading due to other sociocultural cues the target may be presenting.
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