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Employment Mafia: Game Over, You're All Hired

Name: Horace Flightstrip the Third, Esquire, Prince of Thrialamport

Profession: Porn star, Prince, Presidential Candidate in the 2016 United States elections

Desired Salary: A modest $124,000 a year

Reason for choosing Ackbar Industries: Expanding my horizons, hoping to meet women
 
Name: Melody Concerto

Profession: Information Technology & Networking Security Technician

Desired Salary: $100,000/Yr

Reason for choosing Ackbar Industries: Digital Traps are just as many as conventional traps are; ah there's nothing like a good old Etherkiller to kill fix a troublesome user's problem. As an experienced Operator; I can most certainly rescue you from the most devious of bastards seeking to infiltrate your private corporate systems.
 
Name: Nikki Rainbow-Lollipop Neko-Smith (aka mary sue)

Profession: Demon-Princess, terrorist, bartender, florist, baker, librarian, chef, lawyer, inventor,
basically every profession you can think of except the icky ones.

Desired salary: A small monthly income of $1,000,000.25 + $1,000 each time someone (that isn't as fabulous as I) breathes the same air as me

Reason for choosing: Pure boredom, I also need some extra income to appease my Dakimakura buying addiction.
​
 
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Name: J-Swizzle

Profession: Professional Heartbreaker and Songwriter.

Desired Salary: Money is not important to me

Reason for choosing Ackbar Industries: I once dated someone called Ackbar and left them heartbroken. Working for Ackbar Industries will make me feel forgiven by Ackbar. I am also looking for new songwriting material which I feel a workplace like Ackbar Industries can provide me.
 
Name: kaneki

Profession: gamer or batman or akinator or ninja. specialist in all of them.

Desired Salary: 5000000000000 a month

Reason for choosing Ackbar Industries: because its a trap
Also i can run a lot like very fast and i am stealthy really useful to run away of fights since i have the physical strenght of a newborn kitten. Is this even a qualification why am i putting that here?
 
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Name: Abby ~

Profession: Professional trap disarmer/ 'Peanut' User

Desired Salary: Pay me in peanuts? 3.1415926552 per day!

Reason for choosing Ackbar Industries: I like peanuts. Also, having prior knowledge in traps will allow those who hold greater power over me to tremble at their knees and succumb to the darkness shrouded around the mysterious fluid, penetrating from every angle. Nobody yet has even theorised about the cause or existance of this delightful brew, all we know is that one human knows how to extract it! And the secret is...

Also peanuts aren't nuts but I'm sure our glorious and aesthetically pleasing boss appreciates the true beauty of such a magnificent legume!​
 
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Name: Angelo Studmuffin

Profession: that kind of sexy mechanic who is inexplicitly rich and everyone wants a piece of. COVERED IN OIL.

Salary: $99k, expenses, """"favours"""".

Reason for choosing Ackbar Industry: To rise through the ranks by looking sexy and doing very little.
 
Just posting to state that I'm joining. I'll be writing . . . something up momentarily, lol

edit:

Ackbar Industries Application

Name:
Marcus Victor O'Dare


Profession:
Resident Gay "Mary Sl00t" (a sexier Mary Sue) and "Unbiased" Journalist


Desired Salary:
$∞


Reason for choosing Ackbar Industries:


People often try to come up with some sort of grandiose tale intended to impress in order to ingratiate themselves with the higher-ups of their desired business, but I'll keep it simple: Ackbar Industries would benefit greatly from my talents.

Firstly, there's the fact that everyone loves me. Everyone. I'm simply irresistible, not to mention perfect. I'm immune to all diseases and able to make the ugliest bedmate beautiful before the deed is done. If someone is off-put by me initially, it's always due to their being intimidated, and justly so. How could anyone ever hope to live up to my gorgeous self? The answer is that they cannot. But that's okay. I'm well aware of this, and I don't place ridiculous standards on those that do not have the wondrous luck of being me.

Besides that, I'm a phenomenal writer. And you know what happens when someone is both unanimously beloved and a fantastic wordsmith? Everyone reads, and everyone believes. I can write your company out of or into any situation with ease, and no one will ever question it. My words can shape the world, the mind, and everything between. Some might call me a god. They certainly aren't far off, but I don't like to go around claiming to be a deity. I'm perfect, and that's all anyone needs to be told. And if you want them to be told anything else and for them to buy into it, then I'm your man.
 
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'Roses are red, nuts are brown. Skirts go up, pants come down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's stiff and you stick it in it goes in dry, comes out wet the longer it's in. The stronger it gets it comes out dripping and starts to sag it's not what you think it's just a teabag.' - Joe Blue, The Life. ​


Name: Noah Klotz

Profession: Hot naked boy under the sun

Desired Salary: Hot pancakes, hot people, pizza, wine, pasta ;)

Reason for choosing Ackbar Industries: Looking for fun​
 
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Name: Jaskil

Profession: Mechanical Design Engineer

Desired Salary: $102,000/yr

Reason for choosing Ackbar Industries: Many of the new traps Akbar deals with are highly technical, and as such, designing and testing new ways to disarm them will allow for numerous opportunities to show my talent in Mechanical Design, and the open structure of the company will also provide ample opportunity for career advancement.
 
Name: Cay

Profession: Meme engineer

Desired Salary: $666,420/yr

Reason for choosing Ackbar Industries: To acquire the materials to find and/or construct the highest quality meme known to mankind.
 
Name: Leah Verre O' Malley

Profession: The Genius behind the secret of the Bardburger, also Full time Salt Saleslady

Desired Salary: 1 Bard Dollar / yr {1 Bard Dollar = 10,000 gold bars}

Reason for choosing Ackbar Industries: I heard this company from my friend, Brad, who says that you guys are a wonderful company. After the success of the Bardburger, I wanted something more in my life, you know. I wanted to make something that really captures my true soul, something more than exploding burgers on a poor Johnny's face. I don't know why, but joining you seems to be the better choice. Also, I hear Ackbar Industries has a lot of salt that needs selling, and I'm just the girl to do it :D
 
Name // Harvey Typhoid

Profession // Salt Consultant; I offer high-quality service and guidance on how to handle all forms of salt, whether it be the actual mineral substance or psychological feeling.

Desired Salary // Twice my own weight in pepper monthly, along with a stipend of $200 for each advisement session.

Choice Decision // No one respects the fine art of Salt Management anymore - most, if not all companies recently have reported an influx of salt and bitterness that only continues to grow every passing business quarter. It is my interest to single-highhandedly revitalize and innovate the field, ideally working in-house for a corporation to test my methods. Under my guidance, Akbar Industries will soar - not only will you see every employee calm and level-headed, with no indication of spite and animosity towards their career or other employees, but you'll always have an appropriate and reasonable amount of salt in your cafeteria shakers. I also double as an amateur therapist if the need arises (I did very well in Psych 101 when I was getting my undergraduate in Salt Philosophy.)

To boot, I will personally collect and establish a Salt Reserve for our company to hold any excess salt that secretes out of our employees. Think of the killing we could make with re-labeled Akbar Salt! It'll be certainly give those Morton folks a run for their umbrellas, if you catch my drift.

I will require a simple but roomy office on the third floor that includes one window to the street; where I will spite the human race for at least thirty minutes every day during my lunch break.

EDIT: lol gunner i had this all written up before i saw your saltlady. workbuddies. <3​
 
Name: Nani

Profession: Tree exorcist, composer, occasional musician, spriter

Desired Salary: Something at or above minimum wage, preferably 80k a year

Choice Decision: I am a strange person. This might be a fun thing to do. Also several forumers insisted I join, even though it's a hazardous decision that might result in the untimely deaths of myself and/or others.
 
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Name: Karen Michael Rosenberg

Profession: Free-Form Planner For Social Justice and Peace In Engineering

Desired Salary: 1,000,000,000 sheckles and daily Starbucks chai lattes

Reason for choosing Ackbar Industries: Every company can benefit from a social re-evaluation and deconstruction of their entire institution, to better accommodate for the growing diversity that I know is happening from the daily 200 reposts on my "F Yeah! Social Justice+" Tumblr. I provide an outlook to the progressive potential of engineering, by remembering how the design of your company storehouse's rafting can take on a social impact in such things as exclusionary bathrooms for neutral- tri- and non-gender individuals, white privilege and the rampant gentrification of the neighborhoods in which your company provides its trap-making services, and the inherently sexist, xenophobic, and homophobic denotations of keeping to "traditional" marketing (implying that all marketing isn't born equal).

You should also hire me because I will be the face of diversity in your company, being your first transethnic femmedrogynous sapiosexual employee. If you don't hire me, I will make note of it on my public Twitter and my allies will see that the head of your company has to resign for blatant discrimination against my people.
 
Bard, you useless piece of shit, YOU DIDN'T EVEN COLOR MY NAME! You must be the most careless, impudent gm I ever had the misfortune of seeing.

Not to mention the fact that you're as gender confused as professor oak and it TOOK ME MULTIPLE TIMES TO GET YOU TO REMEMBER THAT I'M A CHICK EVEN THOUGH IT'S RIGHT FUCKING THERE ON ALL MY POSTS! YOU SLOW ASS FOOL!

This game isn't even proper mafia, it's survivor with killing aspects LABEL YOUR GAME PROPERLY YOU WORTHLESS DUNCE!

Also, you're a horrific writer and an illiterate 8 year old could write better fan fiction than you, that insufferable self advertising you used to plague us with was just an invitation to come and laugh at that mockery you call "literature".

I would say that I would like you to get eaten by a pack of wild dogs, but I wouldn't want them getting sick from eating trash.
 
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