Murphy Brown -- source for most of the Murphy Brown quotes
[the night before Corky marries Will]
Corky: [sobbing] I haven't experienced life!
Murphy: I've experienced life, and I'm here to tell you it's overrated.
Murphy: Men are like soap bars - one is great, two make you throw up.
Jim: I can't hear you. My flesh is being consumed by acid.
Kay: Oh, good morning, my little worker ants! That's just a figure of speech; I would NEVER compare you to insects. At least not after that sensitivity training seminar those maggots at the network forced me to attend!
Murphy: I was waiting for the universe to dispense some justice but sometimes the universe is just too dang slow. The effects of putting Nair in someone's styling gel, however only take a few minutes.
Law and Order
Just gotta love Jerry Orbach !!
Conduct Unbecoming
Navy Lawyer: Our common goal is punishing a criminal... The military moves to a much quicker beat.
Lennie: You know, Lieutenant, I never had much of a sense of rhythm.
Mother Love
(Making an arrest)
OK. Sing along with me Skate. You know the words. You're under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say...
Progenitor
Lab Technician: It's a photocopy from a machine with dirt on the drums... If you get me the machine and it hasn't been serviced, I can maybe do a positive I.D.
Lennie: Oh, great. We'll organize a line-up of Xerox machines.
Purple Heart
Mike (looking at a jar found in a discarded jacket): Kinda looks like Silly Putty.
Lennie: Great. We look for a gigantic first grader.
M*A*S*H
Flagg: I want to make a call.
Henry: Can I get the number for you?
Flagg: I don't know the number.
Henry: Well, then, how can you make the call?
Flagg: I have to throw up. The number's in a capsule.
Henry: Well. I'll just run along.
A Smattering of Intelligence
Flagg: I've got to nip this rotten apple in the bud! This sort of action's contagious. One man decides he's not gonna fight, it catches on, the next thing, you know what you've got on your hands?
B.J.: Peace?
Quo Vadis, Captain Chandler
Flagg: Don't play dumb! You're not as good at it as I am! (Way to go, Captain Obvious !!)
Rally around the Flagg, Boys
Hawkeye: Frank, I happen to be an officer only because I foolishly opened an invitation from President Truman to come to this costume party. And as for my ability as a doctor, if you seriously question that, I'm afraid I'll just have to challenge you to a duel.
Trapper: Swords or pistols?
Hawkeye: I'm thinking specimen bottles at twenty paces.
Frank: There are ladies present.
Hawkeye: Sorry, baby.
Margaret: Major to you.
Hawkeye: Sorry, Major baby.
Pilot
Potter: Where's your gun?
Hawkeye: Sulking under my cot. We're not on speaking terms.
Potter: Go kiss and makeup. You're taking it with you.
Hawkeye: Colonel, if I touch that gun, I'll just trigger another arguement.
Potter: Pierce, you are taking your sidearm!
Hawkeye, holding up each arm in turn: Correct. I'm taking my right side arm and my left side arm.
Hawkeye Get Your Gun
Potter: I said fire that weapon!
Hawkeye: All right. (to the gun) You're fired. (to Potter) I did it as gently as I could.
Potter: That was an order, Pierce.
Hawkeye, snapping his fingers: Oh waiter, would you take this man's order, please?
Hawkeye Get Your Gun
Potter: Take your seat, Pierce.
Hawkeye: Uh uh. Sorry. I can take umbrage, I can take the cake, I can take the A-Train, I can take two and call me in the morning, but I cannot take this sitting down. Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to take five.
Goodbye, Farewell, Amen
Trapper: Somebody sneaked in here and committed a neatness!
The Moose
Radar, seeing Klinger in pants: Don't I know your sister?
The Army-Navy Game
Frank: Klinger! I want to see you out of that dress!
Klnger: Never on a first date, sir!
A Full Rich Day
Frank: How dare you wear that hat while in uniform?
Klinger: It's spring, sir!
Welcome to Korea
Frank: What are those earrings doing in your ears?
Klinger: Just hanging there, sir.
Welcome to Korea
Officer: Klinger, I'm here to relieve you.
Klinger: Good. Undo my bra.
The Abduction of Margret Houlihan
Klinger singing: Oh some guys like the army,
I think that it's a mess.
If it's so danged terrific,
How come I wear a dress?
Movie Tonight
Radar: Hi Klinger, how's it going?
Klinger: I'm eating a jeep.
Radar: Good.
38 Across
Some of my favorite Simpsons quotes: source for some of the Simpsons
Ralph: Are you still my friend, Bart?
Wiggum: Put out an APB on a Uosdwis R. Dewoh. Uh, better start with Greektown.
Friday: That's "Homer J. Simpson", Chief. You're reading it upside down.
Wiggum: Uh, cancel that APB. But, uh, bring back some of them, uh, gyros.
Friday: Uh, Chief? You're talking into your wallet.
Homer: Lisa, would you like a donut?
Lisa: No, thanks. Do you have any fruit?
Homer: This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit. (since when has it been one?? )
Homer: "Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"
Lennie: So then I said to the cop, "No, you're driving under the influence of... being a jerk."
Homer's Brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's Brain: Okay, I don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay I will! (nice )
Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. (lie detector blows up)
Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!
Homer (sung to the Flintstones song): Simpson! Homer Simpson! He's the greatest guy in history. From the, town of Springfield! He's about to hit a chestnut tree! (hits tree) D-oh!
Billy Corgan: "Billy Corgan, 'Smashing Pumpkins'."
Homer Simpson: "Homer Simpson, smiling politely."
Trent: [walking up] The man knows what he likes.
Homer: Just taking care of business.
Trent: If you don't, who will, huh? Trent Steele.
Homer: Homer Si... uh, Max Power.
Trent: Oh, hey! Great name!
Homer: Yeah, isn't it? I got it off of a hair dryer.
Trent: [laughs] I like a man who can poke fun at himself. [looks at his watch] Ooh, hey, my one o' clock cancelled. Eh, you had any lunch?
Homer: Yeah, but I usually have three or four.
Trent: So where to eat? You like Thai?
Homer: Tie good. You like shirt?
Homer: Well, what do you think, Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking along the lines of... No Tv and no beer make Homer go something something.
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do!
Golden Girls
Sophia: Rose, I need some advice too.
Rose: You need advice from ME?
Sophia: Yeah, frightening, isn't it.
Sophia: Jealousy is a very ugly thing, Dorothy! – And so are you, in anything backless.
The Pretender
Pilot
"Ma'am, the materials on board are highly explosive" -- Sailor, indicating Miss Parker's cigarette
"So am I" -- Miss Parker
Scott Free
"I like ice cream. I really like ice cream" -- Jarod I like it too!!
Collateral Damage
"Ram - who?" -- Jarod inquiring after a reference to 'Rambo'
Unforgotten Amnesia Clip Show
"I don't care what it cost" -- Miss Parker to Broots
"Well that's good because Jarod charged it to your calling card" -- Broots to Miss Parker
"Did you tell them where you are?" -- Jarod to Argyle
"What do I look like, a road sign?" -- Argyle to Jarod
Back to the Future
Mr. Strickland: I noticed your band is on the roster for the dance auditions after school today. Why even bother, McFly? You don't have a chance, you're too much like your old man. No McFly ever amounted to anything in the history of Hill Valley!
Marty McFly: Yeah, well, history is gonna change.
Biff Tannen: Since you're new here, I'm gonna cut you a break... today. So, why don't you make like a tree and get out of here?
[last lines]
Dr. Emmett Brown: Roads? Where we're going we don't need roads. -- this is my all time favorite line !!
[repeated Line]
Dr. Emmett Brown: Great Scott!
Robin Hood: Men in Tights
Achoo: Hey, Blinkin!
Blinkin: Did you say "Abe Lincoln"?
Little John: Let me introduce you to my best friend: Will Scarlet.
Scarlet: Scarlet's my middle name. My full name is Will Scarlet O'Hara.
[pause]
Scarlet: We're from Georgia.
Man in church: Hey Abbot!
Abbot: I hate that guy! -- Abbot and Costello reference perhaps ??
Robin Hood: Blinkin, listen to me. They've taken the castle!
Blinkin: I thought it felt a bit drafty. Cor, this never would have happened if your father was alive.
Robin Hood: He's dead?
Blinkin: Yes.
Robin Hood: And my mother?
Blinkin: She died of pneumonia while... oh, you were away...
Robin Hood: My brothers?
Blinkin: There were all killed by the plague.
Robin Hood: My dog, Pogo?
Blinkin: Run over by a carriage.
Robin Hood: My goldfish, Goldie?
Blinkin: Eaten by the cat.
Robin Hood: [on the verge of tears] My cat?
Blinkin: Choked on the goldfish.
[pause]
Blinkin: Oh, it's good to be home, ain't it, Master Robin?
- this was one of the saddest yet ironic moments in the movie...
Sheriff of Rottingham: You know, this wasn't a very smart thing to do, Locksley. I'll pay for this!
[pause]
Sheriff of Rottingham: YOU'LL pay for this!
Robin Hood: As my first order of business, I would like to appoint a new Sheriff... my friend Achoo.
Crowd: A black sheriff?
Blinkin: He's black?
Achoo: And why not? It worked in Blazing Saddles. -- Achoo rules!!
Robin Hood: By the by, do you know praying mantis?
Achoo: You're looking at him.
[Robin tries to jump on his horse and falls]
Achoo: Man, white men can't jump.
Sheriff of Rottingham: He "deered" to kill a King's dare.
Sheriff of Rottingham: [realizing he said it wrong] He dared to kill a King's deer.
Some of my favorite House-isms -- source for some of these quotes
Cuddy:"You. In the lobby. Now."
House:"I hurt my leg. I have a note."
- Kids
Chase:"House never gives speeches."
House:"But when I really believe in something, gosh dang it, I gotta chance to make a difference here."
- Role Model
"Everybody's great when they're half-dead." -- that's me in the morning...
- Euphoria, Part 1
"I'm a night owl. Wilson's an early bird. We're different species."
- Sleeping Dogs Lie
Here are some more of my favorite quotes:
Frasier -- source for some of these quotes
[Cooking with Daphne]
Niles: Whisk.
[she hands it to him, he whisks]
Niles: Spoon.
[she hands it to him, he stirs]
Niles: Cheese cloth.
[she wipes his brow; the oven pings]
Niles: Perfect timing. Daphne, open the oven.
[he places it in the oven]
Niles: Ready.
Daphne: Shall I close, Dr. Crane?
Niles: Please.
Daphne: Do you think it'll be all right?
Niles: It's out of our hands now, Daphne.
[Niles watches Martin working out a chess problem]
Niles: Uh-uh.
[Martin reaches for another piece]
Niles: Mmm-mmm.
Martin: All right, what would you do?
Niles: Well for starters, I'd take that corn-nut off the board.
Martin: That corn-nut's my bishop. Eddie ate the real one.
Niles: In that case, Corn-nut to Rook Seven.
Frasier: Niles, is there a light bulb over my head?
Niles: You have an idea?
Frasier: No, I'm asking if there's actually a light bulb over my head.
[Daphne is contemplating what it would be like to have a free lifetimes supply of muffins]
Daphne: Now me, I could eat a muffin a day, some days even two knowing they'd be free. So that'd be... ten a week, fifty-two weeks a year, for at least another... forty years, which works out to... Twenty thousand muffins!
[pause]
Daphne: My life suddenly seems long, measured in muffins.
