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Maverick said:
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
Click to expand...


*snorts* X3 OMFG~ That one was hilarious!! @@ *giggles insanely*
 
lol @ chuncky monkey. I love those jokes. Man, those gypsies make blondes sound smart lol0rz.

I got a good joke, I got a good joke. Waiit.. Nope, nevermind. I'd get in trouble with our sweet muffin-lovin' staff if I said that =p [/endsarcasm]

[agelimit]anybody who is a ISN'T a whiny poo-poo face. :p
First Visit
The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family.

"We've been trying for months now, doctor, and I don't seem to be able to get pregnant," she confessed miserably.

"I'm sure we'll solve your problem," the doctor reassured her.

"If you'll just take off your clothes and get up on the examining table."

"Well, all right, doctor," agreed the young woman, blushing, "but I'd rather have my husband's baby.. "[/agelimit]
 
okay then..

Joke:

dude with a speech problem
( I don't know if this will offend anyone but oh well...)


Guy with a speech problem walks into a candy store

guy at counter: How may I help you?
Dude with speech problem: May I have some bum?
guy at counter: what is that?
Dude with speech problem: Sorry, I have a speech problem...
<points at gum machine>
guy at counter: Oh! some gum I understand!
<buys gum>
<walks into hardware store>
Dude with a speech problem: Can I have a F*** it
Guy at counter: What did you say! Get out!
Dude with speech problem: No I'm sorry I have a speech problem
<points at bucket>
Guy at counter: Oh! okay! I understand!
<buys bucket>
<goes into pet store>
Dude with speech problem: May I have a c**k and sp*nk it
Guy at counter: I'm sure you mean cockerspaniel, right?
Dude with speech problem: ummm... yeah!
Guy at counter: Okay! Right this way!
<Buys cockerspaniel>
<Sits on bench to eat some gum>
<cockerspaniel runs away>
<Dude with speech problem walks up to an old man>
Dude with speech problem: (mostly edited) can you hold my B** and **** it while I grab my c*** and s***k it

This joke is not supposed to be flamed against people with speech impairments in any way
 
lol maverick that was fall off your chair funny xD
greed that was poor..
munkey lol that was funney xD
​
 
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Greed said:
lol @ chuncky monkey. I love those jokes. Man, those gypsies make blondes sound smart lol0rz.

I got a good joke, I got a good joke. Waiit.. Nope, nevermind. I'd get in trouble with our sweet muffin-lovin' staff if I said that =p [/endsarcasm]

[agelimit]anybody who is a ISN'T a whiny poo-poo face. :p
First Visit
The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family.

"We've been trying for months now, doctor, and I don't seem to be able to get pregnant," she confessed miserably.

"I'm sure we'll solve your problem," the doctor reassured her.

"If you'll just take off your clothes and get up on the examining table."

"Well, all right, doctor," agreed the young woman, blushing, "but I'd rather have my husband's baby.. "[/agelimit]
Click to expand...


._.;; that one wasn't funny.. it was just disturbing~
And not because of the age limit thing.. I assure you, I'm quite mature..
It's just.. ._.;; not funny.
 
If you'd stop being such a prude-muffin-cake, then you'd find it funny =p

LOL @ Crunkn' Munky

[AGELIMIT]weirdos.

A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day the 70 year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on - the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explains: "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but, nothing. Then I tried with-my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She - tried with her right hand, with nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She - even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth-out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door and-she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" the old man replied, "yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the DARN jar open!"[/agelimit]
 
Impossible to Please
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
 
Maverick said:
Impossible to Please
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
Click to expand...
Tell me about it. =/ My last girlfriend was a effin' mystery.. @_@
 
____ said:
lol maverick that was fall off your chair funny xD
greed that was poor..
munkey lol that was funney xD
​
Click to expand...


Just one question:
Why do you turn on me?

Edit: Is there a reason why you all put an @ in front of my name?
 
____ said:
nice one greed =D
maverick that was ok...
Click to expand...

lol Thanks thanks. I laughed out loud at the jar one. >>;;

[AGELIMIT]

Check your Dirty IQ!
Questions:

1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?

2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?

3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?

4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard . What am I?

5. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?

6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When You blow me you feel good. What am I?

7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?

8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?

9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?

10. I'm at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I?

Answers:

1. a dentist
2. a wedding ring
3. peanut butter
4.chewing gum
5. an elevator
6. a nose
7. a newspaper boy
8. a glove
9. a crane
10. a toothbrush, of course!

Now Really! Just what were you thinking?
[/AGELIMIT]

Try it. Its hard NOT to think a dirty thought. =p

EDIT: @ meants "AT"
 
Electric Train
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen."
 
Greed said:
lol Thanks thanks. I laughed out loud at the jar one. >>;;

[agelimit]

Check your Dirty IQ!
Questions:

1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?

2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?

3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?

4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard . What am I?

5. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?

6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When You blow me you feel good. What am I?

7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?

8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?

9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?

10. I'm at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I?

Answers:

1. a dentist
2. a wedding ring
3. peanut butter
4.chewing gum
5. an elevator
6. a nose
7. a newspaper boy
8. a glove
9. a crane
10. a toothbrush, of course!

Now Really! Just what were you thinking?
[/agelimit]

Try it. Its hard NOT to think a dirty thought. =p

EDIT: @ meants "AT"
Click to expand...
I laughed too much at them -_-; *gets hit* lol. Ah well...XD
 
____ said:
what? ._. *scratches head*
Click to expand...

examples:

LOL @ chunky' munky
and lol Crunkn' munkey that was funney

Edit: anyways some yo mama jokes

Yo mama's so poor, when I asked what was for dinner, she pulled her shoelaces off and said "Spaghetti."

Yo mama's so poor, after I pissed in your yard, she thanked me for watering the lawn.

Yo mama so nasty she made speed stick slow down.

Yo mama so nasty I called her to say hello, and she ended up giving me an ear infection.
 
Last edited:
Poor guy
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
 
Greed said:
If you'd stop being such a prude-muffin-cake, then you'd find it funny =p

LOL @ Crunkn' Munky

[AGELIMIT]weirdos.

A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day the 70 year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on - the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explains: "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but, nothing. Then I tried with-my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She - tried with her right hand, with nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She - even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth-out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door and-she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" the old man replied, "yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the DARN jar open!"[/agelimit]
Click to expand...


X3 Yeah~ I've heard that one before~
It's good *giggles*
 
Crunkn' Munky said:
examples:

LOL @ chunky' munky
and lol Crunkn' munkey that was funney
Click to expand...
ah no sorry that wasnt a crack at you.. i thought your name was chuncky munkey o.o the other wasa spelling error for typing a bit fast ...
 
Church Bells
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that ****ed ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"
 
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