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Anxiety

I am a very anxious individual. I worry about pretty much everything, making sense or not lol. I also have social anxiety, which stinks because i really wanna talk to people irl, but It's just so hard too.
 
Trauma-induced anxiety that often manifests in a burst of rage followed by sting of overwhelming regret. I thought they had vanished finally after confronting the causes of my dissociativity only for them to make a resurgence after a certain recent incident brought them back again. And they all ultimately harken back to the same cause, the one that plagues me and casts a shadow of regret over everything I do.

My testament of self-loathing, the way I reduced myself to a jaded shell by internalizing the bad experiences as the way modern internet, no, the modern society works. In seeing the people around as nothing more than looking to mutually exploit each other for solely their own benefit, I started to play "the game" and in doing so, damaging my own mental health and personality to this point. My resentment towards modern society is perhaps fueled by such a simple thing as being forced to behave against your own core personality just to get by without feeling like you're about to be exploited and then discarded like trash.

But unlike with RL where I have some positive figures to serve as slight support, all I've usually had on the internet are people who can't even understand me properly.... and that's when they haven't turned out to be hypocritical at the end. So I just isolated myself and saw that solitude as my way of atoning for my regrets. Add dissociativity on top of this and well, I don't exactly know what to do. Reintegrating the two dissociative selves back to myself has already been draining my mental fortitude for a while now.
 
Yep. Diagnosed.

Have been through a wringer of it. 2019 was the worst year for me. I was pretty non functional and in and out of the hospital. I had about 2 panic attacks per day and was sleeping two hours per night. It was terrifying and effectively strangling my life.

2023 wasn't great either. Nothing like 2019 though.

Finding the right doctor and medication did wonders for me.
 
I have generalized anxiety disorder. This means that anything and everything has the ability to make me anxious, I often make myself anxious by thinking about situations. I'm almost always anxious in some way too. It's quite debilitating.

My biggest thing is that I'm a huge germaphobe. Any perceived or actual filth drives me insane.
 
I don't believe I have anxiety to a clinical level. But I definitely worry and overthink things a good amount, especially when it comes to how I'm perceived. Like, a lot of times I'll send a message in the PC Discord that gets ignored or is generally not well received, and I'll end up thinking about how embarrassing it was and how everyone probably thinks I'm so awkward for days, when in reality everyone else probably forgot about it 5 minutes after the fact. I also often edit my posts because I find grammar mistakes and I don't want people to think I'm stupid, but I also don't want to write too formally and come off as wooden. It's just a mess.
 
I fear quite a bit from consequences of my actions, plus also doubt myself in those things which in which I had failed in the past.

I don't like to face the defeat and any situation in which I am defeated or feel like going down causes me to worry.


Seems more like an effect of low self-confidence, but still whenever I face defeat/loss/failure, I get tensed because I want to get the output if I had given the input.
 
Tsutarja said:
i haven't been diagnosed with any sort of anxiety but i know i do have traits of anxiety, such as nervousness when it comes to things like job interviews or presentations
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I understand you perfectly.
 
I actually do quite well with anxiety overall. I am passive on most things, which results in having anxiety only when things get pretty close.
However, when it comes to social anxiety, yeah that's different. I have some of the common symptoms, but at times i would also rather avoid company tbh
 
Not the typical anxiety per-say but I am diagnosed with C-PTSD and OCD, causing paranoia, the assumption everyone does or will hate me, a fundamental mistrust towards anyone, and a rather warped view of myself & the world so a lot of shared symptoms to severe anxiety. I haven't gotten over it by any means but I think trying to hold my trust in at least one or two person(s) and trying to rely on them between just slowly and occasionally getting in better touch with the world/others within my limits has been helpful.. I had these problems since before I could really remember due to being raised/abused pretty roughly in infancy/childhood/adolescence and isolated since then, but I feel it could be resolved someday.
 
I do have anxiety, which I guess is mostly due to being autistic/ADHD. I don't have anything diagnosed as far as anxiety goes. I do think I might have PTSD, but I'm not really looking to get a diagnosis on that for personal reasons. :x My anxiety is the worst though because I struggle both socially and generally with it. I worry a lot what people will think of me and what they will say towards how I phrase things as I don't always know how to express myself well enough anymore, among other things. x.x
 
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