Compliments from Strangers

[Auticorn]

I wear hats like this: https://cdn2.bigcommerce.com/server...es/5081/5__46640.1405458114.1280.1280.png?c=2 so, I'm always getting comments on how cute they are. XD I don't really work or go to school, but it usually happens if I'm out in public. There's this one girl at a gas station where we frequent a lot who LOVES my hats.

 

[Oryx]

I don't like the vibe in this thread that if a man compliments you he's a creepy rapist. Lose the victim mentality, most likely he means it in a platonic way or if it is sexual he's going to be consentual and respect you if you aren't interested. It's very sad that you take the lowest common denominator of strangers giving compliments to be representative of all men. Seeing middle aged men demonised is also sad, the assumption that because they're older and they so much as open their mouth to a younger person they're a sexual predator.

Etiquette on receiving compliments from strangers:

Is it open ended and not specifically sexual? E.g nice dress, nice eyes, you look pretty. Say thank you, consider that they may not be a criminal then move on if you don't want to talk to them.

Is it sexual and predatory? E.g I'd tap that, nice tits sugar. Say nothing and walk away calmly.

Be concerned for your wellbeing if you're in a secluded area late at night, regardless of what a person says. Still, I'm sad that I am not allowed to attempt to talk to someone I don't know because I'll automatically be labelled creepy. I have no interest in hurting anyone but society has made it that there's no way to meet new people spontaneously without being weird. Try to open a conversation with all that is available to you, the physical realm? It's predatory. Observe the person a little bit so you can comment on something a little more meaningful e.g hey you're playing pokemon I like that too! Stalker.

Women want to 'play it safe' when a stranger compliments them but they're really fostering a hyper paranoid society where an unknown person can't relate to another unknown person with their basic humanity without being demonised. It makes me very upset and brings a feeling of isolation even when surrounded by people.

Evidently I take compliments by strangers positively, saying thank you and smiling. I will admit it throws me a little off balance when I don't expect it but in retrospect it seems to me that they meant nothing by it or just wanted to talk.

Well I'm glad someone who is never going to experience compliments as a woman came in here to let us know what we women should be doing and feeling. My woman brain just isn't smart enough, I'm so glad you came to my rescue. Next will you tell me how I should be taking care of my pH levels and the best brand tampon to use? I'm not sure I can handle those decisions on my own; I think I need a man's advice.

 

[Honest]

You need to keep in mind that I live in New York City, a place where strangers can hardly be trusted if they're loitering in a subway station in Manhattan. Too much crime going on in the MTA for me to feel safe.

Umm... where in NYC do you live? I can see where you're coming from, but unless you're out and about in the more shady areas of the city at 2 in the morning, chances are said person isn't as bad as you're making them to be. That, and crime in the MTA subway system is at an all time low.

Personally, a compliment is a compliment. I take it in stride regardless of who says it.

 

[Alfieri]

Umm... where in NYC do you live? I can see where you're coming from, but unless you're out and about in the more shady areas of the city at 2 in the morning, chances are said person isn't as bad as you're making them to be. That, and crime in the MTA subway system is at an all time low.

Personally, a compliment is a compliment. I take it in stride regardless of who says it.

I used to live in Queens but I traveled everywhere in the city from Manhattan to Bronx.

 

[Honest]

I used to live in Queens but I traveled everywhere in the city from Manhattan to Bronx.

Not exactly the most specific answer, but I wont press :p

 

[aurevesque]

Compliments from elderly are endearing but probably false given their bad vision. Compliments from friends can be either forced or true. I'd never trust a compliment from my parent either. Compliments from strangers are interesting and discombobulating. From middle aged women, kind of nice. From middle aged men, kinda creepy.

But despite all that, I still like to get them!

 

[Lusus]

I don't really care about compliments for appearance. I don't compliment others on it either.

 

[Alfieri]

Compliments from elderly are endearing but probably false given their bad vision. Compliments from friends can be either forced or true. I'd never trust a compliment from my parent either. Compliments from strangers are interesting and discombobulating. From middle aged women, kind of nice. From middle aged men, kinda creepy.

But despite all that, I still like to get them!

Lmao yeah compliments from parents are compliments I don't put mind to because parents will always love their kids and are pretty much entitled to compliment them about anything.

 

[Bellsprout]

I don't like the vibe in this thread that if a man compliments you he's a creepy rapist. Lose the victim mentality, most likely he means it in a platonic way or if it is sexual he's going to be consentual and respect you if you aren't interested. It's very sad that you take the lowest common denominator of strangers giving compliments to be representative of all men. Seeing middle aged men demonised is also sad, the assumption that because they're older and they so much as open their mouth to a younger person they're a sexual predator.

Etiquette on receiving compliments from strangers:

Is it open ended and not specifically sexual? E.g nice dress, nice eyes, you look pretty. Say thank you, consider that they may not be a criminal then move on if you don't want to talk to them.

Is it sexual and predatory? E.g I'd tap that, nice tits sugar. Say nothing and walk away calmly.

Be concerned for your wellbeing if you're in a secluded area late at night, regardless of what a person says. Still, I'm sad that I am not allowed to attempt to talk to someone I don't know because I'll automatically be labelled creepy. I have no interest in hurting anyone but society has made it that there's no way to meet new people spontaneously without being weird. Try to open a conversation with all that is available to you, the physical realm? It's predatory. Observe the person a little bit so you can comment on something a little more meaningful e.g hey you're playing pokemon I like that too! Stalker.

Women want to 'play it safe' when a stranger compliments them but they're really fostering a hyper paranoid society where an unknown person can't relate to another unknown person with their basic humanity without being demonised. It makes me very upset and brings a feeling of isolation even when surrounded by people.

Evidently I take compliments by strangers positively, saying thank you and smiling. I will admit it throws me a little off balance when I don't expect it but in retrospect it seems to me that they meant nothing by it or just wanted to talk.

Hey I understand what you mean. I get annoyed too sometimes because there are women I know who take it to another extreme when it's clearly just a guy being nice. At the same time though being a woman myself I've been warned and told my whole life about how cautious of men I should be. It's not just women fostering a hyper paranoid society as much as it is from birth being told by everyone to be cautious. Unfortunately we do live in a world where women are raped, murdered, abused, preyed upon by men. There's really no denying that as a woman there is always a greater risk with strangers. Yes there are women who take it too far, but there are always women everyday being abused/killed. It's not like people are overreacting for no reason, they are truly scared.

 

[- Melodie -]

I've gotten better at taking compliments but they still bother me, even from people I've dated :( Low self-esteem through developing years will do that to you. You feel like everyone must be lying to you. But overall, I don't find it creepy ever.

Well I'm glad someone who is never going to experience compliments as a woman came in here to let us know what we women should be doing and feeling. My woman brain just isn't smart enough, I'm so glad you came to my rescue. Next will you tell me how I should be taking care of my pH levels and the best brand tampon to use? I'm not sure I can handle those decisions on my own; I think I need a man's advice.

It wasn't a personal attack on women, and I agree with what he said. This whole... man hating type really needs to keep to themselves as you make the rest of us look bad.

 

[Pepperton]

uhh i don't really have to deal with this too often but if for some reason i get one i just kind of smile awkwardly and mumble a thank you, nod or something. i mean inside i'm probably very happy that they said something like that, but usually i don't show it outside. n__n it brightens my day every time though!

 

[Nihilego]

Well I'm glad someone who is never going to experience compliments as a woman came in here to let us know what we women should be doing and feeling. My woman brain just isn't smart enough, I'm so glad you came to my rescue. Next will you tell me how I should be taking care of my pH levels and the best brand tampon to use? I'm not sure I can handle those decisions on my own; I think I need a man's advice.

And I'm just as thankful to you for reminding me that, as a man, I have absolutely no control over my sexual urges and that for me to complement a woman is objectifying and discriminatory and I absolutely need to not do that lest I upset somebody and I need to keep such things to myself. Thanks!!

It works both ways. The same way as you don't want us to tell women what to think, we don't want you to make assumptions about who we are just because we're men.

 

[Belldandy]

I kind of feel bad for the people who get uncomfortable when they get any old compliment. Their self esteem is probably very low, and they probably have some identity issues and are battling an internal battle to love themselves, which I wish them all the luck in the world.

So true, unfortunately. I tend to question people's motives as much as I question their judgment when I get compliments.

-

Whether it comes from a man or a woman, I get uncomfortable regardless. I especially don't like male attention, though. I know not everyone is the same, but the sexual / verbal / physical abuse I experienced with my ex' made me realize that, as he had done many times, I'm quickly overpowered physically. I'm very protective of myself because I've experienced things that still give me nightmares a year and a half later, and I've read and seen things that have allowed me to realize that it happens far too often. I have trust issues with men and women alike, and compliments from either gender provoke a "are you OK?" reaction in my mind. I thank the individual, but if I get compliments from men in particular about certain parts of my body - which doesn't happen too often - or if I feel that they're leering, it more or less puts me in a "please leave me alone" mindframe rather than "Oh, this guy likes my body; I feel good about myself." It just makes me re-realize how vulnerable I am, and for men in particular I question the motives.

I know some men just like to be nice. If it's a friend, I might feel less uncomfortable, but if it's a stranger, then it's very intimidating in a way.

There was an older man on the bus when I was seventeen who said I was pretty, which gave me malaise to begin with, and then after a short three minute conversation asked me what I would bargain for sex.

When I was thirteen, an older teacher would constantly tell me that I looked pretty with my hair down, and he would ask me what I was doing on the weekend and then tell me that he was going to be sleeping with his wife. Things that I really did not need to know.

And then the creeps online where I literally write eight times in a profile on a website that is tailored to friend-finding that "I have a boyfriend" and "do not message me if you have sexual intentions" and "I am perfectly content with my relationship." 95% of them disregard it, and when I tell them that I feel uncomfortable, they disregard that, too. Maybe if I had some positive experiences with men outside of my boyfriend, I wouldn't be so defensive or taken aback by compliments or male attention; however, all the men I've known have generally been disrespectful to me at the end of the "compliment," or have no respect for my relationship status (that I always, always make them aware of in many different ways; they choose to ignore it).

You can see a bunch of pictures of those encounters here, as my boyfriend is a sweetie and didn't believe me that my experiences with men (apart him) always end in disrespect. I wrote on that website in eight different spots that I was taken and not interested, etc. and I made it clear within the first five minutes that I have a boyfriend (in case they didn't read my profile, which would be incredibly rude to begin with). The guy who kept requesting my Skype did so over two days where I expressed my discomfort, and he just didn't give a ♥♥♥♥ about how I felt; it was incredbly selfish and disrespectful. This is another image of his conversation from the next day: here. Others were just completely sexually-motivated regardless my having declared my "friends only" intention several times. It's gross, and so disappointing, and so sad for the handful of good guys among the masses that women tend to meet for whatever reason. I guess if there are more perverts than genuinely nice guys, women are just more bound statistically to meet perverts in general. Always seems to happen to me anyway.

I just gave up on trying to be friends with men, and I don't have too much in common with a lot of women (I don't like shopping or make-up, and I don't like gossiping or talking on the phone, nor do I know about popular brands, new music, etc. I'm also not into the whole "this actor is so hawt" scene. My hobbies are either solo (writing, reading), more intended for males stereotypically (video games) (I do not condone the stereotype itself, though) or just isn't popular where I live (anime, manga)). I guess I prefer to be alone rather than to settle with people who don't have much in common or who choose to disrespect me in some way. I'd like a guy, other than my boyfriend, to prove me wrong, though. I don't like only having had negative experiences with males. It makes me sad; sad for society, and sad for the men who are actually decent fellows and who are blanketed and shrouded by all these other guys who are intentionally pigs to women.

I have met some nice people on PC, though, but I'd like that face-to-face experience where I know the guy's motives aren't at all sexual. I'd still be skeptical of the chance of development, but the guy I'd like to prove me wrong would have the courtesy not to follow through with those ideas, and would have enough respect for myself as a woman/person to have a healthy relationship with someone else. He would be a real interpretation that all men are not vile, as my experience has unfortunately suggested they are (even though my better judgment tells me there must be some good with the bad; I have not met [m]any).

And it typically starts with compliments, getting back to the point here.

I'm hoping I'll make friends with seniors in university, as they'd be around my age bracket :)

 

[Oryx]

It wasn't a personal attack on women, and I agree with what he said. This whole... man hating type really needs to keep to themselves as you make the rest of us look bad.

Welcome to PC! Here in our wonderful little corner of the internet, we try to avoid attacking the person and focus on attacking the position - it allows us to snark and express emotion without expressing that emotion in a disrespectful way. Limerent and I have a relatively long history that spans back at least the 4 months that I have been back, so I have a good handle on his views and he has a good handle on mine. Rest assured that I do not hate men; I have been dating one for almost four years now! I actively stand up for issues such as men not being socially allowed to wear women's clothing and men being expected to be emotionally closed. When you make a snap judgment on a person from one post, you miss a massive amount of backstory and nuance both in the person and in the conversation.

Thanks and have a PC-rrrrrrific day!

And I'm just as thankful to you for reminding me that, as a man, I have absolutely no control over my sexual urges and that for me to complement a woman is objectifying and discriminatory and I absolutely need to not do that lest I upset somebody and I need to keep such things to myself. Thanks!!

It works both ways. The same way as you don't want us to tell women what to think, we don't want you to make assumptions about who we are just because we're men.

Fighting shadows mate. I never said anyone didn't have control; in fact, one of my core beliefs is that men do have control and therefore those that attack are not just "overcome" as people who defend rapists tend to argue. I also never said it was objectifying and discriminatory. Your issues are not with me.

If you want to make a lot of women uncomfortable, feel free to say whatever you want. That's on you. Telling people that many women get uncomfortable when men compliment them on the street is not prohibiting them from doing it; if you hear that and then choose to refrain from it because it's less uncomfortable for you to not speak than it is for her to feel watched and vulnerable on the street, that's your decision and it makes you a very nice person who's empathetic to other peoples' emotions. If you hear the emotion and then say "WELL YOU CAN'T STOP ME AND YOU SHOULDN'T FEEL THAT WAY ANYWAY" and continue...you're intentionally causing women around you discomfort so you can do whatever you want and you're not acting like a very good person.

 

[Nick]

You can see a bunch of pictures of those encounters here, as my boyfriend is a sweetie and didn't believe me that my experiences with men (apart him) always end in disrespect. I wrote on that website in eight different spots that I was taken and not interested, etc. and I made it clear within the first five minutes that I have a boyfriend (in case they didn't read my profile, which would be incredibly rude to begin with). The guy who kept requesting my Skype did so over two days where I expressed my discomfort, and he just didn't give a ♥♥♥♥ about how I felt; it was incredbly selfish and disrespectful. This is another image of his conversation from the next day: here. Others were just completely sexually-motivated regardless my having declared my "friends only" intention several times. It's gross, and so disappointing, and so sad for the handful of good guys among the masses that women tend to meet for whatever reason. I guess if there are more perverts than genuinely nice guys, women are just more bound statistically to meet perverts in general. Always seems to happen to me anyway.

I just gave up on trying to be friends with men, and I don't have too much in common with a lot of women (I don't like shopping or make-up, and I don't like gossiping or talking on the phone, nor do I know about popular brands, new music, etc. I'm also not into the whole "this actor is so hawt" scene. My hobbies are either solo (writing, reading), more intended for males stereotypically (video games) (I do not condone the stereotype itself, though) or just isn't popular where I live (anime, manga)). I guess I prefer to be alone rather than to settle with people who don't have much in common or who choose to disrespect me in some way. I'd like a guy, other than my boyfriend, to prove me wrong, though. I don't like only having had negative experiences with males. It makes me sad; sad for society, and sad for the men who are actually decent fellows and who are blanketed and shrouded by all these other guys who are intentionally pigs to women.

I don't know what to tell you, but when you register for an account on a site like meetme, where so many people around the world use that to meet potential partners for either long term relationships or just hook ups, it's pretty hard to see eye to eye with your replies in some of these conversations.

Some of these screenshots you posted don't even seem all that bad to me. Your definition of disrespect differs from mine, I guess. I get your reactions to some of these guys, especially the Skype ones who are real creeps, but there are a few that just make me wonder what you were thinking when that conversation was going on, because your reactions are so far left field to me. I wouldn't expect anyone to ever respond that way if I sent one of those messages.

There are a few I wonder why the conversation just stopped, because some of them apologized and tried their best to make you feel comfortable afterward. Especially that one where the guy said that he forgot his pick-up line because you were so beautiful, and you pretty much lectured him on how you were a human being and how you didn't understand how people thought that messages like that were okay, even though in reality flirting is often times the most used technique people have to start a conversation with someone that they're interested in, and, once again, you registered on a site where people are looking for that kind of thing.

And then to another guy, you said the way he started the conversation was awkward, and he said "Not really" and you snapped at him about that in your comment about the picture, suggesting that he was trying to tell you how to feel. I literally cannot. You can decide that a conversation is awkward, and comment on it, but he can't share his opinion on it either? To you it may be awkward, but to him it wasn't. And just reading that commentary makes me even hesitant to even reply to this post, because I'm sure you'll interpret it as me telling you how to feel, or how you should behave.

Not everyone has had the same life experiences as you have, or dealt with the kind of problems that you described in your post. I think you know that. It wouldn't hurt to try to be a little more understanding of that, because from the looks of it, you seem to expect people who try to befriend you to cater to your ideals and morals of the world, which isn't a very fair expectation to set on complete strangers, especially in their first interaction with you.

 

[Belldandy]

The pick-up line guy I gave a second chance, and he turned around a day later and started asking inappropriate things, such as my favourite sexual position. This was about the time I gave up.

The guy who started off describing how he was like - "I'm a nice guy that x and x and x" - just didn't feel right. Normally conversations do not start with a description of what would typically make you a great partner; it was really out-of-place imo, especially given what my profile stated. But again, I told him that that was an odd way to start a conversation, and I continued the conversation regardless, and it did end up dying as most conversations did. I found I typically had to do a lot of the work keeping the conversation going, which I didn't find very fair.

Not everyone has had the same life experiences as you have, or dealt with the kind of problems that you described in your post. I think you know that. It wouldn't hurt to try to be a little more understanding of that, because from the looks of it, you seem to expect people who try to befriend you to cater to your ideals and morals of the world, which isn't a very fair expectation to set on complete strangers, especially in their first interaction with you.

I can understand this, except I'm very particular. It's a first impression. If it doesn't appear you've read my profile and you start going on about things that could be interpreted as flirting or invading my space, it's disrespectful, and I don't give second chances usually. I read everyone's profile; I expect others to do the same. Depending on the degree, I give second chances, but the first impression remains and it's hard to change because I don't tolerate disrespect, and I shouldn't have to. If I say I'm in a relationship, flirting is unacceptable. If I say I don't want to invite people over to my house when I'm alone, people should respect that, regardless whether or not they think it's reasonable or not. They're not ones to assume and judge what's comfortable or not for another person, as some of them tried to do. It was very assertive and again, falls under disrespect: I'm my own person with my own sentiments, experiences, etc. and MeetMe (which I abandoned within two days) and Badoo (which was abandoned within a week) members refused to do at least the bare minimum to recognize that the site isn't just about what they want and you're supposed to read others' profiles for a reason.

But that said, I met my sweetpea using Skout. He never was out-of-line; we had some very nice conversations, and it was about the time I had my wisdom teeth pulled, and guess what? He put as much effort into the conversation as I did. He showed interest. Everyone else I've met online to-date (asides PC) is just interested in flirting, which I mentioned on my profile on every site is not appropriate and to not message me if you're only interested in flirting, sexual encounters, etc. My low tolerance stems from individuals completely ignoring my blatant profile information and basically saying, "Oh, it's a chick. I can talk to her however I want" when no, you need to read the profile and see what we have in common and where the lines are, if any. When I put so much effort into a profile catered to finding friends and men just ignore it and think they can do and say as they will without limits, then I get irritated, yes, because it is disrespectful. I shouldn't have to deal with it lol

I'm particular. I don't make friends with many people because I have a very firm moral foundation, and (at least for real life friends) if you don't agree with those foundations then I won't even bother with you. There is room for some flexibility, but overall there are certain things that I don't tolerate and would not want to be around or have rub off on me, so I prefer to not associate with people who don't have the same idea of what's moral behaviour and what isn't. The major ones are respect for relationships, friends with benefits / one-night stands being unacceptable under all circumstances (regardless whether the two are consenting or not; it's disgusting), and dedication for higher education. Everything else is pretty flexible, but people who breach the boundaries of a relationship, enjoy sexual encounters without desiring a dedicated relationship with the other individual and who are just lazy and unmotivated to achieve their potential in school just aren't compatible with me; it's too irksome. It might seem mean, but again I prefer not to be around that stuff because it bothers me, and I think everyone has the right not to have to tolerate others' choices. I won't say anything to them or try to change them, but it definitely won't become a buddy-buddy deal; it'd be a "Hi, how are you?" in the hall relationship. I hold myself in high esteem to some degree, and I don't "settle" for just anyone because I'm lonely or want friends. I need friends I can hold in high esteem, too. I have low self-esteem in general, but there are some very specific things I take great pride in.

But that all aside, I gave up on trying to make friends in Ottawa before school because the ones I met online to-date have blatantly ignored what my limits are, and when I tell them they act shocked. The responses may have been harsh, but not reading my profile that states my status eighty times as well as my limits for flirting, meeting people at my home, etc. really pisses me off. I don't write it to be ignored; I don't speak to hear myself talk. There's a reason there's a profile page, but they just look at my picture and figure I'm free game. It's so disrespectful.

What I want to know is even though I put in "females" on these sites, I never actually fall on females; they always show me men. And if I turn off "men" and just go for "females," it always drops me on lesbians. I know there are straight women on these sites, and yet they won't let me try and talk to those people lol! even though some of the sites are specifically to find friends, the code makes you unable to make friends with straight people of the same sex. So irksome. I figured, against my better judgment, I'd try to make friends with males, and turns out they don't have enough respect to read someone's profile (and then go ahead and break limitations set in said profile). It's unfortunate.

Hoping in university I'll meet people my age with the same moral foundations and academic motivation that will teeter the stats a bit, because for every one nice guy I've met (who respects my limitations, relationship, comfort levels, and actually talks to me about stuff we both have in common i.e. anime, video games, travel) there've been probably 15-20 guys who do not even have the bare minimum of respect to take 2min to read over my profile and determine whether or not their motives correspond with mine. I always read profiles to determine motives; I expect the same of everyone else, because on that kind of platform it's the bare minimum of respect. Yet, they all seem to breach it, and that's quite sad.

 

[Nick]

What I want to know is even though I put in "females" on these sites, I never actually fall on females; they always show me men. And if I turn off "men" and just go for "females," it always drops me on lesbians. I know there are straight women on these sites, and yet they won't let me try and talk to those people lol! even though some of the sites are specifically to find friends, the code makes you unable to make friends with straight people of the same sex. So irksome. I figured, against my better judgment, I'd try to make friends with males, and turns out they don't have enough respect to read someone's profile (and then go ahead and break limitations set in said profile). It's unfortunate.

Are you for real? You're on a dating website that's segregated by what sex someone is interested in. That's like me going to McDonalds and ordering the salad with a diet coke.

These days, using social websites like that for anything more substantial than a hookup is very uncommon. Dating apps these days are mostly used for casual sex among young people.

 

[Belldandy]

Are you for real? You're on a dating website that's segregated by what sex someone is interested in. That's like me going to McDonalds and ordering the salad with a diet coke.

These days, using social websites like that for anything more substantial than a hookup is very uncommon. Dating apps these days are mostly used for casual sex among young people.

Most (if not all) of the sites I went on had specific options for "Looking For Friends." That, to me, would mean that you can find friends of all genders, not just of the opposite gender or people who favour their own.

So yes, I am for real, because the sites do not specifically say they are for relationships. If they were, they would not give the "Looking for friends" option. Is that not a fair assumption?

The exceptions being POF and eVow, where relationships are obviously the main goal of the site, but even POF has a "Friends" option. I didn't bother with POF, though, and stuck to Skout, Badoo and MeetMe.

What the userbase mostly comprises of, which I recognize, are people who are looking for hook-ups; however, there are some (my sister is on MeetMe, for example) who do use the "Looking For Friends" option, and those are the individuals I want to talk to. I always check profiles to see if they're "Looking For Fun" or "Looking For a Relationship," etc. (however the site may have worded it) and I expect others to look at others' profiles, too, because the option for "Friends" always exists on these sites from my experience. Even if most people they've previously talked to just want sexting and stuff, it doesn't mean everyone does, and it's disrespectful to not look over another person's profile regardless.

I shouldn't have to bear the brunt because other people are too lazy / have so little respect for others' goals, as shown by not taking the 2min to look over the profile. Worse yet is if they do look it over and decide that their motives are superior to others' and continue anyway. You can't really know if they do or don't, but if they breach a limit it's 100% safe and understandable to say that they did not take the time to look it over. It's disrespectful, whatever the case may be.

People need to recognize that as long as the "Friends" option exists on these sites that they shouldn't just assume anything. Assuming makes an ass of you after all, and I'm harsh because people just assume and disregard. It's not my problem.

 

[Nick]

Most (if not all) of the sites I went on had specific options for "Looking For Friends." That, to me, would mean that you can find friends of all genders, not just of the opposite gender or people who favour their own.

So yes, I am for real, because the sites do not specifically say they are for relationships. If they were, they would not give the "Looking for friends" option. Is that not a fair assumption?

The exceptions being POF and eVow, where relationships are obviously the main goal of the site, but even POF has a "Friends" option. I didn't bother with POF, though, and stuck to Skout, Badoo and MeetMe.

What the userbase mostly comprises of, which I recognize, are people who are looking for hook-ups; however, there are some (my sister is on MeetMe, for example) who do use the "Looking For Friends" option, and those are the individuals I want to talk to. I always check profiles to see if they're "Looking For Fun" or "Looking For a Relationship," etc. (however the site may have worded it) and I expect others to look at others' profiles, too, because the option for "Friends" always exists on these sites from my experience. Even if most people they've previously talked to just want sexting and stuff, it doesn't mean everyone does, and it's disrespectful to not look over another person's profile regardless.

I shouldn't have to bear the brunt because other people are too lazy / have so little respect for others' goals, as shown by not taking the 2min to look over the profile. Worse yet is if they do look it over and decide that their motives are superior to others' and continue anyway. You can't really know if they do or don't, but if they breach a limit it's 100% safe and understandable to say that they did not take the time to look it over. It's disrespectful, whatever the case may be.

People need to recognize that as long as the "Friends" option exists on these sites that they shouldn't just assume anything. Assuming makes an ass of you after all, and I'm harsh because people just assume and disregard. It's not my problem.

But the thing about friends is that, like I said on another thread that we interacted in, people also define sex in different ways, and for some people it means different things and a deep emotional relationship doesn't need to be had in order for someone to have it with someone else. Friends with benefits, being a huge example of what I mean in this case. People can be friends and have sexual relations as well, and for the most part meeting people online is the easiest way to meet someone specific you want to have any sort of relations with.

 

[Belldandy]

But the thing about friends is that, like I said on another thread that we interacted in, people also define sex in different ways, and for some people it means different things and a deep emotional relationship doesn't need to be had in order for someone to have it with someone else. Friends with benefits, being a huge example of what I mean in this case. People can be friends and have sexual relations as well, and for the most part meeting people online is the easiest way to meet someone specific you want to have any sort of relations with.

Yes, and I recognize that. I really do. I won't tell people how to live, but I can choose not to be friends with people who partake in certain activities I find immoral. I won't tell them I find it immoral, though, unless it becomes an actual intelligent conversation about it that somehow, randomly, pops up at some point.

Otherwise, I keep it to myself because I live my life how I want, and they can feel free to do the same as long as it's not hurting me or anyone else for that matter.

But the general term "friends" has no sexual intentions, and especially in the context where all over my profile it says "not looking for sex / flirting / sexual encounters" and a very-much capitalized "DO NOT MESSAGE ME IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS" should eradicate all thoughts and ideas that I'm looking for "friends... with something else."

Something they would know if they took the 2min, as I do for theirs, to read my profile over :) It's courteous and respectful. Not doing so is discourteous and disrespectful, and that's why my responses are much harsher than what would generally be seen as necessary.