Dealing with Loneliness

Yukiyo Kayume

Dragon Goddess
    • 203
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    12
    Years
    so... I'm sure that all of us, at some point in our lives, have been lonely. (if you've never been lonely, please teach me master!)

    how do you deal with loneliness? if you're lonely, feel free to post about it here and receive many hugs! :D

    I, uh... I guess I should start!

    lately, I've been feeling a bit lonely. probably since around new year's or so? well, everyone at work was talking about how much of a great time they had going out with their boyfriend/girlfriend/friends to *insert fun place here*

    I admit I had fun too, I played Hyrule Warriors with my brother that night! but still, I do not have many friends, and those I do have are very involved in their relationships and thus I rarely can spend time with them.

    sometimes, I wonder what it is like to have friends like that. usually it doesn't bother me, but sometimes it gets me down. I've never really "gone out with friends" before, but I'd like to experience it.

    I've always been kind of a loner I guess, I was picked on as a kid in school for a while, but things got better as I got older. I learned how to defend myself and such.. but yeah, I guess I was always kind of quiet. however, I am very friendly and love helping others.

    I usually deal with loneliness by hopping on the computer and playing a good RPG or I write a story. lately, this hasn't been cutting it though...so I remembered you guys here at Pokecommunity and logged in (it had been so long!)

    you are all as sweet as I remembered back then, but still I feel kind of distant. like, "Can I really make some friends here?" but I'm having a lot of fun here so far.

    anyway, please excuse the wall of text! I'd love to read your responses and see your feelings on the matter, so come right in! :D
     
    Hey, nothing to worry about. You've got people here in PC.

    I get pretty lonely sometimes too, especially since I moved. Any chance of hanging out with old friends gets thrown out the window. I'm forced to make new friends and I really hate change. It doesn't help that my school is located where I used to live so even if I made new friends, there'd be no chance of them hanging out with me unless they were dedicated enough.

    As for relationships and loneliness, that's another issue that I'd rather not bother with. I'll pursue for as long as I need to. Someone has to.
     
    hehe thanks for your reply!

    awww man I am sorry to hear about that! that really sucks, to be so far away from your friends :c I hope you still get to hang out with them online at least?

    relationships? hmm, I haven't really cared about that for a while, though I guess a small part of me would like one. mostly friends, though :D

    I'm pretty bad at making friends I guess lol, I'm not quite sure how to really "make" friends. I'm friendly and all, but I think the main problem is that it's difficult for me to find people with enough in common to actually have a decent friendship (it's tough when there's nothing to talk about!)

    anyways, thanks again for your reassurance <3 I hope you can find some awesome dedicated friends soon so you won't be lonely anymore ;w; !!
     
    Loneliness used to be a bigger part of my life, but it's not really so relevant, at least by comparison. If you have other things to do in your life to keep you busy and occupied, your mind doesn't think of it quite as much. I still don't have any friends or anything, but I have a job and I'm busy worrying about buying a car, getting a new place to live and stuff like that. Just not enough time to be lonely >_>

    It still creeps up every now and then, but you either get used to it/more comfortable with yourself or become one of those people that jumps into a relationship out of desperation. It's never healthy to do that.
     
    yeah, I have a job and stuff as well... and I'm always thinking about the future. usually it doesnt bother me, but lately it has reared its ugly head.

    when it creeps up on you, how do you make yourself feel better?
     
    Ah.. Loneliness... Uhm...
    What do I do when lonely? I do my hobby activities like gaming, reading, or hanging out with my family who's always there since I still live at home. Of course, browsing PC and other social forums are a way to feel like you're interacting with people.

    I talk to a handful of friends via social media quite frequently. But seeing them in person is difficult because we are all so busy with school, work, and romantic relationships for some of them. I think it's being with friends in person I crave lately. I'm happy to have such a nice batch of friends, though admittedly I have become a little more distant from some since we started college. It's very difficult to arrange a get-together because their small amount of social free time is dedicated to their significant others. So many times I've been told "I've already seen that movie with the bf" when asking if a friend wanted to go see a movie. I miss when we used to go to see movies as a group.

    For some reason it has been difficult to make new lasting friendships? Classmates in college courses only remain acquaintances. I can't say I have made a single new "good" friend since graduating high school. I think... it's because maintaining a friendship requires effort and a desire to stay connected on both sides.

    ...A romantic relationship? Unlikely, statistically... But that's okay. Yes, it is something I'd like to have some day, but it is not a necessity to me as far as having a fulfilling life. I see it like an optional DLC for a video game or something. Spending time with family and dearest friends fulfills my social needs.

    I think this year I'll try to reach out to more people in an effort to make new connections!
     
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    Most of my friends go home for summer when university is done for the year and that's from mid October till March. After hanging with the same people every weekday and then stopping for 5 months somewhat suddenly it gets pretty lonely.
    To deal with this I normally bury myself in video games and anime when I'm not working. Keeping busy is usually to get over it for the first while and the rest of the holidays I'll be fine.

    Hardest time I have ever been alone though is after going to a film camp in Hollywood for about three weeks. I had so much fun and a really good group of awesome friends and felt horribly sad when it was time to go. Flying back home and even the week the followed was the loneliest because I didn't have many close friends at school at the time.

    I don't have to deal with much loneliness much anymore since my uni friends are all flatting and I usually visit them once a week and my best friend from film camp is studying in a school down south to where I live which is awesome.
     
    Reading the topic has really helped me with my own issues concerning loneliness, so I would first of all like to thank you, Yukiyo, for making the topic and also thank everyone else for replied. Reading your posts is really reassuring. Sometimes you start thinking you're the only one who is feeling like that. Which of course, is super self-centred... sorry.

    As for how I deal with loneliness... you know, I haven't quite found a way to properly deal with it. I usually just occupy myself with a book and live vicariously through the character. I guess that is in itself a coping mechanism... and it's worked for me since I was a child. Maybe it will help you?

    I'm currently living in Japan, and I have been able to make friends... but so many of the social activities involve spending a lot of money that I don't really have to spend. So, I'm currently in teh situation where I could be out doing stuff, but I have to be a mature adult and stay in. And unfortunately, I haven't been able to make good enough friends that would also want to have a night in with me.

    For that.... I would suggest trying to create irresistible, unique events and inviting people you wouldn't normally invite along! They might surprise you!

    I think getting the fact that you're lonely off your chest takes away a lot of the weight you're carrying though! Perhaps you can mention it to a couple of your friends, and see what they say?
     
    Ever since I moved a few months ago, I've been getting the cases of feeling lonely. I moved in with my boyfriend, but he works all day so I don't really get to spend time with him as much. With having no friends in the town yet, you can imagine how lonely it can get at times. Some days I feel fine, while other days I feel lonely.

    Volunteering though has really helped me, I think I would start to get depressed again if I'm not out and about. Luckily I'll be getting a job soon once I get my car back, it's always interesting meeting new people and making new friends.
     
    The only time I felt lonely in my life is when I was pushing everyone away by my own doing. I kept putting the blame on everything else when really it was just me. As of now I feel really fulfilled. I know I have friends/family that are there for me if I need them. I used to be lonely for a relationship, but having experienced them and seeing it's not really what I thought it was in my head I actually prefer to be alone or just to casually be with people.

    I always wanted to hide away because I felt bad about myself, but you will only continue to feel bad if you do that. If you want to not be lonely you have to reach out and it may take some time but others will reach out to you too.
     
    Aw, I found myself being lonely when I started college this year. Some days I would be out all day with my friends, when class was over, but other days I would find myself in my room with my roommate (who was in their playing LoL 24/7) watching a movie or something most of the day. I felt lonely, but I tried to just hang out with friends or exercise or something to get my mind off of it. The strange thing Is that it didn't happen at the beginning of the semester either so I don't think I was homesick or anything, it happened more towards the middle. Maybe it was because a lot of my friends had joined clubs, and I was only in the choir and playing rugby. Idk, I don't really get lonely anymore though, maybe it was just a college phase?
     
    I'm alone a lot but just because you're alone doesn't mean you're lonely, and I'm certainly not. I don't have friends irl to hang out with or anything because I haven't met the right friend/people yet but I'm perfectly fine doing things I enjoy on my own and with my family. I fill up my time playing video games, reading, getting myself involved in volunteering and doing other hobbies. I don't leave time for me to feel bored because that's when loneliness creeps in.

    Yukiyo Kayume said:


    lately, I've been feeling a bit lonely. probably since around new year's or so? well, everyone at work was talking about how much of a great time they had going out with their boyfriend/girlfriend/friends to *insert fun place here*

    I admit I had fun too, I played Hyrule Warriors with my brother that night! but still, I do not have many friends, and those I do have are very involved in their relationships and thus I rarely can spend time with them.

    sometimes, I wonder what it is like to have friends like that. usually it doesn't bother me, but sometimes it gets me down. I've never really "gone out with friends" before, but I'd like to experience it.

    I've always been kind of a loner I guess, I was picked on as a kid in school for a while, but things got better as I got older. I learned how to defend myself and such.. but yeah, I guess I was always kind of quiet. however, I am very friendly and love helping others.
    Click to expand...


    I can relate to you a lot. When you see other people with their friends hanging out you think "ugh I wish I had people to hang out with too!" but then I do a mental check. Sometimes those relationships are all false and these same people turn around and talk about their "friends" behind their backs and all sorts of other awful things. In this situation, and in some others, I also learned to stop comparing myself to other people, because that just brings unhappiness. Each of us are different individuals and not everyone needs a heap load of friends. Myself personally, I just prefer 1-3 close friends I can trust, rely on and build a deeper relationship with. I'll have their back and they'll get mine.

    I have learned that you have to make yourself happy and not rely on other people to give you that happiness. You just have to find those things in life you really, really enjoy to do, no matter what other people think. It's your life, live it. There's nothing wrong with being alone either; I always say it's better to be alone than to be in bad company.

    (sorry i probably went on all sorts of tangents but I have experienced this personally since 8th grade so I had a lot to say lol)
     
    ^oh ya of course, I am able to "bring myself happiness" and all, but I wish I had a friend. you say 1-3 close friends and yea that is awesome, but I personally do not have ANY real life friends to hang out with haha. most of the time im content, but sometimes it would be cool to know what it's like to have some friends.

    it's nice to see im not alone in this ;w; thank you guys for replying <3
     
    I don't think loneliness should be a bad thing as long as you have an outlet that emptiness can fuel. When I get lonely, I like to skate. Better yet, I skate to become lonely. When I skate, I can let all these things whirl around me, and I can silence my mind -- just for a while. It's almost meditative.
     
    My loneliness mostly stems from me trying to forget about not having anybody by reading or playing video games... alone. Really, I probably could find at least one person who I can talk to, but I had some bad experiences with bad friends and relationships. It makes me not want to even try, but it doesn't stop me from feeling alone. So I continue to play video games and read. -_-
     
    I...got used to it, I suppose? I'm a very lonely person in reality, but I don't FEEL lonely. If I want to talk to people, there are plenty of people online I can talk to; my closest friend is a phone call away, and I don't really need someone to be physically with me...in fact, I would prefer it if they weren't, as I get very uncomfortable around other people.

    My loneliness has become my personal preference. It doesn't matter anymore if I was forced to adapt or whether I chose to; I'm used to it, I'm quite content with it, and if it ever DOES bother me, I can quickly rectify it by just talking to someone. Really, I think it depends on your perspective: you're always alone, because nobody can really connect with you regardless of whether or not you let them, but on the other hand, you're never alone, because you're part of a community whether you like it or not, and interaction is key to human society and an integral part of human nature. Much as I would love to deny that sometimes.
     
    I'm very introverted so I don't tend to get lonely easily. I often get enough social stimulation at work to be quite happy. I think if I didn't get along with my colleagues I might get a bit lonely. Otherwise, living with someone makes it easier. I also have a good friend that I've known since uni that lives a 5 minute drive from my place so if I need to I can pester them.

    I also find PC to be good for the ad hoc social desires. If you're lonely I'm sure there are people on here up for a chat.
     
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