Dear Anonymous

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Dear Anyone that cares Anonymous,

I have a few of these, so you can skip this post is you truly feel like it. Also, using anon and anonymous repeatedly loses flavour, so I mixed in a few other choice words.
Enjoy.


Dear Hygiene Anonymous,

It's me, The Warsmith. I have a list of people's teeth you missed. Their teeth are rotting and they reek of odorous decay, they need cleansing. Tell them they need to floss, to brush their teeth, or glue their mouths shut so the rest of us can breathe in peace and not have to worry about the fuzzy teeth people. Take care of all those people, and we'll be good.


Dear Anonymous,

Stop calling and asking for someone who doesn't live here, I've told you over 23 times. I'm not even sorry that I told you that person died last year. Come on, you had to have seen that coming. After 20 phone calls to the same number, a number that continually tells you it's the wrong number, you must have had some clue as to what you were doing.


Dear Anon,

Stop calling. I don't need solar power. Why? I have that already.


Dear Anonymous,

I find it great that you and your girlfriend are having a great time. Actually, I don't care. What I do care about is the time in which you do things. Late at night is not an acceptable time frame for me. Even if you are across the road, I would like it very much if you told her to tone down the noise a little, or invest in a ballgag, some people are trying to sleep.


Dear Jiminy Anonymous,

Shut the hell up. No one wants to hear your 'music' at all hours of the evening. You smell bad, and you jumping around like no tomorrow does not help. Every time I see you, I feel the need to crush you with my boot, and I don't care if it's too hot outside, that's where you're staying. If I ever find you inside, I will murder you with my shoe.


Dear Anon,

RC Cola is amazing.
 
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DA,

I just don't get it. Why this, with me? I'm an inconsiderate cynical ******* to so many of the people I meet, and the one time I actually give a **** about someone else… the one time I care… I care too much? I'm clingy? Huh? I stuck too close? Do you know how preposterous that sounds for someone like me? Why that just blows my mind?

Yeah, sure, I can forget about it. School's an oppurtune wonderland for me to make a name and reputation for myself, and the sky's the limit. I'm going to go and kick academia's ass with my pinky and focus on what I really want, and that's lots of fun to think about, surely. I know it may seem like I'm hung up, but I don't think I'm that type of person; this thing is circumstancial due to my lack of experience with things. Yeah, so it's my fault. What the ****. How the hell do I live my life ****ing up on a day-to-day basis on End A of the spectrum and when I take a trip to End B I continue? That's what's confusing me, and it's what I'm just stuck on. It's a lot to think about, and I really don't think music, sex, and caffeine are cutting it 100% of the time. Why would they?
 
Dear anon,

Your replies are as dry as the sandwich I am consuming as we speak. I suggest that you stop being a hypocrite, and show that you care as much as you boast about it. Either that, or just **** off, and forget that we were once close friends.
 
Dear Anon,

It has been brought to my attention that my tattoo is, indeed a piece of crap, and that folks have seen better tattoos from 'prisoners with nothing but a broom handle and burnt styrofoam'.

Well, fluff.

Guess I'm going to have to amputate.
 
Dear A,

It's kind of depressing knowing I have just one true friend in SI and even then she's too busy to hang out anymore. Maybe my moving here and becoming near friend-less irl is the reason for my lack of motivation to do anything. Don't even have the energy or desire to meet new people.
 
Dear A,

I never knew, how insanely great is to talk to you, until now. :3 You make my day, a bit better. Thank you. Also, can't wait to talk to you some more tommorow at that one food joint, you refuse to tell me. I swear if its crappy......
 
Dear Anonymous Douche,

No, I don't know who was smoking weed. No, I wouldn't even tell you if I did. I'm not going to do your job for you. Not unless you want to sit out here and do mine for me. And besides that, who the hell even cares? Do you know where we live? Why don't you go bother people committing REAL crimes instead?
 
Dear anonymous,

Did you get laid or something? You're a classic *****, so why're you so nice all of a sudden? Not that I mind ahahaha.
 
Dear A,

You know what? YOU KNOW WHAT?! Yes, I do c: But who's that stopping? :v NO ONE. Love you anyways. In a totally heterosexual kind of way.
 
Dear anon,


Today was totally out of a rom-com ahaha. You didn't let me finish, and I know you already know, but we're in this together. Never forget that. Especially right now.
 
Dear Anon,

All you are is that badge. I'd like to see you act hard without it. Oh wait, that's why you're going into hiding after you retire because you know you've been a prick to everyone for no reason and they all hate you.

Sincerely,

The People Who Have Done NOTHING Wrong
 
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