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Dear Pokémon

Dear Fifth Generation,

Why?
 
Dear shiny Smeargle,

Why didn't I discover you earlier? You are amazing. And so cute!
 
Dear Golbat,

Quit with the Confuse Ray.


Dear Pokemon Breeders,

Don't you think it's a little.. wrong that I can make my pokemon breed with their mother or father?


Dear Tyrunt,

Why won't you be bloody blue already? I've hatched a million and one of you.


Dear Mr. Mime,

How is it possible you can be female?
 
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Dear Graveler,

You and I have always had an amicable relationship, right? I've used you on my team from time to time, despite your dismal speed, and I like your evolution, Golem. Sure, I'll always pick Onix over you, but...well, come on, it's Onix.

So...do you think you could STOP using Selfdestruct and wiping out the Pokemon I'm trying to train? Do you have any idea how much of a fucking nuisance it is to keep travelling back to a Pokemon Center every time this happens? I'm not made of Revives, and I have better things to do with my time on this game than trek back and forth and get no training done. So...could you stop? Before I smash my fucking cartridge into tiny pieces? Ta!
 
Dear Furret,

I love you, Thanks to your move "me First", defeating lance is never been easier. You outraged them all. ^-^
_____
Dear GTS,

No, I don't want to trade my Mew for your Caterpie...
_____
Dear Shiny pokemon,

I hatched over 1000 eggs and still haven't found a shiny, I hope I'll find you soon...
Everytime I hatch a egg I'm debating if you even exist...
_____
Dear Voltorb,

I know things aren't easy for you but being self destructive isn't answer! I know you are hurt by people saying you that you resemble a pokeball and telling that you are a useless pokemon. Hopefully soon people will understand the pokeball is modeled after you instead of the other way around. I hope you will stop hurting yourself, it hurts other Pokemon as well. I hope you will feel better soon.
 
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Dear Pikachu,

Can you please show us your weight loss program?
 
Dear Hilbert,
Thank you for making my brother believe he was battling alongside Ash on the Battle Subway so many times. I really owe ya buddy. On another note, please don't use Earthquake again, that upset him because he thought you were attacking his Pokemon.
 
Dear Pokemon,

How in the world can I end up with a Pokemon family tree more crooked and twisted than a Gold Chocobo's and not end up with Pokemon getting severe birth defects?

Also where does Pokerus come from? It strengthens Pokemon and never really goes away... sounds like Jenova cells...

And finally what the heck are the Glitch Pokemon, where did they come from, and where did they go?
 
Dear Hariyama,

Why do you whirlwind all my pokemon away? How do you even know how to use Whirlwind? What is it about your gigantic fat sumo wrestler body, that allows you to magically create whirlwinds in order to throw my pokemon off to the side, making it near impossible for me to train for the pokemon league in Emerald version?
You have the highest exp gain, but it's near impossible to take you down because you always want to just whirlwind away my pokemon. It's even worse when you choose not to use whirlwind for the whole fight... until your health is in the red zone, then you whirlwind. I used to think you were a great pokemon, but now whenever I see you in a wild fight for the purpose of training my pokemon, my heart sinks a little. Knowing you're the best exp throughout the whole "Victory Road" makes me want to fight you, but I know if I'm not able to kill you in a single hit, you're just going to whirlwind away all of my effort, all those attacks I wasted on you, all the damage I took, all for naught because for some reason this fat wrestling pokemon can just whip up a Whirlwind from nothing.
So much rage I have for you just because you can use Whirlwind. It makes no freaking sense to me at all. I think whichever Game Freak designer thought it would a great idea to stick you in the "Victory Road" as the largest exp rate with a move pool that contains Whirlwind, well that designer was a sadistic sad little man who probably giggles to himself late at night knowing people like me are raging over having to deal with your constantly annoying Whirlwind.
You are bad Hariyama for using whirlwind and you really should feel bad.

PS: Tell your friend Lairon to stop roaring my pokemon away as well, although he's not as evil with it as you are with Whirlwind, both of you really just need to stop.
 
To the Unova Elite Four,

You guys are pretty cool, but please stop scoring critical hits on my Pokémon every three seconds. Alder was a lot tamer with that than you guys were.
 
Dear Boss Trainers in White Treehollow,

Why do you use competitive Pokemon teams when I clearly don't? As much as I could ignore that part, please don't use legendaries. Especially Sky Attack Moltres with Power Herb, that was just downright unfair. Even if my Liepard did win that round. ;)

Dear Mr Kusaka and Mr Satoshi,
Please focus on BW2 for now and continue later. We(well I at least) don't mind being a little behind. Just take your precious manga-ka time. 'w' That being said, do well with how you're going right now!

Dear BW2,

Thank you for giving me about a week of post game material. Best post game ever.

Dear Magikarp,

Please, just slightly, lower your Defense stat. Taking out your kind int he beginning without a type advantage frustrates me. And it's not like I don't switch train you instead of forcing you to fight, so why do you even need Defense??
 
Dear Game Freak,

Please stop making silly excuses to give each region their own unique gimmicks, especially after what Masuda mentioned about "customization is a Kalos gimmick because France is about beauty". You have to consider the fandom's feelings about features when it comes to what you put in the games or not.
 
Dear Bidoof,

Don't mind the haters. You're still the best. :)

Dear Prof. Oak,

I am indeed a male. In addition, I'm not sure you would ask your Grandson's biggest rival what his name is. Also, if the Pokedex is your life's work, why was it still blank when you gave it to me? Please seek help.

Dear Prof. Sycamore,

Stop sending my mom love letters. Or getting her hopes up, either way.

Dear Pokemon,

Whoever certifies/evaluates Pokemon Professors should be fired.
 
Dear Zinnia

How did it feel when you, a girl raised to wake up Rayquaza and practically worshipped it, was suddenly showed up by a kid who got their first Pokemon about a day or two ago?

sincerely.

Ps: Date me please

Dear Typhlosion

As my first official Pokemon in any Pokemon game, you desperately need a Mega. Keep going buddy, I believe in you!

Dear Game Freak

LET ME TAKE OFF MY HAT! I HATE HATS! AND PLEASE! Bring in more stuff to wear, like gym leader clothes! Also stop teasing me (and several others) with all the flirting you see in X and Y and in ORAS if you're not going to introduce a dating sim or something.

Dear Zygarde

Wtf are you

Dear Emboar

I believed in you. We all believed in you. Why are you Fire/Fighting when you could have easily been Fire/Dark!

Dear Samurott

WHY AREN'T YOU PART FIGHTING
 
Dear Game Freak,

Give me my Mega Samurott already! In fact, all the Unova Starters! They are so underpowered compared to other starters that they need a boost, and I mean a drastic boost.
 
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