Do you tell or do you not?

Captain Fabio

Captain Fabio

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    Which decision would you take?

    I was thinking about this due to real life complications I am currently dealing with.

    Say you are in a relationship with someone and in one drunken night you kiss/frolicked/so on with another male/female. You hardly remember it and you weren't forced into it, but you didn't resist either. You seriously regret what you did from the moment of consciousness and it kills you inside, question is, do you confess and tell your loved one, or do you push it deep down inside you? Also, there is no chance of your loved one finding out, only way she will know is if you tell her.

    Do you take the honest route and tell her, but in doing so, you break his/her heart and as a result, he/she will never trust you ever again, putting you relationship in serious jeopardy.
    Or, do you not say a word, push it deep down inside you and try to forget it, but knowing what you did and breaking his/her trust will haunt you every day you are together?

    Choose.​

     
    If I'm in a relationship, I'd try not to tell my girlfriend about what I did when I was drunk. That's only if I want to keep the relationship.
     
    It's better to fess up to your mistakes in a case like this, I think. If someone told me this had happened with them and that they were sorry and it ate them up and they wanted me to forgive them then I wouldn't hold it against them and I would probably trust them as much or more.
     
    If I want to stay in the relationship, I'd try and keep it to myself, since I was drunk and it wasn't my fault (well, it was but yeah). If we break up for some other reason then I'll tell them, or if we supposedly marry then I would need to tell them.
     
    No of course not.

    Even if I cheated I wouldn't say anything. Isn't 'fessing up the more selfish option? I'd confess about my infidelity because it made me feel ~guilty~ inside, and put my partner through pain as a result? No thanks, nothing to gain, plenty to lose.
     
    Vendak said:
    No of course not.

    Even if I cheated I wouldn't say anything. Isn't 'fessing up the more selfish option? I'd confess about my infidelity because it made me feel ~guilty~ inside, and put my partner through pain as a result? No thanks, nothing to gain, plenty to lose.
    Click to expand...

    I disagree, I think it's more selfish to keep it to yourself. You went outside of the relationship and cheated and that's going to hurt your partner anyway. By keeping it to yourself, it's even worse because not only did you do something stupid, but you still get to keep your loyal partner regardless? I'd like to think they deserve better than that. They deserve to know something like that so they can choose whether or not they want to continue being with someone who's going to cheat on them.

    So yeah, I'd fess up. If it really meant nothing I'm not going to sit there and hide it. I'd tell him and explain I was stupid and it meant nothing and then leave it up to him to decide. It was my lapse in judgement and I have to pay the consequences.
     
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    I'd tell her. Just say, 'I made a mistake, I didn't know what I was doing.'. It's better than hiding it from your partner and letting them find out what happened.
     
    I would tell because eveyone knows you do stupid things when your drunk. But the main reason is if other people from the party told your boyfriend/girlfriend then it's like you were keeping this kiss a secret from them. So it would be best to tell them yourself that way you can explain it in the beat possible way.
     
    It'd depend on the person I was with, I think. Different people would react differently, and I'd try to do what they'd like best.

    Ideally I'd tell them straight away. If the positions were switched, I'd like to think I'd be pretty forgiving, especially if I was told right after it happened instead of days/weeks/years along the road. It's one time while drunk, not extended infidelity, and no one's perfect. However, I know I'm not perfect either, and if I think it'd get me in trouble I'd probably consider hiding it, if not do it outright. -_-;
     
    I simply would tell them the truth. It is better to be honest to myself and them, then to live a lie.
     
    Damn Fabio, you been workin da ladies lately? :P

    If I had done that, I would probably hate myself. From that point on I would realize that the relationship I've had is over and it's all my fault. On one hand, I tell her what I've done. This brings on a spiral of emotions and she'll never be able to trust me again and even if we do stay together a little longer, I feel like she will always feel a little anger towards that and may find herself in a similar situation to mine and simply use my actions as a justifier to do the same. All the hate and distrust and wonder will eventually cause the relationship to be incredibly unstable and ultimately end it.

    On the other hand, if I keep it to myself, the guilt is overwhelming. And the fact that there's no way she can find out just makes it worse. It means that I've done something without consequence and, if I push it deep enough down to forget about it, I might just start accepting it and continue to do what I've done. My feelings would only grow shallower for the girl I'm in a relationship with. And to keep her hidden from that? That's just unfair. I'd want to know if my significant other's feelings for me were leaving. Why keep someone on a string like that, infatuated and believing that everything is okay, when it's not. And inevitably, if it's not, it will become apparent. In this particular matter I'm speaking from experience, it just goes downhill from there.

    If there are no consequences to doing so, then you'll just keep doing it. You gotta learn from your mistakes. That's why I'd fess up and tell her the truth. I'd be the one responsible for the end of our relationship but hey, that's what happened and this is what's going to happen. You just gotta know how to come up from it and move on. Just hope that your ex doesn't tell anyone (wishful thinking) cause no other girls will be quick to get on the relationship level with you.

    Thus, the birth of a player.
     
    Oh Fabio, what'd you do? :P

    I wouldn't tell them. If all it really was was a drunken mistake then it's incredibly selfish to tell your partner about it and hurt them over something that just doesn't need to be that big a deal. It's wildly inappropriate. If there is truly no way they could find out then it's just unnecessary drama.
     
    I'm one of those 'keep the trust' people, so I'd tell my 'significant other' what I did, and try to talk it out. If they got mad and left, then they probably wouldn't be worth going after anyway.
     
    I would probably tell. It's better to tell.
     
    I don't intend to drink tho :(

    BUT IF IT HAD HAPPENED. I'd tell anyway, because I end up telling the truth with most things so for me it's bound to come out eventually, aka tell the morning after, definitely.
     
    Captain Fabio said:
    Also, there is no chance of your loved one finding out, only way she will know is if you tell her.
    Click to expand...
    You make it pretty convenient, huh? But no. I try to be as honest as I can, and I'd tell her, of course. There's no reason to hide something like that anyway. Still, there are still a few factors to consider here:

    • What kind of person my partner is
    • How I can talk about it
    • What have I done so far in our relationship to clonize it
    But I'd still tell. I'd better be considered selfish, than to answer 'nothing much' to a question of the type 'what happened last night' coming from the one I love.
     
    I'd fess up and admit how much of a mistake it was. I'd tell them how much I regret it and how sorry I am. It's much better than bottling it up. Plus, if you tell them immediately it's easier than if you change your mind and tell them in a few years time.
     
    I'd tell despite my fears of the relationship possibly ending but I'd at the very least try to make it up to her in any way she asked.
     
    I would rather bear the pain of my idiotic mistake than cause pain by revealing it to the one I love the most. Seriously, if my mate could never find out then why tell them? I certainly wouldn't distrust them if it was an honest inebriated mistake, but then again I probably would expect them to be sincerely sorry for it and promise not to ever drink to that point again.

    However, I am the type of person who would never drink. I don't like the stuff. Never have, never will.
     
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