Complete a credential program to work as a full-time teacher (I'm currently starting to work as a substitute teacher soon) and get into a relationship. All while still having low confidence in myself because I'm an awkward beta.
There's a difference between having low self-esteem and publicly insulting yourself - based on my interactions with you over time, I'm going to wager that you're not the kind that does self-deprecating humour, so I'm working with the assumption that you genuinely think this of yourself. But if I'm wrong, there are better ways to go about self-deprecation. Referring to yourself as a beta is just going to turn off any prospective partner. It's a very awkward term with weird connotations and quite frankly, I would be ready to call for the cheque at the restaurant table if someone did that. Advertising yourself as such is just, well, silly.
Low self esteem doesn't have to be a form of punishment, you know. It sucks, I get it. I've had many a friend tell me to shut up because I'm beating myself up too hard. It's a hard thing to watch other people do. But you are only feeding into your own preconceived views each time you give an inch to whatever causes you to think so poorly of yourself. There is a marked difference in recognising what you'd like to improve about yourself, what you lack, and tearing yourself down in the absence of your desires being reality at that present time. So much in the way of low self-esteem can be rationalised away when you think about two things. A) Who are you comparing yourself to? B) Why does the natural difference of humanity (looks, achievements, skills, etc) take away from your own gifts? For example, I mentally harass myself over my looks all the time, until I remember the lovely quote of 'Another woman's beauty does not mean the absence of your own.' Whatever fashion magazine desperately trying to appeal to the single mother demographic that came up with that quote actually got it right - does another person's prowess eliminate your own by its mere existence? Of course not. No one would ever achieve their goals if they only fed into the notion that they weren't good enough to do it. Speaking of which:
Focusing on myself would only defeat my main purpose of getting into a successful life without believing in myself.
No, Ninjorf has a point. Have some pride in your future. Focusing on yourself is exactly what you need to do. Focus on what makes you happy. Focus on what you want to make you happy. Focus on what you want, what you need. Take ownership of your desires and take agency in achieving them. If it is selfish, who gives a fuck? If you are not hurting others then do whatever you please in chasing your goals and getting them. Force of will doesn't mean shit if you're going to sabotage your mindset at every turn. No one is going to save you from yourself, you know. No one is going to sort your life out for you. So you have to focus on it yourself. You want to be a teacher? Good, so do I. Pursue that. You are already on that path - you are already focusing on what you want in life. Why should you stop? You must at some point have believed you could do something. Therefore, you believed in yourself. Continue to have the faith you had at some point in your life.
This all being said, self-love is a tricky subject. It is a flower which is ultimately groomed and pruned by you over the years, but it will not survive if the gardener can't rely on the sun to shine down on it. That is to say, it is complete horseshit that the power to love oneself comes entirely from you and you only. Hate that line of thinking so much. People need to experience respect and empowerment from others if they are to develop it themselves. Seek out people that will reinforce you and give you the will to keep supporting yourself. I truly, honestly think that if you are able to do that, the goals you have set out for yourself will be easier to reach. Your ideas of success will be that much easier to grasp if you have people to support your belief that you can reach them. Self-respect, and indeed all love, does not develop in a vacuum. It only thrives when one knows what it is.
