Duncan McNeil
[release].your.grip
- 209
- Posts
- 17
- Years
- the depths of darkness
- Seen May 7, 2009
Well, I've got to say that was pretty good. I was in a reviewing mood, so I sat down and read all seven chapters in one sitting. I wasn't disappointed, either. While so much of the story (and this truly is a story, rather than a fic. And yes, there is a difference.) is decent, the emotional aspect is where this steps up and shines. A very common problem with emotion (and fics in general) is that you feel like you're merely reading through it. But when you actually pull the reader in, make them root for the character or want to yell for the character not to do something, you know you've done something right.
However, there is also a downside to too much emotion. Emotion driven fics are fine, but you can run into problems without a substantial plot to back it up. I've yet to see anything like that yet, but it still is early and many romance fics get away with it. Still though, you can have too much of a good thing. Something to keep in mind.
Another thing I noticed, as I'm sure others have, is that so much is dialogue driven. Something I do myself often times, as it can help gloss over sticky bits of description. However, you still need good description to bolster that. Don't get me wrong; you have decent description. Like Luphinid said, though, it tends to read sometimes like a list of what happened. Flow is a word any writer should take to heart, as it truly will make (or break) a fic.
In general, to get good flow in a fic it should read well. Each sentence should flow into the next, and it should make it where it reads effortlessly. I probably don't need to describe this to you, especially as this isn't that large of a problem. It will easily be remedied with experience.
Speaking of experience, this is very good stuff for your second fic. Most writers take years, not to mention may different fics to get this far. Like I said before, your excellent use of emotion is what really carries the fic. There was never any murkiness in what the characters were feeling or doing, something I run into all too often.
On a random note, I like how all the chapters seem to begin with a fragment of Silver's thoughts. Makes for a nice touch, I think.
One small bit of advice I have for you is to mix up the characters names with some description of them. I'e never read Special before, so when I read tons of Gold, Blue and Silver everywhere I sometimes have to pause and go "Huh?". Instead, it would be helpful to put "The brown haired teenager said" or something like that.
And like everyone else, your tantalizingly short chapter are no fun. XD Your chapters could easily be twice as long, so don't hesitate to combine a couple.
Anyway, I've got to say that overall I'm impressed. The overall quality of the fic is good, and I sure had a good time reading (and critiquing) it for you. Very nice job, I'll be sticking around. Just try to work on a couple (doesn't matter which. XD) of the things I mentioned and you'll have an excellent fic here. Nice job.
However, there is also a downside to too much emotion. Emotion driven fics are fine, but you can run into problems without a substantial plot to back it up. I've yet to see anything like that yet, but it still is early and many romance fics get away with it. Still though, you can have too much of a good thing. Something to keep in mind.
Another thing I noticed, as I'm sure others have, is that so much is dialogue driven. Something I do myself often times, as it can help gloss over sticky bits of description. However, you still need good description to bolster that. Don't get me wrong; you have decent description. Like Luphinid said, though, it tends to read sometimes like a list of what happened. Flow is a word any writer should take to heart, as it truly will make (or break) a fic.
In general, to get good flow in a fic it should read well. Each sentence should flow into the next, and it should make it where it reads effortlessly. I probably don't need to describe this to you, especially as this isn't that large of a problem. It will easily be remedied with experience.
Speaking of experience, this is very good stuff for your second fic. Most writers take years, not to mention may different fics to get this far. Like I said before, your excellent use of emotion is what really carries the fic. There was never any murkiness in what the characters were feeling or doing, something I run into all too often.
On a random note, I like how all the chapters seem to begin with a fragment of Silver's thoughts. Makes for a nice touch, I think.
One small bit of advice I have for you is to mix up the characters names with some description of them. I'e never read Special before, so when I read tons of Gold, Blue and Silver everywhere I sometimes have to pause and go "Huh?". Instead, it would be helpful to put "The brown haired teenager said" or something like that.
And like everyone else, your tantalizingly short chapter are no fun. XD Your chapters could easily be twice as long, so don't hesitate to combine a couple.
Anyway, I've got to say that overall I'm impressed. The overall quality of the fic is good, and I sure had a good time reading (and critiquing) it for you. Very nice job, I'll be sticking around. Just try to work on a couple (doesn't matter which. XD) of the things I mentioned and you'll have an excellent fic here. Nice job.
