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- Seen Jul 5, 2008
when is the next chappie gonna post? Oh and, i'm trying to make a banner for this, hope you don't mind, i'll post it when i finish XD
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Just A Brother
- Thread starter Sydian
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Star★Seeker
→s t y l e ;
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- Age 29
- The Island of Enchantment
- Seen Mar 6, 2011
I ask myself the same question, but Splatty said she'll be grounded tommorow, so maybe by the end of the week, IDK.
That's fine. ^^ Can't gurantee I'll use it. I switch themes a lot.
I was just coming here to get to that.
1. I started writing chapter six...it has the thought caption and one paragraph. That's it. xD
2. Got my progress report today. I wouldn't be expecting to see me very often until that sixty seven in math goes up. -snivel-
-kicks square root of six plus four over five-
Wow. I am so sorry guys. I had spring break, and a break-up...so I've been busy. But! I have chapter six for you loyal Just A Brother fans out there. ;D
Just note, I won't be able to read any reviews. This computer blocks the latest page of all fics...so bleh. And I'm grounded for the rest of the school year, but I doubt my mom will remember. So, here it is!
PS: On the review thing, I won't be able to revise anything(grammar errors, spelling, etc.) So just deal with it. The bell's about to ring.
I give up at this point. Why make myself feel worse than I feel right now? I already took a dagger to the heart. What is there left? I guess I'll just have to be content with our friendship…
Silver continued to look down at the pier as the sky kept drenching him with its tears of rain.
I'm done, he thought.
The sound of footsteps ran onto the pier.
"Silver," Gold panted, "I beat that jerk sailor! So, did you find Blue?"
Silver turned around and gave a glare at Gold. "I did." He replied grimly.
"And?" Gold asked, anticipating good news.
Silver turned back around to look at where the S.S. Aqua once was.
"She told me, that to her…I was just a brother…" he replied as he glanced at the pier.
Gold frowned and looked at the paper in the water. The bloodstains were coming off as the rest started to deteriorate.
"Can't say you didn't try, I guess!" Gold said, giving a forced smile.
The rain continued to pound the two as they stood in silence. Gold sighed and slowly walked up to Silver. As he placed his hand on Silver's shoulder, Silver jerked away.
"Don't touch me." He said, sounding very agitated.
Gold looked at him with concern.
"Silver, come on. Let's go,"
"I was a fool for ever thinking she could love me…a fool." Silver said through gritted teeth as he clenched his fists.
Gold looked confused for a moment.
"Look, you're not—"
"Don't deny that! I know I am!" Silver yelled as he jerked around to face Gold.
Gold was speechless. It was horrid to see someone like Silver start to break like this. As much as he wanted to help him, there was nothing he could say to console his enraged and confused friend.
Silver reached into his wet bag, his hands scavenging through it frantically.
"What are you looking for? Gold managed to ask, a bit nervously. He stared at the searching hands, afraid of what might happen next.
"Anything to rid me of the world," Silver muttered as he pulled out a pocket knife.
Gold's eyes widened with horror. "S-silver? What're you…gonna do with that?"
Silver fiddled with the knife playfully in his hand and sighed. "Oh, just…something I should've done long ago."
Silver seemed more calm at this point, but this type of 'calm' was not the kind he needed to be. It was the calm people go to before the completely lose it. Gold knew this, but couldn't muster a word out of his mouth, as if his knowledge of language was lost in the back of his mind.
"Really, I don't want to be here anymore," Silver continued, with a alight arrogance in his tone as he walked to the edge of the pier. "And 'here' doesn't want me, either."
Gold could only watch his friend now, feeling a grip of paralysis holding him from what he needed to do. The strong rain didn't help this feeling. The lightning struck somewhere distant and the late thunder gave its roar.
Silver gave a frown as he looked at Gold in his petrified state. "Not going to stop me, are you?"
Gold didn't reply; he only stared blankly.
"I thought so." Silver sighed, still playing with the weapon in his hands. He turned to face the sea and gripped the knife's handle tightly. He slowly lifted his free arm level to his chest and hovered the knife over it, and then gave the scene a vacant stare.
Gold felt and ominous chill over his body as he continued to watch Silver, unable to move or speak.
Silver pushed the button on the pocket knife. A silvery blade was sheathed from the handle, giving a shine in the rain, almost as if it was cutting the rain. It was not the sharpest of blades, but not the dullest—just right to cut the 'life line' in a person's wrist.
Silver slowly moved the edge of the blade to his wrist, so close he felt the cold steel touch his bare skin.
Gold suddenly felt everything rush back to him.
"Silver, wait!" he shouted as he bolted towards Silver.
Silver hadn't even turned his head around when Gold snatched the knife from Silver's hand.
"Look, don't do this!" Gold yelled at him.
Silver stared at Gold. It wasn't an angry stare, nor a sad stare. It was a stare of slight thankfulness, as if hewanted Gold to take the knife from him.
Gold tossed the knife into the water. It cut through the middle of the note and drug the remains down to the bottom along with it.
"Were you really going to do that?" Gold asked.
Silver looked at where the knife had struck the water. "I would've, had you not been here. Having a witness isn't how you're supposed to pull that stunt."
Gold looked at him skeptically. "Look, I know this phrase is overused, but there are plenty of fish in the sea," he sighed. "And, if you really love her, you'll want what's best for her…and you know that it's Green."
Silver looked up at the sky, which had ceased rainfall for a while now. "Right," he replied with a half-hearted smile.
Just note, I won't be able to read any reviews. This computer blocks the latest page of all fics...so bleh. And I'm grounded for the rest of the school year, but I doubt my mom will remember. So, here it is!
PS: On the review thing, I won't be able to revise anything(grammar errors, spelling, etc.) So just deal with it. The bell's about to ring.
Just A Brother
Chapter Six: Cutting Edge
Chapter Six: Cutting Edge
I give up at this point. Why make myself feel worse than I feel right now? I already took a dagger to the heart. What is there left? I guess I'll just have to be content with our friendship…
Silver continued to look down at the pier as the sky kept drenching him with its tears of rain.
I'm done, he thought.
The sound of footsteps ran onto the pier.
"Silver," Gold panted, "I beat that jerk sailor! So, did you find Blue?"
Silver turned around and gave a glare at Gold. "I did." He replied grimly.
"And?" Gold asked, anticipating good news.
Silver turned back around to look at where the S.S. Aqua once was.
"She told me, that to her…I was just a brother…" he replied as he glanced at the pier.
Gold frowned and looked at the paper in the water. The bloodstains were coming off as the rest started to deteriorate.
"Can't say you didn't try, I guess!" Gold said, giving a forced smile.
The rain continued to pound the two as they stood in silence. Gold sighed and slowly walked up to Silver. As he placed his hand on Silver's shoulder, Silver jerked away.
"Don't touch me." He said, sounding very agitated.
Gold looked at him with concern.
"Silver, come on. Let's go,"
"I was a fool for ever thinking she could love me…a fool." Silver said through gritted teeth as he clenched his fists.
Gold looked confused for a moment.
"Look, you're not—"
"Don't deny that! I know I am!" Silver yelled as he jerked around to face Gold.
Gold was speechless. It was horrid to see someone like Silver start to break like this. As much as he wanted to help him, there was nothing he could say to console his enraged and confused friend.
Silver reached into his wet bag, his hands scavenging through it frantically.
"What are you looking for? Gold managed to ask, a bit nervously. He stared at the searching hands, afraid of what might happen next.
"Anything to rid me of the world," Silver muttered as he pulled out a pocket knife.
Gold's eyes widened with horror. "S-silver? What're you…gonna do with that?"
Silver fiddled with the knife playfully in his hand and sighed. "Oh, just…something I should've done long ago."
Silver seemed more calm at this point, but this type of 'calm' was not the kind he needed to be. It was the calm people go to before the completely lose it. Gold knew this, but couldn't muster a word out of his mouth, as if his knowledge of language was lost in the back of his mind.
"Really, I don't want to be here anymore," Silver continued, with a alight arrogance in his tone as he walked to the edge of the pier. "And 'here' doesn't want me, either."
Gold could only watch his friend now, feeling a grip of paralysis holding him from what he needed to do. The strong rain didn't help this feeling. The lightning struck somewhere distant and the late thunder gave its roar.
Silver gave a frown as he looked at Gold in his petrified state. "Not going to stop me, are you?"
Gold didn't reply; he only stared blankly.
"I thought so." Silver sighed, still playing with the weapon in his hands. He turned to face the sea and gripped the knife's handle tightly. He slowly lifted his free arm level to his chest and hovered the knife over it, and then gave the scene a vacant stare.
Gold felt and ominous chill over his body as he continued to watch Silver, unable to move or speak.
Silver pushed the button on the pocket knife. A silvery blade was sheathed from the handle, giving a shine in the rain, almost as if it was cutting the rain. It was not the sharpest of blades, but not the dullest—just right to cut the 'life line' in a person's wrist.
Silver slowly moved the edge of the blade to his wrist, so close he felt the cold steel touch his bare skin.
Gold suddenly felt everything rush back to him.
"Silver, wait!" he shouted as he bolted towards Silver.
Silver hadn't even turned his head around when Gold snatched the knife from Silver's hand.
"Look, don't do this!" Gold yelled at him.
Silver stared at Gold. It wasn't an angry stare, nor a sad stare. It was a stare of slight thankfulness, as if hewanted Gold to take the knife from him.
Gold tossed the knife into the water. It cut through the middle of the note and drug the remains down to the bottom along with it.
"Were you really going to do that?" Gold asked.
Silver looked at where the knife had struck the water. "I would've, had you not been here. Having a witness isn't how you're supposed to pull that stunt."
Gold looked at him skeptically. "Look, I know this phrase is overused, but there are plenty of fish in the sea," he sighed. "And, if you really love her, you'll want what's best for her…and you know that it's Green."
Silver looked up at the sky, which had ceased rainfall for a while now. "Right," he replied with a half-hearted smile.
Last edited:
Ageless Irony
MANIC SPAMMER
- 704
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- The City!
- Seen Sep 14, 2016
Oh @$#%!
I had a feeling that that was going to happen...
More than a feeling... (Whee Boston)
Anywaym, that was really good, the only thing that bothers me is that after Silver decides not to do it and such...What Gold said at the end seemed...odd...for what you would say to your best friend after they just tried to kill themself...(Take it from somebody who knows...) Maybe a hug? Gold's a pretty sensitive guy, right? xD
Though Silver would just push him off...
That's all I have to say except for that that was awesome.
Very awesome.
Keep up the good work, bud. ;D
I had a feeling that that was going to happen...
More than a feeling... (Whee Boston)
Anywaym, that was really good, the only thing that bothers me is that after Silver decides not to do it and such...What Gold said at the end seemed...odd...for what you would say to your best friend after they just tried to kill themself...(Take it from somebody who knows...) Maybe a hug? Gold's a pretty sensitive guy, right? xD
Though Silver would just push him off...
That's all I have to say except for that that was awesome.
Very awesome.
Keep up the good work, bud. ;D
GunSaberSeraph
Durandal of the Devic Era
- 1,484
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- 17
- Years
- Seen Dec 30, 2016
whoa, that was freakin' crazy. in a good way, of course. i don't know what i would've done if i were Gold....
How delightfully intense, although Gold's reaction at the end is a little weird.
How delightfully intense, although Gold's reaction at the end is a little weird.
Star★Seeker
→s t y l e ;
- 1,985
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- 18
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- Age 29
- The Island of Enchantment
- Seen Mar 6, 2011
Yay!!New chapter!It was awsome!However, what Gold said to Silver(the fish in the sea thing) was kinda innapropiate, but the other part was okay.Keep up the good work!
bobandbill
7.8/10 too much water
- 17,247
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- 17
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- land
- Online now
Oh my, Silver nearly ventured towards suicide? Well... oh my! Surprisinging - didn't think the angst went THAT deep for him... he's one troubled guy he is.
Good chapter there, is a bit on the short side. Like the small bits of description here and there as well. Good atmosphere and such there in the lead up to the moment, and sentence structure seemed ok.
As for you not being able to read reviews - well, too bad - I'm not taking that for an excuse to give off nitpicks. ;)
Without, not with out.
Overall good - would have thought though that Gold would have reacted less 'calmly' at the end, as he was frozen with fear beforehand... and again it did seem a bit short. Not bad though - nice atmosphere there, and I hope your 'ban' will be lifted sooner rather than later.
Good chapter there, is a bit on the short side. Like the small bits of description here and there as well. Good atmosphere and such there in the lead up to the moment, and sentence structure seemed ok.
As for you not being able to read reviews - well, too bad - I'm not taking that for an excuse to give off nitpicks. ;)
Without, not with out.
'Its tears of rain' - didn't quite gell with me, there.
'A light', or 'a slight'...
Overall good - would have thought though that Gold would have reacted less 'calmly' at the end, as he was frozen with fear beforehand... and again it did seem a bit short. Not bad though - nice atmosphere there, and I hope your 'ban' will be lifted sooner rather than later.
Well, thanks to anyone who's read chapter six. xD All I know is Royal Genesis and bobandbill read it...I was going to try to change the security settings on these computers, but unlike the freshmen academy, these are more secure.
As for chapter seven, when I get some paper, I'll start writing it.
And I know this chapter is kinda short...due to lack of paper, and the fact a twist is in chapter seven. ;D
As for chapter seven, when I get some paper, I'll start writing it.
And I know this chapter is kinda short...due to lack of paper, and the fact a twist is in chapter seven. ;D
GunSaberSeraph
Durandal of the Devic Era
- 1,484
- Posts
- 17
- Years
- Seen Dec 30, 2016
ooh, a twist! i looove twists!! i hope it's a good one... i'm happy your writing again*glomps*
Thanks, buddeh. <3
Very much. If you think this was short, chapter seven...goodness. I'm having to add in a lot of dialogue, because really, only one thing happens in here.
It's not like he told him something perverted. :/
Anyway, thanks people. Chapter seven is being slow...heh heh. Like I said, having to add crap to fill it. Ew. Fillers. Dx
BigfootTheUnbeatable
Phillies World Champions 2008!
- 191
- Posts
- 17
- Years
- Seen Apr 11, 2009
I've been reading this story forever and I haven't gotten down to a review yet so here it is.
I like the idea of the plot, but one of my main concerns is there isn't enough backstory. Why does Silver love Blue so much? How did Blue and Green get together? Where are the other characters like Red and Yellow? Why is Silver just suddenly living with Giovanni? This is in canon right? I know some of these are not necessarily needed but they would improve the strength of the story in my opinion.
I love the pace and I love the frendship between Gold and Silver it's great! The suicide attempt was great. Well the scene anyway, not the actual idea of it, I don't want Silver to die! No matter how emo he gets! I'm starting to like the concept of other fish in the sea. Perhaps to make Blue jealous, but then the girl finds out about Silver's idea. Ohh drama!
Blue is a bit of a ***** but like how you portray as it seems fitting. I have a feeling she'll come to her senses. I think you should add more Green too. Overall though, great story. I'm anxious for chapter 7!
I like the idea of the plot, but one of my main concerns is there isn't enough backstory. Why does Silver love Blue so much? How did Blue and Green get together? Where are the other characters like Red and Yellow? Why is Silver just suddenly living with Giovanni? This is in canon right? I know some of these are not necessarily needed but they would improve the strength of the story in my opinion.
I love the pace and I love the frendship between Gold and Silver it's great! The suicide attempt was great. Well the scene anyway, not the actual idea of it, I don't want Silver to die! No matter how emo he gets! I'm starting to like the concept of other fish in the sea. Perhaps to make Blue jealous, but then the girl finds out about Silver's idea. Ohh drama!
Blue is a bit of a ***** but like how you portray as it seems fitting. I have a feeling she'll come to her senses. I think you should add more Green too. Overall though, great story. I'm anxious for chapter 7!
He's known her almost all his life; I'm not sure...I just loooove OldRivalShipping -shot-; You'll see...; because he is? ; as much as I can make it.
My friend said something a little worse. xD Yeah, don't worry, there's plenty more Green to come in chapters seven and eight.
lalalagirl
Die-hard Oldrivalshipper >:D~
- 115
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- 17
- Years
- Seen Mar 17, 2009
Gahh! XP oh Blue, how could you? Well, i guess she was just following her heart... in a way...
Poor Silver!! Aww :( GOOD JOB GOLD!! You go.. er boy O.o . haha i can not wait until chapter 7 Silver!
Poor Silver!! Aww :( GOOD JOB GOLD!! You go.. er boy O.o . haha i can not wait until chapter 7 Silver!
- 10,284
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- Seen today
Hi, I'm here. Fear me, or something.
I caught up reading all six chapters in one night, since a lack of work and school would do that to you. I'll see if I can type up some sort of coherent review.
Since you were pressed for time each time that you posted a chapter, I'll just brush over those mistakes. But I do want to make my famous gesture towards DP479's guide to grammar so you can learn how to do dialogue correctly. That'll clear up some mistakes that bobandbill pointed out. As for the other mistakes that I saw, well you could either proof-read before posting or see if you can find a beta reader to just fix those typos before you post.
Now onto my main problem with this fic. There's a lack of emotion here. Everything seems to move so fast that it's kind of hard to see where Silver is coming from to go straight to suicide when Blue tells him that he's "just a brother". (Though I have to admit that I love that line.) I mean, give the readers more of how he feels. What are his thoughts?
There also needs to be some more back-story. Especially since I can't really imagine Giovanni as Mr. Mom. The last I know of Special's Giovanni was that he was standing there glaring at Red. (Yes, it's been years since I've read Special.) So some more back-story would be nice, especially since the manga isn't as wide-stream as it used to be. And yeah, more of the back-story between Blue and Silver, since that scene where she had kissed him for revenge on Green seems to be a central part of this story.
Oh, and Gold's line of "more fish in the sea" is so not the correct thing to say to someone whose heart has been broken, stepped on, and kicked repeatedly. *thwaps Gold over the head*
Other than the things that I mentioned, this story looks to be a good one. I'm wondering if there's a way for Silver to climb out of this pit of despair that he's fallen into, so I'll wait to see what's going to happen in chapter seven.
I caught up reading all six chapters in one night, since a lack of work and school would do that to you. I'll see if I can type up some sort of coherent review.
Since you were pressed for time each time that you posted a chapter, I'll just brush over those mistakes. But I do want to make my famous gesture towards DP479's guide to grammar so you can learn how to do dialogue correctly. That'll clear up some mistakes that bobandbill pointed out. As for the other mistakes that I saw, well you could either proof-read before posting or see if you can find a beta reader to just fix those typos before you post.
Now onto my main problem with this fic. There's a lack of emotion here. Everything seems to move so fast that it's kind of hard to see where Silver is coming from to go straight to suicide when Blue tells him that he's "just a brother". (Though I have to admit that I love that line.) I mean, give the readers more of how he feels. What are his thoughts?
There also needs to be some more back-story. Especially since I can't really imagine Giovanni as Mr. Mom. The last I know of Special's Giovanni was that he was standing there glaring at Red. (Yes, it's been years since I've read Special.) So some more back-story would be nice, especially since the manga isn't as wide-stream as it used to be. And yeah, more of the back-story between Blue and Silver, since that scene where she had kissed him for revenge on Green seems to be a central part of this story.
Oh, and Gold's line of "more fish in the sea" is so not the correct thing to say to someone whose heart has been broken, stepped on, and kicked repeatedly. *thwaps Gold over the head*
Other than the things that I mentioned, this story looks to be a good one. I'm wondering if there's a way for Silver to climb out of this pit of despair that he's fallen into, so I'll wait to see what's going to happen in chapter seven.
Espreon
Lord of the Nagas
- 520
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- Seen Mar 16, 2011
Perhaps the reason Gold said that is because he might be oblivious to the fact Silver appears to be in one of those Romeo and Juliet type relationships, except Blue is not being a Juliet...
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No matter the type of romantic relationship (and please enlighten me that there are stereotypes for relationships), that's still not something to say. Gold knew/knows that Silver cares for Blue enough to chase her down to tell her his feelings. And I would figure that since Gold knew about the kiss between Blue and Silver to make Green jealous, and that Gold went with Silver to Vermilion to find Blue, and that Gold fought in a Pokemon battle to allow Silver the chance to find Blue, that Gold has some idea what was going on.
And I believe that Silver (the author) has Gold and Silver as best friends, or darn close to it. (I mean, Gold just strolls right into the house and stays the night, shares a bathroom, forces food down Silver's mouth. Silver the author hasn't explained how deep or how long the two boys have been friends, but there's something there.)
Now no matter the label you might want to slap onto the relationship (Romeo/Juliet? I'm not seeing the similarities), Silver still cared for Blue. Enough to chase her down to tell her his feelings. Now he could have given up after he caught her with Green again in the forest. He could have left his feelings hidden from her, but he still held the hope that she cared for him in the way that he did (plus, that probably would have made for a very boring fic). But he still held the hope. And that hope was squashed down by Blue saying that Silver would never be anything more to her than "just a brother". And that drove him to attempt suicide.
Having Gold say that "there are other fish in the sea" to Silver makes it seem like he's telling Silver that Blue isn't as important as Silver made her out to be to him. And we're talking about chasing this girl down and nearly killing himself over being told that, and he still had some sort of relationship with her even if it wasn't the one that he wanted. And Silver himself said that he "would just have to be content with our[sic] friendship". Even with Blue's friendship, he still wanted to kill himself because he didn't have her where he wanted her to be. That shows that she's pretty darn important to him, and Gold's statement just puts her on par with any other girl out there, when Silver sees her as something special.
Besides, I remember being told/having read somewhere, during my few years researching all kinds of depression and dealing with suicide, that one of the worst things you can say to someone who broke up with/got rejected by someone is that "there are others out there". They don't see that there will be other chances. They might see it as cheapening the relationship they had or the person they were chasing because it was special to them. (Or they might see it another way.)
That's my main problem with Gold's line, which is why I said that. And I doubt Gold is oblivious since he obviously knew how much Silver cared about this girl if he went along with the plan to chase her down. (How many friends would do that? To fly three hours away from home in an instant so their friend could have some chance of happiness. I haven't met many like that.)
And may I also ask that there's a definite stop to the off-topic posts in this thread? A discussion concerning a point in the story is fine, but the talk of report cards wasn't.
Asty is going to -gasp- review my fic? An honor, it is. [/Yoda]
Oh, and to whoever knows me as telling every PreciousMetalShipper 'I love you', it's not PreciousMetalShipping that's 'there'.
I might go back an rewrite that part. At the time I wrote it, it seemed alright to use the 'fish' analogy...but then I remembered that was why my mom told me during my April 22-28 emo 'he left me' phase, and I know that that surely didn't help.
...My bad. Dx
I realized that after I posted it. During that April 22-28 thing, I did realize I was like Silver. Feeling all alone, no one wants me...yadda. I was afraid that a suicide attempt was going to be a little dramatic. I even asked a few people in my class if it was. One said 'yay!', but he's obssesed with death, so he doesn't count. The other said it seemed kinda odd, but that it was my story.
But I will agree, there should've been more of an elaboration. I'll try to go back and fix that when I can think of something good to put in it's place.
And...Gold's just an idiot. >.< But hey, I wouldn'tve known what to say at that point, either. I'm not the best advice giver on that kinda subject.
Thanks for reviewing, Astinus. -eats reviews- The more you know. xD
Espreon
Lord of the Nagas
- 520
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- 17
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- Seen Mar 16, 2011
Well Romeo committed suicide when Juliet was supposedly dead; so I was using the fact Silver was driven to the point were he wanted to commit suicide as a reason I considered this a Romeo/Juliet type thing... only difference Blue is not being a Juliet...
Sure, in fact that discussion died a long time ago and will stay dead.
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