LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transexual) anyone?

[Spikey-Eared Pichu]

I don't exactly know what to do. I'm literally numb emotionally. I'm not depressed, upset, pissed off, angry or anything, I'm totally numb.

 

[Kura]

I don't exactly know what to do. I'm literally numb emotionally. I'm not depressed, upset, pissed off, angry or anything, I'm totally numb.

I'd like to help and offer some advice but I don't want the topic to go astray.. maybe you can post the whole story in the post your problems thread so that people can offer some suggestions on what you might consider doing in this situation..

 

[Spikey-Eared Pichu]

This is a topic for LGBTs to talk and get advice pertaining to their problems so...

 

[Kura]

Well I guess so.. but... you like this guy, right? o_o Or is he just close to you or are you just friends or what? Because if he has a girlfriend and he's content with that.. what exactly are your intentions? Even if he told her that you were gay, do you think he did so to affect their current relationship?

:/ The only thing I'm worried about is that I don't want you to get toyed with. Gay or not, if he doesn't want to leave the girl, then it means he's not serious about you.

 

[Spikey-Eared Pichu]

Okay, the situation is:

I have seriously strong feelings for him. I've felt this way about him for a year now. He is sexually confused. He's actually offered to mess around with me if you catch my drift. We've not done anything sexual yet. I've helped him through his last two relationships and the girls have admitted that without my help that she would have most likely broken up with him a lot sooner. I don't intend to ruin his relationship, far from it. I want the best for him. I want him to be happy.
But, I also want him to acknowledge that I have feelings for him and that I've trusted him with something deeply close to me (in the closet to a vast majority of my community) and that he shouldn't be telling his girlfriends about me. I assume he told the one he's with right now because she's bisexual and he figured that me and her would get along because I'm gay. He doesn't seem to understand that I don't want his girlfriends as friends. It hurts to see him with girls and not pay me any attention. Out of everyone he knows, I'm the one he neglects the most. It's sad and pathetic on my part to have feelings for such an *******, I know, but I cannot help how I feel.

 

[Lady Gaga]

I want some of your guys opinions. How did you come out, when was it, and who was it too? I havnt came out to anyone irl, and I really dont know if I should wait, and even when I am ready, what to do. Ya, help?

 

[Kura]

Okay, the situation is:

I have seriously strong feelings for him. I've felt this way about him for a year now. He is sexually confused. He's actually offered to mess around with me if you catch my drift. We've not done anything sexual yet. I've helped him through his last two relationships and the girls have admitted that without my help that she would have most likely broken up with him a lot sooner. I don't intend to ruin his relationship, far from it. I want the best for him. I want him to be happy.
But, I also want him to acknowledge that I have feelings for him and that I've trusted him with something deeply close to me (in the closet to a vast majority of my community) and that he shouldn't be telling his girlfriends about me. I assume he told the one he's with right now because she's bisexual and he figured that me and her would get along because I'm gay. He doesn't seem to understand that I don't want his girlfriends as friends. It hurts to see him with girls and not pay me any attention. Out of everyone he knows, I'm the one he neglects the most. It's sad and pathetic on my part to have feelings for such an *******, I know, but I cannot help how I feel.

Well if he's offered to mess around with you while he has girlfriends then I just think he's untrustworthy in general. If you already told him and he doesn't respect that, then that furthers the fact that he's untrustworthy and that he doesn't really care to understand. Sorry if it sounds harsh but I'm calling it how I see it. If he's not paying you any attention then that pretty much means he's not interested in you either way so why would you put yourself in a situation where he'll get to take advantage of you sexually and leave you more hurt than you are now? Do you think that just because you'll have sex that suddenly he'll find out that he loves you?

Honey, it doesn't work that way. I can understand how you can't help how you feel but you also gotta see the bigger picture here.

 

[Spikey-Eared Pichu]

Gaga: I came out to my closest friend at 14. She helped me to come to terms with being gay. I told my parents a few monthes ago because I wanted them to know as soon as possible. They accept me, but they don't want anything "gay" in the house. Frankly, I think they're in denial and think I'm going through a phase. You'll know when to come out. It's just a feeling. But, if you're totally in the closet, then you may want to confine in someone you totally trust, like a very close family member or friend. Someone who won't judge you and can keep it a secret.

Kura: He offered to screw around while he was single. I don't think having sex will change his mind. I don't plan on doing anything sexual until I'm completely sure he's gay or bi (as in he finally balls up to tell me because I basically know already). I know the whole thing seems like I have tunnel-vision and I'm not looking at the consequences, but I know the consequences. I can't get over him, and that is where the problem lyes. I've tried before, but seeing him at school does not help. I've concluded that I'd have to move and cut all connection from him to get over him...

 

[Rokusasu]

Personally, I'm waiting to be in a proper relationship before I come out to my parents, because they too will think that it's a phase I'm going through. x_x; Out of my family, my mum will be the first person I tell, but despite us being extremely close, I still don't know what her reaction would be. =/

 

[Lady Gaga]

You mean like my best best best friend (basically my brother), whom I have known since I was 3? D;

And anyways, I think my mom already knows...

 

[.little monster]

Yes that is true but we have an exact replica or marriage under the Family Code it's not called "marriage" but in practice it is essentially the same thing aside from one difference. You have to be residing together to get a Domestic Partnership but the legislature is considering doing away with the residency requirement.

Look, I'm all for equality. I'm just pointing out how futile challenging Prop 8 in Court is.

Then why did you say earlier, "Gay people have more rights in California than straight people." when they don't..anywhere on the planet?

They may be equal, but they will never be treated better. :| Minorities never have the most freedom. Why? Because they're minorities.

Please, just give one example, that isn't just complete bs on how gay people have more rights than straight people.

You mean like my best bes best friend (basically my brother), whom I have none since I was 3? D;

And anyways, I think my mom already knows...

omg fail grammar.

Personally, I'm waiting to be in a proper relationship before I come out to my parents, because they too will think that it's a phase I'm going through. x_x; Out of my family, my mum will be the first person I tell, but despite us being extremely close, I still don't know what her reaction would be. =/

She will still love you no matter what. She may be shocked, but don't feel bad about that if that is the case. It is shocking. Just remember to tell them to tell you what they are thinking.

When my friend came out, his mom cried. But not because she believe he would go to hell or anything, but because she is his mother, she can see all around her how difficult it is to be gay. A parent naturally doesn't want a child to go through such pain it will probably bring.

 

[Shiny]

Same, I'm waiting to be in a proper relationship until I come out to my parents.

 

[Harmonie]

I want some of your guys opinions. How did you come out, when was it, and who was it too? I havnt came out to anyone irl, and I really dont know if I should wait, and even when I am ready, what to do. Ya, help?

I'm trans, so there's a lot more complications in coming out for me, but I still think my method would work well. I did it by hinting and finding out how supportive they were in advance.

I don't think I ever came out to somebody suddenly. Aside from my family... And that hasn't gone well. >_>

 

[FreakyLocz14]

I want some of your guys opinions. How did you come out, when was it, and who was it too? I havnt came out to anyone irl, and I really dont know if I should wait, and even when I am ready, what to do. Ya, help?

I'd wait until you're living on your own and don't rely on your parents for any kind of support. Hopefully they'll accept you for who you are but you run the risk of being disowned or sent to one of those "ex-gay" camps

@little monster - Challenging DOMA in federal court would be the best move for the LGBT community. Prop 8 can undone by a simple ballot initiative. I mean I understand that there might be a symbolic reason for challenging Prop 8 but legally it won't change much.

 

[Esper]

I want some of your guys opinions. How did you come out, when was it, and who was it too? I havnt came out to anyone irl, and I really dont know if I should wait, and even when I am ready, what to do. Ya, help?

I can't give advice from personal experience (still hiding), but most people I know first came out to their friends who were already out of the closet (if any of them are), then their other friends, then their sisters, then their brothers then their moms, and last to their dads (who are the scariest to come out to). Parents are most likely to flip out and your friends might not be great at keeping secrets so if you have sisters or brothers maybe they'd be good to tell. Again, I don't know from personal experience.

If you're going to wait until you're in a relationship then be careful. One of my friend's parents found out while she was in a compromising situation with her girlfriend. Not what you want to have happen.

 

[Feign]

I want some of your guys opinions. How did you come out, when was it, and who was it too? I havnt came out to anyone irl, and I really dont know if I should wait, and even when I am ready, what to do. Ya, help?

I don't really suggest the "have a gf/bf route first. Firstly because it isn't as likely as one thinks that it will happen that way (a viscious circle of denial and inability to properly communicate etc). The last thing you want to do is spook your parents... Sure they will not mind it and such, but springing that on them might show you do not trust their judgment, so you need further proof (the bf/gf) to prove it. It can also be a form of denial, that is to say, you don't really care what your parents say (which in some cases is required), but if you trust them enough, don't let them slip away. ;)

My suggestion is tell someone that you trust very much, just one person for now. Then spread your wings there afterwords, as your confidence will build.

idk... that's just the way I see it, I don't want to say it's wrong or right, whatever feels best anyway.

And parents are generally more accepting than what Freaky seems to be suggesting.

 

[FreakyLocz14]

I don't really suggest the "have a gf/bf route first. Firstly because it isn't as likely as one thinks that it will happen that way (a viscious circle of denial and inability to properly communicate etc). The last thing you want to do is spook your parents... Sure they will not mind it and such, but springing that on them might show you do not trust their judgment, so you need further proof (the bf/gf) to prove it. It can also be a form of denial, that is to say, you don't really care what your parents say (which in some cases is required), but if you trust them enough, don't let them slip away. ;)

My suggestion is tell someone that you trust very much, just one person for now. Then spread your wings there afterwords, as your confidence will build.

idk... that's just the way I see it, I don't want to say it's wrong or right, whatever feels best anyway.

And parents are generally more accepting than what Freaky seems to be suggesting.

I would hope his/her parents will be accepting but if they're not, I'd hate for our friend to have to find out the hard way.

 

[.little monster]

@little monster - Challenging DOMA in federal court would be the best move for the LGBT community. Prop 8 can undone by a simple ballot initiative. I mean I understand that there might be a symbolic reason for challenging Prop 8 but legally it won't change much.

Um, that isn't related to what I said..in any way. I said to explain how gay people had more rights than straight people, when they obviously don't. :| *puts you on my ignore list because all you do is post worthless and false information*

I want some of your guys opinions. How did you come out, when was it, and who was it too? I havnt came out to anyone irl, and I really dont know if I should wait, and even when I am ready, what to do. Ya, help?

To my friends~

-- I just made sure I became friends with people I knew I could trust at my new school. But I didn't tell them out of the blue, I told them when it came up in conversation so it wouldn't be as shocking. My friend Robby was like "oooo: Awesome!" which I thought was pretty funny. My friend Chris didn't care and my friend Isaiah was also gay. Those aren't all my friends, but those are my three closest friends.

To my family~

-- Told my brother on AIM accidentally on his 21st birthday, January 10th 2010. xD But he already knew apparently. I told my Dad that same day too in a text message because I didn't want to wait another two weeks to tell him, he said he still loved me but wont support me :|. I told my mom in person on January 11th 2010, because I was waiting for a moment where my step-dad wasn't home but she was. She said she already knew~

So..yeah..

 

[Cebalrai]

I want some of your guys opinions. How did you come out, when was it, and who was it too? I havnt came out to anyone irl, and I really dont know if I should wait, and even when I am ready, what to do. Ya, help?

Well, I told my brother first. He was like "K". Really, I guess he sort of knew. I had a harder time telling my mom after (I live with my mother, dad's not around anymore)...Get this, I had to use a fortune cookie to come out (don't ask).

She's a social worker, so naturally she was really accepting of it but was kind of worried about the way I came out. She wanted me to see a counselor who helps gay youth...

For some reason, I refused. Bad idea, I still have tons of unresolved questions! Oh but I digress.

 

[Kon~]

I really have no idea how to come out. :/ I probably would wait until I was in a relationship, but if it was with a guy, that would be fine. The only time it would arise to say "Oh, mum, by the way, I'm bi" would be when I get a girlfriend. :/

I guess it's just about timing, situation... etc.etc. I need to make my mind up. -.-