[Previous PotM Winner][August] Would You Date a Trans Person?

[derozio]

I would only consider serious dating, and for that reason, no. Before you jump on me and go all "KURA WTF. Trans can have serious relationships!" hear me out.. that's not the reason I'm saying no.

I'm attracted to masculinity so born-male-now-female wouldn't be attractive to me, and I value that physical attraction in a relationship as much as I value the mental because having a balance is nice. To be able to turn to your partner and say "you're the most attractive person in the world to me" is nice and I like to have that- and I don't know if I could say that to someone who puts emphasis on being female when I am not attracted to femininity. If it's the other way around then still no. I also feel like someday I may want the option to have my own children, and whilst I know I can adopt and I know there is no guarantee that I can even have kids with whoever I'm with, it is endearing to me to give birth (although a scary experience I imagine) and can't do that when dating a f to m. (I wouldn't have like 100k to dish out on in-vitro either) Children aside, I'm not sexually attracted to female genitalia and I want to have that sexual attraction in my relationship. Even with a sex change... I.. don't think the parts will work how they are naturally designed to. But anyways, I feel I am entitled to that, so that's why I say no.

Fun fact is that I used to like this dude about a decade ago (yeah an actual decade aren't I old?) I loved him a lot- and I mean a lot. He was someone who I trusted the most and with everything I had at one point of my life, but he led me on romantically for the longest time in such a horrible way ("Kura you're so important to me/ please wait for me to love you/ never change/ you're the most special to me" etc, to "It would make me happy if you were shot dead/ I never said I had feelings for you/ etc.") It took me about 7 years to get over him but when I found out he was originally female and it helped me realize that it wasn't what I wanted in a partner and it helped me move on. I could also then start seeing feminine features in him (like fingertips even) and it lead him to being unattractive to me. Perhaps you can say that that experience gave me a negative outlook on my own trans-dating-decisions.. but nah- I think it's just a sort of personal preference that rather stick to guys born as guys. Trans-dating is just not for me I guess.

Hopefully I explained myself well. Seems like every time someone says no and gives a reasoning in this thread, they are quoted and someone tries to find a contradiction in what they say.
Trans people, in my eyes, are also more complex when it comes to sexuality as they've had those hardships and discovery and metamorphosis which is really commendable. But I think about it and I wonder if maybe it is because I just want something a bit more straightforward instead of all the mixed emotions and experiences that may come with having a trans partner. Hmm.. I dunno. But it's just my gut feeling saying no, it's not my cup of tea is all.

Kura here summed up my thoughts on it pretty well. Except that I'm a straight male so just switch around all the parts with 'masculinity' to 'femininity'. /can't write a proper post on phone and would either way write something similar to kura's post anyway

 

[Kyrul]

I said you have a world of extremes because you don't believe in anything but male and female, even though it completely ignores intersexed people and people who have more than two sex chromosomes. Also, women who are born with XY chromosomes but have fully functioning female reproductive systems and vice versa for men. The world is not that simple. Plugging your ears and pretending doesn't make it go away. It's still there whether you believe it's there or not. It's like telling me you don't believe in the sun. Sure, you're welcome to believe it, but it doesn't make it true.

Also, you're undermining me. Making my plight as a human being into a simple matter of thinking I'm something I'm not. It's not quite that easy. Not only do you undermine me, but you make me out to be either unintelligent, mentally ill, or confused. Also, I never said I was a woman trapped in a man's body. You can't use quotation marks without stating a direct quote. I just said I was a woman. This isn't something you can disagree with. It would be like if I disagreed with you over having hair. I can say you don't have hair, but it doesn't change that you do. Nor do you need my input to verify you have hair. You have it all over your body. It's the same with gender. When it doesn't correlate with your sex, you feel it everywhere on your body.

Thing is that you're not me. You will never know what it's like to be trans. For you to tell me that you don't believe in me, even though I'm clearly here. I exist. Your opinion does not override reality. It just makes your opinion willfully ignorant. As a cisgender person, you either take my word for it and allow yourself to be educated on what it's like to be trans or you can do what you're doing and pretend that we don't exist.

Keep in mind that up until this point, it was a general subject; however, when it comes to you denying the existence of gender dysphoria, that's quite personal. I lived it. It's like a white person telling a black person that racism doesn't exist. The white person has never lived that life. She has no way of knowing what it's like.

How did I deny it's existence? I already stated in a previous post that I'm not talking about genetic mutations (or whatever the science lingo is for it). I'm talking about full fledged males who wish to become female or vise versa. Yeah, I'll admit I misread when you said that you were a women who wanted your body to resemble a women. For that I'll apologize. But that just falls under those genetic mutations (or whatever it's called) that I previously said. I'm not undermining you, I just simply misread what you wrote. Your basing your whole argument off of something I never even stated in the first place.

 

[Entermaid]

I already stated in a previous post that I'm not talking about genetic mutations (or whatever the science lingo is for it). I'm talking about full fledged males who wish to become female or vise versa... I said I don't believe the whole 'women trapped in a man's body' mentality. Because that's all it is, a mentality. I don't believe just because you think your a women then that makes you a women.

When addressing those with gender identifications that do not coincide with their biological sex, one must look at genetic information granted that genetic information instructs the body and cognitive functions. It would seem that you are ignoring the objectivity of science, including the multitude of information regarding how these instructions can manifest into a disparity between sexual reproductive organs and gender identification. Those that are 'fully-fledged' male sex, that is, have a penis and not other anatomical attributes exclusive to women, may have a personality/mind that was constructed for the female sex. Granted, this occurrence is not that common, about 1.25% of births, it's not a matter of socialized whims that coax individuals to alter their sex; it's a matter of DNA instruction that is so integral into someone's genetic makeup, and cannot be altered, that these individuals choose to seek therapies and surgeries to amend this disparity by changing their physiology.

Rather than saying repeatedly, "I believe...", you should be seeking scientific information, fact-based information, if not, you are simply spouting off some subjective opinion that contradicts the findings of the vast majority within the scientific community.

 

[an illegible mess.]

hello yes i am a trans* person and this topic offends me because of how much ignorance is pasted all over it.

being trans* myself of course i wouldn't care either way, even if i do prefer women over men. your body, your business, i'll love you anyway. it's not what you were biologically born with, it's who you feel and know you are. it's really not that hard of a concept to understand.

 

[Kanzler]

Those that are 'fully-fledged' male sex, that is, have a penis and not other anatomical attributes exclusive to women, may have a personality/mind that was constructed for the female sex.

Doesn't that imply that there are male and female minds/personalities? And our mind/personalities are not only constructed biologically, they're constructed in society as well. Even your conception of self is socially constructed. There is a reason that you perceive your reality as your own, but it's going out of your way to tell that another person's appraisal of who you are is "wrong" and that your own reality is "fact". Everybody believes everything they do for a reason, and we should investigate these reasons and learn about how our reality is constructed instead of treating it as given. On the flip side of that coin, there is nothing intrinsically wrong with disagreeing.

Just my two bits. This isn't directed at anybody in particular.

 

[Entermaid]

Doesn't that imply that there are male and female minds/personalities? And our mind/personalities are not only constructed biologically, they're constructed in society as well. Even your conception of self is socially constructed. There is a reason that you perceive your reality as your own, but it's going out of your way to tell that another person's appraisal of who you are is "wrong" and that your own reality is "fact". Everybody believes everything they do for a reason, and we should investigate these reasons and learn about how our reality is constructed instead of treating it as given. On the flip side of that coin, there is nothing intrinsically wrong with disagreeing.

Just my two bits. This isn't directed at anybody in particular.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I was trying to simplify the reasoning by using 'mind'. Though I can certainly explicate that point, for instance, numerous studies demonstrate that men have a biological propensity to be more aggressive than women, thus the disparity between the sexes in profound ways, including but not limited to incarceration rate. There are many more inherent qualities that both sexes tend to be predisposed though someone's environment affects how these propensities are manifested . The culmination of these factors construct a completely different personality, tending to coincide with biological sex. A person who has the genetic instruction of a woman, certain genetic propensities, yet has a biological sex of a man, may want to address this disparity, especially granted the effects of this disparity as it relates to the environment. So yes, environment, nurture is an important factor, natural dispositions are often ignore, and an integral component to understand why a person may identify as the opposite biological sex.

I am glad you prompted clarification. Though we may be diverging from the main topic, it is important to understand the reasons why a person identifies as the opposite sex when addressing this issue.

Also, on the thread title change...
I might date an attractive transgender person.
I would NOT date a transexual person.

 

[Mia Mew]

Yeah, absolutely. I once dated someone who was MTF and I'd definitely be open to dating someone who was FTM. (That's why people have said I'm pansexual but I don't see why we need an entirely separate label to say we'd date a trans person. To me that's making them out to be some weird screwed up third gender and it rubs me the wrong way.)

I never really understood why so many people seem to have an issue with it, to be honest... like, especially if they are post op. Post op transgender people tend to look very similar to that of a biological man/woman.

 

[Kanzler]

Probably not. If I found out they were MtF, then I probably wouldn't be able to unsee the "man" in them, like the FedEx arrow.

But humour aside, my gut tells me no. It just feels ... wrong for some reason. I'm not completely sure of my motivations tbh, but I think I've zeroed in on one that may just become a topic for a thread in D&D if that's what people would want to talk and think about. But I digress.

I don't think I'd be comfortable with the sex.

Spoiler:

Maybe it's because I have a certain fascination with the human body, and I'll be focusing too much on the anatomy and morphology and running through the surgery procedure in my mind - thinking about what used to be what and how it came to be what's before my eyes.

And I do see that as a goal ahead because I wouldn't start a relationship that I know for certain will have limits.

Babies would be nice. I want to make something meaningful out of a few of the hundreds of billions of sperm I'll produce in a lifetime, so there's that.

I really can't rationalize it any further than that. It's a gut feeling. Maybe we can go to the gym and stuff but I dunno...

 

[Belinda]

Yes I definitely would. I'm open to dating anyone.

 

[The Cutest Sylveon In The World]

Absolutely. I have before, and I would again.

 

[Jigglymilk]

My answer is maybe, but I lean more towards yes. Admittedly my reasons for just a maybe are
a bit shallow. If the ftm (I am gay so I obviously wouldn't got for a trans woman) was post-op, we had an emotional connection, and was attractive to me, I absolutely would date him. And I can honestly say it wouldn't feel awkward for me. Yes, he was born in a females body, but trans people are 100% the gender they identify as. One doesn't just wake up and say "I wish I was male/female..". Not to mention, trans men arguably try harder to be more physically masculine than bio men, and I love more masculine men, so bonus points!

 

[Blackey448]

Hmm...maybe. While I'm open to the idea of someone changing their sexes if they really feel that strongly about it, I think that I'll need some more time to give a date a definite yes/no.(I'm glad were not talking about a different type of MtF/FtM.)

 

[Formula 1]

I personally would not. No offence to any transexual people here but it would just seem a bit odd to me, because in the back of my mind I would still feel that they are their original gender.

 

[CoffeeDrink]

I just spit out my coffee. . .

You shouldn't have done that, koffi~

Anyways, I think I'd be up for the challenge. Tomboys aren't too tough for me to crack jokes with. As long as we can remain on an equal field, and everyone's parts are as they should, I'm good. As long as the bedroom games don't get too weird, we're good. Also, should they acquire something they shouldn't (a metapod, for instance) then that would be the end of that. I would support 'em though 'cause we're friends, koff~

 

[Silais]

Unfortunately, no. Unless they were female fully transitioned into a male (with all male body parts) I would not be interested. I am female and as straight as an arrow; I have no interests in other females whatsover. While I accept and respect a transgender person for expressing who they are openly, it's not something I would embrace in a romantic/sexual relationship.

 

[Ace Trainer Pun]

Maybe depends on the girl..

 

[Yoshikko]

I'm guessing no, I agree with Silais on the body parts. I'm not really educated on this but a full body transition for a female seems harder if not impossible than the other way around. But, you know, in the end it all depends on the person.

 

[Eevee3]

If they had a complete transition (meaning that they had surgery or whatever to get the opposite sex's genitals) then yes. Otherwise, no. If I were bisexual then the chances would probably be a lot higher though I still don't know if I would.
I'm straight so I'm not attracted to females. Therefore I wouldn't want to date a female, even if they acted like a male and called themselves a male.

 

[Jordo]

I don't particularly mind if someone's male, female or genderqueer. I will date anyone as long as they're neat and care about themselves.

 

[Guy]

I could imagine that I might share an emotional relationship or friendship with someone who is transsexual, but I don't think I'd ever be in a relationship with them sexually or otherwise intimately.