relationship query #695

[Her]

what are some clear signs that a relationship is not going to work? do you find it easy to recognise these signs, whether in yourself in others? did you learn this information the hard way?

 

[gimmepie]

I find being told the relationship is over is a pretty noticeable sign.

 

[Her]

I find being told the relationship is over is a pretty noticeable sign.

 

[Megan]

The relationship with my old laptop was over when it refused to work. But it was alright and I managed to get over it pretty quickly.

 

[Bellsprout]

Well to start there's two distinct differences. There's when you know yourself it isn't working for you and then there's when you know it isn't working for the other person

When I know it's not working for me I start to get annoyed. I start to just find them annoying and wish to be left alone. That's a sign to me whatever I felt initially is leaving me.

When I know the other person isn't feeling me anymore it's a bit different. It's hard to explain unless you've experienced it, but it's just this unspoken feeling you can feel. They're acting a little different than usual... they just seem off. It's a pretty uncomfortable feeling

 

[Corrin]

When they start to ignore you, I find.

 

[moon]

When they don't respect your interest and don't share your goals. What kind of future would you have then?

 

[BubbleBeams]

For me I can always tell when someone isn't going to work for me if I start to feel regularly annoyed and start to hold feelings of animosity toward the other. Granted, I've had a couple of extremely unhealthy relationships, so that's probably a part of that. I am also aromantic which can cause some issues because I don't really desire intimacy.

But I think there are a lot of signs in general that a relationship isn't working out. If one or both of them don't want to spend as much time together (as in, they really just don't want to be around that person as opposed to having a healthy amount of time apart so as not to suffocate each other), one or both people in the relationship starting to show interest in other people or maybe even developing feelings for other people. A general lack of interest or desire for their partner. And as someone stated above, people who's goals don't line up very well. It's hard to maintain a relationship when two people want different things. Eventually that will create problems no matter how enamored you were with a person at the beginning.

I also think one of the biggest signs that a relationship isn't going to work is if there is constant fighting. Like, not typical arguments that happen because of simple disagreements, but legitimate fighting with yelling, name calling, finger pointing, blaming, etc... I think those things are a pretty clear sign that you no longer have respect for the other person and probably don't love them anymore (if you ever did at all).