Small Writing Competition

[Bay]

Can I publish this story after the deadline?
and will the revised version be taken too?
cuz the rules said 1st entries only

No, you have to wait until the judges finish with their scoring and comments, then you can post. I noticed you sent in an entry already, but if you want to send in a revised version you can do before the deadline.

And speaking of the deadline, I was about to post to ask if folks want an extra day to do their stories and Gimmepie already extended the deadline lol. So yeah for those that still want to send their entries in, you have until tomorrow to do so!

 

[5qwerty]

sent my submission
no flamerino first time "long" story
I feel like I didn't execute that well but oh well gimme those participation points

 

[Venia Silente]

We all have to start somewhere and you have chosen a contest, so you have beaten many of us already in that you get guaranteed feedback! :p Wishing you good luck.

 

[WizardOfOdd]

I'm sorry, but unfortunately due to personal circumstances, I'm unable to finish the story I wrote in time. Sorry again for the trouble :(

 

[Eleanor]

I sent in my submission! I'm still not sure whether or not I should change some parts, but the story seems good enough at first glance!

 

[Chr. Draco]

How much time left till the extended endline closes?

 

[bobandbill]

How much time left till the extended endline closes?

A bit over 9 hours of this post.

 

[Venia Silente]

I've sent via PM with a link, my first submission, 75-80% done, just in case I don't have the time to send the entire thing later today.

Thanks for the contest and the extension, and luck y'all!

 

[Venia Silente]

I hope double posting is excused this time as I send notice that I have sent to the judges the revised submission for my entry.

Really thanks for the deadline extension, and hopefully more people gets to chime in!

 

[Bay]

All right, those that turned in their entries so far we got them! And those that are still working on their entries or working on a revised version, you have less than 4 hours from now to do so!

 

[Chr. Draco]

All right, entry sent to all judges. Enjoy my chaotic disaster and sorry for the bad story and all the mistakes.

 

[Bay]

And time's up for the SWC! Thanks to those that have turned in their entries! The judges will go over them and give out the scores within a few days!

 

[Venia Silente]

Question... don't remember if this was done in previous years but could we get a listing of the people who made it in?

 

[gimmepie]

Question... don't remember if this was done in previous years but could we get a listing of the people who made it in?

Aquacorde, Tigearthezap, 5qwerty, Eleanor, Venia Silente, Chr Draco

 

[gimmepie]

Results are in!

Aquacorde

Spoiler: Bay's Scores

Spelling/Grammar: 9
Character/Characterisation/Plot: 9
Prompt Relevance: 10
Total: 28/30

2nd POVs tend to be a mixed bag for me, but I think it makes this piece feel more intimate. You really feel yourself as the reader going room by room and reminiscing your past there. While I like the angle you're going there, this might be a disadvantage too as I'm not sure how many people reading this can relate to having a spa-like bathroom haha. There isn't much going on besides some restrospective in the reader's POV here and there, but I'm still pretty drawn into this.

Spoiler: bobandbill's Scores

Spelling/Grammar: 9
Character/Characterisation/Plot: 9
Prompt Relevance: 10
Total: 28/30

I feel that this entry had the most impact on me - the best feeling of atmosphere and emotion, which was ultimately what led to me giving it the highest score. It also linked very nicely to the theme of home. 2nd person is tough to pull off, and you managed it well. I think the mysterious nature and lack of answers on several aspects worked in its favour, but there is room for more here too!

Spoiler: gimmepie's Scores

Spelling/Grammar: 9
Character/Characterisation/Plot: 8
Prompt Relevance: 10
Total: 27/30

This was a really nice introspective piece, and writing it in second person was an interesting choice. Ordinarily, I don't enjoy second person writing very much, but I feel like it was a decision that really added to your story. The narrative was paced very well here. It felt like everything was lingered on for just the right amount of time so as to accurately describe things but not to feel too long or untrue to the eyes we were looking through. That pacing, along with your good descriptive writing, created a very prominent morose mood throughout the piece that fits well for a person returning to a place they don't remember fondly. You also had excellent spelling and grammar and stayed true to the prompt. The one thing that bothers me is that I was constantly left asking why your protagonist had such a lifeless upbringing. It was more like reading a single chapter of a larger narrative than a single concise story.

Tigearthezap

Spoiler: Bay's Scores

Spelling/Grammar: 6
Character/Characterisation/Plot: 6
Prompt Relevance: 6
Total: 18/30

Well this took a dark turn haha. I've read some Pokemon underground fighting stories and usually they're not my cup of tea. I feel the plot steered away from the home prompt and focused more on the "Pokemon battles are bad" part. In terms of grammar, I noticed some weird capitalizations and dialog format. When writing dialog, whenever you have a new speaker you put in a new paragraph.

Spoiler: bobandbill's Scores

Spelling/Grammar: 5
Character/Characterisation/Plot: 6
Prompt Relevance: 5
Total: 16/30

A neat idea, certainly, but it didn't quite link up to the prompt as well as it could have. Home was somewhat there, but it wasn't fully integrated into the tale. I feel the story could be improved with a bit more time, e.g. to fix up a few simple errors e.g. with dialogue, and to give more impact on scenes and tie the prompt in more.

Spoiler: gimmepie's Scores

Spelling/Grammar: 4
Character/Characterisation/Plot: 6
Prompt Relevance: 6
Total: 16/30

A really cool idea for a story and an interesting way to interpret the prompt. It was easy to get a sense for the dark and twisted version of the Pokemon world created from the perspective of those captured and sent into battle. You did a good job of presenting your audience with the sense of loss and hopelessness that your protagonist felt. Your spelling was fine, but the story did suffer from poor grammar which hurt the overall flow. I think it also would have been closer to the prompt if you had paced it a bit better so we really got a chance to explore the young Squirtle's new living situation. A solid effort overall though.

5qwerty

Spoiler: Bay's Scores

Spelling/Grammar: 8
Character/Characterisation/Plot: 8
Prompt Relevance: 8
Total: 24/30

The story was a bit slow going at first and seems Albert's routine in the island was getting repetitive, but then midway through the plot takes an interesting turn. I admit to not figuring out Albert was a lion until much later, a fun twist there. I enjoyed the story a lot, but I felt the ending was a downer in relevance to the prompt. Poor Albert, though!

Spoiler: bobandbill's Scores

Spelling/Grammar: 7
Character/Characterisation/Plot: 8
Prompt Relevance: 8
Total: 23/30

The twist was well done. Nicely executed! The pacing outside of that felt a touch off, maybe a bit rushed I suppose, but the payoff was quite worth the read. Probably the best ending of all the entries in my opinion, so kudos there!

Spoiler: gimmepie's Scores

Spelling/Grammar: 7
Character/Characterisation/Plot: 7
Prompt Relevance: 7
Total: 21/30

I really liked what you did with this one conceptually. We get drawn right in to who we think our protagonist is, curious about the strange predicament they've found themselves in and this unnatural setting. Then at the end you hit us with an excellent twist that completely changes the context of everything we had previously heard. Overall, for a more "overview" like short story that chronicles a long period of time in a short space, the story was engaging and mostly well-paced - although the sudden jump from youth to adulthood was a little too abrupt. Your spelling and grammar were also largely good, although you should have spaced out your paragraphs more to make it easier to read and sometimes sentence structure felt a little clunky.

Eleanor

Spoiler: Bay's Scores

Spelling/Grammar: 8
Character/Characterisation/Plot: 8
Prompt Relevance: 10
Total: 26/30

I quite enjoyed the narrator's commentary on living on the Earth's surface and you have the prompt relate to Layla's former home. Usually underground living is associated with being worse conditions, but I like that you have living underground might be a better alternative.

Spoiler: bobandbill's Scores

Spelling/Grammar: 9
Character/Characterisation/Plot: 8
Prompt Relevance: 10
Total: 27/30

There were some pretty neat concepts at play here. I admit I was a little bit thrown by the beginning as it wasn't entirely clear what the setting was quite like, and that'd be my main thing to consider addressing, besides that the story felt that it could be part of a larger tale as well - the ending didn't quite have as satisfactory a conclusion. But this is a nitpick - the writing itself was solid, the prompt was well used, and I was entertained throughout. Nice work!

Spoiler: gimmepie's Scores

Spelling/Grammar: 10
Character/Characterisation/Plot: 7
Prompt Relevance: 10
Total: 27/30

You guys keep coming up with such fascinating ways to explore the prompt. One thing I really liked about how you handled it though, was that it was less focused on home as a location and more about home as a concept. The setting was important, but the focus was more on the idea of a place of origin, a place of belonging and on the responsibilities we have to those places. The setting you crafted was believable and interesting and I found myself enraptured by it. Your spelling and grammar were also excellent, I couldn't find a single error. The only thing that felt a bit lacking was the plot and characters. I didn't feel like I got much of a sense for the protagonist or their friend and the story felt more like a setup of the setting than a fully realised narrative at points. Still, I very much enjoyed it.

Venia Silente

Spoiler: Bay's Scores

Spelling/Grammar: 8
Character/Characterisation/Plot: 8
Prompt Relevance: 9
Total: 25/30

This is a cute slice of life PMD fic there. I liked Feremiz and a few other charcters in there, though I wished some like the Oshawott have a bit more development there. I admit it took a full readthrough and skimming parts again for me to see where you're getting at with the prompt, but then I get you're having Feremiz adjusting to his new life there.

Spoiler: bobandbill's Scores

Spelling/Grammar: 8
Character/Characterisation/Plot: 8
Prompt Relevance: 8
Total: 24/30

The prompt was well used and pretty fitting for PMD. Some nice moments of humour were present too. That said, the story didn't quite feel self-contained, and I also felt a bit overwhelmed at times on all the different characters popping up, and some events I didn't think felt quite rounded out enough or relevant to justify keeping them in. It felt like part of a larger story, and not entirely to the entry's advantage here. Good writing and character interaction otherwise, and am interested in reading more.

Spoiler: gimmepie's Scores

Spelling/Grammar: 9
Character/Characterisation/Plot: 7
Prompt Relevance: 6
Total: 22/30

Your story was incredibly detailed and very well written. Every setting was easy to picture and your focus characters had nicely defined personalities and it was easy to get an idea of how they felt at any given time. However, there were times where the sheer number of characters present caused less prevalent Pokemon to feel lacking in personality and it could be hard to keep track of them as a result. Additionally, the frequent references to people and events we as the audience know nothing about would sometimes distract me from the otherwise very engaging piece. Lastly, while the the prompt relevance was certainly there, the thematic link to it often felt somewhat loose and secondary. It was a great snippet of what is clearly a larger world and story, but it would have benefited from trimming out more superfluous details so you could provide us with more context and bring more life to secondary characters.

Chr Draco

Spoiler: Bay's Scores

Spelling/Grammar: 7
Character/Characterisation/Plot: 5
Prompt Relevance: 4
Total: 16/30

As I was reading your entry it feels like a slight retelling of B2W2 but with Kyruem a human. There was a lot to take in, and the plot was a bit ambitiout and strayed way too much from the "home" prompt. One other note I want to make is you have a weird format where the majority is in script form but you have some prose sprinkled here and there. I think you're capable of writing prose, you just need to work on editing your dialog from script to prose from. If you're unsure how to go about that, I'm more than happy to explain to you more next time!

Spoiler: bobandbill's Scores

Spelling/Grammar: 7
Character/Characterisation/Plot: 4
Prompt Relevance: 3
Total: 14/30

I was not really seeing the relevance of the prompt here, personally - if I 'squinted' I could see some relation, but it was not apparently a main focus or theme. Some neat aspects of the B2W2 story here, but it was hard to follow at times why some things were happening, which I'd attribute to a lack of description. Scripts still need some mention of how characters deliver lines and of the setting of each scene, which was largely absent here.

Spoiler: gimmepie's Scores

Spelling/Grammar: 7
Character/Characterisation/Plot: 2
Prompt Relevance: 3
Total: 12/30

You wrote with accurate spelling and grammar and it was overall a solid retelling of the events of Black and White 2. However, the script format you chose to write in did not allow for very much exploration of plot or character, nor did it include much to describe the scene or the way the events of the story made the characters feel. The dialogue itself was also written in much the same voice for most of the characters, which further hurt your score here. Your characters referred back to their homes often, so technically I feel like you did write to the prompt. However, the focus of your story was clearly on retelling the events of Black 2 and White 2 more than it was on staying true to the prompt. A solid effort in whole, but you would have created a more engaging narrative if you had written in a more traditionally prose format and explored the prompt further.

Final Scores
Aquacorde: 83/90
Tigearthezap: 50/90
5qwerty: 68/90
Eleanor: 80/90
Venia Silente: 71/90
Chr Draco: 42/90

Congratulations to everyone for your entries! We really enjoyed reading everyone's stories this year and it was overall a really close competition. In the end though, first place goes to Aquacorde who takes home an additional 200 points for Tundra! That means that out of the SWC, Armour Abode earned 150 points and Tundra Town earned 300 points!

Remember guys, you are encouraged to post your stories over in Fan Fiction & Writing so others can read them. Don't forget to include a [SWC] tag!